Wednesday, March 28, 2018 – Edition: #6186

100% Grade A Bull!

 

BS SUBSCRIBER NOTE:
“The Bull Sheet” will not be publishing on Friday, March 30 to observe Good Friday. All subscribers will receive credit for the missed service day. The Bull Sheet will resume publication on Monday, April 2.

BS SHOW BIZ BUZZ:
★ Ryan Reynolds and Chris Evans have both offered to make a dying child’s wishes come true after FOX News’ Shannon Bream took to Twitter to ask for some help from the Avengers team. Both “Deadpool” star Reynolds and “Captain America” Evans volunteered to grant young Emilio his dying wish: to receive a greeting from one of the Avengers. Reynolds pointed out in his response that he is “more of a ‘Reserve Avenger’, but that he was happy to help.
-MSN
★ Simon Cowell is expanding his entertainment empire with a new dancing talent show for the BBC. ‘The Greatest Dancer’ will air on Saturday nights, featuring dance acts competing over eight hour-long episodes, with the winner being given the prestigious title of “The Greatest Dancer”.
(Because ‘The Greatest Dancer of the Past Two Months’ didn’t sound as good…)
-ContactMusic
★ Mayim Bialik was visiting Israel last week and shared on Facebook that she met with President Reuven Rivlin. Rivlin is a fan of “The Big Bang Theory” and actually asked Bialik to act out a famous photo from the show with him. The photo was one that was originally taken of Bialik and co-star Jim Parsons. Bialik wrote that she “was incredibly taken aback when the President of Israel asked me to mimic this famous Shamy photo…… I happily obliged before cracking up”. Rivlin shared a photo from their meeting on his Twitter page.
-MSN
★ Just imagine…Martha Stewart playing “Never Have I Ever” and downing a big glass of wine. Sound interesting? Well, it happened. The DIY master, cook and talk show host sat down with Harper’s Bazaar to play the high-school sleepover game and revealed some very telling things. For instance, at one time, you could find Martha on Match.com. She also revealed that she dated two guys in one night and even touched on smoking weed with Snoop Dogg in the hilarious video.
-TheBlast
★ Gina Rodriguez, who plays the heartwarming, optimistic, and generally lovable main character on “Jane the Virgin”, just picked her next role, and it’s playing against type for sure. She’s playing an international criminal who travels the world stealing valuables—but you’ll probably grow to love her anyway. Reports say Rodriguez will be playing Carmen Sandiego—yes, from the old-school video games and TV shows. She’ll play the part for two different Netflix projects: a live-action movie and an animated series.
-Cosmopolitan
★ Kevin Bacon will star in and produce the new supernatural thriller “You Should Have Left”.  It is an adaptation of the 2017 book of the same name by Daniel Kehlmann, which tells the story of a screenwriter who holes up in a remote house in the Alps with his wife and daughter in order to work on a sequel to his big hit. However, the movie adaptation will feature a wealthy man with a younger wife and a six-year-old child, instead of the screenwriter.
-ContactMusic

TODAY’S SHOW BIZ SKED:
• “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC/Global): Zach Braff, Nick Robinson, Borns ( R )
• “The Tonight Show starring Jimmy Fallon” (NBC/CTV): Alicia Vikander, Jim Sturgess, Kali Uchis featuring Tyler the Creator ( R )
• “The Late Show with Stephen Colbert” (CBS/Global): Dana Carvey, Simon Pegg, Coyote Peterson
• “Late Night with Seth Meyers” (NBC/CTV): John Cleese, Laverne Cox, Joyelle Nicole Johnson, Brendan Canty ( R )
• “The Late Late Show with James Corden” (CBS/CTV): Hillary Swank, Zach Woods, Shawn Mendes
• “Conan” (TBS/Comedy): Ed Helms, Miles Brown, the Breeders
• “Watch What Happens Live” (Bravo): Drew Barrymore, Timothy Olyphant
• “The View” (ABC/CTV): Samantha Bee, Chrissy Metz
• “The Talk” (CBS): Jeff Goldblum
• “Live with Kelly and Ryan” (ABC/CTV): Catherine Zeta-Jones, Ricky Martin, Lupita Nyong’o, Phillip Phillips
• “The Ellen DeGeneres Show” (NBC/CTV): Hugh Jackman, Demi Lovato ( R )
• “Survivor: Ghost Island” (CBS): Another surprising tribe swap could mean a fresh start for some castaways.
• “The Voice” (NBC): Best of Blinds and Battles
• “Andrew Lloyd Webber Tribute to a Superstar” (NBC): A celebration of Andrew Lloyd Weber includes a conversation with the composer. Also: appearances by Glenn Close, John Legend, Lin-Manuel Miranda and the Young People’s Chorus of New York City.

