Monday, March 5, 2012       Edition: #4698

Sheet Happens!

• Lindsay Lohan returned for her 4th stint as host of “Saturday Night Live” (NBC) on the weekend and the reviews are a tad tepid: “Entertainment Weekly” questions whether or not she was the worst host of the year, while the “Washington Post” says it wasn’t a disaster on par with, say, Lana Del Rey, but Lohan “didn’t fully reclaim her status as a young comic performer worthy of casting in major Hollywood projects.” (Truth be told, she hasn’t had that ‘status’ since “Mean Girls” in 2004.)
• “Hawaii Five-O” star Alex O’Loughlin is taking a break from filming the CBS-TV show to address his dependency on prescription drugs. The Australian star, who plays police chief ‘Steve McGarrett’, has checked himself into rehab in order to wean himself off pain pills he has been taking following a recent shoulder injury. He’s expected to rejoin the cast once therapy is concluded. (Amy Winehouse, Brittany Murphy, DJ AM, Gerard Butler … the list keeps growing.)
• Whitney Houston reportedly had a year-long affair with Jermaine Jackson in the mid-1980s.
The late-singer – who died at age 48 last month – became close to Michael Jackson’s brother when he was brought in to work with her early on in her career in the mid-‘80s, and although he has previously claimed they had strong feelings for each other in an autobiography, it is now believed they were actually ‘lovers’. An insider says Jermaine didn’t tell half the story in his book. (She sure could pick ‘em, huh?)
– “The Sun on Sunday”
• Despite rumors to the contrary, Janet Jackson will NOT be a new judge on Simon Cowell’s talent show “The X Factor” (FOX). She says she’s flattered the show let her know she was being considered for next season but it just won’t be possible due to previous commitments to complete her “Number Ones Up Close & Personal Tour” as well as to movie studio Lionsgate. (Eh? She hasn’t had any film roles in over 2 years.)
• 31-year-old Nick Cannon (Mr Mariah Carey) says he’s been diagnosed with an auto-immune disease. After being hospitalized earlier this year with blood clots and kidney failure, doctors have now linked the incident with a medical condition described as being similar to Lupus. He says it’s something he’ll have to live with his entire life. He hasn’t confirmed whether or not he’ll continue as host of “America’s Got Talent” (NBC) but has already stepped down from his NYC radio show. (It’s sad if true … but it always seems like he’s making this stuff up.)
• The bigscreen adaptation of “The Hunger Games” may not be opening until March 23rd but it’s already being called “the new ‘Twilight Saga’”. Over 30 million copies of Suzanne Collins’ trilogy have been sold and the film has been voted ‘Most Anticipated Film of 2012’ in an MTV poll. And here’s a sure sign of a hit … 21-year-old star Jennifer Lawrence says Hollywood celebrities have been ‘sucking up’ to her ever since she finished filming the first instalment. (Get ready for Kristen Stewart-type fame, kid. You’ll never have a private moment again!)

• “Last Call With Carson Daly” (NBC) – Jessie Baylin (“Little Spark”). Rerun.
• “Late Night With Jimmy Fallon” (NBC/CTV2) – Jake Owen (“Barefoot Blue Jean Night”).
• “Late Show With David Letterman” (CBS/NTV/Omni1) – Lana Del Rey (“Born to Die”). Rerun.
• “Tonight Show With Jay Leno” (NBC/CTV2) – Imelda May (“Mayhem”). Rerun.
• “The View” (ABC/CTV) – Rapper-turned-moviemaker 50 Cent.

• Jason Aldean – He got a chance to live out his other dream (aside from being a country music star) late last week by practicing with his favorite baseball team, the Atlanta Braves. It was filmed for an upcoming segment of the reality TV show “Day Jobs” (GAC).
• Jason Derulo – He tells “NME” magazine he has a new perspective on life since accidentally fracturing his neck while rehearsing dance moves. Quote: “It’s called a hangman’s break. I’m lucky to be here.”
• Kenny Chesney – It’s been announced he’ll release his as-yet-untitled new album June 19th. That will no doubt add to his career sales totals of over 30 million albums, 20 million digital downloads, and 22 #1 country hits.
• Lady Antebellum – They’re asking high schools to submit videos explaining why their prom should host a special Lady A show. The winning school, to be announced March 20th, will receive a free concert at its Spring prom, including a meet-and-greet with the band.
• The Monkees – Following the death of 66-year-old lead singer Davy Jones, digital music provider Spotify has reported a 3,000% increase in demand for the ‘60s band’s tunes.
• Rolling Stones – They’ll issue a 50th anniversary photobook, aptly titled “The Rolling Stones: 50”, on July 12th. That’s the exact the date in 1962 when the band debuted at the Marquee Club in London’s Oxford Street.
• Taylor Swift – It’s been confirmed she & Denver Broncos QB Tim Tebow did indeed dine together last week, but an onlooker says they were among a party of 5 and looked more like friends than lovers. That hasn’t stop from running a poll asking readers if they’d make a great couple. 70% say ‘yes!’.
• Wiz Khalifa – The Pittsburgh PA emcee has proposed to model/singer Amber Rose, popping the question on March 1st then showing his Twitter followers the engagement ring via Instagram. And oh … she also said ‘yes!’.


