Thursday, March 3, 2011        Edition: #4454
100% Grade A Bull!

Troubled actor Charlie Sheen’s ex-wife, Brooke Mueller, has reportedly gone to the police to ask for help regaining full physical custody of the couple’s twins (through all the recent mayhem Sheen has had custody of 2 infants?) . . . 38-year-old actress Gwyneth Paltrow is said to be talking about a recording contract, thanks to her appearances in “Glee” and the movie “Country Strong” (or maybe, in spite of?) . . . Weird Hollywood couple rumor: 26-year-old Scarlett Johansson & 50-year-old Sean Penn, recently spotted lunching at Versailles restaurant (signs they’re more than just friends – she rested a foot in his lap) . . . 28-year-old actress Anne Hathaway scored a whopping $750,000-fee just for wearing jewelry from Tiffany & Co while co-hosting the Oscars (James Franco was scoreless – in more ways than one) . . . Meantime, rumor has it Anne Hathaway & James Franco are not speaking after their Oscars fiasco (who’s more to blame – her for being frantic or him for appearing bored?) . . . Famous daughter Bristol Palin’s upcoming memoir will detail her time on “Dancing With the Stars” (great, that didn’t get enough coverage the first time around) . . . Actress Katie Holmes (Mrs Tom Cruise) is suing “Star Magazine” for libel over a recent cover that suggested she uses drugs and she’s seeking $50 million in damages (she doesn’t need drugs – Scientology is the opiate of the masses) . . . And according to TMZ, security footage from the jewelry store that Lindsay Lohan is accused of stealing a necklace from may actually back up her version of events, as it shows her chatting with the owner for several minutes before departing the store – with the necklace in plain view around her neck (she has to plead ‘not guilty’ to avoid jail, so the spin begins).

• “American Idol” (FOX/CTV) – In a 2-hour edition the judges make their wild-card picks, rounding out the list of finalists; Jennifer Lopez premieres the video for her new single, “On the Floor”, which features rapper Pitbull.
• “Conan” (TBS/CTV) – Taio Cruz (“The Rokstarr Collection”).
• Florida Strawberry Festival (Plant City FL) – The annual 10-day event kicks off with a nightly country music bill that includes performances by Chris Young, Easton Corbin, George Jones, The Judds, Lady Antebellum, and Trace Adkins.
• “Great Performances” (PBS) – Harry Connick Jr performs a mix of standards, show tunes, and jazz classics in NYC.
• “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC/CityTV) – Michael Franti (“The Sound of Sunshine”).
• “Last Call With Carson Daly” (NBC) – Sarah Lee Guthrie & Johnny Irion (“Bright Examples”).
• “Late Late Show With Craig Ferguson” (CBS) – Tomorrows Bad Seeds (“Sacred For Sale”).
• “Late Night With Jimmy Fallon” (NBC/A Channel) – Lykke Li (“Wounded Rhymes”).
• “Lopez Tonight” (TBS) – Cake (“Showroom of Compassion”).
• “Tonight Show With Jay Leno” (NBC/A Channel) – 1960s R&B singer Darlene Love.

• Brad Paisley – He’s announced his 33-city “H2O II World Tour” will kick off May 28th at Heinz Field in Pittsburgh PA. The trek includes 5 stadium shows and an international leg.
• Christina Aguilera – Friends say her drinking is out of control. One confidante tells “Us Weekly” she’s ‘a total mess’ and has been unraveling ever since her split from husband Jordan Bratman.
• Elton John – He’ll host “Saturday Night Live” (NBC) on April 2nd, his first appearance on the show since 1982.
• Good Charlotte – Tonight in Atlanta GA they embark on a tour in support of their latest album “Cardiology”.
• Sugarland – Tonight the 60-city 2011 version of their “Incredible Machine Tour” kicks off in Houston TX. Rotating opening acts include Little Big Town, Sara Bareilles, and Matt Nathanson.

