Wednesday, March 8, 2017 – Edition: #5927

If the Sheet Fits, Buy It!

BS SHOW BIZ BUZZ:
★ Actress Gal Gadot believes “Wonder Woman” is the superhero every young girl needs as a role model to look up to. The 31-year-old says she’s thrilled to be playing the superhero. Quote: [In movies] for girls, it’s always the princesses are being saved or being passive and finally we have ‘Wonder Woman’, she’s fearless, she’s proactive, she believes in herself. She believes she can do everything, and that’s a true woman for me.” The new movie “Wonder Woman” opens June 2nd, co-starring Chris Pine and Robin Wright.
– Collider.com
★ Mike Myers (“Austin Powers: International Man of Mystery”) has written a dramatic series for HBO that, if greenlighted, could serve as his return to TV. The Toronto ON-bred actor says the show would still include comedic elements, and it’s just one of a slew of projects that will bring him back into the spotlight. Myers says he would also be acting in the HBO series, which is part of a development deal he signed with the network in 2015. Myers’ comedy film “Wayne’s World” recently marked its 25th anniversary.
– CP
★ And Detroit Tigers pitching ace Justin Verlander has posted a teasing video of his model-fiancée Kate Upton that’s setting the internet ablaze. In the 15-second clip, Upton – wearing a purple bikini – does a seductive dance in a swimming pool. Upton’s latest viral moment comes just days after she revealed Verlander’s pre- and post-game routines. There’s no sex before a game, she tells “Watch What Happens Live”, and none after if he plays well. Quote: “What a buzzkill for me!” Upton has just become the fourth 3-time cover model in “Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue” history.
– Postmedia Network

TODAY’S SHOW BIZ SKED:
• “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC/CityTV) – Spoon (“Hot Thoughts”, out March 17th).
• “Last Call With Carson Daly” (NBC) – Bomba Estereo (“Amanecer”). Rerun.
• “Late Late Show With James Corden” (CBS/CTV) – Sting (“57th & 9th”).
• “Late Night With Seth Meyers” (NBC/CTV) – Old 97s (“Graveyard Whistling”).
• “Survivor: Game Changers” (CBS/Global) – “Survivor” debuted 17 years ago yet the iconic reality TV series is still going strong with its 34th season premiere. Tonight host Jeff Probst welcomes back some of the most notorious players to ever tackle the game.
• “Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon” (NBC/CTV2) – Steve Aoki & Louis Tomlinson (“Just Hold On”), Rerun.
• “Wendy Williams” (syndicated) – Becky G (“Play It Again”);

BS MUSIC NOTES:
• Azealia Banks – A NYC judge has issued a bench warrant for the rapper’s arrest after she failed to show up to a court hearing Monday. The 25-year-old stands accused of spitting at and biting a female bouncer at Manhattan’s Up&Down nightclub a year ago.
• Chance the Rapper – Former first lady Michelle Obama has praised the Grammy-winning artist (real name Chancelor Bennett) after he announced he’s donating $1 million to cash-strapped Chicago Public Schools.
• Ed Sheeran – His new album “Divide” has broken streaming records with more than 56 million streams on Spotify during its first 24 hours. That shatters the previous record by The Weeknd’s “Starboy”.
• George Michael– Yesterday a coroner ruled that he died of natural causes, specifically dilated cardiomyopathy with myocarditis and fatty liver. The former pop star passed away on Christmas Day at age 53.
• Little Big Town – They’ve revealed that Taylor Swift sent the hit song “Better Man” to them in an email and told them it was ”no big deal” if they didn’t want to record it. She also said she could only ”hear their voices on it”.
• Pharrell Williams – The 43-year-old has been awarded the Officier des Arts et des Lettres from the French Minister of Culture. The green & white medal is presented in recognition of contributions to the arts.
• Rascal Flatts – They’re releasing their 10th studio album, “Back to Us”, on May 19th.
• Roger Waters – He’s teasing music from his 1st solo album in almost 25 years. “Is This the Life We Really Want?” is scheduled to arrive on May 19th.
• Thomas Rhett – the name of his current “Home Town Tour” is inspired by his uncle who traveled to some 200 Widespread Panic concerts. The uncle noticed that wherever they were, the band would start the show with a shout-out to that city, like it was their own home town.
• Will.i.am – It’s confirmed the former Black Eyed Peas is returning to “The Voice UK” (ITV) for the 2018 season. He’s currently mentoring singing hopefuls alongside Jennifer Hudson, Tom Jones, and Gavin Rossdale (Bush).

