Monday, May 30, 2005        Edition: #3044
Accept No Substitutes, Ask For 100% Pure BS!

BS LOOK AT THE WEEKEND TABLOIDS:
• Oscar-winning movie director Oliver Stone has been arrested for DUI and investigation of drug possession. He was released SATURDAY morning after posting $15,000 bail. This isn’t his first run-in with the law. In 1999, he was also pulled over in Beverly Hills and hashish was found in his car. (“Daily News”)
• Kendra Todd, Donald Trump’s first female “Apprentice” hireling, is taking a pay cut for the privilege of working with him. She says she’ll definitely be making less money than she was running My House Real Estate but she’s still excited because, to her, the $250,000 Trump pays is just a ‘base salary’. (“Palm Beach Post”)
• Bob Geldof has still not confirmed it’s even happening, but the US end of the “Live-Aid” sequel “Live 8″ concert will reportedly feature Outkast, Destiny’s Child, Black Eyed Peas, Linkin Park, Alicia Keys & Mary J Blige performing in Washington DC. The Brit component of the show will reportedly be staged in London’s Hyde Park. (“The Sun”)
• According to a cosmetic surgery-tracking Website, Jessica Simpson’s upper lip is looking a tad plump lately. “I feel sorry for that lip,” notes the site. “The poor thing looks like it wants to explode like an overcooked hot-dog wiener.” (AwfulPlasticSurgery.com)
• Katie Couric is said to be pushing for a new $100-million contract over 5 years to re-up as co-anchor of NBC-TV’s “Today Show”. She’s already TV’s best-paid journalist at $15 million per year and word is her new demand is causing friction with her co-host Matt Lauer … who only makes $8 million-a-year. (“National Enquirer”)
• Katie Holmes isn’t sporting a ring yet but she is reportedly engaged to Tom Cruise. Just a month after they went public with their relationship, she packed her bags and moved in with him and pals say she’s accepted a marriage proposal. Word is she’s also converting to Scientology. (“NY Post”)
• Cover your ears: Victoria Beckham is venturing back into the studio THIS SUMMER. She’ll be recording something with a ‘salsa feel’ in Madrid. (PopBitch.com)

“WEEKLY WORLD NEWS” HEADLINES:
• “Good Lord! Most Church-Going Guys Are Praying For Hot Sex!”
• “Fart Perfume Makes Big Stink in France!”
• “Bush Wants to Sell Hawaii!”
• “Soldier Frozen in 1942 is Alive!”
• “Earth Will Split in Half in 2 Months!”
• “Shocking New Reality TV Show – ‘Hooker Apprentice’!”

BS MUSIC NOTES:
• Ciara – She & rapper Bow Wow (Shad Anthony Moss) became an item while he was celebrating his 18th birthday in Cancun, Mexico in MARCH.
• Elton John – He’ll reportedly wed his 11-year, Toronto-born partner David Furnish on DECEMBER 21st. The Civil Partnership Bill will become UK law on DECEMBER 5th.
• Eminem – He’s bought 2 adjacent $1-million condos in Palms Place, the 50-story luxury residential tower to be built next to the Palms Casino Resort in Las Vegas NEXT YEAR.
• Good Charlotte – TONIGHT they’re on “Late Night With Conan O’Brien” on NBC-TV.
• Jessica Simpson – She’s recorded the ’60s Nancy Sinatra hit “These Boots Are Made for Walkin’” with Willie Nelson, who co-stars with her in the upcoming “Dukes of Hazzard” movie.
• Kenny Chesney – His JULY 30th Heinz Stadium concert in Pittsburgh PA with guests Keith Urban & Gretchen Wilson will be the focus of a TV special scheduled for NOVEMBER. Portions of the 1-hour ABC-TV show will also be filmed in the Caribbean.
• Mariah Carey – She’s notched her 16th #1 hit on the “Billboard” singles chart with “We Belong Together”. Only The Beatles (with 20) and Elvis Presley (18) have more number ones.
• Michael Jackson – Rev Jesse Jackson claims Jacko is not in debt, is not selling his Neverland Ranch, and has plans to open a theme park for children in Africa. Meantime, MJ is said to be in talks with casino king Steve Wynn to become the headliner at the new Wynn Hotel & Casino in Vegas, but the deal is contingent on him being found not guilty in his molestation trial.
• Sting – His wife Trudie Styler won $25,000 at this year’s Kentucky Derby after putting $500 on long-shot winner Giacomo, who was named after their 9-year-old son, Giacomo Luke.
• U2 – They took a break from their sold-out tour to record the tune “Tower of Song” in NYC club The Slipper Room for a documentary film about legendary Montréal songwriter Leonard Cohen.
• The Who – Pete Townshend & Roger Daltrey are developing a feature documentary about the band, scheduled to be released in theaters in mid-2006.

