Tuesday, March 26, 2013        Edition: #4949

Get a Load of This Sheet!

✳ So if Jay Leno is truly on the way out as host of the “Tonight Show” (NBC) and Jimmy Fallon is on the way in, who’ll be rolled in to plug the Fallon-shaped hole on “Late Night”? Word has it “SNL” comic Seth Meyers (2001-13) is first in line. One reason that may make sense – “Late Night” is produced by “SNL” creator Lorne Michaels, who reportedly first approached Tina Fey, who’s graciously told him she’s ‘too busy’. (“I’m a movie star, dammit!”)
– “New York Post”
Speaking of late-night TV, could 48-year-old Stephen Colbert be 65-year-old David Letterman’s successor? Technically, Craig Ferguson’s contract guarantees him CBS-TV’s “Late Show” slot but, as we learned with Conan O’Brien, these guarantees don’t always work out. Letterman’s CBS contract runs through 2014, and while Colbert might not scream ‘youth movement’ the way Jimmy Fallon does at NBC, he’s a platinum-level talent who’d pull a devoted audience. (But is Colbert funny out of character?)
– HollywoodReporter.com
✳ Actress Sandra Bullock’s ex-husband Jesse James is a married man again after walking down the aisle with drag racer Alexis Dejoria. The reality TV mechanic exchanged vows with his 4th wife in Malibu, California on Sunday. Bullock left James amid persistent rumors of infidelity in 2010. He was then engaged to celeb tattoo artist Kat Von D until they split last year. (When we first heard he’d wed a ‘top dragster’, we had an entirely different mental picture.)
– People.com
Newly-single Rachel McAdams (34) has reportedly reached out to Ryan Gosling (32) – whom she dated for 2 years after they fell for each other on the set of “The Notebook” – in a series of emotional phone calls. Since her break-up with Michael Sheen (44) last month, Rachel has apparently been leaning on Ryan … and his girlfriend Eva Mendes (39) isn’t at all happy about it. (BS Factoid: Rachel & Ryan were born in the same hospital in London, Ontario.)
– NowMagazine.co.uk
✳ 70-year-old Harrison Ford is backing away from any further comment regarding an original cast reunion in the upcoming 2015 “Star Wars” movie from Disney. Last week he suggested a ‘Han Solo/Luke Skywalker/Princess Leia’ return was ‘almost true’ but ‘not in the bag yet’. Now he’s saying he ‘really can’t talk about it now’. (BS translation: He got a slapdown from director JJ Abrams.)
– QMI Agency
✳ After a lengthy separation, “Twilight Saga” co-stars Robert Pattinson & Kristen Stewart have finally reunited in Los Angeles. After the two were spotted out together at one of their favorite bars, Ye Rustic Inn, a friend of Kristen’s has blabbed that Rob is again living at Kristen’s house as he considers it his home as well. Besides, most of his stuff is there – including their dogs. (Well then, they’re patching things up for the sake of the dogs … totally understandable.)
– HollywoodLife.com

• “Chelsea Lately” (E!) – Hayden Panettiere, Miley Cyrus, Selena Gomez, Vanessa Hudgens. Rerun.
• “Conan” (TBS/CTV) – Vanessa Hudgens (“Spring Breakers”).
• “Dancing With the Stars” (ABC) – Josh Groban and Icona Pop perform; the couples face elimination.
• “Last Call With Carson Daly” (NBC) – A Silent Film (“Sand & Snow”).
• “Late Night With Jimmy Fallon” (NBC/CTV2) – Little Green Cars (“Absolute Zero”).
• “Late Show With David Letterman” (CBS/NTV/Omni1) – Pegi Young (“Bracing For Impact”).
• “Live With Kelly & Michael” (syndicated/CTV) – Dido (“Girl Who Got Away”, out today).
• “Tonight Show With Jay Leno” (NBC/CTV2) – Django Django (“Django Django”); Keith Urban (“American Idol”).
• “The Voice” (NBC/CTV2) – Auditions continue.

