Thursday, March 7, 2013            Edition: #4936

Bully For You!

BS SHOW BIZ BUZZ:
Demi Moore is finally filing divorce papers 16 months after splitting up with Ashton Kutcher, an insider saying she’s tired of trying to reach a settlement and is now willing to let the divorce go to trial (just the threat of that may generate a rapid deal) . . . Carrie Fisher has confirmed she will reprise her ‘Princess Leia’ character in Disney’s upcoming “Star Wars” reboot (at age 56, the cinnamon bun hairdo is looking a tad stale) . . . This week BBC Radio 1 deejay Chris Stark came across as so honestly nervous when interviewing actress Mila Kunis, she agreed to join him for a fast-food lunch and to watch his favorite football team, Watford (her savvy PR people have made it into a viral video) . . . Online gossipers are talking about how Duchess of Cambridge Kate Middleton’s baby bump seems to have disappeared (seems we’re going to go through a Beyoncé-style belly watch all over again) . . . Showtime has confirmed that the upcoming 8th season of “Dexter” (debuting June 30th) will be the last (mostly cuz there’s no one left in Miami for him to kill) . . . Jon Stewart is taking a 12-week Summer hiatus from “The Daily Show” to make his feature film directing debut with “Rosewater”, an Iran-centered drama (“Daily Show” regular John Oliver will be guest host) . . . And 44-year-old actress Jennifer Aniston is reportedly going to wed fiancé Justin Theroux in Hawaii within a matter of weeks (before Brangelina can steal their thunder at the end of May, dammit).

TODAY’S SHOW BIZ SKED:
• “American Idol” (FOX/CTV) – The top 10 finalists are revealed.
• “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC/CityTV) – Rival Sons (“Head Down”).
• “Late Show With David Letterman” (CBS/NTV/Omni1) – A$AP Rocky (“Purple Swag”). Rerun.
• “Muddy Waters & The Rolling Stones Live” (PBS) – The Stones play with bluesman Muddy Waters in his Checkerboard Lounge while touring America in 1981.
• “Tonight Show With Jay Leno” (NBC/CTV2) – Eli Young Band (“Life At Best”). Rerun.

BS MUSIC NOTES:
• Aerosmith – Hawaii state senators have voted in favor of the so-called ‘Steven Tyler Act’, a bill to protect the privacy of celebrities while vacationing there. The legislation will make it easier for stars to sue snappers who try to photograph them while visiting the islands.
• Alicia Keys – Tonight the 25-city North American leg of her “Set the World on Fire” tour begins in Seattle WA, running through April 20th in Nassau, Bahamas before heading overseas. R&B singer Miguel is the opening act. Her latest studio album, “Girl On Fire”, debuted at #1 in December.
• Carly Rae Jepsen – Both she and Train have dropped out of appearing at this July’s Boy Scouts of America Jamboree in West Virginia, citing the organization’s opposition to gay scouts. (Is there a badge for that?)
• Fatboy Slim – Last night Fatboy (real name Norman Cook) became the 1st DJ to ever perform at Britain’s House of Commons when he played a show at the parliamentary house’s terrace bar. The performance was part of an event for Last Night a DJ Saved My Life Foundation.
• Maroon 5 – Frontman Adam Levine has been living the good life since he was in diapers. Raised in LA’s celebrity-studded Pacific Palisades neighborhood, his kindergarten buddies included actors Jason Segel and Jake Gyllenhaal.
• Prince – Tonight “The Music of Prince” tribute show at NYC’s Carnegie Hall raises funds for music education programs. The line-up of performers includes Bettye LaVette, Booker T, D’Angelo, and Elvis Costello. The Roots are the house band for the event.
• Taylor Swift – In a new interview with “Vanity Fair”, she hits back at Tina Fey & Amy Poehler for mocking her love life at the Golden Globe Awards, calling the jabs ‘sexist’. (She’s waaaaay overexposed and now she’s losing her sense of humor. Is she killing her own career?)

