Tuesday, March 19, 2013        Edition: #4944

Either Sheet or Get Off the Air!

BS SHOW BIZ BUZZ:
✳ Today a vintage fashion sale in London, England by Kerry Taylor Auctions is highlighted by 10 evening gowns worn by the late Princess Diana, including the dark navy, figure-flattering dress she donned for a 1985 White House dinner where she danced with John Travolta. (Who was ogling a waiter at the time.)
– Telegraph.co.uk
✳ “Lincoln” director Steven Spielberg is taking some time off by sailing around-the-world with his family this Summer, a 30,000-mile trek aboard his $200-million yacht the ‘Seven Seas’, which boasts a movie theater, spa, and anti-seasickness system. (And likely more efficient washrooms than Carnival Cruise Lines.)
– NYPost.com
✳ Word has it actress Jennifer Aniston wants to have a ‘clean slate’ after her upcoming wedding, and may take her fiancé Justin Theroux’s surname as her own. (If you consider who ‘wears the pants’ in the relationship, it’s more likely he’ll take hers.)
– QMI Agency
✳ After more speculation set off by the Anonymous computer hack of a German movie studio, Brit actress Emma Watson has made it clear she has NO interest in taking the coveted lead role of adventurous college student ‘Anastasia Steele’ in the upcoming bigscreen adaptation of raunchy bestseller “Fifty Shades of Grey”. (BS translation: They’re still negotiating.)
– WENN.com
✳ After the success of the Kickstarter campaign to finance a movie version of former TV series “Veronica Mars”, the creators of “Pushing Daisies” and “Terriers” have expressed interest in attempting similar campaigns, as has “Chuck” star Zachery Levi. But producer Joss Whedon is already warning “Firefly” fans that it’s not going to happen when it comes to his cult show. (Which series would you like to resurrect on the bigscreen?)
– “Scandal Sheet”

TODAY’S SHOW BIZ SKED:
• Canadian Music Festival (Toronto ON) – The 6-day celebration features some 900 artists at more than 60 venues in downtown T-O. Headliners include Rihanna, Metric, Hedley, and Marianas Trench.
NET: http://canadianmusicfest.com
• “Conan” (TBS/CTV) – Lianne La Havas (“Is Your Love Big Enough?”). Rerun.
• “Dancing With the Stars” (ABC) – Interviews; 1st week performance highlights.
• “Ellen DeGeneres Show” (syndicated/CTV2) – Keith Urban (“The Story So Far”).
• Global Kids Fashion Week (London UK) – The first-ever showcase of junior fashion for under-12s features 2 catwalk shows, including an Autumn/Winter preview from labels like Paul Smith Jr and Little Marc Jacobs. The event’s goal is to ‘put children’s fashion on the map worldwide’. (Speaking of ‘catwalks’, when’s Pet Fashion Week?)
• “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC/CityTV) – Vanessa Hudgens (“Identified”).
• “Last Call With Carson Daly” (NBC) – Angel Haze (“Classick”).
• “Late Night With Jimmy Fallon” (NBC/CTV2) – Pinback (“Information Received”).
• “Late Show With David Letterman” (CBS/NTV/Omni1) – Garbage (“Not Your Kind Of People”).
• “Tavis Smiley” (PBS) – Miguel (“Kaleidoscope Dream”).
• “Tonight Show With Jay Leno” (NBC/CTV2) – Black Prairie (“The Storm In the Barn”).

BS MUSIC NOTES:
• John Denver – The new album “The Music Is You: A Tribute to John Denver” is out today, saluting the singer killed 15 years ago in a plane crash. Participating artists include Brandi Carlile, Dave Matthews, Lucinda Williams, and Train.
• John Mellencamp – Today he releases a collaborative musical with author Stephen King and producer T Bone Burnett dubbed “Ghost Brothers of Darkland County”. The project is described as ‘a southern gothic supernatural musical’ that features original music and dialogue excerpts performed by the likes of Elvis Costello, Matthew McConaughey, Meg Ryan, Rosanne Cash, and Sheryl Crow. A deluxe edition includes the “Making of Ghost Brothers” documentary DVD.
• Justin Timberlake – Tonight the CW special “Target Presents the iHeartRadio Album Release Party With Justin Timberlake” includes highlights of his album release party for “The 20/20 Experience” taped at LA’s El Rey Theater on Monday, plus the 8-minute world premiere of his new music video for “Mirrors”. (Eight minutes? Somebody needs to learn to self-edit.)
• Kacey Musgraves – Today the country singer-songwriter from Sulphur Springs TX releases her debut mainstream album, “Same Trailer, Different Park”, which features her current single “Merry Go ‘Round”. Musgraves wrote or co-wrote all songs on the album.
• LMFAO – Redfoo wants to become a professional tennis player. In fact, the 37-year-old son of Motown founder Berry Gordy will attempt to qualify for the US Open this Summer at a tennis tournament in California. He will compete under his real name, Stefan Gordy.
• One Direction – Harry Styles may have been publicly gracious after his split with Taylor Swift, but privately he’s confided to pals he wishes he’d never gotten involved with her. He’s said to be especially offended that she apparently mocks him in her latest video, “22”.