BS MUSIC NOTES:
• The Weeknd – his graphic novel for Marvel Comics, ‘The Weeknd Presents: Starboy’, will debut on June 13. The story is based on his ‘Starboy’ album, and features The Weeknd battling a murderous cannibal. (Rough Weeknd…)
• Beyoncé – Someone bit her in the face, according to Tiffany Haddish. The comedian told GQ that she met Beyoncé last December at one of her parties. Haddish claims that after Beyoncé walked up and said “I’m Beyoncé, “There was this actress there (who was taking something) that…bit Beyoncé in the face.” Haddish declined to name the actress. No comment from a Beyoncé rep.
• Prince — had “exceedingly high” levels of fentanyl in his system at the time of his death, according to a newly revealed toxicology report.  The report says the concentration of fentanyl in Prince’s blood was 67.8 micrograms per liter.  People have died from as little as 3 micrograms per liter.
• Guns N’ Roses – Original drummer Steven Adler said in a recent interview that he had hoped that his relationship with Slash would have mirrored Geddy Lee and Alex Lifeson. Lee and Lifeson were friends in school before forming Rush, and continued to work together for over 40 years. Adler says, “I thought that’s how Slash and I were going to be, but it didn’t work out that way.”
• Yes – will commemorate the 50 years that have passed since their debut album with a special tour. The band has announced a 30-plus date North American summer run, beginning with two nights at in St. Charles, Ill., just outside Chicago, on June 5-6.
• Marilyn Manson – has shared his latest music video, ‘Tattooed in Reverse’, featuring a cameo from an old friend: Courtney Love. The surreal clip features a woman being terrorized and tortured in some kind of asylum amidst a crew of masked dancers, with Manson occasionally taking her place on the examining table.
• Midland – were surprised to receive a call from Reba McEntire while aboard their tour bus on Monday morning, telling them that they’d been named ACM New Vocal Group of the Year. At first, they were convinced it was a joke, but she did her best to assure them she was not a prank caller. (If it wasn’t her, it was Colonel Sanders!)
• Jason Aldean – raps on his latest single. He has released ‘Gettin’ Warmed Up’, which features him spitting a rap verse amidst a wall of guitars. The song is the latest reveal from Aldean’s forthcoming full-length, ‘Rearview Town’, out April 13.

A SLICE OF HEAVEN:
This might sound sort of yucky at first, but hear me out. Ketchup slices. There, I said it. We now have a ketchup version of Kraft Cheese Singles. Through a Kickstarter campaign, two women have made their dream a reality. They created ‘Slice of Sauce’, which instead of being squirted out of a bottle, is unwrapped from its plastic covering. It is described as having a ‘signature ketchup recipe’ and at this point, you can buy them for about a dollar a slice. Pretty handy for summer cook-outs. Not so handy when you want a big blob of ketchup for all 12 kids at a birthday party. One reaction on Twitter described it as an ‘abomination’. Another called it a “ketchup fruit roll-up”.
(Hey, you’ll never need to deal with that goopy gunk on the top of the bottle again!)
(And out of tradition, the first slice in every pack will be entirely water!)
(My problem? I can’t open cheese slices without ripping them…This summer, I may become the first person in history to rip ketchup!)
-Pickle, Time

THE LIGHTS ARE ON…
Daytime running lights on vehicles have proven to be an important safety feature in many countries. But there is one problem. When you jump in your car after dark, because the low-power lights come on automatically, we sometimes forget to turn on the full headlights, and head down the road with no taillights on. Canada’s Minister of Transport has announced new rules to make incidences of “phantom vehicles” a thing of the past. Beginning in September 2021, car manufacturers must do one of these three things with all new vehicles sold in Canada:
• Have daytime running lights AND taillights come on whenever the instrument panel is illuminated and the vehicle is in operation.
• Automatically turn on the headlights, taillights and side markers in low-light conditions.
• Keep the instrument panel dark unless the full headlights are turned on.
(I’m good with it, as long as they don’t come up with another button in my car that I don’t know what it does!)
(A good time to get into the ‘aftermarket taillight illuminator’ business?)
(So based on my car-buying history, I only have to wait until 2031 to have a car that does this!)
-AutoTrader

