Tuesday, March 22, 2011        Edition: #4467
Have Another Sheetload!

BS SHOW BIZ BUZZ:
“Harry Potter” actor Daniel Radcliffe (already worth $63 million) has expanded his real estate portfolio by snapping up a 3rd NYC property, this time a $6.4-million 1847 townhouse in the Village (ironically he’s now performing on Broadway in “How to Succeed in Business Without Really Trying”) . . . Oscar-winning actor Philip Seymour Hoffman (“Capote”) is producing a new series for HBO called “Upstate”, about a man who changes careers to become a correctional officer (why’s it seem HBO makes all the good shows?) . . . Just as his new movie “Limitless” is topping the North American box office, 36-year-old actor Bradley Cooper has reportedly broken up with 41-year-old actress Renee Zellweger (maybe he got tired of her prune-y grimace too?) . . . Also splitting: Joe Jonas (Jonas Bros) & “Twilight Saga” actress Ashley Greene (he gushes about her in the new “Details” magazine cover story – oops!) . . . US first lady Michelle Obama will publish a book in 2012 about her efforts to promote healthy eating and the White House kitchen garden she started (can you dig it?) . . . 30-year-old famous person Paris Hilton is said to be working all her contacts to get an invitation to the Britain’s upcoming royal wedding because she’s a ‘massive fan’ (we’re sure that’ll make her a priority) . . . NBC-TV has given its comedies “Community” and “Parks & Recreation” early renewals (good writing will out) . . . ‘Mr Schue’ (Matthew Morrison) has apparently been given the greenlight to direct a few upcoming episodes of “Glee” (“And for my 6th solo number…”) . . . And Charlie Sheen’s “My Violent Torpedo of Truth/Defeat Is Not an Option” stage show is now scheduled to hit 21 cities, including Toronto and Vancouver (no machetes allowed).

TODAY’S SHOW BIZ SKED:
• “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC/CityTV) – Gaslight Anthem (“American Slang”).
• “Last Call With Carson Daly” (NBC) – Morning Benders (“Big Echo”).
• “Late Late Show With Craig Ferguson” (CBS) – Larry Gatlin & The Gatlin Bros (“The Pilgrimage”).
• “Late Night With Jimmy Fallon” (NBC/A Channel) – Richard Ashcroft (formerly of The Verve).
• “Late Show With David Letterman” (CBS/Omni) – Pains Of Being Pure At Heart (“Belong”, out March 29th).
• “Rick Mercer Report” (CBC) – Rick helps the crew convert Toronto’s Air Canada Centre from a hockey configuration (Leafs) to basketball (Raptors) in just 6 hours.
• “Tonight Show With Jay Leno” (NBC/A Channel) – Duran Duran (their 13th studio album, “All You Need Is Now”, is out today).
• “The View” (ABC/CTV) – Jennifer Hudson (today she releases her 2nd album, “I Remember Me”).

BS MUSIC NOTES:
• Adam Lambert – Today he releases the CD/DVD set “Glam Nation Live”.
• Aretha Franklin – The 12-disc box set “Take a Look: Aretha Franklin Complete on Columbia” is released today, including a DVD and 60-page photobook. MSRP: $125.99.
• Black Eyed Peas – Fergie is so obsessed with keeping fit she brings her personal trainer on tour with her.
• Chris Brown – His 4th studio album, “FAME”, is out today. Funny how his recent ‘leaked nude photo’ happened just in time for this, no?
• Foo Fighters – Tonight they play a benefit concert in Auckland, New Zealand with proceeds going to the Christchurch Earthquake Appeal.
• Ke$ha – “I Am the Dance Commander & I Commander You to Dance: The Remix Album” is out today, which features guest DJs putting their unique spin on her most popular tracks.
• Lady Gaga – She’s reportedly set to spend circa $2 million renovating her NYC condo, which will include a bed that’s a replica of the egg vessel she climbed out of at the Grammy Awards.
• Soundgarden – Today they release their first-ever live album, “Live On I-5”, featuring a compilation of recordings from their 1996 West Coast tour.
• The Strokes – Their long-awaited new album, “Angles”, is out today. It’s their first release since 2006′s “First Impressions Of Earth”.

