Tuesday, March 8, 2011        Edition: #4457
If the Sheet Fits, Buy It!

BS SHOW BIZ BUZZ:
Troubled actor Charlie Sheen tells “Access Hollywood” he’s planning to visit Haiti because he wants to help focus the world’s attention back on the devastated Caribbean nation (haven’t those people been through enough?) . . . Oprah Winfrey has taken to Twitter to deny reports she’s planning to host a live show in Cairo’s now famous Tahrir Square (she’s also not planning to take her talk-fest to Tripoli) . . . Actress Kate Winslet tells “Vogue” magazine that her single status since splitting from director Sam Mendes has been ‘empowering’ and she is ‘embracing life’ as a single mother-of-two (BS translation: I’m lonely as hell) . . . Just as “Transformers: Dark Of the Moon” is about to be unleashed July 1st, director Michael Bay is finally admitting in “Empire” magazine the last film, “Transformers: Revenge Of the Fallen” was ‘crap’ (welcome to our world, buddy!) . . . Today’s weird couple: Ashlee Simpson & Travis Barker are rumored to be hooking up (cool, he can play drums to her lip-syncing!) . . . Actor Steve Carell has just shot his final scene on “The Office” (NBC), although his ‘Michael Scott’ character may briefly return to the series in the future (will you watch the show without him?) . . . 34-year-old actor Ryan Reynolds (‘Sexiest Man Alive’) has moved on from ex-wife Scarlett Johansson, keeping time with hot German model Agnes Fischer, who’s turning 25 this week (this is so unfair – what’s he got besides smouldering good looks and lots of money?)  . . . If you believe “Enquirer”, actress Penelope Cruz hates her brother’s ‘fame-hungry, B-list’ girlfriend, Eva Longoria of “Desperate Housewives” (cat fight!) . . . And it’s been revealed 47-year-old actor Mike Myers (“Shrek” films) has wed longtime girlfriend Kelly Tisdale in a private NYC ceremony and managed to keep it secret – for 5 months! (that’s nothing, he’s kept his career quiet for like 5 years).

TODAY’S SHOW BIZ SKED:
• “Conan” (TBS/CTV) – Drive-By Truckers (“Go-Go Boots”).
• “Gayle King” (OWN) – John Legend (“Wake Up!”).
• “Glee” (FOX/Global) –Gwyneth Paltrow returns as sex ed substitute teacher ‘Holly Holiday’ and helps the glee club out with some new numbers; ‘Emma’ becomes head of the Celibacy Club.
• “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC/CityTV) – One Eskimo (“One Eskimo”).
• “Kenny Rogers: The First 50 Years” (GAC) – A salute to the country crooner’s half-century in show biz, featuring performances by Billy Currington, Dolly Parton, Lionel Richie, Tim McGraw, Wynonna Judd and others.
• “Last Call With Carson Daly” (NBC) – Mini Mansions (“Mini Mansions”).
• “Late Show With David Letterman” (CBS/Omni) – Best Coast (“Crazy for You”).
• “Tonight Show With Jay Leno” (NBC/A Channel) – Aerosmith’s Steven Tyler (“American Idol”); Diane Birch (“The Velveteen Age”).

BS MUSIC NOTES:
• Christina Aguilera – Her record label is being sued over rights to the 1968 song “Hippy Skippy Moon Strut”, which was sampled in her tune “Ain’t No Other Man”. The battle is over who is now the rightful owner of the song that was originally recorded by Dave Cortez & The Moon People.
• George Michael – The aging Brit pop singer is single after splitting from longtime partner, Texas art gallery owner Kenny Goss. Goss is said to have ended the 15-year relationship because they spend so much time apart.
• Jeff Beck Group – 66-year-old guitar hero Jeff Beck says he and his 1960s rock group’s former frontman Rod Stewart have begun working on their first album together in over 40 years.
• Justin Bieber – The just-turned-17-year-old has told his Twitter nation he’s not shaving for a month so we can see his mustache. Yeah right, if you drink a lot of milk maybe.
• Ke$ha – She’s just tattooed a fan, presumably at the fan’s request, giving him some sort of ink blob on the ankle by the looks of the YouTube post.
• Lupe Fiasco – The Chicago rapper’s new album “Lasers” is out today. He’s celebrating with an album release concert at NYC’s Webster Hall.
• REM – Their new album “Collapse Into Now” comes out today but their manager says the band is unlikely to tour in support of it. Are we getting older?
• Sara Evans – Today she releases her 6th studio album “Stronger”, which includes her current country single “A Little Bit Stronger”.
• Toby Keith – Today the DVD “10” is released, compiling 10 of his best music videos, from his first (“Should’ve Been a Cowboy”) to his latest (“Bullets In the Gun”).

