Wednesday, March 2, 2011        Edition: #4453
Sheet For Brains!

Today Apple is holding a ‘special event’ that’s suspected to be the introduction of the 2nd generation iPad (what else could they possibly get the thing to do?) . . . This week AFI frontman Davey Havoc (“Miss Murder”) has joined the Broadway cast of the Green Day musical “American Idiot” playing ‘St Jimmy’ (Billie Joe Armstrong’s regular role) and Justin Guarini, who finished runner-up to Kelly Clarkson on Season 1 of “American Idol”, has also landed a role (they must be running out of celebrities) . . . 43-year-old Lisa Marie Presley, daughter of Elvis, is leaving her Tunbridge Wells estate in rural southeast England where she moved 6 months ago to escape the ‘pressures and gossip’ of Los Angeles and returning to the US with her music producer husband Michael Lockwood and their twin daughters (a little too quiet?) . . . “House” star Hugh Laurie tells Ellen DeGeneres that he’s ‘excited’ about his new Winter cold because – he’s never had one before (braggart) . . . Former “Hills” star Spencer Pratt is offering to become part of troubled actor Charlie Sheen’s ‘winning team’, volunteering his services for free as Sheen’s publicist after longtime rep Stan Rosenfield quit this Monday (now there’s an easy-peasy recipe for disaster!) . . . Meantime, the increasingly unhinged Sheen tells TMZ his only fault is ‘living a life you’re all jealous of’ (yeah Charlie, that’s it exactly).

• “American Idol” (FOX/CTV) – The female semifinalists perform in hope of advancing to the next round.
• “Colbert Report” (Comedy Central/CTV) – Harry Connick Jr (“Your Songs”).
• “Conan” (TBS/CTV) – Veteran R&B singer Mavis Staples.
• “Last Call With Carson Daly” (NBC) – Black Rebel Motorcycle Club (“Beat the Devil’s Tattoo”).
• “Late Night With Jimmy Fallon” (NBC/A Channel) – Motorhead (“The World Is Yours”). In a new interview with “Nylon” magazine, 65-year-old frontman Lemmy says he’s probably had 1,000 sexual partners over the past 50 years.
• “Late Show With David Letterman” (CBS/Omni) – Oh Land (“Oh Land”).
• “Tonight Show With Jay Leno” (NBC/A Channel) – Travis Barker (Blink 182).
• “The View” (ABC/CTV) – Esperanza Spalding (“Chamber Music Society”).

• Beyoncé – She tells the new edition of “Cosmopolitan” magazine her secret to turning on hubby Jay-Z is wearing ‘sexy stilettos and a beautiful dress’. But she claims the sexiest thing about any woman is if she has confidence.
• Christina Aguilera – She was reportedly arrested for drunkenness in West Hollywood on Tuesday morning. She & new boyfriend Matthew Rutler were both taken into custody by LAPD. She was booked on a misdemeanor charge of public intoxication; he’s facing a DUI charge.
• Duran Duran – Later this month they’ll appear in the one-off UK TV special, “Duran Duran: One Night Only”, which will see the classic rockers perform their greatest hits and reminisce about their 30-year career.
• Elton John – He’s discussed the possibility of appearing on “Glee” with the show’s creator Ryan Murphy. Star Matthew Morrison says he thinks Elton would make a great boyfriend for Jane Lynch’s manic alter-ego ‘Sue’.
• Justin Bieber – Reports say that he & girlfriend Selena Gomez stayed together in a penthouse suite at the exclusive St Regis Monarch Beach resort in Dana Point CA before their much-ballyhooed appearance at the post-Oscars “Vanity Fair” party Sunday.
• Kings of Leon – Guitarist Matthew Followill’s wife Johanna Bennett is pregnant with their first child, with the baby believed to be due in late May or early June. They were married in 2009.
• Lady Gaga – She’s reportedly been asked to be godmother to Elton John’s baby boy Zachary.
• Muse – All 3 members are moving to London to work on their 6th album, however they may not begin recording until the end of this year. They say they’d like it to come out in 2012.
• Nelly Furtado – After admitting this week she was paid $1 million in 2007 to perform for members of Libyan dictator Moammar Gadhafi’s clan, she’s promising to donate the money to an as-yet-unnamed charity. “NY Times” reports Beyoncé and Usher were hired by Gadhafi’s son Muatassim to perform for a New Year’s Eve bash on the Caribbean island of St Barts; and Mariah Carey was reportedly hired for the previous year’s bash, for which she took home a reported $1 million for performing just 4 songs.
• Slash – The former Guns ‘ Roses guitarist tells Sydney, Australia radio station Triple M that his neighbor back home in LA, Charlie Sheen, is the “most rock ‘n roll character in entertainment today”.