TODAY’S VIDEO RELEASES:
• “How Do You Know” ( PG-13 Romantic Comedy ): Reese Witherspoon plays a former athlete who finds herself in the middle of a love triangle, as a corporate guy in crisis (Paul Rudd) competes with her current, baseball-player boyfriend (Owen Wilson). Jack Nicholson co-stars. Shot in Philadelphia PA and Washington DC.
• “Skyline” ( PG-13 Sci-Fi Thriller ): Strange lights descend on the city of Los Angeles, drawing people outside like moths to a flame where an extraterrestrial force threatens to swallow the entire human population off the face of the Earth. The film was almost entirely filmed at co-director Greg Strause’s condo building in Marina Del Rey CA. No-name cast.
• “The Tourist” ( PG-13 Thriller ): Johnny Depp & Angelina Jolie star in the story of an American tourist who travels to Venice to recover from a recent break-up, only to become involved with a mysterious woman who just happens to be an Interpol agent with a dangerous connection to a fugitive criminal. Co-stars Paul Bettany, Timothy Dalton.
• “Yogi Bear” ( PG Animated Family Comedy ): Anna Faris plays a documentary filmmaker shooting a project in ‘Jellystone Park’, where she crosses paths with ‘Yogi’ (voice of Dan Aykroyd), his sidekick ‘Boo-Boo’ (Justin Timberlake), and ‘Ranger Smith’ (Tom Cavanagh). Based on TV’s long-running “Yogi Bear Show” (1961-88). Produced in Auckland NZ.
• Also released today: “A Brady Bunch of Movies: 4 Groovy Films” (Compilation); “Batman 3-Pack Fun” (Animation); “The Little Engine That Could” (Family); “Scarecrow & Mrs King: The Complete 2nd Season” (Vintage TV); “The Times of Harvey Milk” (Documentary); and “The Windmill Movie” (Documentary).

TRUE HOLLYWOOD CASTING CALLS:
Excerpts from actual recent ads for acting gigs in Tinseltown …
• “We are looking for a male little person, 20-to-50, all ethnicities, who can ride a miniature horse.”
• “Frighteningly skinny people, male or female, ages 18-to-70. Only submit if you are borderline emaciated. Please note on your submission if you would consider doing nudity for a higher rate.”
• “Need a double-jointed hand model, male, 20-to-50. Double jointed where thumb and pointer finger can bend back to the wrist. Also where all fingers can bend back to the wrist.”
• “Amputee hand double, male, 18-to-100. Looking for anyone that has missing fingers on either hand or both. This is open to both union and non-union.”
• “Looking for Hispanic men, 18-to-45, that are willing to wear a loin cloth.”
• “Looking for male or female Mayan extras, 18-and-over, Screen Actors Guild members. Piercings a plus.”
• “We are looking for males or females, 20-55, who can resemble zoo animals. A guy who resembles a bear would go to the bear cage. A lady that could look like a peacock will walk to see the peacocks. This will take a little work on your part.”
– QMI Agency

SURVIVING SILENT STAR:
Silent movies were killed off some 80 years ago, but Diana Serra Cary is till alive and claims to be the last remaining movie star from the silent era. The 92-year-old was ‘discovered’ in 1920 when she was just 19-months-old and went on to star in dozens of “Baby Peggy” film comedies, including 5 feature length films. That earned her $2 million by the time she was 5. Unfortunately, every cent was squandered by her lavishly spending parents who lived off their sole breadwinner. (Now there’s some fodder for a bio-movie!)
– “Oakland Tribune”

FROM THE BS POLL VAULT:
A breakdown of life by the numbers …
• 75% of guys say they spend ‘far less than 1 hour’ in the bathroom getting ready for work. (Making 95% of the mess.)
• 70% of people polled pick ‘eyes’ as the sexiest facial feature. (5% picked their nose.)
• 54% of us are currently sitting in an uncomfortable chair at work. (And it’s getting darn crowded!)
• 47% of men say ‘faithfulness’ is the most important attribute when choosing a mate. (The rest say ‘boobs’.)
• 18% of women admit they are not above using their dog to get a man’s attention. (As in: “Get your hands off or I’ll sic Killer on you!”)
• 17% of people who have tattoos wish they didn’t. (Now that they’re sober.)

BS DOCS:
Bradley Voytek of Berkeley CA knows a thing or two about being a doctor – he’s a PhD in neuroscience. So he decided to chart the ‘Probability of Crap’, which compares the likelihood of BS being uttered to the number of times people on TV or in movies refer to themselves as a ‘doctor’. Among those who rate high on the crap quotient: Dr Phil, Dr Oz, Dr Laura, Dr Drew, ‘Dr No’, ‘Dr Evil’, and every paid TV advertisement doctor ever. (Like in deceptive ‘Medifacts’ ads.)
– Neatorama.com

BEST JOBS IN THE WORLD:
A recent survey ranks occupations by job satisfaction. The top 5 jobs and the percentage of those in the field who say they’re happy with their work …
5. Florists (20%)
4. Chefs (30%)
3. Plumbers (32%)
2. Hairdressers (32%)
1. Social Care Workers (40%)
(Least happy, at just 4% satisfaction, are real estate agents, accountants, pharmacists, and … ahem … media workers.)
– DailyMail.co.uk

STUFF YOUR STOICISM:
Joint research by Northwestern University & the University of California at San Diego concludes that people who make an effort to exert self-control are more likely to prefer anger-themed movies, are more interested in looking at angry facial expressions, and are more persuaded by anger-framed appeals. Furthermore, exerting self-control also seems to make people more likely to behave aggressively toward others. (So don’t hold back … let ‘er rip!)
– NewsuCanUse.org

