Wednesday, March 5, 2014       Edition: #5173

Sheet Happens!

★ ABC-TV has announced the celebrity cast for Season 18 of “Dancing With the Stars”, debuting March 17th. Among them: Meryl Davis & Charlie White, ice dancing gold medalists at the Sochi Olympics. Given that ice is trickier to perform on than a regular dance floor, you’d think they might have a bit of an advantage. Other contestants: NeNe Leakes (“Real Housewives of Atlanta”), Candace Cameron Bure (“Full House”), Drew Carey (“Price is Right”), and Australian pop singer Cody Simpson. Despite last-minute rumors, Bruce Jenner does not appear to be part of the lineup.
★ “Frozen” has become the highest-grossing Walt Disney animated feature of all-time, surpassing “The Lion King” with a worldwide gross of just slightly over $1 billion to date ($389 million in domestic box office and $612 million international). The only other animated film to gross more worldwide is “Toy Story 3” from Pixar, which is owned by Disney but operates independently. However, “Frozen” hasn’t opened in Japan as yet, which could push the film’s worldwide gross past “Toy Story 3’s” $1.063 billion.
★ 29-year-old actress Scarlett Johansson is expecting her 1st child via fiancé Romain Daurian, according to a new report. “The Avengers” star became engaged to the French journalist in September and now it’s said she’s preparing to become a mom. Johansson, who was previously married to actor Ryan Reynolds, recently admitted she’d love to have kids, She’s currently filming the sequel pic “Avengers: Age of Ultron” in the role of ‘Black Widow’. It is not known how or if the pregnancy will affect the movie.
★ Movie star Jennifer Lawrence has denied she is taking a hiatus from Hollywood after movie mogul Harvey Weinstein suggested she planned to take a year-long break from acting. The “American Hustle” star has enjoyed a series of successes thanks to roles in “The Hunger Games” and “X-Men” franchises. And she tells MTV News she is not ready to give up her time in the spotlight just yet, quote: “That’s just Harvey Weinstein being an idiot.” Lawrence is currently filming “The Hunger Games: Mockingjay” parts 1 and 2.
★ Actress Lena Dunham is set to expand her media empire by writing a comic book series. The “Girls” creator and star will pen a 4-part “Archie” storyline, based on her TV show’s characters, which will be released in 2015. Dunham says she was an avid “Archie” comics collector as a kid and the chance to play with the beloved characters is a ‘wild creative opportunity’. Other celebs who’ve penned comics: Samuel L Jackson (“Cold Space”); Patton Oswalt (“Batman, The Goon & Treehouse of Horror”; as well as Guy Ritchie and Nicolas Cage who helped create graphic novels.

• “American Idol” (FOX/CTV) – The dozen remaining finalists perform.
• “Arsenio Hall” (syndicated) – Prince (“Plectrum Electrum”, coming soon).
• “Ellen DeGeneres Show” (syndicated/CTV2) – Cage the Elephant (“Melophobia”).
• “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC/CityTV) – Kongos (“Lunatic”).
• “Last Call With Carson Daly” (NBC) – Icona Pop (“This Is … Icona Pop”).
• “Late Late Show With Craig Ferguson” (CBS) – Panic! At the Disco (“Too Weird to Live, Too Rare to Die!”).
• “Late Night With Seth Meyers” (NBC/CTV2) – Rick Ross (“Mastermind”).
• “Late Show With David Letterman” (CBS/Omni1) – David Nail (“I’m a Fire”).
• “Tavis Smiley” (PBS) – Ben Harper (“Get Up!”).
• “Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon” (NBC/CTV2) – Avett Bros (“Magpie & The Dandelion”).