COMING ATTRACTIONS:
A BS selection of movies in the making …
• “Anchorman: The Legend Continues” – 70-year-old Harrison Ford is set to show off his comedy talents playing a veteran news reader in Will Ferrell’s upcoming “Anchorman” sequel, according to “Hollywood Reporter”. Kristen Wiig (“Bridesmaids”) has also joined the cast. The comedy begins shooting this month in Atlanta GA and is due for release in December.
• “The Longest Ride” – Author Nicholas Sparks has become the go-to guy for female-driven romance films with 8 of his books turned into movies, including “The Notebook” and “Safe Haven”. Word has it he’s received $5 million up front for screen rights to his new novel which won’t even be published until September. The film’s expected for Valentines weekend in 2015.
• “A Million Ways to Die In the West” – Oscar host and “Family Guy” creator Seth MacFarlane is working on a comedy Western that focuses on a cowardly farmer (MacFarlane) who is dumped by his girlfriend (Amanda Seyfried) when he ducks out on a gunfight. To try and win her back he hires an outlaw’s wife (Charlize Theron) to teach him to shoot. Filming begins in May.
• “Nina” – Singer Mary J Blige was cast to play jazz & blues singer-pianist Nina Simone (1933-2003) in this bio-pic due later this year, but had to bow out due to scheduling issues. She’s been replaced by actress Zoe Saldaña (“Star Trek”), which hasn’t gone over well. An online petition is demanding Saldaña be dropped for someone ‘who actually looks like Nina Simone’.
• “Unbroken” – Angelina Jolie’s next directorial venture is the true story of Lou Zamperini, a high school track star who raced in the 1936 Berlin Olympics, survived 47 days in shark-infested waters after his plane crashed in the Pacific during WW2, then was captured and held as a POW for 2 years. Jolie will have bigtime help … the film’s being scripted by the Coen Bros.

NOTORIOUSLY LATE PERFORMERS:
A word to the late Justin Bieber: You’re in good (bad?) company. Witness these other latecomers …
✗ Guns ‘N Roses – Axl Rose simply will not be rushed. In 2010, the band showed up at 11.15 pm for a Manchester UK arena show … scheduled to finish at 11 pm.
✗ Lauryn Hill – Regularly tardy, the worst instance was during a 2010 ‘comeback tour’ when she arrived 4 hours late for a Brooklyn NY gig amid cups and bottles being hurled by angry fans.
✗ Madonna – During the “MDNA” tour last year, she turned up 2½ hours late for a show in Philadelphia PA, and over 3 hours late for a performance in Miami FL.
✗ Sly Stone – During their heyday in the ‘60s, the Sly & the Family Stone frontman was known for being late or completely missing shows. At Coachella in 2010, he was late by 3 hrs, 45 mins.
✗ Snoop Dogg (Lion) – At Hove Music Festival 2012 in Norway, he appeared 5 hours late after being detained at the airport coming into the country. Might’ve been the 8 grams of marijuana?
– Condensed from Telegraph.co.uk

iWATCH:
Apple has a team of about 100 product designers working on a wristwatch-like device that may perform some of the tasks now handled by the iPhone and iPad, according to insiders who wish to remain anonymous because plans are still under wraps. Features under consideration include letting users make calls, check map coordinates, use a pedometer, and monitor health-related data such as heart rate. Apple is looking to introduce the device as soon as this year, perhaps explaining why it has filed at least 79 patent applications that include the word ‘wrist’. (This is actually old school … “Dick Tracy” got a ‘2-Way Wrist Radio’ in the comics in 1946.)
– Bloomberg.com

