Monday, March 19, 2012        Edition: #4708

Either Sheet or Get Off the Air!

• Today the jury is scheduled to return for the “Desperate Housewives” trial in LA after being given the weekend off by the presiding judge. The jury is deadlocked in the $6-million wrongful termination case brought by former star Nicollette Sheridan against ABC-TV. Judge Elizabeth Allen White says she’ll declare a mistrial if a verdict in the case can’t be reached. The lawyer representing the network has ruled out striking any kind of deal. (They ought to pay her for all the publicity she’s generated for this sinking show!)
• Actress Goldie Hawn has sparked rumors her actress-daughter Kate Hudson has secretly wed her fiancé, Muse frontman Matt Bellamy, after referring to the couple as ‘married’ in a new interview with a Brit publication. The British rocker proposed to Hudson last Spring, just months before she gave birth to their son, Bingham, but at the time Hawn insisted they were in no rush to exchange vows. (If the marriage story’s true, she’s now tied with Heather Locklear in rock star marriages.)
• “Hunger Games” star Jennifer Lawrence has revealed she was discovered on the street by a talent scout. It happened in NYC’s Union Square when she was on vacation with her mother. The 21-year-old says, “It wasn’t creepy, he didn’t ask to take me anywhere, he just wanted to take a picture … and then [later] all these agencies started calling.” That eventually led to her breakthrough role in “Winter’s Bone” (2010), which garnered her an Oscar nomination. (“Hunger Games is the next big thing … or at least wants to be.)
• Angelina Jolie & Brad Pitt’s 5-year-old daughter Shiloh Jolie-Pitt showed off her edgy rocker style recently in New Orleans by wearing her own camouflage pants and yellow sneakers, plus a hand-me-down Ramones T-shirt, which her big brother Maddox first wore in 2006. Jolie has previously explained Shiloh’s penchant for guy’s wear by revealing that she thinks she’s one of the brothers. (These kids are wearing hand-me-downs? Should we take up a collection?)
• And pregnant “Jersey Shore” star Snooki has launched a line of handbags that look pretty much exactly how you’d expect … animal-printed, studded, tacky. Meantime, she’s reportedly managed to sell off her first pregnancy photos for $25,000 and tells “US Weekly” her story. Quote: “My boobs are huge … like, Ds.” (Just like your marks in high school, hon’.)

• “Dancing With the Stars” (ABC/CTV2) – The Season 14 premiere introduces the new cast that include recording artists Gavin DeGraw and Gladys Knight; former athletes Donald Driver and Martina Navratilova; plus former TV stars Jack Wagner, Jaleel White, and Melissa Gilbert.
• “George Stroumboulopoulos Tonight” (CBC) – Lionel Richie (“Tuskegee”).
• “Hunger Games” (Toronto) – The Canadian premiere of the 1st movie in a trilogy based on Suzanne Collins’ best-selling novels. Stars Alexander Ludwig, Josh Hutcherson, and Liam Hemsworth are attending the red-carpet event. The film opens wide March 23rd.
• “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC/CHCH) – The Naked & Famous (“Passive Me, Aggressive You”).
• “Last Call With Carson Daly” (NBC) – Thee Oh Sees (“Carrion Crawler/The Dream”).
• “Late Night With Jimmy Fallon” (NBC/CTV2) – Eric Church (“Chief”).
• “Late Show With David Letterman” (CBS/NTV/Omni1) – Esperanza Spalding (“Radio Music Society”, out tomorrow).
• “Tonight Show With Jay Leno” (NBC/CTV2) – Robert Glasper Experiment f/Ledisi (“Black Radio”).

• The Cure – Despite planning a string of festival performances this Summer, frontman Robert Smith says the veteran rockers have no plans to release new music to ‘capitalize’ on them. (BS translation: We’ll just take the appearance money and go back to loafing, thank-you.)
• Elton John – He’s recorded a new album called “The Diving Board” that returns to the piano-bass-drums trio format heard on his classic early recordings. Produced by T Bone Burnett, it’s set for a Fall release.
• Josh Turner – This morning he co-hosts the final hour of “Today” (NBC) with Hoda Kotb, talking about new music (“Punching Bag”, out this Summer), songwriting, touring, and family. Also today his latest music video, “Time Is Love”, premieres throughout the day on GAC.
• Lil Wayne – During his performance at “SXSW” in Austin, Texas he told fans: “If you get anything from me, it’s to find your name and do you because, ladies and gentlemen, that’s what I do.” While holding up a bottle of Mountain Dew, the rapper said his words of wisdom were for a Dew commercial, which was being recorded on-the-spot. (Sell-out!)
• REM – Guitarist Peter Buck is reportedly working on his first solo album, which he’s considering putting out on vinyl-only. It’s unclear when the project may be released.
• Rihanna – She says she and her ex, Chris Brown, have recorded 2 tracks together so their fans ‘can come together’. She claims the collaboration is ‘innocent’ and ‘really made sense’. (Someone get this girl a dictionary!)