DID YOU KNOW?
• Whales are scared of sonar because they are particularly sensitive to the unusual pinging sounds.
– “Earth News”
• Birds crash into those giant wind turbines because they aren’t looking where they’re going.
– “Daily Telegraph”
• In Sweden, a neighbor has the right to look up your income tax return.
– “Times of London”

BS CHRONOMETER 03.22.11

TODAY’S CELEBIRTHDAYS . . .
1931 [80] William Shatner, Montréal QC, TV actor (‘Ed’ on “$#*! My Dad Says” since 2010, “Boston Legal” 2004-08, “Star Trek” 1966-1969)/movie actor (“Miss Congeniality”, “Dodgeball”)

1948 [63] (Sir) Andrew Lloyd Webber, London UK, composer/producer (Tony Awards for “Phantom Of the Opera” and “Cats”, Tony & Academy Awards for “Evita”)

1948 [63] Wolf Blitzer, Buffalo NY, CNN news anchor since 1990 (“The Situation Room”)

1952 [59] Bob Costas, Queens NY, NBC-TV sports anchor since 1980 (“Football Night in America”, Olympic Games)/multiple “Emmy Award” winner

1976 [35] Reese Witherspoon, New Orleans LA, movie actress (“How Do You Know”, Oscar-“Walk the Line”)/ex-wife of actor Ryan Phillippe (1999-2006)

TODAY’S BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .
• “American Diabetes Association Alert Day”, a one-day wake-up call asking the public to take the Diabetes Risk Test to find out if they are at risk for developing type 2 diabetes.
NET: http://www.diabetes.org/in-my-community/programs/alert-day/

• “As Young As You Feel Day”, a day to quit wallowing in worry about your chronological age and start feeling peppy!

• “International Goof-Off Day”, a day to relax, be yourself, and generally just goof off. In other words … a regular day.

• “Sing-Out Day”, a day to let fly with a special tune to let someone know how you feel.

• “World Water Day”, a UN observance since 1992, emphasizing the worldwide necessity of potable drinking water and proper wastewater treatment. The 2011 theme is ‘Water For Cities’.
NET: http://www.worldwaterday.org/page/121

THIS DAY IN SHOW BIZ . . .
1976 [35] Filmmaker George Lucas begins filming the first of 9 planned movies in his “Star Wars” epic (mercifully he stops after 6)

TODAY’S FIRSTS . . .
1894 [117] 1st Stanley Cup Championship Game as Montréal Hockey Club (AAA) defeats Ottawa HC 3-1 (previous year there were no challengers so MHC won by default)

1980 [31] People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals (PETA) is founded by animal rights activists Ingrid Newkirk & Alex Pacheco (based in Norfolk VA)

TODAY’S RECORD . . .
1991 [20] LA Kings’ owner Bruce McNall and NHL superstar Wayne Gretzky set a world record by paying $451,000 for 1 of just 6 known Honus Wagner baseball cards

AND REMEMBER . . .
[Wed] Puppy Day
[Wed] World Meteorological Day
[Wed] Kick Butts Day
[Thurs] Chocolate Covered Raisins Day
[Thurs] World Tuberculosis Day
[Fri] Pecan Day
[Fri] “Diary Of a Wimpy Kid: Rodrick Rules”; “Sucker Punch” open in  movie theaters
This Week Is … Bubble Blowers Week
This Month Is … Cheerleading Safety Month

BULL’S BITS

BS SIGNS YOU’VE GOT ‘MARCH MADNESS’:
You know you’re watching way too much of the NCAA Basketball Tournament if …
• You’ve worn out 3 La-Z-Boys in 2 weeks.
• You’ve named your kids ‘Duke’ and ‘Butler’.
• Every couple days you update your tattoo of the 64-team bracket.
• You like it when the shot-clock expires because you enjoy the buzz.
• At dinner you make your family tip off for every pork chop.
• You’ve just checked into rehab to kick a $300-a-day nacho cheese habit.
• You’ve got a 35-second shot-clock in your bedroom.
• Your skin has turned all orange and bumpy.

BS RANDOM JOKE:
Follow your dream! Unless it’s the one where you’re at work in your underwear during a fire drill.

THE TRUTH ACCORDING TO BS:
• You will never find anybody anywhere who can give you a clear and compelling reason why we have Daylight Saving Time.
• The most powerful force in the universe is gossip.
• The one thing that unites all human beings, regardless of age, gender, religion, economic status or ethnic background, is that, deep down inside, we ALL believe that we are above-average drivers.
• If you had to identify in one word the reason why the human race has not achieved and never will achieve its full potential, that word would be ‘meetings’.
• You should not confuse your career with your life.
• Nobody cares if you can’t dance. Just get up and dance.

BS PHONE STARTER:
Hard to believe but Twitter.com is 5-years-old this month. Is it still a useful socializing tool or has it become just another device for marketing & promotion?

BS WATER COOLER QUESTION:
Today’s Question: In a survey asking ‘Which food reminds you of your wife?’ more than half of married guys picked THIS one.
Answer to Give Out Next Show: A can of mixed nuts.

BS DEEP THOUGHT:
Advice is cheap, because supply always exceeds demand.


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