Bill Ford Jr, great-grandson of Ford Motor Co founder Henry Ford, has been thinking ahead to a time when there will be too many cars in the world’s major cities. Today’s traffic congestion will only will get worse, but he says technology is already developing solutions. In 5 or so years, more cars will have radar-based cruise control that automatically stops them from running into each other. More will have blind-spot monitoring systems that stop cars from changing lanes if something’s in the way. By 2025, he sees cars using these features to communicate with each other, perhaps even taking over the driving in a traffic jam to find the best way out. (Here’s a random idea on reducing congestion … how about putting more than one person in a vehicle?)
– AP


Experts weigh in on how to keep your union united …
• Find meaning and purpose in your individual lives through activities, interests, and commitments you are passionate about.
• Don’t push your spouse to share your pleasures. Allow yourselves space to enjoy personal time and discover the plus side of being on your own.
• Focus on the quality of your time together, not the number of hours. Make time to talk – and only talk. No watching TV or fiddling with a BlackBerry.
• Don’t suffer in silence when a hobby starts upstaging your relationship. If you’ve become a golf widow, for instance, it’s important to let your partner know what you’re feeling.
– Condensed from “Best Health Magazine”


Prefab house-maker Ideabox has just previewed its first North American home, designed in collaboration with IKEA. The 1-bedroom Aktiv costs $86,500 and can be delivered to your empty lot in 1 or 2 big pieces. It arrives already constructed, with cabinets, countertops, and flooring installed; and is even partially furnished with an IKEA bedroom, kitchen, and bathroom. Buyers also get water-efficient pipes, energy-efficient appliances, and LED light-fixtures. They choose their own colors and surface materials. IKEA, best known as world’s largest furniture-maker, has been making prefab BoKlok ‘smart living’ homes in Sweden since 1996. (Imagine how many screws you’ll have left over after THIS assembly!)


How many of these do you believe?
• Change Your Oil Every 3,000 Miles (5,000 K) – For most cars built in the last decade or so, manuals recommend an oil change at around 7,500 miles (12,000 K), but synthetic oils lasting up to 15,000 miles (24,000 K) have been available for years.
• Warm Up Your Engine Before You Drive – An idling engine takes much longer to warm up, so it ends up experiencing far more cold-start wear-and-tear than if you just hop in and drive. Besides, some parts of your car don’t get warmed up until you actually get the thing moving.
• Fuel Additives Are Good for Your Engine – Gasoline now contains detergents that prevent deposits and buildups. Using an aftermarket additive is basically like rubbing 2 bars of soap together … you’re not actually cleaning anything and you look really stupid doing it.
• Get Regular Engine Tuneups – While it’s probably prudent to have a mechanic check your car every 50,000 miles (80,000 K) or so, your engine’s computer checks everything millions of times per second, tweaking things automatically for best performance.
• You Need to ‘Winterize’ Your Car – With the exception of putting on snow tires and adjusting tire pressure, your car is ready to go. Modern oil grades are designed to function in both Summer and Winter, and even ‘Summer’ engine coolants are rated to -34 F (-37 C).
• High-Octane Gasoline Is Better for Your Engine – With the exception of a small percentage of cars with high-compression engines that require high-octane fuel, using plus- or premium-grade gas won’t do anything for your car … nor your wallet.

• Men are at their happiest when they reach age 65, according to a new British survey.
– BBC News
• There are 6 more Starbucks coffee shops in London than there are in NYC.


1955 [57] Penn Jillette, Greenfield MA, Las Vegas magician (Penn & Teller)/TV personality (“Celebrity Apprentice” 2012, “Penn & Teller Tell a Lie” 2011)

1970 [42] John Frusciante, NYC, rock guitarist (formerly Red Hot Chili Peppers-“Snow [Hey Oh]”, “Dani California”)

1974 [38] Kevin Connolly, Patchogue NY, TV actor (‘Eric Murphy’ on “Entourage” 2004-11)/movie actor (“He’s Just Not That Into You”, “The Notebook”)
●BS FACTOID: A movie based on the “Entourage” TV series is being planned for 2013.

