Monday, March 20, 2017 – Edition: #5935

Sheet for Brains!

★ Tonight & tomorrow night former “Glee” star Darren Criss has been recruited to play the villain ‘Music Meister’ in a new musical “The Flash”/”Supergirl” crossover CW-TV project. Darren’s character hypnotizes victims with his voice and forces them to commit crimes for him. The double crossover episodes are a “Glee” reunion of sorts as both “Supergirl” star Melissa Benoist and “The Flash” star Grant Gustin were part of the old FOX-TV show’s cast.
★ Ivana Trump, 1st wife of president Donald Trump, is writing a memoir. “Raising Trump” will be published September 12th. According to Gallery Books, Ivana is writing a story of “motherhood, strength, and resilience”. Donald & Ivana Trump divorced in 1992 amid revelations the Donald had been having an affair with Marla Maples (later #2 wife). But the “non-political” memoir is more likely to focus on the raising of their 3 children: Donald Jr, Ivanka, and Eric.
★ And it’s confirmed that Emma Watson stands to make bank for carrying the sure-to-be smash box-office hit “Beauty & The Beast” on her shoulders. According to “Hollywood Reporter”, the actress is raking in $3 million up-front for her starring role as ‘Belle’, but stands to make as much as $15 million if the movie cleans up at the box office (which seems entirely likely after a mammoth opening weekend). Watson, an outspoken feminist, has advocated in the past for equal pay, a topic stars like Jennifer Lawrence, Natalie Portman, Jennifer Aniston, and Emma Stone have been rightfully vocal about as well.
– “Glamour”

• “Dancing With the Stars” (ABC) – 24th season debut. Celebs include rodeo star Bonner Bolton, actor Mr T, Olympians Simone Biles and Nancy Kerrigan, former “Glee” actress Heather Morris, and the original ‘Cuchi-Cuchi’ girl, Charo. Pro dancing couple and new parents Peta Murgatroyd & Maksim Chmerkovskiy are competing against each other.
• “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC/CityTV) – ‘Mash-up Monday’ features Ice-TI (Ice-T and TI).
• “Last Call With Carson Daly” (NBC) – No Parents! (“May the Thirst Be With You”).
• “Late Late Show With James Corden” (CBS/CTV) – Bea Miller (“Song Like You”).
• “Late Night With Seth Meyers” (NBC/CTV) – Anthrax drummer Charlie Benante sits in.
• “Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon” (NBC/CTV2) – Julia Michaels (“Issues”).
• “The Voice” (NBC/CTV2) – Luke Bryan, Céline Dion, John Legend and DJ Khaled prepare the vocalists as the ‘Battle Rounds’ begin.
• “Wendy Williams” (syndicated) – The Head & The Heart’s Josh McBride.

• Chuck Berry – The legendary singer-songwriter was found dead Saturday at his home near St Louis MO at age 90. A pioneer of rock ‘n’ roll, he was one of the most influential guitarists of all-time. He was also one of the first inductees into the Rock & Roll Hall of Fame, in 1986.
• Coldplay – They’ve added 3 more dates to their upcoming North American stadium tour. They’ll play 2nd nights in Toronto ON (8/22) and Edmonton AB (9/27) as well the Rose Bowl in Los Angeles CA (10/6). The trek begins at NJ’s MetLife Stadium on August 1st.
• Drake – He’s become the 1st artist to accumulate 10 billion streams on Spotify, according to And that stat was confirmed before the weekend release of his new project “More Life”.
• Florida Georgia Line – Last night the duo served as the featured bartenders on Bravo TV’s “Watch What Happens Live with Andy Cohen”. FGL mixed up Old Camp peach pecan whiskey cocktails. Sure sounds Southern.
• Garth Brooks – He performed a free ‘pop-up’ concert Saturday at the SXSW Outdoor Stage at Lady Bird Lake in Austin, Texas. The day-long event included 6 warm-up acts.
• George Michael – His funeral is set to be a private affair, reportedly being held at a chapel at Highgate West Cemetery in North London, seating just 30 people. The funeral is expected to take place either on or close to Mother’s Day in Britain, March 26th.
• Keith Urban – He spent time in Montréal on Friday to promote his upcoming tour stops in Canada. While there, he gave NHL player Andrew Shaw (Montréal Canadiens) private guitar lessons after a bit of pick-up hockey on the ice.
• Merle Haggard – Alabama, Billy Gibbons (ZZ Top), and Toby Keith have been added to the all-star lineup at “Sing Me Back Home: The Music of Merle Haggard” in Nashville on April 6th. It honors what would have been Hag’s 80th birthday and the 1-year anniversary of his passing.
• Nelly Furtado – Her new album “The Ride” (out March 31st) is her first in 5 years. So what’s she been doing in the meantime? Finding herself again, she says, by taking ceramics and playwriting classes; plus working in her daughter’s school library and a friend’s record store.

