Monday, March 30, 2015        Edition: #5418

Can You Believe This Sheet?

★ The messy battle over Robin Williams’ will is scheduled to go back to court today. The late actor/comedian’s widow Susan Schneider is locked in a legal feud with his 3 grown-up children from previous marriages over possessions he bequeathed to them. Schneider is asking to keep the contents of the home she shared with Williams prior to his suicide death last year. The children are claiming she’s withheld some of their father’s belongings from them, and accuse her of trying to interfere with his final wishes. Williams committed suicide at his California home last August at age 63.
★ The next season of ITV’s period drama “Downton Abbey” will be the last, its makers have announced. Peter Fincham, ITV’s Director of Television, says the 9-episode 6th season will come to an end with a concluding special on Christmas Day. Created by Julian Fellowes, the show follows an aristocratic family’s fortunes from 1912 to the mid-1920s. Hugh Bonneville and Elizabeth McGovern have played the ‘Earl & Countess of Grantham’ since the show began in 2010. The program is as big a hit in North America as in Britain, airing on PBS-TV. It’s so far won 2 BAFTAs, 3 Golden Globes, and 11 Emmy Awards.
– “Los Angeles Times”
★ So Zayn Malik left One Direction saying he wants to take a break from the limelight and live the life of ‘a normal 22-year-old’. Odd then that he’s already been spotted in the studio working on a rap album with 50 Cent and super-trendy London hip-hoppers Krept & Konan. That said, if he really does want some ‘private time out of the spotlight’, releasing a solo rap album is probably the best way of ensuring it. Meantime, sources suggest that Louis Tomlinson will be next to throw in the towel when 1D finishes their world tour at the end of the year. Louis is said to be ‘gutted’ at his pal’s sudden exit. If he does leave, it would almost certainly spell the end of the band.
– /
★ And on tonight’s prerecorded “Roast of Justin Bieber” (Comedy Central/Comedy Channel), comedian Kevin Hart leads the charge to skewer the pop star on the occasion of his 21st birthday. The show was taped March 14th. Among the best barbs …
• “This kid has spunk, moxie, and probably a few other STDs.” (Will Ferrell as ‘Ron Burgundy’)
• “Last year you were ranked the 5th-most-hated person of all-time. Kim Jong-un didn’t even score that low, and he uses your music to torture people.” (Shaquille O’Neal)
• “I’m proud of you. You literally are a guy who has it all .. except for respect, love, friends, good parents, and a Grammy.” (Chris D’Elia)
• “Selena Gomez wanted to be here, but she’s dating men now. Is it true you dumped her because she grew a mustache before you?” (Jeff Ross)

• “Cancer: The Emperor of All Maladies” (PBS) – Debut of a new  3-part, 6-hour Ken Burns miniseries based on Siddhartha Mukherjee’s book, “The Emperor of all Maladies: A Biography of Cancer”. Narrated by Edward Herrmann, who died of brain cancer shortly after completing the project.
• “Conan” (TBS/CTV) – Mac DeMarco (“Salad Days”).
• “Dancing With the Stars” (ABC/CTV2) – The 11 remaining couples perform steamy Latin dances; a couple is eliminated.
• “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC/CityTV) – Van Halen, in their 1st-ever TV appearance with David Lee Roth on vocals. The veteran rockers are set to tour this Summer.
• “Last Call With Carson Daly” (NBC) – Hundred Waters (“Tmrlab”).
• “Late Night With Seth Meyers” (NBC/CTV) – Børns (“Candy”).
• “Late Show With David Letterman” (CBS/Omni1) – The Suffers  (“Make Some Room”).
• “Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon” (NBC/CTV2) – Wale (“Gifted”).
• “The Voice” (NBC/CTV2) – Contestants choose a song to perform while their direct competitors watch.