TODAY’S VIDEO RELEASES:
• “Inside Job” ( PG-13 Documentary ): Filmmaker Charles Ferguson examines the causes of the 2008 global financial meltdown, which cost over $20 trillion and resulted in millions of people losing their homes and jobs. Narrated by actor Matt Damon.
• “Jackass 3D” (  R-Rated Action Comedy ): Johnny Knoxville, Steve-O, Bam Margera and company return for the 3rd installment of their TV show spin-off, in which dangerous stunts and explicit public displays rule. Also available in an ‘Unrated Limited Edition’.
• “Kenny Chesney: Summer in 3-D” ( G-Rated Music Documentary ): Highlights of the country superstar’s “Sun City Carnival” tour performances in Pittsburgh, Philadelphia, Seattle, Indianapolis, and Foxboro, Massachusetts in the Summer of 2009.
• “Morning Glory” ( PG-13 Comedy ): Rachel McAdams plays the ambitious producer of a struggling morning TV talk show who recruits a broadcasting dinosaur (Harrison Ford) to turn things around. Co-stars Diane Keaton, 50 Cent, Jeff Goldblum, Ty Burrell (“Modern Family”).
• “The Next Three Days” ( PG-13 Crime Thriller ): Russell Crowe plays a husband who decides to break his wife (Elizabeth Banks) out of prison due to her deteriorating condition 3 years into her life sentence for murder. Co-stars Liam Neeson, Olivia Wilde (“House”).
• Also released today: “Colin Mochrie & Brad Sherwood: Two Man Group” (Comedy); “Hannah Montana Forever: Final Season” (TV); “NFL Super Bowl XLV: Green Bay Packers Champions” (Sports Doc); “Rediscover the Ancient Mysteries of Egypt” (Documentary); “SpongeBob SquarePants: The Great Patty Caper” (Animation); “VeggieTales: ‘Twas The Night Before Easter” (Animation); and “The Walking Dead: Season 1” (TV).

TWITTER TREASURES:
Charlie Sheen hit the 1 million follower mark just 26 hours after starting his Twitter page, a record for the social network. Impressive, but why do stars bother posting updates about their day-to-day lives? The answer is … money! A company called Ad.ly pays celebrities to endorse brand names such as Sony, Microsoft, and Lionsgate Films when they make posts on Twitter and/or Facebook. It’s no secret that Kim Kardashian gets paid thousands a day for her tweets. So if  you think Sheen joined Twitter to share his long, strange trip on the downward spiral for your amusement, you’re wrong. He’s just one of roughly 1,000 celebs who’ve partnered with the ad-flogging firm in order to line their pockets. (So why do we ‘follow’ these folks again?)
NET: http://ad.ly
– “Hollywood Reporter”

LIFE BY THE NUMBERS:
A BS breakdown of life by the numbers …
• 83% of men say they would be ‘more than happy’ to have a fling with a woman 10 years older.
• 75% of adults don’t spend their pocket change, just collect it.
• 66% of men say they are ‘completely reliant’ on their partners for what they eat and when.
• 63% of balding men feel that hair-loss has negatively affected their careers.
• 37% of pet-owning couples say they would want their pet to attend their wedding.
• 6% of us claim we have NEVER used a curse word.

