Monday, March 3, 2014        Edition: #5171

100% Grade A Bull!

★ “12 Years a Slave” was the big winner at the 2014 Independent Spirit Awards for low-budget indie films, which were handed out Saturday in Santa Monica CA. It won ‘Best Feature’, ‘Best Director’ (Steve McQueen), ‘Best Supporting Female’ (Lupita Nyong’o), ‘Best Screenplay’, and ‘Best Cinematography’. Meantime, sketch comedy flop “Movie 43” was the big ‘winner’ at the Razzie Awards, taking ‘Worst Picture’, ‘Worst Director’, and ‘Worst Screenplay’ at the annual pre-Oscars event that celebrates the lamest movies of the year.
★ Step aside, Brangelina: Hollywood’s next uber-couple has arrived with the news that Ashton Kutcher & Mila Kunis have become engaged. A magazine report says the couple, who first got to know each other playing teen lovebirds ‘Kelso & Jackie’ on TV’s “That ‘70s Show”, are soon planning to wed. Although neither has confirmed the engagement, the betrothal seems to be official after Kunis (30) stepped out with a large diamond on her ring finger while shopping with her mom in Los Angeles late last week.
★ And it looks like the end is near for “American Idol”. The FOX-TV singing competition that was once must-see TV had the lowest ratings of its 13 seasons last week with just over 9 million tuning in Thursday (almost twice that watched the competing “Big Bang Theory”). And just as dismal for the show, 2013 winner Candice Glover’s long-delayed debut album, “Music Speaks”, has sold just 19,000 copies its 1st week (Season 4 winner Carrie Underwood sold 315,000 copies of her first effort in its 1st week). Many industry observers are predicting FOX will pull the plug on “Idol” after this season’s finalé on March 30th.

• “Arsenio Hall” (syndicated) – Mary Mary (“Go Get It”).
• “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC/CityTV) – Fitz & The Tantrums (“More Than Just a Dream”).
• “Last Call With Carson Daly” (NBC) – Kaiser Chiefs (“Employment”).
• “Late Night With Seth Meyers” (NBC/CTV2) – The Hold Steady (“Teeth Dreams”, out March 25th).
• “Late Show With David Letterman” (CBS/Omni1) – Future Islands (“Singles”).
• “Live With Kelly & Michael” (syndicated/CTV) – American Authors (“Oh, What a Life”, out tomorrow).
• “Tavis Smiley” (PBS) – Alicia Keys (“Girl On Fire”).
• “Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon” (NBC/CTV2) – Randy Newman (“Monsters University”).
• “The Voice” (NBC/CTV) – More vocalists take part in blind auditions.

• Chris Brown – He was in court Friday for a status report on his anger-management therapy. The rehab center he’s been attending says he’s been diagnosed with bipolar disorder, severe insomnia, and post-traumatic stress disorder (the reasons for his PTSD not explained). On April 23rd a judge will decide if he’ll go to jail for violating probation.
• Drake – He’s been dumped by top Hollywood PR firm ID following his rant about being replaced on the cover of “Rolling Stone” in favor of late actor Philip Seymour Hoffman. That may have just been the final straw as “Hollywood Reporter” notes that multiple sources have confirmed that Drake is known to be ‘difficult to manage’.
•  Eric Church – “The Outsiders” is the top-selling country album for the 2nd straight week and ranks #2 on the overall all-genre “Billboard” album chart.
• Fats Domino – Today the 85-year-old reclusive rock & roll icon serves as Honorary Grand Marshal of a pre-Mardi Gras parade in New Orleans LA. He won’t appear in person but his eldest son Antoine Domino III will attend the Krewe of Orpheus bash on his behalf on a float blasting out his father’s hits.
• John Mayer – He & Katy Perry have reportedly broken up for the 2nd time in 2 years. According to an anonymous source, the split is largely due to Perry’s upcoming exhaustive world tour. According to the snitch, she’s stressed out about it and they’ve been fighting.
• Miranda Lambert – Another tabloid is taking aim at her marriage to fellow country music star Blake Shelton. “OK Magazine” claims Miranda is fed up with Blake’s drinking and has told him to lose the booze or get out.
• No Doubt – Gwen Stefani is a new mom. The 44-year-old singer & rocker-husband Gavin Rossdale became parents to a 3rd son on Friday, an as-yet-unnamed younger brother for Kingston (7) and Zuma (5).
• Pharrell Williams – Today the Grammy Awards ‘Producer Of the Year’ is set to drop the new solo album “G I R L”. The lead track “Happy” has already topped the chart in more than 75 countries, selling nearly 4 million downloads worldwide.
• Robin Thicke – Seems he’s trying to reconcile with estranged wife Paula Patton the only way he knows how … with a song. At a concert in Fairfax VA he dedicated his 2007 hit “Lost Without U” to her. The pair announced their separation last week after 9 years of marriage.