TOO STUPID FOR US TO MAKE UP:
• Baby on board! Cincinnati OH zoo workers are wearing all-black outfits, grunting, and generally imitating mother gorillas in order to help a month-old baby adjust to her new home and get ready for a surrogate mom. Later they will don hairy vests, knuckle-walk, and carry baby ‘Gladys’ on their backs, even when they climb trees.
– Associated Press
• No wonder they want an A-bomb! Iran has come up with a new way to fight its growing rat problem … snipers. The country has deployed sharpshooters around the capital city of Tehran to shoot the pesky rodents – some of which are said to be as large as cats – after an earlier plan to poison the pests had little effect.
– NYPost.com
• It’s a maxi-pad! A Boston MA construction worker who recently fell 30 feet (9 m) was spared serious injury because he landed … on bubble wrap. The 38-year-old fell off a building and landed in a pile of bubble wrap taken from the construction site’s scaffolding. He suffered back and shoulder injuries, but nothing serious.
– United Press International
• Don’t give him the car keys! A 5-year-old British boy asked his parents for the password for the family iPad so he could download the free game “Zombies vs Ninjas”. But once he began playing the game, he ordered a series of weapons add-ons that cost up to $99.99 each. The total bill: $2,500 … in just 15 minutes.
– Mashable.com

EVERYDAY THINGS YOU NEVER KNEW HAD NAMES:
• Dysania – The state of finding it hard to get out of bed.
• Glabella – The space between your eyebrows.
• Interrobang – The combination of a question mark and exclamation mark to indicate ‘WTF’. (?!).
• Misophania – Annoyance caused by someone eating or breathing too loudly.
• Morton’s Toe – When your 2nd toe is longer than your big toe.
• Nare – A nostril hole.
• Nurdle – A tiny dab of toothpaste.
• Phosphenes – The lights you see when you close your eyes tightly.
• Wamble – A rumbling in the stomach.
• Zarf – The cardboard coffee cup sleeve that prevents you from burning your fingers.
– Adapted from Buzzfeed.com

YOU TUNE:
YouTube is launching a subscription music service later this year. It will likely have some overlap with new features also rumored to be coming to Google’s Android music platform, Google Play. Google Play for Android is a digital locker for music where users buy, store, and sort a collection of tracks; but on YouTube’s coming service, anyone can listen to tracks for free. Both services are said to be adding a subscription fee that will unlock additional features. For the YouTube-based service, this will likely mean ad-free access. (See if you can add up all the ways to store and play music that you’ve experienced in your lifetime.)
– Excerpted from “Fortune”

AIRLINE SECURITY GETTING LESS DUMB:
It’s been announced that the US Transportation Security Administration will let passengers carry small pocket knives onto airplanes for the first time since 9/11, along with golf clubs, hockey sticks, and plastic Wiffle Ball bats. The change, to conform with international rules, takes effect April 25th. Knives with retractable blades must be shorter than 6 cm or 2.5 inches (think Exacto-style knives). Also coming off the prohibited list: Lacrosse sticks, billiard cues, ski poles, and golf clubs … but (huh?) only a maximum of 2. (However, thanks to that botched stunt by the so-called ‘shoe bomber’ 12 years ago, you’ll still have to embarrassingly remove your footwear to go through security.)
– Bloomberg News

FOR THE RECORD:
Employees of United Arab Emirates manufacturing company MSSL Mideast already hold 4 Guinness World Records: ‘Most People Polishing Shoes’, ‘Most People Opening Bottles Simultaneously’, ‘Longest Balloon Train’, and ‘Longest Conga Dance Line’. But apparently that’s just not enough. They’ve just submitted 4 new workplace activities to Guinness for verification: ‘Most People Wearing Paper Hats’, ‘Largest Barefoot Race’, ‘Longest High-Five Chain’, and ‘Largest Hopping Race’. (Is this a fun place to work or what?)
– Sourced from “Globe & Mail”

BS AMAZING FACT:
Drone operators experience post-traumatic stress at the same rate as combat pilots.
– “New York Times”

BS CHRONOMETER 03.07.13


TODAY’S CELEBIRTHDAYS . . .
1956 [57] Bryan Cranston, Canoga Park CA, TV actor (3 Emmy Awards as ‘Walter White’ on “Breaking Bad” 2008-13, “Malcolm In the Middle” 2000-06)

