BS SHOW BIZ BUZZ:
★ Oasis has landed the top 4 songs in a new ‘Best of British’ poll by Radio X. “Wonderwall” and “Don’t Look Back in Anger” top the new poll to find the best all-time British single. The band’s “Champagne Supernova” and “Live Forever” also make the top 5, which is rounded out by The Stone Roses’ “I Am the Resurrection”. Hits by the Arctic Monkeys (“I Bet You Look Good On the Dancefloor”), David Bowie (“Heroes” and “Life On Mars”), The Verve (“Bittersweet Symphony”), and the Rolling Stones (“Gimme Shelter”) also make the top 10.
– ContactMusic.com
★ Actress Kristen Stewart’s girlfriend Stephanie Sokolinski has confessed she’s in a “happy relationship” and very much “in love”. The “Twilight” star and French singer/actress sparked rumors of a romance earlier this month after they were photographed openly kissing on the streets of Paris and holding hands during a romantic stroll. Neither has confirmed the relationship until Stephanie (aka Soko) made the vague mention. Ironically, Soko and Stewart have dating history in common … the French star also briefly romanced “Twilight Saga” actor Robert Pattinson.
– “W Magazine”
★ And “Deadpool” has officially become the highest-grossing R-rated movie ever. The unlikely hit, starring Ryan Reynolds as the ‘Merc with a Mouth’, has so far earned $746 million globally, putting it ahead of 2003’s “The Matrix Reloaded”, which racked up $742 million worldwide during its run. With “Deadpool” now leading the way, it’s only a matter of time before other movie studios leap into the fray with R-rated superhero projects of their own. Hopefully, those jumping on the bandwagon realize the ‘R’ rating isn’t what matters most … it’s the writing.
– TheVerge.com

TODAY’S SHOW BIZ SKED:
• “Conan” (TBS/CTV) – Omarion (“O”).
• “Ellen DeGeneres Show” (syndicated/CTV2) – Elton John (“Wonderful Crazy Night”). Rerun.
• “Empire” (FOX) – FOX-TV’s highest-rated show returns for its Spring run.
• “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC/CityTV) – St Lucia (“Matter”).
• “Last Call With Carson Daly” (NBC) – 9th Wonder & Murs (“Final Adventure”).
• “Late Night With Seth Meyers” (NBC/CTV) – Aubrie Sellers (“New City Blues”).
• “Late Show With Stephen Colbert” (CBS/Global) – The Flaming Lips (“With a Little Help from My Fwends”).
• “Live With Kelly & Michael” (syndicated/CTV) – James Bay (“Chaos and The Calm”).
• “The Real” (syndicated) – Ja Rule (“Coup De Grâce”).
• “Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon” (NBC/CTV2) – Bibi Bourelly (“Sally”).

BS MUSIC NOTES:
• Adele – Her smash hit “Hello” has tied her previous hit “Rolling In the Deep” by scoring a 19th week at #1 on the ‘Billboard Adult Contemporary Radio Airplay’ chart. Only Celine Dion has bested that, with “Because You Loved Me” (19 weeks in 1996), and “A New Day Has Come” (21 weeks in 2002).
• Elton John – He’s being sued by a former security guard for sexual harassment. Jeffrey Wenninger claims the  singer inappropriately touched him several times throughout the course of his employment in 2014. Wenninger alleges Elton once told him to “Get your todger out” and “Say hello to Uncle Elton”.
• Lil Wayne – He’s hit Universal Music Group with a lawsuit, claiming the company has failed to pay him his share of royalties generated by his protegées, including Drake and Nicki Minaj. He is seeking at least $40 million in damages and overdue profits.
• Rihanna – She and Drake may be heating up as a couple again but her family is icy cold. An insider says it’s mostly her mom Monica (Braithwaite) who thinks Drake is totally over-rated and not strong enough to be in a relationship with her girl.

FROM THE BS POLL VAULT:
A statistical look at who we are and the things we do …
• 77% of women say an earring is a big ‘no’ for any guy over age 30.
• 46% of men don’t know how to sew on a button.
• 30% of adults have switched a price tag while shopping.
• 20% of us admit we accidentally call ourselves on the phone at least once a week.
• 18% of us manage to keep our New Years resolution for the entire year.
• 17% of men have never worn a tuxedo.