New cutting-edge vocab …
• ‘Manther’ – A middle-aged man who seeks relationships with significantly younger women. (“I went to a singles bar last night but everyone was taken thanks to all the cougars and manthers.”)
• ‘Marriage Lite’ – Mildly derogatory term for an unmarried couple who live together or a couple who have formed a ‘civil union’. (“I’m sure you’ve learned a lot during your 3 months of marriage lite, but spare us the marital advice until you’ve celebrated your 25th anniversary, OK?”)
• ‘Skeptimistic’ – Simultaneously skeptical and optimistic. When you really, really, really want something to happen but aren’t that convinced it will. (“I bought 27 lotto tickets but I’m still skeptimistic about winning anything.”)

People always wonder whether someone is interested in them. According to research published in the journal “Archives of Sexual Behavior” , the key is in lingering looks. The longer a man looks at you, the more interested he is. And if you see couples looking directly into each other’s eyes, it’s a sign of tenderness and affection. The study also finds that men make eye contact with women they find attractive for an average of 8.2 seconds. (When does it become a ‘leer’?)

A summation of studies about our perception of time …
• Time passes more slowly to people who are consciously keeping track of it than to people who aren’t. (Hence the old saying: “A watched pot never boils.”)
• Body temperature can affect our perception of time. (It seems to pass much slower when we’re cold.)
• Drugs can do all kinds of terrifying/awesome things to the perception of time. (Your college years, for example.)
• Certain health conditions can also affect time perception. An epileptic seizure, for example, can feel as though it’s lasted a very long time, even if it’s over in a matter of seconds. (And how long 5 minutes seems depends on which side of the bathroom door you’re on.)

An enterprising ice cream shop in London UK has created ‘Baby Gaga’, an ice cream made of vanilla beans, lemon zest, and … mommy’s milk. The Icecreamists started selling the new flavor, priced at £14 ($23) on Friday. But now it’s hit a snag as local officials have confiscated the breast milk ice cream after 2 complaints were filed about selling edibles made from other people’s bodily fluids. The Westminster City Council is awaiting guidance from Britain’s Food Standards Agency. (No word if the perverted limeys were selling it in various cup sizes.)

A new study has polled the Internet to find out who are the heaviest users of social media. The survey has found that the most active social media users are 18-to-34-year-olds, 82% of which are contributing material. Women are heavier users than men (78% vs 66%). And women in their 30s are both the heaviest users and biggest contributors. Non-contributors tend to be older and male. (Aka ‘creepers’.)

A new survey asks which movie scene caused viewers to hit the pause button in order to take a longer look. The top 5 responses …
5. “Who Framed Roger Rabbit?” (1988): A scene in which a dress worn by animated hottie ‘Jessica Rabbit’ rises up.
4. “Trading Places” (1983): A then-24-year-old Jamie Lee Curtis appears topless in a scene that even she refers to as the ‘Freeze Frame’.
3. “Star Wars” (1977): A blooper scene in which a ‘Stormtrooper’ hits his head on a ceiling.
2. “The Back-Up Plan” (2010): A scene in which Jennifer Lopez briefly bares her beauteous butt.
1. “Basic Instinct” (1992): Sharon Stone’s provocative leg-crossing scene, frozen by more than a third of film fans in the poll.

According to a new study at Australia’s Deakin University, the availability of neighborhood parks and playgrounds and parents’ perception of their safety have a direct influence on how much exposure children have to TV and computer games after school. The study concludes that the more satisfied parents are with the quality of their local parks, the less time their kids will spend in front of electronic screens. (Parks & recreation = fewer fat kids.)

• Surveys show 2-out-of-3 people sleep on their side. Stomach is #2, back #3.
• Goats do not eat tin cans. They merely nibble at them for the tasty glue on the labels.
• Honey is used as a center for golf balls and in antifreeze mixtures.