STRAIGHT-UP GOODS ON THE PLANK:
Holding plank for ever-increasing periods of time has become a staple of many gym classes. Fitness experts claim that staying at the top of a push-up builds core, strengthens back muscles, tones the arms and teaches endurance. Well, not so fast. Or not so stationary, rather. One sports scientist says that holding the position for any longer than 10 second intervals is pointless. Stuart McGill, emeritus professor of spine biometrics at the University of Waterloo in Canada, says that you’ll see much greater gains from doing shorter holds more frequently. He advises three bouts of 10 seconds as the ideal regime, and claims that classes which recommend minutes of planking are not useful.
(From a trainer’s perspective, it is useful in taking up part of the class!)
(Great, now I only have to increase my plank by 9 seconds!)
(And from experience, never plank after eating broccoli!)
-Telegraph

SDUFF YOU SHOULD DNO ABOUT SPRING ALLERGIES:
➠ Every year is a bad year: Climate change seems to be making allergies worse. Allergenic plants are bigger and produce more pollen, and seasons are starting earlier and lasting longer.
➠Don’t assume you know what you’re allergic to: Two-thirds of people with spring allergies also have year-round allergies to things like dust mites, mold, or pets. You may assume you’re allergic to your cat, for example, but testing may reveal that it’s actually something else.
➠ Over the counter decongestants are a waste of money: Decongestants without pseudoephedrine [the ingredient used to make crystal meth] have very little effect. You are way better off getting a prescription for the real stuff.
➠ Allergy shots help a lot, but they’re not right for everyone: If you have only spring or fall allergies, allergy shots probably aren’t going to be worth your while. But if you have multi-season or year-round symptoms, they can help long-term with amazing results.
➠ It might already be too late: If you know you have bad pollen allergies, start treating them even before you have symptoms. Once your body ramps up its release of histamines and inflammatory chemicals, they’re that much harder to treat.
➠ Neti pots are weird, but they work: Many allergists like to use nasal irrigation themselves as a natural remedy.
➠ Your adult-onset allergies may have been around longer than you think: If you had recurrent bronchitis as a child, it could have been asthma. Adult-onset symptoms of allergies and asthma are more common today, but in some cases you just didn’t recognize symptoms you had during childhood.
(One more thing: Stock up on Kleenex!)
-ReadersDigest

BS CHRONOMETER 03.28.18

TODAY’S CELEBIRTHDAYS . . .
1955 [62] Reba McEntire, McAlester OK, country singer (‘Fancy’, ‘The Heart is a Lonely Hunter’)/TV actress (“Malibu Country” 2012; “Reba” 2001-07)/movie actress (“Tremors”)

1969 [48] Rodney Atkins, Knoxville TN, country singer (‘Take a Back Road’, ‘These Are My People’)

1970 [47] Vince Vaughn, Minneapolis MN, movie actor (“Wedding Crashers”, “Old School”)

1975 [43] Kate Gosselin, Philadelphia PA, reality star (“Jon and Kate Plus 8”)

1976 [41] Dave Keuning, Pella IA, rock guitarist (The Killers-‘When You Were Young’, ‘Mr Brightside’)

1981 [36] Julia Stiles, NYC, movie actress (“The Bourne Ultimatum”, “Save the Last Dance”)

1986 [32] Lady Gaga (Stefani Germanotta), NYC, pop singer (‘Born This Way’, ‘Bad Romance’) COMING UP… a starring role in “A Star is Born”, 2018

TODAY’S BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .
• “Children’s Picture Book Day”. And the best one of all-time is? “Hop on Pop”, of course.

• “Hot Tub Day”, time to soak yourself in a steaming hot tub and bust the stress. Human stew!

• “Something On a Stick Day”, celebrating corn dogs, shish kebabs, Popsicles, ice cream bars, and any of the estimated 3 dozen other foods regularly served on a stick.

• “Weed Appreciation Day”, which is not what you’re thinking. It’s a salute to plants that grow wild which, though classified as weeds, have a beauty all their own. Think of them as wildflowers and see if that helps.