‘TICKED-OFF’ TRANSLATES:
Regardless of language, we all understand what’s called the ‘not face’. You’ve seen it when someone disagrees with you … a furrowed brow, tight lips, and raised chin. It’s a face that means, basically, ‘no’, and it’s universal. In Ohio State University tests, 158 native speakers of a variety of languages answered questions about issues with which they were likely to disagree. Almost all displayed the same ‘not face’. Scientists theorize that humans may have evolved a single expression of disapproval because the ability to express danger or aggression actually preceded spoken language. (Not to be confused with ‘Resting Bitch Face’ … that’s genetic.)
– “Washington Post”

BS BUZZWORDS:
Cutting-edge vocab …
• ‘Grey Gapper’ – A person of retirement age who takes a year out of their normal life to go traveling. (“I was abandoned by my grey-gapper parents!”)
• ‘Hellabyte’ – An extremely large but unspecified amount of data. (“I tried to illegally download ‘Batman v Superman’ and it was like 12 hellabytes.”)
• ‘Overdoze’ – To sleep or nap too long. (“I overdozed during the staff meeting yesterday and missed the reason we all had to show up … my firing.”)

HOT BREAKFAST TREND:
Forget cereal or bacon & eggs, the hottest new food to tickle the tonsils at the breakfast table is of the decidedly spicy variety. It’s a hand-held stew that comes with a curious name … ‘Bunny Chow’. Hailing from South Africa, it’s traditionally a mutton or bean curry stuffed inside a white loaf of bread. It was originally created as a boxed lunch for immigrant Indian field workers. In 2013, a London food truck called ‘Bunny Chow’ started selling modified versions of the traditional dish. The truck was such a success a stand-alone restaurant opened in 2014, where the breakfast specialty includes sausage, bacon, mushrooms, beans, tomato, black pudding, and fried egg in a brioche bowl. (No, it doesn’t contain rabbit. The fluffy tail would get caught in your throat.).
– Ozy.com

THE 10 BEST VEGETABLES, RANKED:
Vegetables are good for you and some of them are quite tasty as well. Here’s one opinion on which are best …
10. Tomato
9. Onion
8. Sweet Potato
7. Okra
6. Collard Greens
5. Rutabaga
4. A nice fresh ear of Corn
3. Avocado (technically  a large berry)
2. Brussel Sprouts
1. Broccoli
(Rankings may only be appealed in writing to our Department of Vegetable Appeals.)
– Gawker.com

IT MAY SOON BE AGAINST THE LAW:
Texting while walking? Beware. Doing exactly that in New Jersey could soon carry the same penalties as jaywalking … up to a $50 fine and 15 days in jail. Assemblywoman Pamela Lampitt has proposed a bill that would ban pedestrians from using communication devices like cellphones while walking along roads or public sidewalks, unless they are hands-free. Lampitt claims that distracted pedestrians, like distracted drivers, present a potential danger to themselves and to drivers on the road. She cites a National Safety Council report that has found 11,101 injuries were caused by distracted walking incidents involving cellphones from 2000-11. Her idea could be a tough sell, however, as similar bills have failed in Arkansas, Illinois, Nevada, and New York. (We need this here!)
– “Philadelphia Inquirer”

MOST RESPECTED COUNTRIES IN THE WORLD:
A new ranking from the Reputation Institute based on how countries are perceived abroad, based on economy, environment, and effective government. The top 10 …
10. Belgium
9. The Netherlands
8. Denmark
7. New Zealand
6. Finland
5. Australia
4. Switzerland
3. Sweden
2. Norway
1. Canada
(Perhaps surprisingly, the USA falls just short of cracking the top 20.)
– List25.com

YOUR LAZY CO-WORKERS MAY BE MORE USEFUL THAN YOU THINK:
According to a study in “Nature”, which looks at laziness in ant colonies, the colonies with the most lazy worker ants (you know, the ones on Facebook all the time, always taking personal calls, and never actually at their desks) prove to be more resilient than most. The study shows that 20-to-30% of ants don’t do anything you could call work, but their output is often more valuable than that of the frenzied, crazy ants who run around all the time. In the short term, lazy ants are inefficient, but in the long term they respond to a stimulus to work as the overall workload increases. Researchers think the same can be said for humans. (For example, that back-up cashier in the store who has to be paged 13 times when the customer line-up exceeds 100.)
– TheFrisky.com

THE 38-CALIBER PHONE:
A new 2-shot handgun is designed to look like a smartphone, thereby allowing its owners to pack heat “on any occasion”, according to its inventors. The ‘Ideal Conceal’ pistol is slated to go on sale for $395 later this year. On the Minnesota startup’s website the product can be seen with an unfolding handle revealing a trigger and muzzles for the bullets where earphones would usually plug in. The invention has been already criticized by National Association of Police Organizations, but the company claims to have received over 4,000 pre-orders. (We need this like we need another hole in the head.)
NET: http://idealconceal.com
– @NYDailyNews

DID YOU KNOW?
On average a person generates 25,000 quarts of saliva during their lifetime, enough to fill 2 swimming pools. (“C’mon in, the water’s warm … really warm!”)
– List25.com

BS CHRONOMETER 03.30.16

TODAY’S CELEBIRTHDAYS . . .
1945 [71] Eric Clapton, Ripley UK, classic rock singer/guitarist (Grammy Award-“Change the World”)/Rock & Roll Hall of Fame with The Yardbirds (1992), Cream (1993), solo (2000)  COMING UP: “I Still Do”, his 23rd solo album, due May 20th.