• Bruno Mars – He’s partnering with the Grammy Foundation and the Hawaii Community Foundation to establish a scholarship for 5 students to attend ‘Grammy Camp’ this Summer. It’s the Grammy Foundation’s signature music industry camp for high school students.
• Celine Dion – Her 72-year-old manager-husband Rene Angelil is recovering after secretly undergoing surgery for throat cancer, 15 years after he last battled the disease. Dion has been juggling her Las Vegas residency with nursing her man back to full health since he had the tumor successfully removed back on December 23rd.
• Dierks Bentley / OneRepublic – The 2 acts will feature in a new episode of “CMT Crossroads” on March 21st. The 1-hour special will feature unique mash-ups on OneRepublic hits like “Counting Stars” and “Good Life” and Bentley favorites like “Up On the Ridge” and “I Hold On”.
• Justin Timberlake – His “20/20 Experience” world tour will hit Australia later this year, beginning September 18th in Melbourne and wrapping up October 8th in Perth. This will be Timberlake’s first tour of Australia since 2007.
• Kanye West – “Yeezus” is set to hit the bigscreen. A film directed by Hype Williams, who directed past Kanye music videos, will now bring the “Yeezus” tour to cinemas. No release date has yet been set.
• One Direction – They’re estimated to collectively be worth over $160 million but Liam Payne and Louis Tomlinson make more money than the others. Why? They write many of 1D’s songs, and writers typically earn 9% of each track’s royalties.
• Pharrell Williams – His highly anticipated new album “G I R L”, released Monday, has already reached #1 on iTunes’ top albums chart in more than 65 countries.
• Rihanna – She’s being tapped to create a concept album based on the upcoming DreamWorks Animation movie, “Home”. She will also perform new songs in the film and provide the voice of one of the main characters.
• The Roots – They’re set to release another concept album as the follow-up to 2011’s “undun”. The new album is titled “And Then You Shoot Your Cousin” and Black Thought tells “XXL” it’s hopefully coming out sometime this Spring.

A statistical look at who we are and the things we do …
• 80% of the money spent in drugstores is spent by women.
• 78% of us watch videos online; 58% prefer ‘humorous videos, especially those involving cats and babies’.
• 54% of us experience back pain during the day, and two-thirds of sufferers say it’s worse in the morning.
• 33% of us singles say they might not date someone just because of their name.
• 15% of office workers keep a secret stash of food in their desks.
• 3% of marriage proposals happen in a car.

✓ Remove strawberry stems & leaves with a straw. Simply shove it up through the bottom.
✓ A rubber band can help you prevent a mess while painting. Stretch it around the can so it bisects the opening, giving you a place to wipe excess off your brush.
✓ Stack your clothes vertically in dresser drawers so that you can see them all.
✓ Use a hair clip to organize unruly electrical wires or to fasten them when rolled up for storage.
✓ A bread tab can be used to label your electrical wires.
✓ Make a circle in the middle of your leftovers when you heat them up in the microwave. They’ll warm more evenly.
✓ An old cassette tape case makes a great smartphone stand when fully opened.
✓ Fire up the end of a piece of spaghetti and use it to light hard-to-reach candle wicks.
✓ Use a clothespin to hold nails while hammering.

New cutting-edge vocab …
• ‘Binge-read’ – To indulge in an excess of reading, especially the books of a particular author or series. Publishers are trying to encourage the same type of user marathons that TV is experiencing online, particularly on Netflix.
• ‘Nana Technology’ – Not ‘nano technology’, which is about making everything minuscule. This is all about designing devices to improve the quality of life of the elderly (like your ‘Nana’). This can include microchip-based tools to keep them safe and be more mentally alert.
• ‘Perfection Fatigue’ – Mental exhaustion and stress caused by constantly trying to present oneself as perfect, or by constantly seeing doctored images in advertising, etc. One observer says we’re now gravitating toward people, images, and experiences that we deem to be authentic, unvarnished, and real.
• ‘Ugly Selfie’ – A deliberately unattractive self-portrait. A refreshing new trend to counter the bared midsections and flawless smiles used in most profile pics. The popularity of this is likely being fueled by the phenomenon described in the previous item.

Natural solutions you can gargle with to relieve the razorblade pain in your gullet …
• Apple cider vinegar and salt.
• Clove tea.
• Echinacea and water.
• Ginger, honey, and lemon in water.
• Green tea.
• Hot sauce and water.
• Licorice water.
• Raspberry tea.
• Sage and water.
• Salt and water.
• Tomato juice.
• Turmeric and water.
– Condensed from

• There is enough carbon in your body to make 9,000 pencils.
• An apple a day really does keep the doctor away, especially for the over-50s.
• On an average day, we spend 14 hours and 39 minutes sitting down.
• Your eyebrows renew themselves every 64 days.