• Beware of agents who attempt to ‘buy your listing’ by overestimating your house’s potential selling price. They’re hoping you’ll choose them over others who will price it more realistically.
• The commission is always negotiable up front, before you sign a contract.
• Read carefully. There may be an extra ‘administrative fee’ on top of the standard sales commission, intended to cover the broker’s administrative costs. This fee is also negotiable.
• A successful agent may pass you off to a junior agent after you sign the contract. You need to ask exactly who will be handling your phone calls, marketing your house, and doing showings.
• Your open house helps the agent more than you. The majority of visitors aren’t buyers, they’re nosy neighbors who’ll be handed a business card in hope they’ll become new clients.
• Contrary to some thinking, houses without furniture don’t look larger. Empty rooms may actually appear smaller because buyers can’t get a sense of how much furniture will fit.
• Yes, staging your home by getting rid of clutter and bringing in furniture or accessories can help it sell.
• Plug-in air fresheners are a turnoff to a lot of people. If you want your house to smell good, bake cookies right before a showing.
• If you get a call saying some people want to see your house in 15 minutes, let them come even if it’s a bit messy. Last-minute types typically make impulsive decisions … like buying.
– Adapted from


Prospective employers are increasingly using what’s known as ‘extreme interviewing technique’, which may include asking questions such as, “If you were a dinosaur, what would you be?” While the way you handle the question is said to be more important than your actual answer, chances are that selecting a Tyrannosaurus rex won’t get you the job. You’re likely to be accused of being a cannibalistic predator who preys on the weak. The idea of extreme interviewing is to see how quickly job-seekers think on their feet. One of its pioneers was late Apple CEO Steve Jobs. (“Im a 23-foot-long, half-ton Utahraptor that can grab people like you in a single claw and peck their eyes out with a razor-sharp beak. Any other questions?”)


✓ Someone who shows an interest in her life, who she is, and how she became that person.
✓ Acknowledgment of special occasions with a thoughtful gesture.
✓ Appreciation for doing helpful things. A simple and sincere thank-you will suffice.
✓ Someone who likes her imperfections and embraces their own.
✓ Someone who is excited to see her and proud to be with her.
✓ Someone honest. If you’re just looking for unattached companionship, make it known early and often.
✓ Someone confident enough to welcome compliments, and confident enough to give them.
✓ Someone who likes and enjoys simple things, which can sometime be downright awesome.
– Condensed from “Men’s Health”


Scientific evidence suggests that secondhand smoke is not only unhealthy for humans, but can also cause cancer in pets. Furry friends don’t just inhale smoke, smoke particles can also become trapped in their fur and ingested when they groom themselves with their tongues. A recent study finds that dogs in smoking households have a 60% greater risk of lung cancer. Another study shows that long-nosed dogs like greyhounds and collies are twice as likely to develop nasal cancer if regularly exposed to secondhand smoke. (This can become a real problem … soon your ferret could be bumming cigarettes!)
– “Social Studies”

• The first music video (as we know them today) was “Bohemian Rhapsody” by Queen, released in 1975.
• Colossal squid have the biggest eyes in the animal kingdom, because they need to spot predatory sperm whales. (Their eyes are said to be the size of basketballs. Now THERE’S a way to spice up the NCAA Tournament!)
– “New Scientist”


1947 [65] Glenn Close, Greenwich CT, movie actress (“Albert Nobbs”, “Fatal Attraction”)/TV actress (“Damages” since 2007)/Broadway actress (Tony Awards-“Death & the Maiden”, “Sunset Boulevard”)

1955 [57] Bruce Willis, Idar-Oberstein, Germany, movie actor (“Cop Out”, “Die Hard” series)/ex-Mr Demi Moore (1987-2000)  UP NEXT: “A Good Day to Die Hard” (2013).

1976 [36] Zach Lind, Mesa AZ, rock drummer (Jimmy Eat World-“Pain”, “The Middle”)

1986 [26] Tyler Bozak, Regina SK, NHL center (Toronto Maple Leafs)


• “Chocolate Caramel Day”, an annual celebration of everything great about chocolate and caramel. (Increased flab, dental cavities …)

• “Last Day of Winter”, as “Spring” officially arrives tomorrow with the Vernal Equinox.

• “Poultry Day”, celebrating chicken, turkey, and other farm-raised fowl that we commonly consume. They also give us our breakfast eggs.