1964 [52] Ian Ziering, Newark NJ, movie/TV actor (“Sharknado 2: The Second One” 2014, “Sharknado” 2013, “Beverly Hills 90210” 1990-2000)

1968 [48] Celine Dion, Charlemagne QC, pop singer (“My Heart Will Go On”)/best selling female artist of all-time (over 200 million albums worldwide)/Canadian Walk of Fame (2003)

1979 [37] Norah Jones (Shankar), Brooklyn NY, pop/jazz singer (“Don’t Know Why”)/9 Grammy Awards

1984 [32] Justin Moore, Poyen AR, country singer (“Lettin’ the Night Roll”, “If Heaven Wasn’t So Far Away”)

1990 [26] Thomas Rhett, Valdosta GA, country singer (“Die a Happy Man”, “It Goes Like This”)

BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .
• “Doctors Day”, an observance dating back to 1933 that commemorates the 1st use of anaesthetic during surgery by one Dr Crawford W Long in 1842. He got the idea by observing party-goers hammered out of their minds on nitrous oxide and sulfuric ether.

• “Manatee Appreciation Day”, devoted to raising awareness of these quirky creatures native to Florida, Mexico, and the Caribbean. Unfortunately, these aquatic mammals known for their immense size and jowly appearance are now an endangered species.
NET: http://www.daysoftheyear.com/days/manatee-appreciation-day

• “Pencil Day”, observed on the anniversary of the ‘Pencil with Attached Eraser’ being patented 158 years ago (1858) by Hyman Lipman. (Thereby giving us all something to chew on.)

• “Take a Walk In the Park Day”, which not only helps you stay healthy and lose weight, it enables you to reduce stress.

• “World Bipolar Day”, observed each year on the birth date of artist Vincent Van Gogh, who was posthumously diagnosed as probably having bipolar disorder.
NET: http://tinyurl.com/npozd7e

THIS DAY IN SHOW BIZ . . .
2014 [02] Oscar-winning film “Frozen” surpasses “Toy Story 3” to become the highest-earning animated movie in history (ends up with $1.27 billion worldwide)

TODAY’S MUSIC EVENT . . .
2005 [11] Neil Young undergoes successful surgery to remove a brain aneurysm

TODAY’S FIRST . . .
2009 [07] US president Barack Obama issues an ultimatum to automakers GM and Chrysler and announces a set of initiatives intended to assist the struggling auto industry

COMING UP . . .
[Thurs] David Bowie Tribute Concert (NYC)
[Thurs] Bunsen Burner Day
[Thurs] She’s Funny That Way Day
[Fri] April Fools Day
This Week Is … Protocol Officers Week
This Month Is … Women’s History Month

BULL’S BITS

NEXT-LEVEL APRIL FOOLS’ DAY PRANKS YOUR KIDS WILL NEVER FORGET:
✓ Paint a bar of soap with nail polish and leave it in the shower. The soap won’t lather, which should give your kids fits as they try to get ready in the morning.
✓ Make ‘chocolate chip cookies’ out of mashed potatoes and black beans.
✓ Put a twist on a sunny-side-up egg. A halved peach in yogurt not only looks like an egg, but also makes a delicious breakfast.
✓ Put a bowl of your kid’s favorite cereal and milk in the freezer overnight, then watch in the morning as your unsuspecting kid clanks a spoon against the frozen milk.
✓ Squeeze a few drops of food coloring into the bottom of your kid’s bowl, then cover it with cereal. When your kid pours the milk it will change colors as it rises to the top.
✓ Put a photocopy of your face under the toilet seat and close the lid.
✓ Make candied apples … with onions.
✓ A mashed potato sundae also makes for quite the surprise.
✓ Serve up a glass of juice that is really Jell-O. That first sip will be classic.
✓ Duct tape a blown-up balloon to a plate and then frost it. Provide a knife to ‘cut the cake’. Just don’t expect your startled kid to help you clean up the mess!
– Adapted from BuzzFeed.com

BS RANDOM JOKE:
By doing just a little bit each day, I can gradually let the task completely overwhelm me.

BS PHONE STARTER:
☎ Which was the greatest year in music history?

BS WATER COOLER QUESTION:
Question: Most people who do THIS as an adult started doing it at age 14.
Answer: Drinking coffee.

BS DEEP THOUGHT:
All things are possible … except skiing through a revolving door.