IT’S BAAAAAACK!
TONIGHT season 3 of the ‘Most Extensive Talent Search in Canadian History’ premieres on CTV as Ben Mulroney returns as host of “Canadian Idol”. Included are 7 contestants from Newfoundland, 6 from Nova Scotia, 8 from New Brunswick, 29 from Québec, 63 from Ontario, 17 from Manitoba, 13 from Saskatchewan, 26 from Alberta and 18 from BC. The first top 10 finalists will be picked JUNE 15th. (What happens to these ‘Idols’? Season 1 winner Ryan Malcolm’s official Website hasn’t been updated since NOVEMBER. His entire tour & appearance schedule entails ‘dates to be announced’.)
– “Toronto Sun”

THEY COME IN A CARTON OF 12:
It took 12 years to perfect it, but New Zealand inventor Burton Silver claims he’s developed the ‘oval golf ball’ which is more aerodynamically stable than the traditional round ball. Due to its 2 axis of spin, its flight path is more predictable and it’s virtually impossible to slice or hook. (Um, not to dampen your enthusiasm, mate – but what about the wonky putts?).
– “Science”

YOU’RE WORKING IN A PICK-UP JOINT:
Forget about hanging out in singles bars! Dennis Powers, author of the book “The Office Romance: Playing With Fire Without Getting Burned”, estimates that fully one-third of all romances now start at work, and half of them succeed – leading to long-term relationships or marriage. (Great, unless you’re a prison guard.)
– “The Guardian”

TRY THIS ONE OUT ON THE WIFE:
Italian psychologists at the Clinical Sexology Department in Rome claim cheating may actually improve a couple’s relationship. A study of 400 couples found evidence of increased sexual satisfaction when the male member had affairs. Researchers suggest men may get more confident after cheating and more able to satisfy their regular partner. (“Yes I’m having an affair, but I’m doing it for YOU, honey!”)
– ANI

NEW CANCER PREVENTION – SUNSHINE!
Some researchers now think that coating yourself with sunscreen may be worse for you than enjoying sunshine without it. Why? Sunscreen blocks the production of Vitamin D (nicknamed the ‘Sunshine Vitamin’) which our skin makes from ultraviolet rays. And Vitamin D increasingly seems important for preventing and treating many types of cancer. So the thinking is this: Even if too much sun leads to skin cancer, which is rarely deadly, too little sun may be worse because it causes more serious types. (Wouldn’t it be great if everything that supposedly bad for you turned out to be good?)
– AP

WHY WE’RE STILL TOO FAT:
Close to 70% of North Americans are overweight or obese, but only 30% are actively trying to lose weight. A new poll asks 6,000 adults the reason they don’t do anything about it …
1. Dislike of exercise. (22%)
2. Enjoying junk food too much. (21%)
3. Lack of willpower to stick to a plan. (15%)
– Yankelovich Preventative Healthcare Study

BS AMAZING FACT:
When a domestic cat goes mousing, it succeeds about every 3rd pounce.
– Knight-Ridder News.

AND WE QUOTE:
“I love this game.”  – “Desperate Housewives” star Eva Longoria in a new promo spot for the NBA in which she kisses the coveted Larry O’Brien Trophy … while in bed.