1962 [49] Jon Bon Jovi, Perth Amboy NJ, pop singer (w/Jennifer Nettles-“Who Says You Can’t Go Home”, Bon Jovi-“Always”)

1968 [43] Daniel Craig, Chester UK, movie actor (“Quantum Of Solace”, “Casino Royale”)

1977 [34] Chris Martin, Exeter UK, pop singer (Coldplay-“Viva La Vida”, “Clocks”)/married to actress Gwyneth Paltrow since 2003

1982 [29] Ben Roethlisberger, Lima OH, NFL QB (2 wins in 3 Super Bowls with the Pittsburgh Steelers 2006, 2009, 2011)

• “Dr Seuss Day”, celebrating the 1904 birth of Theodor Seuss Geisel in Springfield MA, the Pulitzer Prize-winning author of children’s books that include “The Cat In the Hat,” “How The Grinch Stole Christmas!,” “Green Eggs & Ham” and many other classics. He died in 1991.

• “Old Stuff Day”, either a celebration of antiques or perhaps … dating a cougar?

• “Talk With Your Teen About Sex Month” as declared by the group “Parenting Without Pressure”, who somehow have the notion you know more than your teen does.

• “Working Dog Week”, to honor dogs working for humanity. Ask listeners about unusual jobs for dogs they’ve come across. (Ours is an unemployed bum.)

1977 [34] Jay Leno makes his debut appearance on the “Tonight Show Starring Johnny Carson”, never guessing that he’ll be taking over as host in 15 years

2009 [02] “Late Night With Jimmy Fallon” premieres on NBC-TV as the new host takes over for Conan O’Brien (who moves to the “Tonight Show” … temporarily)

1984 [27] Rob Reiner’s rock group mockumentary satire, “This Is Spinal Tap”, opens in movie theaters

1923 [88] 1st issue of “TIME” magazine

1991 [10] New record for ‘Lowest Flaming Limbo Bar Height’ is set at a minuscule 6 inches

[Thurs] International Sister Cities Day
[Thurs] I Want You To Be Happy Day
[Fri] Employee Appreciation Day
[Fri] March Forth-Do Something Day
[Fri] International Scrapbooking Industry Day
[Fri] Toy Soldier Day
[Sun] “Celebrity Apprentice” season debut (NBC)
This Week Is … Cheerleading Week
This Month Is … Adopt a Rescued Guinea Pig Month


• You have absolutely no idea where your shoes are.
• You’ve had to get someone to help you pull your pants up in the ladies room.
• You mistake a police car for a cab and shout obscenities when it doesn’t stop for you.
• You drop your 3 am burger on the floor, pick it up and carry on eating.
• There are less than 3 hours before you’re due to start work.
• You’ve found ‘a deeper side’ to the office nerd.
• The man you’re flirting with used to be your 5th grade teacher.
• You think you’re in bed but your pillow feels strangely like pizza.
• You challenge the bouncer to an arm wrestling competition.
• You decide to audition for “American Idol” via the security cameras.

It’s becoming increasingly popular for pet owners to request they share a final resting place with their pets. The International Association of Pet Cemeteries & Crematories estimates that a quarter of pet cemeteries now also take deceased humans. A touching trend … or just gross? (New Yorker Rhona Levy’s will states that she’ll be cremated, and her ashes divided. Half will go into a plot with ‘Snow’, ‘Putchke’ and ‘Pumpkin’; the other half will be buried nearby with ‘Shaina’ and ‘Twinkie’.)

• Cats’ facial expressions.
• The need for the same style of shoes in different colors.
• Why bean sprouts aren’t just weeds.
• ‘Fat clothes’.
• The difference between beige, off-white, and eggshell.
• Cutting your bangs to make them grow.
• The inaccuracy of every bathroom scale ever made.
• OTHER women.

In a new survey asking for the worst innovations of the last decade, online pop-up ads and Facebook were the runners-up. So what was picked as the #1 worst innovation?
a. Smartphones.
b. Reality TV. [CORRECT]
c. The Snuggly.

It may be true that hard work never killed anyone … but why take the chance?

Today’s Question: Sales of THIS personal product have soared over the past few years and some suspect it’s because we’re addicted to it.
Answer to Give Out Next Show: Chapstick.

Any philosophy that can be put in a nutshell belongs there.

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