• “Black Forest Cake Day”, the cake is named not directly after the Black Forest in southwestern Germany but rather from the specialty liquor of that region, known as Schwarzwälder Kirsch(wasser) and distilled from tart cherries.

• “Little Red Wagon Day”, this day celebrates the power of imagination on wheels as children of all ages take flight with their little red wagons.

COMING UP . . .
[Thurs] Knights of Columbus Founders Day
[Thurs] Mom and Pop Business Owners Day
[Fri] Good Friday
[Fri] Pencil Day

THIS DAY IN SHOW BIZ . . .
1995 [23] Oddball singer Lyle Lovett and actress Julia Roberts announce they are separating after 21 months of marriage (right after she gets her new prescription for contacts)

TODAY’S MUSIC EVENTS . . .
2013 [05] Customs officials at Germany’s Munich Airport detain and quarantine Justin Bieber’s pet capuchin monkey, OG Mally, due to a lack of documentation (the Biebs abandons the critter there; it’s later sent to the Serengeti-Park animal refuge in Hodenhagen)

2014 [04] Tickets for Brit singer Kate Bush’s first live shows in 35 years sell out in less than 15 minutes (“Before the Dawn” concerts mark her first stage shows since 1979)

TODAY’S FIRST . . .
1999 [19] Venus Williams beats kid sister Serena to win the Lipton Championship, the 1st all-sister women’s tennis final in 115 years

TODAY’S RECORDS . . .
2014 [04] 3rd baseman Miguel Cabrera signs a 10-year contract with the Detroit Tigers for $292 million, exceeding the 10-year contract signed by Alex Rodriguez of the NY Yankees in 2007 for $275 million (Current record holder: Giancarlo Stanton – 13 years, $325 million)

2017 [01] World’s largest dinosaur footprint (1.7 metres) was found in Kimberley, Western Australia

BULL’S BITS

BS WACK FACTS:
✓ A single strand of spaghetti is called spaghetto.
✓ The probability of you being born was about 1 in 400 trillion.
✓ Only 5% of Twitter users have more than 100 followers.
✓ Hearing your name when no one is actually calling you is a sign of a healthy mind.
✓ According to a Harvard psychologist, dogs are probably dreaming about their owners when they sleep.
✓ Cats recognize their owner’s voice, but often don’t care.
-WhattheFFacts

BS COULD SOMEONE PLEASE ‘SPLAIN:
• …why Mickey Mouse has gloves?
• …why meteorologists study the weather and not meteors?
• …the 99 Problems JAY-Z claims to have?
• …Crocs and socks?
• …the difference between”full strength” and “extra strength” aspirin … and why anyone would choose to buy the weaker stuff?
• …how to fold a fitted sheet?
• …why Wile E Coyote never switched suppliers?
• …why Winnie the Pooh wears a shirt but doesn’t bother with pants?
• …how you put the lime in the coconut?
• …why everyone gets offended at everything!
-Twitter

BS RANDOM JOKE:
Research shows that laughing for 2 minutes is just as good for your heart as a 20 minute jog…so now every afternoon I sit at the park and laugh at all the joggers.

WOULD YOU RATHER?
You run down the list while your participant decides which choice is more palatable …
• Would you rather be itchy or sticky for the rest of your life?
• Would you rather your name be Little Caesars or Papa John?
• Would you rather lose all of your money and valuables or all of the pictures you have ever taken?
• Would you rather have free internet for life or free food for life?
• Would you rather eat roadkill for the rest of your life or have everyone sound like Gilbert Gottfried?
• Would you rather be rich and live 400 years ago or be poor but live today?
• Would you rather get away with lying every time or always know when someone is lying?
• Would you rather speak all languages or be able to speak to all animals?
• Would you rather have infinite battery life for your cell phone or infinite fuel for your car?
• Would you rather be the funniest or the most intelligent person in the room?
• Would you rather be forced to talk like Donald Trump’s Twitter feed for a year or binge watch every single episode of The Apprentice?

BS PHONE STARTER:
Who do you trust? Besides spouse and family, who can you count on most? A poll of people 18-to-49 is topped by best friend, doctor, religious leader, neighbor, and banker.

BS WATER COOLER QUESTION:
Question: 70% of men have this in their car at all times. What?
Answer: Cologne

BS DEEP THOUGHT:
You will never influence the world by trying to be just like it.


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