• Alt-J – Just 2 years after their debut, the indie rockers are headlining NYC’s Madison Square Garden tonight, with support from Phantogram. Their current North American tour culminates with Lollapalooza in Chicago IL July 31 and the Osheaga Festival in Montréal QC August 1-2.
• Duran Duran – The veteran Brit band has signed with Warner Bros for their upcoming new album. They’ve been recording with a wide variety of collaborators, including Nile Rodgers, Mark Ronson, ex-Chili Peppers guitarist John Frusciante, Janelle Monáe, and Kiesza.
• Guns ‘N Roses – Was Michael Jackson behind their split? The band’s former manager claims the King of Pop came between Axl Rose and Slash in 1996. According to Doug Goldstein, Slash’s decision to play a concert with Jackson was a major factor in the band’s break-up.
• Ozzy Osbourne – He’s cancelled his “Ozzfiesta” event in Mexico this Spring as he’s having surgery for an unspecified ailment that will apparently require at least 4 weeks of recovery. That will happen after his South American tour, which ends May 2nd.
• Queen – Sacha Baron Cohen has rejoined the troubled Freddie Mercury biopic. He’s now back to write, direct, and star in the film, 2 years after falling out with Queen members Brian May and Roger Taylor.
• Rihanna – She’s released the new single “Bitch Better Have My Money” (or “BBHMM”) in an unconventional way, tweeting that the track is available via Dubsmash, an app where users can video themselves lip-syncing to various tunes.
• Sam Hunt – He’s atop this week’s ‘Billboard Hot Country Songs’ chart again with “Take Your Time”.
• Willie Nelson – He’s set to open chain of marijuana stores. The musician’s own brand of marijuana, Willie’s Reserve, could be available by 2016. The first shop will most likely open in Colorado, where weed is now legal.

Office workers need to get off their backsides and move around more, according to a new health campaign in Britain. Sitting for long periods at work is linked to a host of health problems, which are not undone by working out at the gym. A few results from a recent survey of 2,000 office workers …
• 78% agree that they spend too much time sitting down.
• Nearly two-thirds are worried that sitting at work is having a negative impact on their health.
• 45% of women and 37% of men spend less than 30 minutes a day on their feet at work.
• More than half regularly eat their lunch at their desks.
So, what to do? Experts suggest standing regularly, walking around more, taking a break from the computer every half-hour, using stairs instead of an elevator, and embracing creative ideas such as standing meetings or standing desks. Standing burns an extra 50 calories per hour compared to sitting. (Ever tried doing your show while standing?)
– “International Business Times”

Children are spending far more time watching a screen, even though traditional TV viewing has dropped. Those aged 5-to-16 now spend an average of 6-and-a-half hours a day in front of a screen compared with around 3 hours in 1995, according to market research firm Childwise. ‘Screen time’ includes time spent watching TV, playing games consoles, and using a smartphone, computer, or tablet. Teenage boys spend the longest, an average of 8 hours; while 8-year-old girls spend the least at 3-and-a-half hours. Kids’ TV viewing habits have changed dramatically, with the majority now watching TV via catch-up services and YouTube rather than on a traditional TV set. They’re also increasingly ‘multi-screening’ … using more than one device at a time, for example, watching TV while using a tablet. (Interesting fact: Today’s kids have never known life without the Internet.)

By now you’ve heard a long list of tips for healthy living. But how often do you hear something that isn’t trite or painfully obvious? Here are 3 truly surprising ideas for a longer life …
✓ Have Kids Later in Life – If you’re tired of people dropping not-so-subtle hints about having kids while you still have the eggs and energy, you can now politely tell them to back off. New research suggests there are health benefits to waiting until you are fully settled and ready.
✓ Don’t Miss Happy Hour – You’ve been told for years now that alcohol impairs judgment and destroys livers. Well, true. But did you know drinking a beer with friends on occasion may not only help offset those adverse side effects, but also might help you live longer?
✓ Stay Away from Loud Noises – Sure, loud sounds are annoying. But it’s now proven that raising the decibel level also raises our risk for health problems. So find some moments of solace amongst all the hubbub. It’ll do you good!

Who will win the live-streaming video battle? For the last couple of weeks the most-talked-about  new thing in tech has been a live-streaming video service called Meerkat, which allows a user’s followers to watch the user’s real-time videos (‘Meerkasts’). Now Twitter has launched a rival service called Periscope. Battle has been joined and there’s unlikely to be more than one winner. Both apps provide an extremely simple way of live-streaming from your phone with just a couple of taps, letting the world see what you see. This is not a new concept, but one that’s been refined with better quality and ease of operation. (Prepare to see your Twitter stream filled up with people showing off their new kitchen, their kid’s first steps, etc.)
– BBC Technology

Ford Motor Company is set to unveil a car that can read road signs and adjust its speed accordingly to ensure the vehicle is not driving too fast. The ‘Intelligent Speed Limiter’ is activated via the steering wheel and can be briefly overridden by pressing firmly on the accelerator. The idea is to help drivers avoid fines and reduce the number of accidents. The new vehicles will alert the driver to detected road signs via a read-out in the center of the car’s speedometer. Ford’s technology becomes available to the public this August, when it launches the 2nd generation of its S-Max cars in Europe. It will subsequently roll out around-the-world. (Virtually no one drives the speed limit, right? We all go just enough over to make it unlikely we’ll be pulled over. So who will actually turn this gizmo on?)