TOWARD TABLE TALK:
Sometimes a family forgets how to connect around the dinner table. Julie Ross, author of “Practical Parenting For the 21st Century”, suggests you can get the conversation rolling by taking turns talking about …
• The funniest thing that happened to you today.
• A strong feeling you had (happy, sad, frustrated, angry) and why.
• A person (teacher, friend, colleague) you enjoyed being with and what you did together.
Ross claims that if you try her methods out, your kids will soon be taking the table-talk lead.
– “ Working Mother Magazine”

MOST MOVING MOMENTS IN  MOVIES:
The all-time most heart-tugging movie scenes, as ranked by a new poll of 2,000 film fans …
5. When the besieged cowboys leap out of their bunker with guns blazing in “Butch Cassidy & The Sundance Kid” (1969).
4. The moment when tragedy touches the life of the fawn in “Bambi” (1942).
3. ‘Rocky’s big fight scene in the original “Rocky” film (1976).
2. When the toys hold hands and prepare to face their fate in a pit of fire in “Toy Story 3” (2010).
1. ‘ET’s emotional goodbye scene in “ET: The Extra-Terrestrial” (1982).
– DailyMail.co.uk

DID YOU KNOW?
• In our world of 7 billion people, the ‘most typical’ person is male, right-handed, and of Chinese descent … but not for long. By 2030 the Indian population will outstrip that of China.
– “National Geographic”
• Not eating breakfast makes you 4-and-a-half times more likely to be obese. The heartier your first meal, the better when it comes to maintaining a svelte figure.
– “Journal of Epidemiology”
• 80% of all antibiotics used in America are used in animal agriculture. Scientists fear that this extreme overuse of antibiotics is putting children and seniors at serious risk.
– HuffingtonPost.com

BS CHRONOMETER 03.08.11

TODAY’S CELEBIRTHDAYS . . .
1945 [66] Micky Dolenz, LA CA, oldies singer (The Monkees-I”m a Believer”, “Last Train to Clarksville”)  BS FACTOID: The Monkees are celebrating their 45th anniversary with a tour starting May 12th in Liverpool UK. The North American leg launches June 3rd in Atlanta GA.

1976 [35] Freddie Prinze Jr, LA CA, TV actor (“24” 2010, “Freddie” 2005-06)/movie actor (“Scooby-Doo” movies, “She’s All That”)/Mr Sarah Michelle Gellar since 2002

1979 [32] Tom Chaplin, Battle UK, pop singer (Keane-“Is It Any Wonder?”, “Somewhere Only We Know”)

1979 [32] Andy Ross, Worcester MA, rock guitarist (OK Go-“Here It Goes Again”, “Get Over It”)

1982 [29] Kat Von D (Katherine von Drachenberg), Monterrey, Mexico, tattoo artist/reality TV star (“LA Ink” since 2007, “Miami Ink” 2005-06)/engaged to West Coast Choppers CEO-reality TV star Jesse James/former girlfriend of Motley Crue’s Nikki Sixx (2008-10)

TODAY’S BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .
• “Girls Write Now Day”, celebrating female writers worldwide as part of “International Women’s Day”.

• “International Women’s Day”, first suggested at a 1910 women’s conference in Copenhagen by activist Clara Zetkin. The first “IWD” was observed in Germany the next year, meaning the observance is celebrating 100 years this year. It’s a national holiday in China and Russia, where female workers are presented with flowers and gifts.
NET: http://www.internationalwomensday.com

• “Mardi Gras”/”Fat Tuesday”/”Shrove Tuesday”/”Pancake Day”/”Carnaval”, always 46 days before Easter and traditionally the final chance to indulge before the austerity of Lent. In Latin, ‘carne vale’ means ‘farewell to meat’. The day is marked by masked balls, lavish costumes, floats, parades, torchlight processions, dancing, fireworks, and feasting on all sorts of foods. Some of the biggest celebrations are in New Orleans, Louisiana; Rio de Janeiro, Brazil; and Nice, France. Many of the traditions date to the 14th century.

