Thursday, March 22, 2018 – Edition: #6182

Have Another Sheetload!

★ Dwayne Johnson has treated his dad to a new car after he underwent hip replacement surgery. On Monday, Johnson Instagrammed a pic of his father, old school wrestling star Rocky Johnson, with his new set of wheels – a brand new Cadillac SUV. The caption read: “My pops just had his hip replaced and called me and said, ‘Hey Mr. D the surgeon really feels like I should have a bigger car since my hip rehab.” The Rock says it made him laugh because he knew what dad was hinting. According to Dwayne, he told his dad: “Say no more… I got you… just go down and pick out what you want”.
★ Ronda Rousey says her admiration for Hulk Hogan inspired her to join the WWE. She grew up as a huge wrestling fan and was a dedicated Hulkamaniac, and says it was her love of Hulk’s exploits in the ring that made her want to become a WWE fighter herself. Rousey can’t wait to partner with her fellow Olympic gold medallist Kurt Angle, and create her own ‘WrestleMania’ moment when the showpiece event takes place on April 8 at the Mercedes-Benz Superdome, in New Orleans.
★ The Weinstein Company has declared bankruptcy and now it seems that they are exploring their options. This comes five months after Harvey Weinstein was fired from the Weinstein Co. over tons of claims regarding sexual misconduct. The company is reported to be over a half billion dollars in debt, but the issue of compensation for the victims of Weinstein’s harassment is still on the table. If the insurance company argues that they must pay out, that could mean even more debts involved.
★ ‘Lady and the Tramp’ will be the latest Disney story to get a live-action remake. Casting details for the modern re-imagining have yet to be revealed, but instead of setting a big screen release for the film, studio officials are planning to premiere the movie on Disney’s upcoming digital streaming service, which will launch in 2019.
★ Heather Locklear has voluntarily extended her stay in rehab following her boozy assault arrest. She will be doing another two months in treatment in an attempt to get healthy. The price tag so far? A reported $114,000. The good news? She will be able to visit her fiancé, Chris Heisser. Locklear was arrested on suspicion of felony domestic battery for allegedly assaulting Heisser at her California home, and while that charge has now been dropped, she will face four counts of misdemeanor battery on a police officer and one charge of resisting or obstructing a police officer.

• “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC/Global): Roseanne Barr, John Goodman, Chloe x Halle
• “The Tonight Show starring Jimmy Fallon” (NBC/CTV): Will Smith, Fran Lebowitz, Billie Eilish
• “The Late Show with Stephen Colbert” (CBS/Global): Sharon Stone, Rob Riggle, Fall Out Boy ( R )
• “Late Night with Seth Meyers” (NBC/CTV): Taraji P. Henson, Thomas Middleditch, Yungblud, Lil’ John Roberts
• “The Late Late Show with James Corden” (CBS/CTV): Freddie Highmore, Eddie Kaye Thomas, Adam Cayton-Holland
• “Conan” (TBS/Comedy): DJ Khaled, Natasha Leggero, the Ghost of Paul Revere ( R )
• “Watch What Happens Live” (Bravo): Bill Hader, Jay Pharoah
• “The View” (ABC/CTV): Mark Hamill, Jaina Lee Ortiz
• “The Talk” (CBS): Nia Long, Katie Nicholl
• “Live with Kelly and Ryan” (ABC/CTV): Tyler Perry, Jason George, O.A.R., guest co-host Carrie Ann Inaba
• “The Ellen DeGeneres Show” (NBC/CTV): Ellen Pompeo, Devin Dawson
• “NCAA Basketball Tournament” (CBS): A regional semifinal
• “Station 19” (ABC): Premiere: When the team responds to an apartment fire, Capt. Pruitt takes a hit, the future of the station’s leadership is in jeopardy and firefighter Andy Herrera is forced to step up.