• In our lifetime, 1-in-2 men, 1-in-3 women, and 1-in-300 children will get some form of cancer.
• Qatar has released a handbook of traffic signs … in braille.


1945 [70] Eric Clapton, Ripley UK, classic rock singer/guitarist (Grammy Award-“Change the World”)/Rock & Roll Hall of Fame with The Yardbirds (1992), Cream (1993), solo (2000)

1964 [51] Tracy Chapman, Cleveland OH, folk/pop singer (“Fast Car”)/4 Grammy Awards

1964 [51] Ian Ziering, Newark NJ, movie/TV actor (“Sharknado 2: The Second One” 2014, “Sharknado” 2013, “Beverly Hills 90210” 1990-2000)

1968 [47] Celine Dion, Charlemagne QC, pop singer (“My Heart Will Go On”)/best selling female artist of all-time (over 200 million albums worldwide)/Canadian Walk of Fame (2003)

1979 [36] Norah Jones (Shankar), Brooklyn NY, pop/jazz singer (“Don’t Know Why”)/10 Grammy Awards

1984 [31] Justin Moore, Poyen AR, country singer (“Lettin’ the Night Roll”, “If Heaven Wasn’t So Far Away”)

1990 [25] Thomas Rhett, Valdosta GA, country singer (“Make Me Wanna”, “It Goes Like This”)

• “Doctors Day”, an observance dating back to 1933 that commemorates the 1st use of anaesthetic during surgery by one Dr Crawford W Long in 1842. He got the idea by observing party-goers hammered out of their minds on nitrous oxide and sulfuric ether.

• “Pencil Day”, observed on the anniversary of the ‘Pencil with Attached Eraser’ being patented 157 years ago (1858) by Hyman Lipman. (Thereby giving us all something to chew on.)

• “Take a Walk In the Park Day”, which not only helps you stay healthy and lose weight, it enables you to reduce stress.

• “World Bipolar Day”, observed each year on the birth date of artist Vincent Van Gogh, who was posthumously diagnosed as probably having bipolar disorder.

2005 [10] Neil Young undergoes successful surgery to remove a brain aneurysm

2009 [06] US president Barack Obama issues an ultimatum to automakers GM and Chrysler and announces a set of initiatives intended to assist the struggling auto industry

[Tues] Bunsen Burner Day
[Tues] She’s Funny That Way Day
[Tues] Clams On the Half-Shell Day
[Tues] Farm Workers Day
[Tues] Sleep Apnea Awareness Day

Nano Days / Protocol Officers Week / Week Of the Ocean


Highlight bits culled from 21 years of “Bull Sheet” back issues …
Just like the TV game, your contestants must respond in the form of a question. Of course, they won’t be able to – that’s when you provide the zinger. Today’s categories are ‘ Potpourri’, ‘Mish-Mash’, ‘This ‘N That’, ‘Miscellaneous’ and ‘Random’.
• The answer is … After a dye job. [The correct question is … When does a brunette have half of a brain?]
• “Oh look, doughnut seeds!” [What did (co-host) say when he looked in a box of Cheerios?]
• So he doesn’t get hearing aids. [ Why does (co-host) wear condoms on his ears?]
• Because sheep can’t fetch beer from the fridge. [ Why did (co-host) finally get married?]
• In case you lock your keys in the car. [Why’s it a good idea to keep a coat hanger in the back seat?]
– First published in “BS” 2006.

• First demonstration consists of falling to the floor, curling up into the fetal position, and whimpering.
• The gis [‘jhees’] look suspiciously like old hospital gowns.
• Your dojo’s symbol is a bulls-eye.
• The techniques are only effective if your attacker is one of The Three Stooges.
• Every night local muggers gather in the parking lot waiting for class to end.
• You take yourself to the mat every time you try to tie your belt on.
• At the end of each class, your instructor says, “…or you could just buy a friggin’ gun.”
– First published in “BS” 2012.

Love your enemies … just in case your friends turn out to be a bunch of bastards.

☎ If the Internet had a flag, what would it look like?

Question: The first person called after a breakup – man or woman – is a close female friend, followed by THIS person.
Answer: Mom.

Marriage is a mutual relationship as long as both parties know when to be mute.

Pate Narawa @ FM96 Suva, Fiji; Kim @ Positively Sonoma County FM 100 [KZST] Santa Rosa CA; Jozo Pokupletiæ @ Radio Eokolino, Devrske, Croatia; Sean Elliott @ 95 KGGO Des Moines IA; Gary Mitchell @ 98.9 The River [WQKY] Emporium PA; Jo Pack @ Manx Radio, Isle of Man; and Marcus Jones @ Mixx95 Houston TX.

Monthly Planning Calendar in Tomorrow’s BS!

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