1955 [59] Penn Jillette, Greenfield MA, Las Vegas magician (Penn & Teller)/TV personality (“All-Star Celebrity Apprentice”, “Penn & Teller Tell a Lie”)

1970 [44] John Frusciante, NYC, rock guitarist (formerly Red Hot Chili Peppers-“Snow [Hey Oh]”, “Dani California”)

1974 [40] Kevin Connolly, Patchogue NY, TV actor (“Entourage” 2004-11)/movie actor (“He’s Just Not That Into You”, “The Notebook”)

1974 [40] Eva Mendes, Miami FL, movie actress (“The Place Beyond the Pines”, “Fast & Furious” films)/has been dating actor Ryan Gosling since 2011

• “Ash Wednesday”, the beginning of Lent. Lent, of course, is supposed to be a time of spiritual preparation for Easter that generally involves fasting and penance. Catholic tradition dictates that the 40 days before Easter be a time of restrictions. So what are you giving up?
• Plastic (and Paper) Bags.
• Conventional Detergents.
• Clothes Dryer.
• Bottled Water.
• Conventional Toilet Paper/Paper Towels.
• 2 Degrees On the Thermostat.

• “Cheese Doodle Day”, honoring the snack food (aka “Cheezies”) made with cornmeal that has been puffed, baked, and coated with cheddar cheese. Morrie Yohai of The Bronx NY invented the cheese doodle in the 1940s.

• “Discover What Your Name Means Day”, when we’re encouraged to look up interesting tidbits about names as part of “Celebrate Your Name Week”.

• “Go Commando Day”, a tongue-in-cheek observance when we’re supposed to forego wearing underwear. Perhaps created by some laundry-challenged single guy out of necessity?

• “Mother-in-Law Day”, first celebrated 80 years ago on March 5, 1934. A similar “Mother-in-Law’s Day” is held on the 4th Sunday in October. To stay out of trouble, best remember both!

• “Multiple Personalities Day”, saluting the adage ‘We have only one person to blame, and that’s each other.’ Can people with multiple personalities deduct themselves as dependents on their income tax?

2006 [08] Jon Stewart hosts the 78th “Academy Awards” (they should have kept him on as permanent host, no?)

2004 [10] The Sunday edition of Britain’s “Daily Mail” lists Paul McCartney’s worth at $1.3 billion

1994 [20] ‘World’s Largest Milkshake’ is created, at 1,955 gallons (Nelspruit, South Africa)

[Thurs] Day Of the Dude
[Thurs] Oreo Cookie Day
[Fri] “Mr Peabody & Sherman”; “300: Rise Of an Empire” open in movie theaters
[Fri] Day of Unplugging
[Sat] International Women’s Day
[Sun] Daylight Saving Time Begins (North America)
This Week Is … Women in Construction Week
This Month Is … International Listening Awareness Month


✗ “I see that this sale item is ripped/broken/torn to shreds. How much of a discount can I get?” (Why do you think it’s on sale, girl?)
✗ “What time do you close?” (How about now, loser?)
✗ “And how’s your day going?” (Actually my feet kill and that sweater you’re holding? I’ve hung it up 50 times in the past hour.)
✗ “Oh … you don’t look like you work here.” (And I sure as hell wish I didn’t.)
✗ “Just to let you know, my kid just dropped her Cheerios/juice/gum all over the floor.” (Sorry? Do I look like a maid?)
✗ “Can you go to the stock room and check to see if you have this in my size?” (So you can hem and haw and eventually pass on it? No.)
✗ “I used to have a retail job a lot like yours …” (How fascinating. Sucks to be us.)
✗ “Why are the clothes so ugly this season?” (Couldn’t tell ya. Didn’t make ‘em and I hardly sell ‘em.)
✗ “You must love your job.” (Ha ha ha. No.)
– Adapted from

☎ What’s the biggest challenge when planning a family vacation?

In Hawaii, what do they call it when sulphuric fumes from volcanoes hang in the air?
a. Snog.
b. Vog. [CORRECT]
c. Schtink.

It’s not that the man couldn’t juggle, it’s just that he didn’t have the balls to do it.

Question: Doing THIS for 15 minutes burns as many calories as 1 hour of moderate exercise.
Answer: Shivering.

If all you have is a hammer, everything looks like a nail.

Printer Friendly Version