• “St Joseph’s Day”, the day that the swallows traditionally return to the Mission San Juan Capistrano in California, an excuse for the annual “Fiesta de las Golindrinas”. Every March 19th since 1776 (with few exceptions), the birds have come back to usher in Spring in the Southern California seaside town, and their return is now an annual tourist attraction. “When the Swallows Come Back to Capistrano” was actually a hit song for Glenn Miller back in the day (1940).

2009 [03] “Late Show” host David Letterman marries longtime partner Regina Lasko (when he can’t find an intern to ‘date’)


1957 [55] Elvis Presley buys the ‘Graceland’ estate in Memphis, Tennessee for $100,000 (about the same amount it now rakes in … per day)

1988 [24] Michael Jackson begins construction on his 2,800-acre ranch in Santa Barbara, California which he names ‘Neverland’, after the fantasy location where children never grow up in “Peter Pan” (at his Neverland, some are forced to grow up too soon)


2003 [09] War in Iraq begins with the so-called ‘Shock & Awe’ bombing campaign by the USA

2011 [01] French Air Force launches ‘Opération Harmattan’, beginning foreign military intervention in Libya


1994 [18] ‘World’s Largest Omelette’ is made in Yokohama, Japan, using 160,000 eggs and measuring 1,383 square feet


[Tues] Proposal Day
[Tues] Agriculture Day
[Tues] Naw-Ruz (Persian New Year)
[Tues] Snowman Burning Day
[Tues] Alien Abduction Day
[Tues] Atheist Pride Day
[Tues] Kiss Your Fiancée Day

Act Happy Week / Animal Poison Prevention Week / Inhalant & Poisons Awareness Week / Week of Solidarity with People’s Struggling Against Racism & Discrimination / Wellderly Week / YoYo & Skill Toys Week


A highlight bit culled from 18 years of “Bull Sheet” back issues …
Have a listener or studio guest supply the listed items, then use the list to fill in the blanks in today’s story.
1. Maintenance you routinely perform on a car.
2. A rude bodily function.
3. A local politician.
4. Something you ride.
5. An on-air personality at your station.
6. A piece of sports equipment.
7. A domestic bird.
8. The year in which a sci-fi movie might be set.
9. Something you’d yell during an emergency.
10. The first line of any Christmas song.
11. Something you yell at an opposing team.
12. A cash crop grown by farmers.
13. How tall you are when you’re 5-years-old.
14. A tool your might have in your toolbox.
15. A dangerous chemical.
16. The first verb you can think of.
17. An animal that bites.
18. A place you drive fast.
19. Something you might find in the back of your fridge.
20. Something that makes a terrible stink.
Now today’s story. [Music in:] Ah, Spring! And a young man’s fancy turns to thoughts of [1]. Already you can hear the birds [2] with excitement. [3] likes to celebrate Spring by hopping aboard his [4] and bumping around town to visit all the adorable baby potholes. [5] likes to welcome the first day of Spring by dusting of the old [6] and heading out to the golf course where last year he/she managed to hit two [7] while shooting a round of [8]. Spring, when throughout the mall you can hear women screaming out [9] as they experience the first bathing suit shock of the season. It seems like just yesterday your were singing [10]. Wait a minute, that was yesterday! Spring! It won’t be long before you’re down at the ol’ ball park and the umpire calls out [11]! And soon you’ll be out in the back yard, peacefully mowing your [12] that’s already [13] high. Spring! It also Means ‘Spring Cleaning’, when you pick up a [14] and a pail of [15] and [16] the entire house. And of course, Spring means it won’t be long before the Easter [17] comes hopping down the [18] with a basketful of [19]. Yes, it’s Spring! A time to celebrate. So throw open your windows and take a great big breath of [20]! [Music up and out.]
– First published in “BS” 2004.


Insanity is hereditary. You get it from your children.


☎ Who’s the best boss you ever had and why?


Question: An average of 8 people will touch THIS before it is purchased.
Answer: A tube of lipstick.


Nothing makes a vacation seem better than hindsight.


“The Bull Sheet” welcomes new subscribers Jay Boast @ Mix 100 [CJCD] Yellowknife, Northwest Territories, and PK @ FM104.7 Grafton NSW, Australia; and we salute returning subscriber Craig Fox @ Country 107.3 [CJDL] Tillsonburg, Ontario, whose back for another year of service; and we welcome this week’s samplers who include Kully @ Asian Star 101.6, Slough UK; Leilah Meriann @ The Real Flava [PAOA] Honiara, Solomon Islands; Aliesha @ Boom Radio, Perth WA Australia; Heather Shermah @ “Canada AM” [CTV] Toronto, Ontario; and Galileah Prudente @ Energy FM 88.3, Davao, Philippines.

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