TODAY’S VIDEO RELEASES:
• “Bachelorette” ( R-Rated Comedy ): In this “Bridesmaids”-inspired comedy, 3 friends are asked to be bridesmaids at the wedding of a woman they used to ridicule back in high school. Stars Kirsten Dunst, Isla Fisher, Lizzy Caplan, James Marsden.
• “The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey” ( PG-13 Fantasy Adventure ): In the 1st of 3 parts to Peter Jackson’s treatment of JRR Tolkien’s 1937 novel, curious Hobbit ‘Bilbo Baggins’ journeys to the Lonely Mountain. Stars Martin Freeman, Ian McKellen, Richard Armitage, Andy Serkis.
• “Rust & Bone” ( R-Rated Drama ): Marion Cotillard plays an orca whale trainer whose life is radically altered when a performance ends in tragedy. Confined to a wheelchair after losing her legs, she encounters a single dad whose needs may be different but are as great as her own.
• “Zero Dark Thirty” ( R-Rated Drama ): Oscar-winning director Kathryn Bigelow’s chronicle of the decade-long hunt for terrorist leader Osama bin Laden and his death at the hands of Navy SEAL Team 6 in 2011. Stars Chris Pratt, Jessica Chastain.
• Also released today: “Ghost Hunters: Season 8” (Reality TV); “Gottfried Helnwein & The Dreaming Child” (Documentary); “The Hunt for Bin Laden” (Documentary); “Jersey Shore: The Final Season” (Reality TV); “Live at Montreux 1991: Miles Davis w/Quincy Jones” (Music Concert); “Quincy, ME: Season 5” (Vintage TV); and “Sesame Street: Best of Friends” (Family).

ALARM CLOCK FROM HELL:
A pair of Italian developers have created an alarm-clock smartphone app designed to help users wake up with math games and other tasks. The ‘FreakyAlarm’ app, created by Enrico Angelini & Gabriele Di Lorenzo, has a basic mode where users must take pictures of objects or barcodes before bed, then photograph the same objects or barcodes to shut the alarm off in the morning. The app also has an ‘evil’ setting, which requires users to solve difficult math equations to shut off the alarm. (See how much easier it is to wake up to this show?)
– UPI.com

NOTHING FOR SALE:
A company called Future Essentials is selling ‘100% Organic Dehydrated Water In a Can’ online. The product is touted as being always fresh, never made from concentrate. Dehydrated water is said to be the perfect addition to gluten-free, high-fiber, protein, and carbohydrate diets as it contains no fat, sugar, sodium, calories, or cholesterol. It has a unique odorless, tasteless, and colorless character and is lightweight, making it easy to store. The cost? $5-a-tin. (For an extra fiver, you can have it invisibly gift-wrapped.)
NET: http://www.mredepot.com/servlet/the-1099/Dehydrated-Canned-Water/Detail
– LaughingSquid.com

DRIVERS WITH A DEATH-WISH:
According to data released this week by the Centers for Disease Control, approximately 1-in-3 drivers send or read text messages on cellphones while driving. More than half of 2 demographic groups – women 18-to-24 and men 25-to-34 – admit to texting while driving. Note that these figures come from surveys performed in 2011, so they may not reflect the impact of more recent anti-texting laws. (As well they exclude countless drivers who couldn’t respond due to tragic death in accidents experienced while texting.)
– ArsTechnica.com

PHASERS SET TO STUN:
Scientists at NTT Basic Research Laboratories in Japan have built a laser that uses sound waves instead of light like a conventional laser. Because laser is an acronym for ‘light amplification by stimulated emission of radiation’, these new contraptions – which exploit particles of sound called phonons – should properly be called ‘phasers’. Such devices could one day be used to keep time, for ultrasound medical imaging, in high-precision measurements, and many other places. (C’mon say it … some idiot will find a way to make it into a weapon.)
– Wired.com

BS WAYS COMPANIES ARE SECRETLY SCREWING JOB APPLICANTS:
✗ One Blown Interview Can Land You On a Blacklist – Yep, there’s an actual list that recruiters and HR staff keep and share with each other. So what does it take to get blacklisted? Any number of things, some of them as petty as applying for too many jobs.
✗ No Human Will Ever See Your Résumé Before It Goes In the Trash – Most companies these days use Applicant Tracking System (ATS) software to help them deal with applications by scanning for keywords and/or other features that are deemed desirable.
✗ A Saint Could Fail the Drug Test – The good old-fashioned pee test, otherwise known as the test that gives false positives is error-prone. It can be dead wrong at least 10% and possibly as often as 30% of the time.
✗ Background Checks May Turn Up Crimes You Didn’t Commit – 73% of employers conduct criminal background checks on all applicants. Or at least, they hire an outside company to do so. Background screening companies are unregulated. If they err, there are no consequences.
✗ They’re Checking Your Facebook Profile – A recent poll finds 92% of employers are checking out social networking profiles during the recruitment process. And they aren’t just looking for drug use, sexual posts, and drunken activity, but also … spelling and grammar errors.
✗ Not Having a Job Prevents You From Getting a Job – For many employers, being unemployed is a gigantic red flag. If no other company wants you, why should they? It’s akin to getting a loan at the bank … where you’re required to prove you don’t need it.
– Cracked.com