A BS selection of movies in the making …
• “The Bodyguard’ – A remake of the 1992 movie that starred Kevin Costner & Whitney Houston is coming. The new version centers around an Iraq war veteran hired to protect a singing star, who discovers that blogs & social networks have made access to celebrities easier than ever, thereby making his job more difficult. Casting has yet to begin for the project.
• “Bridget Jones 3” – A follow-up to “Bridget Jones’ Diary” (2001) and “Bridget Jones: The Edge of Reason” (2004) is in the works. Renee Zellweger has agreed to star after being assured she won’t have to pile on pounds for the role this time. Co-stars Colin Firth & Hugh Grant are also said to be onboard with the idea.
• “Cogan’s Trade” – Ray Liotta, who shot to fame as mobster ‘Henry Hill’ in the 1990 classic “Goodfellas”, is set to head back to the criminal underworld in this new film based on George V Higgins’ 1974 novel. He plays the organizer of an illegal poker game; Brad Pitt plays an enforcer investigating a subsequent heist. Also in the stellar cast: James Gandolfini, Javier Bardem.
• “The Hunchback of Notre Dame” – Director Tim Burton (“Alice in Wonderland”) and actor Josh Brolin (“True Grit”) are considering teaming up for a live-action bigscreen remake of Victor Hugo’s 1831 classic novel. Brolin would produce as well as star. The last major adaptation of the story was an animated Disney version in 1996.
• “J Edgar” – It’s been confirmed that actors Leonardo DiCaprio (“Inception”) & Armie Hammer (“The Social Network”) will share a guy-on-guy kiss in the upcoming Clint Eastwood-directed biopic about former FBI director Edgar Hoover. However, screenwriter Dustin Lance Black is refusing to say whether or not we’ll be seeing DiCaprio get some cross-dressing camera time.

We may someday no longer have to put our hands on the steering wheel and fiddle with the gas pedal and brakes when driving, thanks to German researchers who’ve developed the ‘Emotiv’ neuro-headset, basically a helmet with 16 sensors that read electromagnetic signals produced by the brain. That’s right, you might one day own a car that drives using brainwaves. The headset is trained to recognize brain patterns associated with the commands of ‘turn left’, ‘turn right’, ‘speed up’ and ‘slow down’. (Will it also pick up backseat brainwaves?)

• Indianapolis, Indiana – A lawyer for a 34-year-old man says his injury lawsuit isn’t as far-fetched as it might seem. He’s suing for injuries suffered when … a stripper’s shoe flew off during a performance in a club and hit him in the teeth. The suit claims the incident is responsible for ‘lifelong dental injuries’ that will require replacement of veneers every 10 or 15 years.
• St John’s, Newfoundland – A woman who was being released from a local hospital is now facing an assault charge for allegedly striking the man accompanying her with … the crutch she’d been given in the emergency room. The woman was arrested on the scene and charged with assault with a weapon. Fortunately, the man suffered only a minor injury.
• Fort Lee, New Jersey – A woman who thought she had won $250,000 in a lottery is suing the NYC TV station that broadcast incorrect winning numbers. She’s seeking $75,000 in damages, claiming the station ‘negligently, carelessly, recklessly and/or intentionally’ rebroadcast the same incorrect numbers the next day, causing the complainant to be ‘severely damaged’.

Some examples of new corporate jargon …
• ‘Reading containers.’ (Books)
• ‘Investment in talent additions.’ (Hirings)
• ‘Bank-initiated departures.’ (Firings)
• ‘In a delivery window for new growth.’ (Temporary Upturn)
• ‘The up-skilling of the workforce.’ (Workplace Training)
(Going forward, we’ll make blue-skying further corporate speak an action item.)
– “Financial Times”

A team of scientists is looking to give old school re-chargeable batteries a solar-powered makeover. Thanks to recent advances in solar cells that allow the technology to be miniaturized, the researchers have developed a battery prototype that can be recharged simply by being left out in sunlight. Their so-called ‘Light Catcher’ is a photo-electronic battery in a transparent casing that protects it while allowing it to soak up solar energy. The batteries come in AA and AAA sizes and are designed to be used in portable electronics, from remote controls to toys. (Unfortunately they’ll likely cost about $89 apiece.)

• Today guitar great Steve Vai is attempting to set a new Guinness World Record by teaching the ‘World’s Largest Online Guitar Lesson’ in conjunction with the Berklee School Of Music in Boston MA. ‘Nigel Tufnel’ (aka actor Christopher Guest of mock group Spinal Tap) is helping to promote the virtual event, scheduled for 1:30 pm ET.
• An 11-year-old from Thailand has been officially named ‘World’s Hairiest Girl’ by the Guinness Book of Records. Supatra Sasuphan, who has thick hair growing all over her face, ears, arms, and legs, is delighted that her newfound fame helped her become one of the most popular girls in school. She’s 1 of only 50 documented cases of Ambras Syndrome since the Middle Ages.
– “The Sun”

Over 4 billion text messages are sent each day in the US alone.