1974 [38] Eva Mendes, Miami FL, movie actress (“Fast & Furious” films, “Hitch”)/rehab veteran
●BS FACTOID: She began dating actor Ryan Gosling in September 2011.

1981 [31] Barret Jackman, Trail BC, NHL defenceman (St Louis Blues)

• “Cheese Doodle Day”, honoring the snack food (aka “Cheezies”) made with cornmeal that has been puffed, baked, and coated with cheddar cheese. Morrie Yohai of The Bronx NY invented the cheese doodle in the 1940s.

• “Fun Facts About Names Day”, part of “Celebrate Your Name Week”, when it’s suggested we take time to learn some of the interesting background to our names. Try here …

• “Go Commando Day”, a tongue-in-cheek observance when we’re encouraged to forego wearing underwear. Perhaps created by some laundry-challenged single guy out of necessity?

• “Mother-in-Law Day”, first celebrated 78 years ago on March 5, 1934. A similar “Mother-in-Law’s Day” is held on the 4th Sunday in October. To stay out of trouble, best remember both!

• “Multiple Personalities Day”, saluting the adage ‘We have only one person to blame, and that’s each other.’ Can people with multiple personalities deduct themselves as dependents on their income tax?

• “National Procrastination Week”, proclaimed by the ‘Procrastinators Club’ to promote the benefits of putting off until tomorrow everything you can.
You’re stranded on the ‘throne’ due to a lack of tissue.
You’ve had to hire a tour guide for your desk.
You keep buying new underwear to avoid doing the laundry.
You still haven’t gotten around to returning that “Pat Benatar – Live!” videotape to the library.
You’re thinking of celebrating “Procrastination Week” next month.
Tell you tomorrow.

• This week is also Consumer Protection Week / Newspaper in Education Week / Professional Pet Sitters Week / Read an eBook Week / Return the Borrowed Books Week / Save Your Vision Week / Teen Tech Week / School Social Work Week / Sleep Awareness Week / Words Matter Week / Women in Construction Week / Working Dog Week

• “Talk With Your Teen About Sex Month” as declared by the group “Parenting Without Pressure”, who somehow have the odd notion that you know more than your teen does.


1982 [30] 33-year-old John Belushi (“Blues Bros”, “Saturday Night Live”) dies from a drug overdose at LA’s Chateau Marmont Hotel (reportedly a ‘speedball’ of cocaine and heroin)

2002 [10] “The Osbournes” debuts on MTV (who would have thought such an untalented bunch could become so famous?)

1937 [75] ‘SPAM’ is 1st marketed after Hormel Co chefs discover that ham cooked in special spices, then ground up and canned has a 7-year shelf-life (has since become both the butt of jokes and the world’s most popular canned meat)
●BS FACTOID: In 2007, the 7-billionth can of SPAM was sold. On average, 3.8 cans are consumed … every second.

1994 [18] ‘World’s Largest Milkshake’ is created, at 1,955 gallons (Nelspruit, South Africa)

[Tues] ‘Oreo’ cookies 100th anniversary
[Tues] “Breaking In” season premiere (FOX)
[Tues] Snowshoe Day
[Tues] Unique Names Day
[Wed] Cereal Day
[Wed] Purim begins at sundown (Jewish)


A highlight bit culled from 18 years of “Bull Sheet” back issues …
✓ Overwhelming urge to go out and find a job.
✓ Anorexia.
✓ Glaucoma among high-schoolers.
✓ Really boring office parties.
✓ Lagging sales of Doritos.
✓ Sagging ratings for radio stations playing ‘Classic Rock’.
– First published in “BS” 1999.

☎ What would you NEVER borrow from your partner? (Bar of soap? Hairbrush? Toothbrush? Toothpick? Socks? Shoes? Handkerchief? Underwear?)

What did Cleopatra use pomegranate seeds for?
a. Birth Control
b. Cosmetics. [CORRECT. According to historians, lipstick.]
c. Ear Plugs.
– “Land O’ Useless Facts”

I tried something different at a local Indian restaurant last night called ‘Pelican Curry’. It wasn’t too spicy, but the bill was enormous!

Question: If you did THIS last night you’ll be more successful at work today.
Answer: Slept on the right side of the bed. (“Women’s World”)


Beauty is only skin deep, but ugly goes clean to the bone.

Ekta Bajaj @ Asian Star 101.6, Slough, England; Jon Williams @ Froggy104.1 [WOGY] Jackson, Tennessee; Jay Boast @ Mix 100 [CJCD] Yellowknife, Northwest Territories; Maurice Abella @ Killer Bee 89.1, Davao, The Philippines; and Josh Reinfeld @ Sunny Radio [KZOY] Sioux Falls SD.

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