• Alan Jackson – Today he releases his 2nd gospel album, “Precious Memories Volume II”, the follow-up to his 2006 collection of traditional hymns which topped 3 “Billboard” album charts.
• Blake Shelton – His new album, “Based On a True Story”, is out today, featuring his #1 country hit “Sure Be Cool If You Did”. He performs it on NBC-TV’s “Today” show this morning.
• Depeche Mode – Their 13th studio album, “Delta Machine”, is available today. Frontman Dave Gahan promises it has the ‘organic sound’ the band’s been known for over its 33-year career.
• Frank Ocean – He’s appearing in his first fashion campaign for the Spring/Summer 2013 menswear line from hip brand Band Of Outsiders. All of the ads were shot at the Los Angeles Times Building in downtown LA.
• Kanye West – He and Kim Kardashian are apparently thinking of naming their expected baby ‘North’ … as in ‘North West’. Seriously.
• Lil Wayne – “I Am Not a Human Being II” is out today, the follow-up to 2011’s “Tha Carter IV”. Guest collaborators include Big Sean, Drake, Nicki Minaj, Soulja Boy, and 2 Chainz. His “America’s Most Wanted” tour is scheduled to start July 5th.
• Rihanna – She’s just obtained a 3-year restraining order against an obsessed fan. The 31-year-old is required to stay 100 yards away from her until 2016. (Hope his name is Brown.)
• Thompson Square – Today they release their 2nd album, “Just Feels Good”, which  Keifer Thompson describes as ‘very diverse and kind of all-over-the-map’.
• The Strokes – Today’s the release date for their new album “Comedown Machine”, highlighted by the single “All the Time”.

• “Killing Them Softly” ( R-Rated Crime Thriller ): Set in New Orleans, the story follows hapless thugs who raid a high-stakes poker game. Afterward, a cool-handed hitman (Brad Pitt) is obliged to clean up the mess for the mob. The cast includes Scoot McNairy, Ben Mendelsohn, Ray Liotta, Richard Jenkins, and James Gandolfini.
• “Lincoln” ( PG-13 Biographical Drama ): Daniel Day-Lewis won his 3rd Oscar for his work in  Steven Spielberg’s portrayal of the 16th US president. Co-stars Sally Field, David Strathairn, Joseph Gordon-Levitt, James Spader, Hal Holbrook, Tommy Lee Jones. Also comes in a ‘Blu-ray Disc 2-Disc Combo Pack’ and a ‘Blu-ray Disc 4-Disc Combo Pack’.
• “Parental Guidance” ( PG Comedy): An old-school grandfather (Billy Crystal) who is accustomed to calling the shots meets his match when he and his eager-to-please wife (Bette Midler) agree to babysit their 3 grandkids while their type-A helicopter parents (Marisa Tomei & Tom Everett Scott) are on the road for work.
• Also released today: “Adventures in Zambezia” (Animation); “The Borgias: The 2nd Season” (TV); “Continuum: Season 1” (TV); “Digimon Adventure: Volume 2” (Animation); “LEGO Star Wars: The Empire Strikes Out” (Animation); “MADtv: Season 2” (Vintage TV); “Men at Work: The Complete 1st Season” (TV); “Mystery Science Theater 3000: XXVI” (TV); “To The Arctic 3-D” (Documentary); and “Veep: The Complete 1st Season” (TV).

Harsh wintry weather continues to plague the UK in Wales, central & northern England, and across southern Scotland. Thousands remain without electricity. One Welsh family, for instance, stranded without power in their home by 10-foot snowdrifts, had to burn furniture to keep warm before eventually being airlifted out by an RAF rescue helicopter. And it’s not over yet. The Met Office, the UK’s national weather service, still has yellow weather warnings in place. (So no matter wherever else you are and whatever the forecast … stop whining!)
– Mail Online

A new University of Illinois study suggests that elite athletes are able to process information faster than the rest of us. Researchers have discovered that Olympic medalists in volleyball, for instance, excel not only in their sport of choice but also in how fast they take in and respond to new data. The study also reveals that being an athlete minimizes performance differences that normally occur between women and men. Specifically, female athletes are more like male peers in the speed of their mental calculations and reaction times, while non-athletic females typically perform the same tasks more slowly than male counterparts. (Just don’t tell them that.)
– PsychCentral.com

The concentration of wealth in the finance industry has spawned a boom in high-end services, from chefs to chauffeurs, from kids’ soccer tutors to standardized test gurus. Now the bull market has given rise to expensive ‘babysitters’ to keep high-powered adults out of trouble. Investment bankers, attorneys, and other professionals are now shelling out up to $1,900-a-day to employ a 24/7 ‘Sober Companion’, a live-in coach who spends every waking minute making sure the client doesn’t use drugs or alcohol. That means commuting to work with the client, sitting in on boardroom meetings, and even taking a seat at family dinner. (Movie theme?)
– TheDailyBeast.com

Looking for a mate? Become a foodie! A recent survey finds that 70% of dating singles say they’re attracted to someone who’s knowledgeable about food and wine. Other findings …
✗ 67% would be turned off by a date who orders for them off a restaurant menu.
✗ 66% wouldn’t like it if their date refused to try certain types of food.
✗ 19% would be disappointed if a date who declined the dessert menu.
– Match.com