• Drake – is said to be collaborating with Lauryn Hill…sort of. Hill’s son, Joshua Omaru Marley, shared a snippet of a new song on Snapchat featuring Drake rapping over a sample of Hill’s 1998 track, ‘Ex-Factor’. The song is called ‘Showin’ Off’.
• Britney Spears – instead of accepting her ex’s suggestion that she double her child support payments, she has had her team present Kevin Federline with a monthly budget instead. Word is that he isn’t happy about it. He claims that he wants to be able to provide for their two children in the same way Spears does, including vacations and shopping.
• Taylor Swift – On Saturday, she sent two fans a $150 bottle of Dom Pérignon champagne after she heard they would walk out to ‘Welcome to New York’ at their wedding. Swift included a note that read, “Rumor has it you might be using my song in your wedding celebration which makes me so happy! Here’s to this amazing day of your continuing love story. Love, Taylor.”
• Foreigner – With a 40th Anniversary tour packing in fans, the band has seen current singer Kelly Hansen and ex-frontman Lou Gramm share vocal duties. Guitarist Mick Jones says he’d like to work again with Gramm again in the studio, to complete some songs he started years ago.
• Ringo Starr – Call him Sir Ringo now, or Sir Richard to be more precise. He received his long-awaited knighthood from Prince William on Tuesday. He used his real name, ‘Richard Starkey’ for the event. The other surviving Beatle, Paul McCartney, was knighted in 1997.
• Steven Tyler – has announced a summer solo tour. He’ll be joined on the road by Nashville’s Loving Mary group, who were the backup band on his 2016 debut country solo album, ‘We’re All Somebody From Somewhere’. The tour will begin in Lewiston, NY on June 12, and move to Europe in July.
• Tim McGraw – made light of last week’s incident where he collapsed onstage in Dublin as the result of dehydration. On Instagram, he posted an underwater shot of him deep-sea fishing, with the caption: “I Like It, I Love It…Hydrating.”
• Blake Shelton – says that since welcoming Gwen Stefani’s three sons into his life – he has realized how much he’s missed out on. He says, “having them around … I don’t even know how to describe it. It’s so much fun.”

You know the routine. Someone comes back from a trip, and they have a cold. They blame it on the “recycled” air aboard the plane. Well, a new study suggests that where you sit on the plane can drastically affect your likelihood of catching a cold…or the flu. And what you want to do is this: Sit by the window…and stay there. The article, published in the journal ‘Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences’ (catchy handle, that.), says that on average, one passenger out of 150 on a flight could be infected, and the 11 people sitting closest to that person are at the highest risk of catching whatever it is that they’ve got…no matter how much the air is recirculated.  Those 11 people sitting nearby a contagious person have an 80% chance of getting an infection, while the rest of those aboard have only a 3% chance.  So your best defense is to sit in a seat that has as few neighbors as possible, and stay there.
(Did they seriously just suggest I NOT go to the washroom?)
(There’s a reason they call it “flew”…)
(Uh, can I sit with the pilot?)

New research shows that the average American family spends just 37 minutes of quality time together per day. A study of 2,000 parents with school-aged children across the country found that because of today’s hectic lifestyle, fully 25% of those asked said that the lack of family quality time away from chores, work, school or TV is a real problem. Taking most of the blame are the usual suspects: long hours at work, the children’s school schedule and weekends spent doing chores. But things do get a little better on Saturdays and Sundays. The quality-time figure jumps up to two hours 40 minutes on weekend days.
(By which time, most kids are looking forward to Monday…)
(My family always spent way more quality time together than that. Of course, dad considered roofing and weeding the garden as ‘quality time’…)
(Well, if Mom and Dad would just learn to play ‘Halo Wars’…)

To some, the expiry date on packaged food just a suggestion. To some, it’s a dare. To others, it’s gospel. Well someday, we might not have a best before date at all, because the label will tell you when things have gone south. Mimica, a food tech company, is testing a new kind of “bumpy” label for milk jugs that is described as a “biologically accurate food expiry indicator calibrated to experience decay at the same rate as food”. The label contains a gel which breaks down according to changes in the food product and temperature. So, in the case of milk, when it gets less-fresh, the bumps on the label raise up, so users know the milk isn’t good if the label feels bumpy.
(Bumpy? My milk already does that all by itself!)
(We have a foolproof method in our house…the female sniff-test. She can tell you if the milk is going bad…three days early!)

➛ People waking up in hospital and immediately being alert enough to pull out their IV drips.
➛ Defibrillators having magical properties that can bring people back to life, even when not used properly.
➛ Women’s legs still being hairless and their eyebrows groomed in the midst of a post-apocalyptic wasteland. (And with perfect make-up…except for one little dirt-mark!)
➛ Nobody ever saying “goodbye” on the phone and just hanging up instead. (No one does this. Except my boss!)
➛ A character switching on the news and it always being conveniently related to the plot in that moment. (I’d get 6 minutes of commercials, then a ‘lifestyle’ report about the resurgence of macramé!)
➛ Nobody actually eating the food they order at restaurants. (And then they leave! Without paying! And their drinks too!)
➛ Every alien invasion involving a blue sky beam. (Do aliens just love the color blue?)
➛ People planning dates without exchanging any important details. (“I’ll pick you up at 8…and you don’t need to tell me where you live!”)
➛ Conveniently shaped bedsheets covering women from the chest down, but not men. (Although they might drum up more interest if it were the other way around!)