• “Olney Pancake Race”, when the women of Olney, England run a 415-yard course while carrying a pan of pancakes. The tradition goes back more than 500 years.
NET: http://www.olneytowncouncil.gov.uk/38/
For the past 60 years, a mirror event has been staged in Liberal, Kansas in which the town women compete against those in Olney UK for best time in the “International Pancake Race”.
NET: http://www.pancakeday.net

• “Unique Names Day”, a day to appreciate people who have unusual names as part of “Celebrate Your Name Week”. Many of those saddled with the most unusual names are the offspring of celebrities such as: ‘Apple’ (Chris Martin & Gwyneth Paltrow); ‘Audio Science’ (actress Shannyn Sossamon); ‘Blue Angel’ (U2′s The Edge); ‘Fuchsia’ (Sting); ‘Gulliver’ (actor Gary Oldman); ‘Jazz Domino’ (The Clash’s Joe Strummer); ‘Lark Song’ (actress Mia Farrow); ‘Memphis Eve’ (U2’s Bono); ‘Pilot Inspektor’ (actor Jason Lee); ‘Poppy Honey’ (chef Jamie Oliver); and ‘Seven Sirius’ (singer Erykah Badu).
NET: http://www.namesuniverse.com

TODAY’S MUSIC EVENT . . .
1962 [49] The Beatles make their TV debut on the BBC’s “Teenager’s Turn”, performing Roy Orbison’s “Dream Baby”

TODAY’S RECORD . . .
1985 [26] John McPherson of Newcastle, England sets a new record by kissing 4,444 women in 8 hours (ew, how’d you like to be sloppy number 4,443?)

AND REMEMBER . . .
[Wed] Ash Wednesday / Lent Begins
[Wed] Barbie Day
[Wed] Registered Dietitian Day
[Thurs] World Kidney Day
[Fri] “Battle: Los Angeles”; “Jane Eyre”; “Mars Needs Moms”; “Red Riding Hood” open in movie theaters
[Sun] Daylight Saving Time Begins
This Week Is … Professional Pet Sitters Week
This Month Is … Humorists are Artists Month

BULL’S BITS

BS SIGNS YOU’VE HAD TOO MANY PANCAKES ON PANCAKE DAY:
• You’re perspiring maple syrup.
• You got your special days mixed up and ended up eating 6 weeks-worth.
• Apple Computer wants to buy ad space on your belly.
• You’ve been assigned a probation officer … by Weight Watchers.
• They had to use the Jaws of Life to remove you from the breakfast nook.
• Your keyboard and mouse are just a tad out of reach this morning.
• The Red Cross has changed your blood type from ‘O’ to ‘Pancake Batter’.
– Adapted from MikesTopFive.com

BS PANCAKE RECORDS:
• Tallest Stack of Pancakes … 29.5 inches.
• Most Consecutive Pancake Flips … 416 in 2 minutes.
• Largest Pancake … 6,614 pounds.
• Highest Pancake Toss … 28 feet, 6 inches.
• Most Pancakes Made By an Individual in 1 Hour … 956.
• Most Pancakes Eaten by One Person … 72 (male); 48 (female).
– Couponsherpa.com

BULL’S EYE:
On “International Women’s Day”, a few ideas to further fuel the 3rd wave of feminism …
• Continue to promote pacifism as a foundation of the women’s movement. War may be men’s folly but women & children are its greatest victims.
• Look for inspiration from countries where gender equality seems to be flourishing, such as Iceland, Denmark, and Sweden.
• Be careful not to alienate the millions of men worldwide who support feminism and women’s equality. Embrace them; they are your allies!

BS RANDOM JOKE:
Some people say that I’m superficial … but that’s just on the surface.

BS U-PICK TRIVIA:
‘Product placement’ has become de rigeur in TV shows, movies, and music videos. Which product brand name was placed in more movies than any other in the last year?
a. Ford Motor Company.
b. Apple Inc. [CORRECT. It showed up in 10 of the year’s biggest box office hits, including “The Social Network”.]
c. Depends.
– BrandChannel.com

BS WATER COOLER QUESTION:
Today’s Question: Sleeping with THIS could be really, really bad for you.
Answer to Give Out Next Show: Your pet, thanks to the possibility of allergens, insomnia, parasites, and fungal infections. (TIME.com)

BS DEEP THOUGHT:
Marriage is the price men pay for sex; sex is the price women pay for marriage.


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