And a new study illustrates just how much. A few highlights …
• Overall, men are eating pizza much more frequently than women.
• 13% of us eat pizza on any given day; 25% of males aged 6-to-18.
• For those who eat pizza, it accounts for 25% (among kids) and 29% (among adults) of our daily energy intake.
• The people who eat the least amount of pizza are women aged 60 and over.

✗ Central Zoo in the North Korean capital of Pyongyang th Korea has welcomed its newest exotic animal attraction … a pack of Yorkshire Terriers. North Koreans are not generally familiar with ‘Yorkies’, the pint-sized pet pooches that range up to 24 cm (10 inches) tall and weigh about 3 kg (6-and-a-half lbs). Korea Central News Agency (KCNA) says the new zoo additions perform ‘several feats’. (We’re guessing mostly yap-yap, yap-yap-yapping.)
– “Daily Mail”
✗ Facial hair-challenged men who are desperate to perfect the popular hipster-style stubble-beard are increasingly turning to plastic surgeons for … transplants. The growing trend has men paying upwards of $7,000 for the enhancement. One plastic surgeon reports doing about 3 of the procedures per week. Because the donor hair is taken from the scalp, it tends to grow longer faster, so it takes more work to maintain. (What if there’s nothing upstairs to donate?)
✗ A 28-year-old primary school teacher in central China’s Wuhan city has her work cut out for her … 20-of-the-22 pupils in her new class are twins. And 9-of-the-10 sets are identical twins. A school spokesperson says this is truly an oddity as there aren’t an abnormally high number of twins in the region, so it’s just a coincidence so many ended up in one class. (Right. We’re guessing somebody ticked somebody off.)
✗ And 38-year-old Dan Janssen from Ellicott City MD claims he has eaten nothing but pizza … for 25 years. His pizza-only diet started in his teens after he became a vegetarian. He sticks to cheese pizza only and consumes an entire 14-inch pie every day. He admits that he does eat a bowl of Raisin Bran cereal once a week … ‘to be healthy’. (You only get one food for the rest of your life – which would you pick?)

The so-called ‘yoga mat’ chemical azodicarbonamide (ADA) has now been found in nearly 500 grocery items, including breads, stuffings, croutons, and other packaged baked goods. ADA recently made headlines after fast-food chain Subway announced it’s removing the additive – used as a bleaching agent in bread products – from its bread. It was blogger Vani Hari ( who first pointed out that the additive is also used in the plastics and rubber industry as a foaming agent in products like flip-flops and yoga mats (thus its nickname). ADA is banned in Europe and Australia and has been linked to both respiratory issues and allergies by the World Health Organization. (Why can’t we just put food in food?)

Meetings were invented as a medieval torture device, yet the practice is still carried out to this day. A few of the types of attendees you’re sure to be familiar with …
• The person who is late. (“Oh sorry guys, my barista was just so slow this morning.”)
• The person using too many buzzwords. (“If we just synergize our footprints and go offline for the day, I think we will really grab some low-hanging fruit with our increased bandwidth.”)
• The know-it-all. (Please. Just. Stop. Talking.)
• The person chatting online with friends. (“Oh this typing? I’m just taking really, really detailed notes. About your outfit.”)
• The person working on another project. (“These spreadsheets won’t edit themselves!”)
• The person who doesn’t understand technology. (Usually the highest-ranking person in the meeting.)
• The over-caffeinated person. (Time for a coffee intervention!)
• The person eating lunch. (Even if the meeting is at 9 am. Second breakfast anyone?)
• The person who starts passive-aggressive fights. (And now it’s awkward for everyone.)
• The person clearly not paying attention. (This is probably you.)
– Adapted from

• ‘Seat fillers’ at the Academy Awards, who sit in star’s seats while they are backstage, can earn $125 for the night. They also might garner 15 seconds of fame if the camera happens to pan over them.
• It took 4 hours to – clump-by-clump – create Christian Bale’s artificial chest hair in “American Hustle”.
– “The Sunday Times”
• The average length of a ‘Best Picture’ Academy Award-winning film is 2 hours, 20 minutes.
– BBC Magazine Monitor


1958 [56] Miranda Richardson, Southport UK, movie actress (“Harry Potter” films, “The Hours”)

1971 [43] Brett Warren, Tampa FL, country singer (Warren Bros-“Move On”, w/Sara Evans-“That’s The Beat Of a Heart”)

1982 [32] Jessica Biel, Ely MN, movie actress (“Hitchcock”, “The A-Team”)/former TV actress (“7th Heaven” 1996-2006)/Mrs Justin Timberlake since 2012

1984 [30] Joe ‘Blower’ Garvey, Oklahoma City OK, rock guitarist (Hinder-“Use Me”, “Lips Of an Angel”)

• “Fun Facts About Names Day”, part of “Celebrate Your Name Week”, when it’s suggested we take time to learn some of the interesting background to our names. Try here …

• “Girls’ Day” (“Hinamatsuri”) in Japan, a time to give thanks for the health & well-being of daughters. Homes with young girls set up displays of dolls surrounded by peach blossoms, specially-colored diamond-shaped rice cakes, and white sake.