1971 [42] Rachel Weisz, London UK, movie actress (Oscar-“The Constant Gardener”, “The Mummy”)

1974 [39] Jenna Fischer, Fort Wayne IN, TV actress (‘Pam Beesly’ on “The Office” 2005-13)/movie actress (“Hall Pass”, “Blades of Glory”)

1975 [38] TJ Thyne, Boston MA, TV actor (‘Dr Jack Hodgins’ on “Bones” since 2005)

TODAY’S BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .
• “Cereal Day”, a day to share in the delights of crunchy ‘n crispy breakfast cereals. Celebrated on the anniversary of the world’s first corn flakes being served to Dr John Kellogg’s sanatarium patients in Battle Creek, Michigan (1897).

• “World Maths Day”, instigated by some numbers geek somewhere. Go figure.

THIS DAY IN SHOW BIZ . . .
2007 [06] A British movie theater allows a patron to propose to his girlfriend with a 3-minute video inserted among the trailers before the main feature

TODAY’S MUSIC EVENT . . .
2006 [07] Rod Stewart is ordered to pay $3 million to Harrah’s in Las Vegas after defaulting on a show in 2000 (leading to yet another horrific covers album)

TODAY’S FIRST . . .
2010 [03] Kathryn Bigelow (“The Hurt Locker”) becomes the 1st female director to win an Oscar

TODAY’S RECORD . . .
1992 [21] ‘World’s Largest Crêpe’ is fried and flipped in Bloemfontein, South Africa (41 feet, 2 inches in diameter; an inch-and-a-half deep; weighing 5,908 lbs)

COMING UP . . .
[Fri] “Dead Man Down”; “Oz The Great & Powerful” open in movie theaters
[Fri] International Women’s Day
[Fri] “SXSW” begins (Austin TX)
[Sun] Daylight Saving Time begins
[Sun] Check Your Batteries Day
This Week Is … Women in Construction Week
This Month Is … Humorists are Artists Month

BULL’S BITS


BS HORRIBLESCOPES:
Use ‘em all at once or one-at-a-time as the zodiac reading of the day …
• Aries – Beauty is in the eye of the beholder and are you ever gonna need some beholdin’ today!
• Taurus – Love comes in all shapes and sizes. By the time you find yours, all the good shapes and sizes will be gone.
• Gemini – Your love life is ready to flourish and it’s all because you bought that wonderful hat the other day. You did buy it … didn’t you?
• Cancer – Don’t be so smug. ‘Employee of the Month’ awards carry a penalty … the penalty of ridicule.
• Leo – Love is such a simple thing, especially when you’re involved. So how about taking a break from getting involved and trying a hands-off approach for a while?
• Virgo – Be aware that marrying your own pets is not allowed in most countries.
• Libra – People will tease you about wearing your golf shoes indoors today. They’re undoubtedly just jealous.
• Scorpio – Unfortunately, they’ll only investigate once they’re sure you’re dead and the murderer has left the crime scene.
• Sagittarius – The future holds much joy and happiness for someone close to you. Unfortunately, not for you.
• Capricorn – Inner beauty is what counts and today someone will look beyond the skin-bag that is your face and feel their heart beating for the first time in years.
• Aquarius – A special someone will furnish you with a gift today. All signs point to it being a single shoe … possibly a brogue.
• Pisces – The countries that have issued orders for your arrest will close in today and cause you to go without clean pants for the next 2 days.

BS PHONE STARTER:
☎ In what inappropriate setting have you texted someone? In the shower? In a meeting? During a religious service? During sex?

BS RANDOM JOKE:
Must go … my Rottweiler needs his teeth sharpened.

BS WATER COOLER QUESTION:
Question: About half of men think that a woman looks hot when she wears THIS.
Answer: A baseball cap. (Especially with a ponytail poked through the back, right?)

BS DEEP THOUGHT:
Actions take a moment, consequences last a lifetime.


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