THE BULL SHEET 05.30.2K5

TODAY’S CELEBIRTHDAYS . . .
1946 [59] Don Ferguson, Montreal QC, radio/TV comic (“Royal Canadian Air Farce”)

1964 [41] Wynonna Judd (Christina Ciminella), Ashland KY, country singer (“Woman To Woman”)/5 Grammy Awards with mom Naomi as The Judds (“Love Can Build a Bridge”)/sister of actress Ashley Judd

1964 [41] Tom Morello, NYC, rock guitarist (Audioslave-“Your Time Has Come”, “Be Yourself”)

1971 [34] Patrick Dahlheimer, York PA, rock bassist (Live-“Lightning Crashes”)

BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .
TODAY is “Joan of Arc Feast Day” in France, honoring the ‘Maid of Orleans’ who was condemned as a heretic and burned at the stake at age 19 in 1431 (to celebrate, burn a steak  on the BBQ!).

TODAY Dreamland Resort in Nevada is hosting the ‘Area 51 50th Anniversary Campout Celebration’. Yep, it’s a US Memorial Day weekend party on the edge of the super-secret military base founded in May, 1955 at the south end of Groom Lake NV, the source of wild rumors about UFOs, aliens and the testing of futuristic weapons and aircraft. The hosts will lead expeditions and answer questions about what’s known about Area 51.
NET: http://www.dreamlandresort.com/campout.html

For some unknown reason, someone somewhere has declared TODAY “My Bucket’s Got A Hole In It Day” (which is far preferable to the other way around).

TODAY’S MUSIC EVENT . . .
1981 [24] The ‘Compact Disc’ (CD) is introduced (and 1st consumer pitches a fit trying to open the shrinkwrap)

TODAY’S FIRSTS . . .
1889 [116] 1st ‘Brassiere’ is invented (and the 1st teen boy has trouble opening the clasp)

1896 [109] 1st ‘Auto Accident’ as motorist Henry Wells of Springfield MA hits bicyclist Evelyn Thomas on a NYC street, breaking her leg (she’s immediately contacted by 1st ‘Personal Injury Attorney’)

1911 [94] 1st “Indianapolis 500″ race, won by Ray Harroun in 6 hours, 42 minutes averaging 74.59 mph (wins $14,250 … about $260,000 in today’s money)

COMING UP . . .
[Tues] Macaroon Day
[Tues] Save Your Hearing Day
[Tues] World No-Tobacco Day
This Week Is … Backyard Games Week
This Month Is … Motorcycle Safety Month

BULL’S BITS . . .
BS RULES OF OTTAWA:

• An honest answer can get you into a lot of trouble.
• A promise is not a guarantee.
• Chicken Little only has to be right once.
• If it’s worth fighting for, it’s worth fighting dirty for.
• The facts, although interesting, are irrelevant.

BS PHONE STARTER:
What’s your favorite shower singing tune? (According to a poll, the most sung shower tune is “Singing in the Rain”.)

BS WEB GOODIE:
Hey you frustrated musicians, it’s easy to make telephone music by using the touch-tones on your phone. For instance, let’s say you want to play the oldie “Louie Louie” – that’s 111-66-999-66. There’s a Website devoted to ‘ Telephone Songs’ or get listeners to play their own and award prizes for those you can actually recognize.
NET: http://www.jlc.net/~useless/telsongs.htm

BS BLATANT JOKES:
• So I ask the wife if she wanted to go the movies on the weekend. She says, I dunno, who’s the projectionist?
• My wife gives good headache.
• Today I am feeling ept, ane and sipid!
• The preceding 4 hours of total foolishness were the most important thing I will do all day.

BS WATER COOLER QUESTION:
Today’s Question: A recent survey found that THIS is the most overused phrase on résumés.
Answer to Give Out Next Show: ‘Great communication skills’.

BS DEEP THOUGHT:
Anything free is worth what you pay for it.


Printer Friendly Version