UNHOLY HOOLIGANS:
A Russian legislator has a solution to soccer hooligan violence at the World Cup … make it a spectator sport! Igor Lebedev is proposing legalized fights at the 2018 World Cup in Russia. Organized groups of Russian fans fought English supporters on the streets of Marseille, France during the Euro Cup last year and that’s apparently inspired Lebedev, who sits in the Russian parliament, to draw up rules for what he calls ‘draka’ – the Russian word for fight – with 20 unarmed fighters on each side in an arena. He claims organized brawls “could turn fans’ aggression in a peaceful direction”. He also claims it would serve as an “example” for English fans, whom he characterizes as undisciplined louts and poor fighters. Russia could be a pioneer in a new sport, he enthuses. (Brawling. New Olympic event?)
– Guardian.co.uk

MALE OR FEMALE?
Many languages (ie: French, Spanish, Italian) assign gender to words, stipulating which are masculine and which are feminine. English does not do this, but if it did which would be which?
• Freezer Bags – Male, because they hold everything in, but you can see right through them.
• Photocopiers – Female. Once turned off, it takes a while to warm them up again. And while they are effective reproductive devices if the right buttons are pushed, they can wreak havoc if you push the wrong buttons.
• Tires – Obviously male, because they go bald easily and are often overinflated.
• Hot Air Balloons – Also male, because to get them to go anywhere you have to light a fire under their butt.
• Sponges – These are female, because they are soft, squeezable, and retain water.
• Websites – Female because they’re constantly being looked at and frequently get hit on.
• Trains – Definitely male because they always use the same old lines for picking up people.
• Egg Timers – Egg timers are female because, over time, all the weight shifts to the bottom.
• Hammers – Male, because in the last 5,000 years they’ve hardly changed at all but are still occasionally handy to have around.
– ListsOPlenty.com

DIGITAL DETOX:
Can’t unplug? A few tips on reducing ‘separation anxiety’ from your tech tools …
✓ Disconnecting completely, even for short periods, can help you build better habits.
✓ Carefully outlining why you’d like to change your media use can be a powerful way to fight digital-related anxiety.
✓ Using a reason to log off that resonates with your personal beliefs is a powerful deterrent, ie: improving your family life.
✓ Being clear to yourself about the tradeoff can help lessen fears and apprehensions about stepping away.
✓ Being honest with yourself about why you log on, and whether it benefits you, can also help you unplug.
– BBC Science & Technology

FROM THE BS POLL VAULT:
A statistical look at who we are and the things we do …
• 70% of women say they know a man trusts them when he gives them the keys to his car.
• 65% of tech users agree that periodically ‘unplugging’ or taking a ‘digital detox’ is important.
• 57% of people get a haircut before going on a vacation.
• 42% of people say that trying to find a good parking spot is ‘very stressful’ to them.
• 40% of women say that a man who wears a Bluetooth in the ear looks very uncool.
• 15% of people think bicycles should not be allowed on the road; they’re safer on sidewalks.

KIDS THESE DAYS:
Cursive writing is looping back into style in schools after a generation of students who know only keyboarding, texting, and printing words longhand. Alabama and Louisiana passed laws in 2016 mandating cursive proficiency in public schools, the latest of 14 US states that require it. And last Fall, the 1.1 million-student NYC schools, America’s largest public school system, began encouraging the teaching of cursive to students, generally in the 3rd grade. Penmanship proponents say cursive is just a faster, easier way of taking notes. Others say students should be able to read cursive, such as, say, a letter from grandma. And still more say it’s a good life skill to have, especially when signing your name. (Best of all … it looks fancy and signifies special effort when you write a personal note.)
– AP

BS BUZZWORDS:
Cutting-edge vocab …
• ‘Clean Sleeping’ – The practice of getting enough good quality sleep in order to improve or maintain one’s health.
• ‘Restify’ – To restore something to its original state and then modify it with new or improved features.
• ‘Sage Smudge’ – Burning sage in a room in order to purify it and remove negative energy.

ARTIFICIAL DATING:
Tinder wants Artificial Intelligence to set you up on a date. Tinder is by far the most popular dating app worldwide (600 million users and counting) and now it’s looking into what might be the most intriguing application of AI yet. The idea is that AI could sift possibilities then notify you, ie: “There’s someone down the street you might be attracted to. She’s also attracted to you. She’s free tomorrow night. We know you both like the same band, and it’s playing … would you like us to buy you tickets?” It seems a tad weird but dating, after all, is a numbers game; and right now the data that Tinder uses is primitive: age, location, mutual friends, and a few mutual interests. Why not make it even more likely you will swipe right? (Sounds a lot more involved than the cheesy dating app ‘Wanna?’)
– @BBC