Netflix is testing a button that lets you skip the opening credits on some TV shows. The ‘Skip Intro’ button appears when you hover over the title sequence for select shows that include Netflix originals “House of Cards” and “Iron Fist”, as well as “Mad Men” and “The Office”. The button works both with programs that begin with the title sequence and those that include one after a cold open. So far, the button has only been spotted on the web. Rolling it out more broadly will require app updates on the many platforms where Netflix is available. Skipping the opening credits is a long-standing request of many Netflix users, who are prone to binge-watching. (Cool, now you can watch 19 seasons of “Midsomer Murders” continuously … while a decade of your life is lost.)

These well-known brand-names started out differently …
• Twitter – Its working name was ‘Status’, and then ‘Twitch’.
• Skype – Derived from ‘sky peer-to-peer’; shortened to ‘Skyper’ but the URL was already taken.
• Lego – From the Danish phrase ‘leg godt’, which means ‘play well’.
• Amazon – Originally named ‘Cadabra’, as in ‘abracadabra’.
• 7-Eleven – Founded in 1927 and originally called ‘Tote’m Stores’.
• Google – Originally called ‘BackRub’, when founded in 1996.

A river in New Zealand has been granted the same legal rights as a human being. The move ends a 140-year effort on the part of a Māori tribe who claim the Whanganui River as an ancestor. The new law means that harming the river on the North Island is equivalent to harming a person. In other words, if someone abuses it, the law now sees no difference between harming the tribe or harming the river because they are one and the same. So the river now has its own legal identity with all the corresponding rights, duties, and liabilities of a person. Two guardians are being appointed to act on behalf of the Whanganui river, one from the government and one from the local Māori tribe. (Can it now be charged with offenses? “Pull over river, you’re going too fast. And what’s that you’re carrying with you – is that a log cabin?”)

A girl in Britain is set to become the UK’s youngest-ever mother when she gives birth in the coming weeks … at age 11. Few details about the girl are available for legal reasons. The father is believed to be a minor as well, a few years older than the girl. Police are investigating the situation as the age of consent in Britain is 16.

2017 marks the 30th anniversary of the invention of the suitcase-on-wheels, by an airline pilot.


1950 [67] William Hurt, Washington DC, movie actor (“Captain America: Civil War”, “Kiss Of the Spiderwoman”)/TV actor (“Too Big to Fail”, “Damages”)

1957 [60] Spike (Shelton) Lee, Atlanta GA, movie director (“Ali”, “Malcolm X”)/movie producer (“Kobe Doin’ Work”)/movie actor (“Do the Right Thing”)

1958 [59] Holly Hunter, Conyers GA, movie actress (“Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice”, “The Piano”)

1972 [45] Alex Kapranos, Almondsbury UK, indie rock singer-guitarist (Franz Ferdinand-“No You Girls”, “Take Me Out”)

1976 [41] Chester Bennington, Phoenix AZ, rock singer (Linkin Park-“What I’ve Done”, “Numb”)

1982 [35] Nick Wheeler, Stillwater OK, rock guitarist (All-American Rejects-“Gives You Hell”, “Dirty Little Secret”)

1986 [31] Ruby Rose, Melbourne, Australia, TV actress (“Orange Is the New Black” 2015-16)/movie actress (“John Wick: Chapter 2”, “xXx: Return of Xander Cage”)/fashion model

• “Atheist Pride Day”, an unofficial salute to non-believers that many mark by changing their Facebook profile picture to a stylized capital ‘A’. Green is the chosen color for the day, standing for ‘natural’ as opposed to ‘supernatural’.