DID YOU KNOW?
You can attract beluga whales by singing underwater. (“Baby beluga in the deep blue sea …“)
– “Financial Times”

BS CHRONOMETER 03.19.13


TODAY’S CELEBIRTHDAYS . . .
1947 [66] Glenn Close, Greenwich CT, movie actress (“Albert Nobbs”, “Fatal Attraction”)/TV actress (“Damages” 2007-12)/Broadway actress (“Death & The Maiden”, “Sunset Boulevard”)

1955 [58] Bruce Willis, Idar-Oberstein, Germany, movie actor (“Die Hard” series, “Cop Out”)/ex-Mr Demi Moore (1987-2000)

1976 [37] Zach Lind, Mesa AZ, rock drummer (Jimmy Eat World-“Pain”, “The Middle”)

1986 [27] Tyler Bozak, Regina SK, NHL center (Toronto Maple Leafs)

TODAY’S BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .
• “Chocolate Caramel Day”, an annual celebration of everything great about chocolate and caramel. (Increased flab, dental cavities …)

• “Last Day of Winter”, as “Spring” officially arrives tomorrow with the Vernal Equinox.

• “March Madness” begins, as the 2013 NCAA Men’s Division I Basketball Tournament gets underway with the ‘First Four’ at University of Dayton Arena in Dayton OH. 68 teams are playing in the 75th elimination tournament which concludes with the championship game April 8th at the Georgia Dome in Atlanta. (If there weren’t betting brackets, would anyone care?)

• “Poultry Day”, celebrating chicken, turkey, and other farm-raised fowl that we commonly consume. They also give us our breakfast eggs.

• “St Joseph’s Day”, the day that the swallows traditionally return to the Mission San Juan Capistrano in California, an excuse for the annual “Fiesta de las Golindrinas”. Every March 19th since 1776 (with few exceptions), the birds have come back to usher in Spring in the Southern California seaside town, and their return is now an annual tourist attraction.

THIS DAY IN SHOW BIZ . . .
2009 [04] “Late Show” host David Letterman marries longtime partner Regina Lasko (when he can’t find an intern to ‘date’)

TODAY’S MUSIC EVENTS . . .
1957 [56] Elvis Presley buys the ‘Graceland’ estate in Memphis, Tennessee for $100,000 (about the same amount it now rakes in … daily)

1988 [25] Michael Jackson begins construction on his 2,800-acre ranch in Santa Barbara, California which he names ‘Neverland’, after the fantasy location where children never grow up in “Peter Pan” (at his Neverland, some are forced to grow up too soon)

TODAY’S FIRSTS . . .
2003 [10] War in Iraq begins with the so-called ‘Shock & Awe’ bombing campaign by the USA

2011 [02] French Air Force launches ‘Opération Harmattan’, beginning foreign military intervention in Libya

TODAY’S RECORD . . .
1994 [19] ‘World’s Largest Omelette’ is made in Yokohama, Japan using 160,000 eggs and measuring 1,383 square feet

AND REMEMBER . . .
[Wed] Alien Abduction Day
[Wed] Atheist Pride Day
[Wed] International Astrology Day
[Wed] Kick Butts Day
[Wed] Kiss Your Fiancée Day
[Wed] Proposal Day
[Wed] Naw-Ruz (Persian New Year)
[Wed] Snowman Burning Day
This Week Is … Act Happy Week
This Month Is … International Women’s Month

BULL’S BITS


OBESE VERSIONS OF LITERARY CLASSICS:
✓ “Big As a House On the Prairie”
✓ “A Tale of Two Twinkies”
✓ “The Lard Of the Ring Dings”
✓ “War & Piece of Pie”
✓ “Big Macbeth”
✓ “Around the Waist in 80 Days”
✓ “A Farewell to Toned Arms”
✓ “The Great Fatsby”
✓ “The Three Huskyteers”
✓ “Big Women”
– Thanks to Al Caggforth

BS RANDOM JOKE:
What has 8 arms and an IQ of 60? Four guys watching March Madness.

STRANGEST NCAA DIVISION I TEAM NAMES:
(Not necessarily participating in March Madness)
10. Evansville Purple Aces
9. Youngstown State Penguins
8. University of Akron Zips
7. Stetson Hatters
6. University of Minnesota Golden Gophers
5. Campbell University Fighting Camels
4. Wichita State Shockers
3. Saint Louis Billikens
2. Virginia Tech Hokies
1. Presbyterian College Blue Hose
– Adapted from About.com

BS PHONE STARTER:
☎ Is sending a one-line ‘thank you’ email or text rude because it wastes the recipient’s time? (Have you ever sent a ‘thank you’ for a ‘thank you’ note?)

BS WATER COOLER QUESTION:
Question: More than 1-in-10 of all the motorcycles on Earth have THIS in common.
Answer: They’re located in California.

BS DEEP THOUGHT:
It is far more difficult to be simple than to be complicated.


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