1931 [87] William Shatner, Montréal QC, TV actor (“Boston Legal” 2004-08, “Star Trek” 1966-69)/movie actor (“Malevolent”, “Miss Congeniality”)

1948 [70] (Sir) Andrew Lloyd Webber, London UK, music composer/stage producer (Tony Awards for “Phantom Of the Opera” and “Cats”, Tony & Academy Awards for “Evita”)

1948 [70] Wolf Blitzer, Augsberg, Germany, CNN news anchor since 1990 (“The Situation Room”, “Wolf”)

1952 [66] Bob Costas, Queens NY, NBC-TV sports anchor since 1980 (“Football Night in America”, Olympic Games, Major League Baseball, etc.)/multiple Emmy Award-winner

1971 [47] Keegan-Michael Key, Southfield MI, comedian/actor (“Key and Peele” 2012-2015, “SuperMansion” 2015-2017)

1972 [46] Elvis Stojko, Newmarket, ON, retired figure skater (three-time World champion, two-time Olympic silver medalist, and seven-time Canadian champion)

1976 [42] Reese Witherspoon, New Orleans LA, movie actress (“Legally Blonde”, Oscar-“Walk the Line”)

1982 [36] Constance Wu, Richmond VA, TV actress (‘Jessica Huang’ on “Fresh Off the Boat” since 2015)

1990 [28] Lincoln Parish, Bowling Green KY, rock guitarist (Cage The Elephant-‘Shake Me Down’, ‘Ain’t No Rest for the Wicked’)

• “As Young As You Feel Day”, a day to quit wallowing in worry about your chronological age and start feeling peppy. (“Peppy”? What are you, 100?)

• “International Goof-Off Day”, a day to relax, be yourself, and generally just goof off. In other words … a regular day.

• “Sing-Out Day”, a day to let fly with a special tune to let someone know how you feel.

• “World Water Day”, a UN observance since 1992 emphasizing the worldwide necessity of potable drinking water and proper wastewater treatment.

• “Bavarian Crepes Day”, crepes are a delicious, very thin pancake-like dessert, typically made from wheat flour or buckwheat flour, then filled, rolled and then often topped with a glaze, fruit, chocolate or whipped cream.

[Fri] Melba Toast Day
[Fri] Puppy Day
[Sat] Cocktail Day
[Sat] Chocolate Covered Raisins Day

2003 [15] Britney Spears’ girl-power flick “Crossroads” earns 8 nominations at the 23rd Golden Raspberry Awards for the year’s worst movies (she co-wins ‘Worst Actress’ with Madonna for “Swept Away”)

2016 [02] 64th mayor of Toronto ON, the entertaining crack-smoking Rob Ford, dies of cancer at age 46

2009 [09] Lady Gaga’s “Poker Face” becomes a #1 hit in over 20 countries

2013 [05] My Chemical Romance announces their breakup after 12 years

1997 [21] USA’s Tara Lipinski becomes ‘Youngest Women’s World Figure Skating Champion’ at age 14 years, 10 months


✓ From birth to toilet training, a baby goes through an average of 8000 diaper changes.
✓ Men with shaved heads are perceived as an inch taller than men with hair.
✓ Women spend nearly one year of their lives deciding what to wear.
✓ Women cry on average between 30 and 64 times a year.
✓ Men cry on average between 6 and 17 times a year.
✓ Kissing someone is more sanitary than shaking hands, if you want to avoid a cold.

• The water-proof towel
• Solar powered flashlight
• Submarine screen door
• A book on how to read
• Inflatable dart board
• A dictionary index
• Ejector seat in a helicopter.
• Powdered water
• Pedal-powered wheelchair
• Water-proof tea bag

• “I guess this means I’m out the 20 bucks he owes me.”
• “I wouldn’t be caught dead in that outfit!”
• “When did he die? Really? Hey Todd, you won the pool!”
• “Don’t look now Jason, but you and the deceased have the exact same suit on.”
• “He looks natural and all, but those shoes do NOT go with that dress.”
• “Whew, who died in here?”
– First published in “BS” 2012.

I sometimes worry that the person who thought up Reality TV may be thinking up something else.

If you could switch up the roles of two movie actors, what change would lead to the most bizarre results?

Question: What is the most popular nickname for babies?
Answer: ‘Peanut’

Only those who will risk going too far can possibly find out how far one can go.

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