Autumn has arrived in the Southern Hemisphere, the opportunity to head out on leaf-peeping trips and watch the landscape turn Technicolor. The absolute best destination anywhere south of the Mediterranean? Tasmania, Australia’s Hawaii. It’s coated in thick forests and vineyards that blush as cold air trickles up from Antarctica. Tasmanians look forward to the ‘Turning Of the Fagus’, when the small, spiky leaves on this native tree turn riotous shades of orange and red. (Wasn’t that also a lame Adam Sandler movie?)
– HuffingtonPost.com

Love cats? Have a bunch of friends that are sick of your compulsive need to share snapshots of your puss on social media? Now there’s an online home just for you. ‘Catmoji’ is a one-stop shop for feline social networking. You can browse cat photos by category – ‘cute’, ‘funny’, ‘happy’, ‘sad’, or ‘surprised’ – and pull up the latest or most popular. You can also share a personal profile of your kitty.
NET: http://catmoji.com
– Sourced from “Reader’s Digest”

A few pointers to help you avoid some of the pitfalls of lip-locking. According to a recent poll …
• Women say men’s biggest kissing mistake is when they’re too aggressive with their tongues.
• Conversely, men claim that women don’t open their mouths wide enough.
• For both genders, the #1 kissing complaint is ‘lack of variety’. To that end, it’s recommended you kiss different parts of your partner’s face and pay special attention to the ears and neck.
– “The Art of Kissing”

We like to kiss, but this is just ridiculous. A Thai couple recently set the ‘World Record for Longest Kiss’, swapping spit for over – whoa! – 46 hours straight.
– RD.com

Lily pollen is poisonous to cats. (Best to keep your Easter plant out of reach.)
– DailyMail.co.uk


1934 [79] Alan Arkin, NYC, movie actor (“The Incredible Burt Wonderstone”, “Argo”)

1948 [65] Steve Tyler (Tallarico), Yonkers NY, rock singer (Aerosmith-“I Don’t Want to Miss a Thing”, “Dream On”)/Rock & Roll Hall of Fame (2001)

1950 [63] Martin Short, Hamilton ON, movie actor (“Madagascar 3: Europe’s Most Wanted”, “Father Of the Bride”)/TV comedian (“Saturday Night Live” 1984-85, “SCTV” 1982-84)

1968 [45] Kenny Chesney, Knoxville TN, country singer (“Come Over”, “When the Sun Goes Down”)/21 #1 singles/7 CMA Awards

1973 [40] Larry Page, Lansing MI, co-founder & CEO of Google/estimated personal wealth of $20.3 billion

1985 [28] Keira Knightley, London UK, movie actress (“Atonement”, “Pirates Of the Caribbean” movies)

• “Legal Assistants Day”, honoring all those who help lawyers with their briefs.

• “Make Up Your Own Holiday Day”. What ingredients make for a good holiday? Special foods? Parades? Costumes? Fireworks? Religious obligations? A day off from the sweatbox?

2007 [06] Broward County, Florida Medical Examiner’s Office reveals that reality TV starlet Anna Nicole Smith died of an accidental overdose of at least 9 prescription medications

1990 [23] “Under the Sea” from the Disney movie “The Little Mermaid” is named ‘Best Song’ at the 62nd Academy Awards

2000 [13] Vladimir Putin 1st elected president of Russia

2008 [05] Ford Motor Co sells its Jaguar and Land Rover divisions to India’s Tata Group

1996 [17] Orlando Magic’s NBA-record 40-game ‘home win streak’ finally ends vs LA Lakers

[Wed] Full ‘Worm’ Moon
[Wed] Celebrate Exchange Day
[Wed] Holi (Hindu)
[Thurs] Weed Appreciation Day
[Fri] Good Friday (Christian)
This Week Is … Cleaning Week
This Month Is … Colic Awareness Month


• ‘The Abe-o-litionist’
• ‘Vanilla Abe’
• ‘Town Car’
• ‘Mr 5-Dollar Bill’
• ‘The Illinois Babe Magnet’
• ‘Aaaaaaaaaaabe’

☎ What’s your best excuse for getting out of doing work around the house?

Did you know that smoking cures weight problems? Eventually.

Where are the lakes referred to in the NBA team name Los Angeles Lakers?
a. Along the California-Nevada border.
b. In the state of Minnesota. [CORRECT. The team was originally the Minneapolis Lakers and kept the name when they moved west.]
c. In the Sierra Nevada Mountains.
– “Totally Trivial”

Question: If you’re average, you’ll go HERE 152 times before you die.
Answer: The dentist.

Pain is forgotten; insult lingers on.

Printer Friendly Version