QUESTIONS YOUR RÉSUMÉ MUST ANSWER QUICKLY:
In the old days your résumé could simply walk the reader through your career history. People took more time to read them back then. Nowadays your CV gets a quick glance at most, and has to do its job fast. It should answer these questions at first glance …
1. Do you know how to present yourself and your background?
2. Have you taken time to customize your résumé for the company and function you’re trying to get into?
3. Are you smart, conscientious and professional?
4. Does your career history make sense?
5. Can you do this job?
– Forbes.com

DID YOU KNOW?
A loaf of bread emits half a kilo of CO2.
– “New Scientist”

BS CHRONOMETER 03.08.17

TODAY’S CELEBIRTHDAYS . . .
1977 [40] James Van Der Beek, Cheshire CT, TV actor (“Don’t Trust the B–– In Apartment 23” 2012-13, “Dawson’s Creek” 1998-2003)

1979 [38] Andy Ross, Worcester MA, rock guitarist (OK Go-“Here It Goes Again”, “Get Over It”)

1982 [35] Kat Von D (Katherine von Drachenberg), Monterrey, Mexico, tattoo artist/reality TV star (“LA Ink” 2007-11, “Miami Ink” 2005-06)

TODAY’S BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .
• “Discover What Your Name Means Day”, when we’re encouraged to look up interesting tidbits about names as part of “Celebrate Your Name Week”.

• “General Strike: A Day Without a Woman”, an international women’s strike initiated by the organizers of the Women’s March (January 21st). Women in more than 30 countries are being urged to take the day off work if they can, or to show support in other ways if they can’t.
NET: https://www.womensmarch.com

• “International Women’s Day”, first suggested at a 1910 women’s conference in Copenhagen by activist Clara Zetkin. The first “IWD” was observed in Germany the next year. This year’s theme is #BeBoldForChange.
NET: http://www.internationalwomensday.com

• “Proofreading Day”, to promote accuracy in written messages. If you hate typos and grammatical errors, thIs iS yer dayb.

• “Registered Dietitian Day”, the 10th annual observance commemorating the dedication of RDs as advocates who advance our nutritional status.

THIS DAY IN SHOW BIZ . . .
2003 [14] The singing competition show “Nashville Star” debuts on USA Network (Miranda Lambert comes in 3rd on Season 1)

TODAY’S MUSIC EVENTS . . .
2010 [07] Lil Wayne begins serving a 1-year sentence on firearms charges at Rikers Island in NYC (released after 8 months)

2016 [01] AC/DC postpones the rest of their US tour after singer Brian Johnson is warned he’s going deaf (Axl Rose eventually takes over to complete the gigs)

2016 [01] Famed Brit record producer Sir George Martin (The Beatles) dies at age 90

TODAY’S FIRST . . .
2003 [14] 50 Cent’s 1st single, “In Da Club”, tops the chart for the 1st of 9 weeks

AND REMEMBER . . .
[Thurs] Get Over It Day
[Thurs] World Kidney Day
[Fri] “Kong: Skull Island”; “Raw” open in movie theaters
[Fri] International Bagpipe Day
[Sat] “Kids’ Choice Awards” (Nickelodeon)
[Sat] World Plumbing Day
[Sun] Daylight Saving Time begins
This Week Is … Professional Pet Sitters Week
This Month Is … Sing With Your Child Month

BULL’S BITS

DUMB ACCOUNTANT TAX TIPS:
• Hire yourself as an employee, fire yourself, sue yourself for discrimination, deduct court costs.
• Report $1 billion income so the tax people think you’re some sort of big shot.
• Answer every question “Wouldn’t you like to know?”
• Hide all money in mattress, but on tax return write “No money hidden in mattress.”
• If you’ve just eaten, don’t do taxes for at least a half-hour.
• For ‘Charitable Contributions’ list the $28 you spent on the last Jennifer Aniston movie.
• To distract the auditor, attach a photo of yourself naked.
• Constantly reminds you that you can’t spell ‘taxes’ without ‘CPA’.

BS U-PICK TRIVIA:
Which runs faster?
a. An average water faucet.
b. An average hippopotamus. [CORRECT. Tap water travels only 1 mph.]
c. An average Taco Bell customer after lunch.
– “Terribly Trivial!”

BS PHONE STARTER:
☎ Finish this sentence: “People are so stupid that …”

BS RANDOM JOKE:
Show respect for age. Drink good Scotch for a change.

BS WATER COOLER QUESTION:
Question: THIS is the largest human organ.
Answer: Skin. (8 lbs / 3.6 kg is the weight of the average person’s.)

BS DEEP THOUGHT:
The only thing most of us do better than anyone else is read our own handwriting.