• “International Sister Cities Day”, initiated by Sister Cities International to promote the idea of a broad-based, officially-approved, long-term partnership between 2 communities, counties, or states in 2 countries. Montréal, Québec has certainly bought into the idea, with no less than 5 sister cities. Find your city’s sis’ here …

• “I Want You to Be Happy Day”, a day to show love, care and concern for others … for once. (Tomorrow is ‘Get Real, Loser, I Was Only Kidding Day’.)

• “World Wildlife Day”, the 1st annual proclaimed by the UN to celebrate and raise awareness of the world’s wild fauna and flora (the famous nature twins).

1984 [30] “Thriller” by Michael Jackson peaks at #4 on the pop singles chart

2009 [05] The uber-luxurious Maybach Zeppelin sedan goes on sale, priced at $524,000-to-$611,000 (automaker Daimler-Benz announces only 100 will be built, each to owner specs)

2004 [10] Belgian brewer Interbrew and Brazilian rival AmBev agree to merge in a $11.2 billion-deal that forms InBev, the ‘World’s Largest Brewer’

[Tues] Mardi Gras/Pancake Day/Shrove Tuesday
[Tues] Courageous Follower Day
[Tues] March Forth, Do Something Day
[Tues] Grammar Day
[Tues] Unique Names Day
[Wed] Ash Wednesday

Cheerleading Week / Consumer Protection Week / Ghostwriters Week / Invasive Species Awareness Week / Maple Syrup Days / Newspaper in Education Week / Pancake Week / Professional Pet Sitters Week / Return the Borrowed Books Week / Save Your Vision Week / Severe Weather Preparedness Week / Sleep Awareness Week / Telecommuter Appreciation Week / Women in Construction Week / Women of Aviation Worldwide Week / Words Matter Week / Write a Letter of Appreciation Week


Highlight bits culled from 20 years of “Bull Sheet” back issues …
• Your ‘friend’ died.
• After running out of clever status updates to use, you’ve left it on ‘lonely’.
• It reminds you every day of your life how much less interesting you are than everyone else you know.
• You’re finding that actually doing your daily work has become a nice break from Facebook.
• You’ve become unsure your lunch is interesting enough to discuss.
• The popularity contest was pathetic enough in high school.
• Your co-workers really didn’t need to know your college nickname was ‘Squirt’.
• It’s really starting to eat into your Twitter time.
• 3 words: Kids’ Poop Updates.
– First published in “BS” 2011.

This month is “Talk With Your Teen About Sex Month” as declared by the group “Parenting Without Pressure”, who have the strange notion that your teen knows less than you do. A few things you might want to talk about with your teen …
• “What’s sex like, anyway? I forget.”
• “Does that tongue stud really help stimulation?”
• “What’s the key to simultaneous satisfaction?”
• “How can I get your dad to stay awake?”
– First published in “BS” 2004.

☎ What’s the perfect song for the ‘last dance’ of the night?

Drooling, a fear of water, and paralysis are all symptoms of which disease?
a. Schizophrenia.
b. Rabies. [CORRECT]
c. Alcoholism.

A 3-legged dog walks into a saloon in the Old West, sidles up to the bar and says: “I’m looking for the man who shot my paw.”

Question: Over the past 5 years, the average amount of time spent at a stoplight has increased by 4 seconds because of THIS.
Answer: People checking their phones.

The only thing shorter than a weekend is a vacation.

Tomi Hurtado @ 96.9 KISS [KXSS] Amarillo TX; Tony Patti @ Lyca Radio, London UK; Chris Runion @ The Lifeline [WNZR] Mount Vernon OH; Ken Johnson @ 102.3 The Bear [CKRX] Fort Nelson BC; Dan Brewington @ Santiago Radio, Santiago, Chile; Wade Weaver & Brian Robertson @ MiTunes 101-9 [WARU] Roann IN; Gary Sword @ KKMP Saipan, Northern Mariana Islands; and Mitchell Fulton @ OAR [Otago Access Radio] Dunedin, New Zealand.

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