1958 [53] Miranda Richardson, Southport UK, movie actress (“Harry Potter” films, “The Hours”)

1971 [40] Brett Warren, Tampa FL, country singer (Warren Bros-“Move On”, w/Sara Evans-“That’s The Beat Of a Heart”)

1982 [29] Jessica Biel, Ely MN, movie actress (“Valentine’s Day”, “The A-Team”)/former TV actress (“7th Heaven” 1996-2006)

1984 [27] Joe ‘Blower’ Garvey, Oklahoma City OK, rock guitarist (Hinder-“Use Me”, “Lips Of an Angel”)

• “Doll’s Festival” (“Hinamatsuri”) in Japan, a time to give thanks for the health & well being of daughters. Homes with young girls set up displays of dolls surrounded by peach blossoms, specially-colored diamond-shaped rice cakes, and white sake.

• “International Sister Cities Day”, initiated by Sister Cities International to promote the idea of a broad-based, officially-approved, long-term partnership between 2 communities, counties, or states in 2 countries. Montréal has certainly bought into the idea, with no less than 5 sister cities: Lyons, France; Milan, Italy; Hiroshima, Japan; Shanghai, China; and Busan, South Korea.

• “I Want You to Be Happy Day”, a day to show love, care and concern for others … for once. (Tomorrow is ‘Get Real, Loser, I Was Only Kidding Day’.)

• “National Anthem Day” in observance of the bill designating “The Star Spangled Banner” as the American National Anthem being passed by US Congress and signed into law by President Hoover 80 years ago on this date (1931).

1966 [45] Neil Young, Stephen Stills, and Richie Furay form the rock group Buffalo Springfield (“For What It’s Worth”)

2003 [08] Penguin Group announces that Madonna has written 5 illustrated storybooks for young readers age 6-plus

1875 [136] By some accounts, the 1st recorded ‘Hockey Game’ is played in Montréal

1992 [19] John Outzen, along with Andre, Carl & Dennis Boucher, complete a trek across North America on snowmobiles after a 62-day, 10,252-mile trip (16,500 km) to Dartmouth, Nova Scotia from Anchorage, Alaska

2005 [06] Steve Fossett becomes the only person to fly an airplane around-the-world solo, without stops or refuelling, as his ‘Virgin Atlantic Global Flyer’ lands at Salina KS after 67 hours, 2 minutes, 38 seconds

[Fri] Employee Appreciation Day
[Fri] March Forth-Do Something Day
[Fri] Toy Soldier Day
[Sat] Act Goofy Day
[Sat] Multiple Personalities Day
[Sun] Namesake Day
[Sun] Snowshoe Day
This Week Is … Sleep Awareness Week
This Month Is … Music In Our Schools Month


Psychologists have defined the new malady ‘FAD’ (Facebook Addiction Disorder). So here are a few …
• After running out of clever status updates to use, you’ve left it on ‘lonely’.
• It reminds you every day of your life how much less interesting you are than everyone else you know.
• Everything you try to raise on FarmVille gets Mad Cow Disease, including the tomatoes.
• You’re finding that actually doing your work has become a nice break from Facebook.
• You don’t even think your own lunch is interesting enough to discuss.
• The popularity contest was pathetic enough in high school.
• Your co-workers really didn’t need to know your college nickname was ‘Squirt’.
• It’s really starting to eat into your Twitter time.
• 3 words: Kids’ Poop Updates.
• Your ‘friend’ died.
– Adapted from /

Is this a timely idea or just another example of bigotry? A new organization has sprung up in Texas to dole out scholarships to a group of people it says needs them … white men. The Former Majority Association claims most university scholarships are reserved for women or visible minorities so it will ‘fill in the gap’ by giving $500-awards to applicants who are ‘Caucasian, male, demonstrate a commitment to education, and substantiate financial need’.

Thanks to “Vanity Fair” magazine’s website, Charlie Sheen’s outbursts are now fully customizable. Create a realistic rant by inserting your own defiant vitriol into his recent talk-show tirades.

According to recent research, a man’s worst day of the week is Monday, due to back-to-work pressures. What about a woman?
a. Monday as well.
b. Wednesday.
c. Friday. [CORRECT, when she’s tired after the work-week yet still faces a weekend of chores and childcare.]
– “New Woman”

Never use a long word when a diminutive one will do.

Today’s Question: More men than women believe THIS is possible.
Answer to Give Out Next Show: Finding love online.

Advertising raises the standard of living by raising the standard of longing.

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