• “Extraterrestrial Abductions Day”, honoring all wackos who claim they’ve been kidnapped by aliens.

• “First Day of Spring”, as the new season officially arrives in the Northern Hemisphere with the Vernal Equinox this morning at 6:29am EDT.

• “Great American Meat Out”, a grassroots movement encouraging us to try going meatless at least for one day. No meat today, feel better tomorrow!

• “International Day Of the Francophonie”, instigated by the International Organization Of the Francophonie to celebrate French speakers worldwide.

• “International Day of Happiness”, adopted in 2012 by the UN in acknowledgment that the pursuit of happiness is a fundamental human goal.

• “Nowruz” (literally “New Day”), the celebration of the Persian New Year, which is celebrated worldwide by the Iranian peoples, along with some other ethno-linguistic groups, as the beginning of the New Year.

• “Proposal Day”, when both men and women are encouraged to pop the big question. Coincidentally it’s also “Kiss Your Fiancée Day”.

• “World Storytelling Day”, a global celebration of the art of oral storytelling, celebrated every year on March 20th.

2015 [02] FOX-TV airs the series finalé of the musical show “Glee”, an episode entitled “Dreams Come True”

2003 [14] Bruce Springsteen opens his Melbourne, Australia gig with an acoustic version of “Born In the USA” followed by Edwin Starr’s “War” as the US begins military operations in Iraq, with help from the Australia, Poland, and the UK

2008 [09] The Eagles launch a world tour in support of the new album “Long Road Out of Eden”

1917 [100] The 1st patent for the ‘zipper’ is granted to Gideon Sundback

2009 [08] Barack Obama appears on NBC-TV’s long-running “Tonight Show”, the 1st sitting US president to do so

2012 [05] The movie “John Carter” (starring Taylor Kitsch) becomes one of the biggest losers in cinema history as Disney takes a $200 million write-down on the film

2015 [02] The equinox, a solar eclipse, and a super-Moon all occur on the same day

[Tues] International Day of Forests & The Tree
[Tues] Single Parent Day
[Tues] Twitter Day
[Wed] International Day Of the Seal
[Wed] Goof-Off Day

Act Happy Week / Animal Poison Prevention Week / Button Week / Fix A Leak Week / Inhalant & Poisons Awareness Week / World Folktales & Fables Week / Shakespeare Week / Week of Solidarity with People Struggling Against Racism & Discrimination / Wellderly Week


Highlight bits culled from 23 years of “Bull Sheet” back issues …
• “How to Teach Physics to Your Dog”
• “Dating For Under a Dollar: 301 Ideas”
• “Teach Your Wife to Be a Widow”
• “The New Radiation Recipe Book”
• “How to Poo On a Date”
• “Bombproof Your Horse”
• “How to Be Pope”
• “How to Survive a Garden Gnome Attack”
• “Where Underpants Came From”
• “Crafting with Cat Hair”
– First published in “BS” 2015.

• Everywhere you look, adorable baby potholes!
• More than usual, people are mating in the streets.
• Your slothful neighbor finally returns your snowblower.
• Melting snow reveals the entire country is covered in dog turds.
• Your furnace repairman calls to say he can finally make it over next week.
• Screams of women experiencing ‘bathing suit shock’ heard throughout the mall.
• For the 50th March in-a-row, Toronto Maple Leafs fans hope, “Maybe THIS is the year.”
• Vladimir Putin orders the flowers to bloom.
– First published in “BS” 2003.

Which is the top global predator?
a. Crocodile
b. Gray Wolf
c. Spider [CORRECT]
– BBC News

☎ What is your least favorite part of the day? Why?

3-D animal-print undies … with ears.

First the engagement ring, then the wedding ring, then the suffering.

Question: Stats show you’re likely to make over $2,000 per year extra if you have THIS trait.
Answer: Being left-handed.

There will never be a right time. The time is now.

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