Monday, May 16, 2005        Edition: #3034
Get Your BS Here, Hot ‘N Fresh!

BS LOOK AT THE WEEKEND TABLOIDS:
• The buzz in Toledo OH is that Tom Cruise & Katie Holmes intend to fly in from Los Angeles by private jet sometime soon and stay a few days with the Holmes family. Cruise has reportedly laid the foundation for the visit by calling her parents a couple of times. They are said to be ‘concerned’ about the age difference – 42 vs 26. (“Star Magazine”)
• Actor Chris Tucker has pleaded guilty to charges stemming from that high-speed chase in Warrenton GA LAST MONTH. The “Rush Hour” star, who was clocked at 109 mph, told authorities he didn’t hear their sirens because he was on his way to church. The court didn’t buy that – he has been fined $7,000. (“E! Online”)
• Brad Pitt & Angelina Jolie reportedly traveled to Morocco for a 2nd secret rendezvous beginning APRIL 30th. A tabloid claims the fact they locked themselves away in a hotel suite for more than 24 hours makes a mockery of their denials that they’re lovers. (“National Enquirer”)
• Jennifer Lopez threw a hissy-fit when she saw how a behind-the-scenes documentary about her new album “Rebirth” made her look. Sony Music hired filmmaker DA Pennebaker, who did the critically-acclaimed Bob Dylan documentary “Don’t Look Back”, and both the company and J-Lo’s managers felt it captured the Jennifer they know so well. Lopez, however, was ‘stunned’ by her depiction, complaining about the sound of her voice and scenes showing her abusing employees. She won – the documentary was scrapped. (“Radar”)
• “Cannes Film Festival” chief Thierry Fremaux says Madonna was offered a role on this year’s jury but she turned it down because – she didn’t want to miss her weekly Kabbalah meetings back home in London. (“Daily Mail”)
• Paula Abdul’s buddies are claiming that failed “American Idol” contestant Corey Clark tried to blackmail her before he took the kiss-and-tell route. (“In Touch”)
• Usher & Beyoncé have reportedly agreed to star in a movie together. In the bigscreen version of the stage musical “Dreamgirls” about a ‘60s girl group, Beyoncé will play a singer and Usher a choreographer. Jamie Foxx has also agreed to a role in the movie, which is scheduled to begin shooting in JANUARY, 2006. (“The Sun”)
• The latest buzz couple in Lotus Land – “Day After Tomorrow” actor Jake Gyllenhaal & Hollywood hellcat Lindsay Lohan, who are reportedly clubbing together every chance they get. Lohan’s weight has been plummeting and she’s now said to be stick-thin. (“NY Post”)
• Runaway comedian Dave Chappelle has broken his silence and refuted rumors that he’s battling drug addiction or living in a mental hospital. Chappelle says he just needed a break and confirms he’s in South Africa, but denies reports he checked into an institution because he couldn’t handle his success. (“Daily News”)

TODAY’S SHOW BIZ SCHED:
• TODAY London’s Leicester Square hosts a “Star Wars” marathon to celebrate the UK premiere of the final film, “Revenge Of The Sith”. The day-long celebration (7am-midnight)  includes the back-to-back screening of all 6 movies and a concert of “Star Wars” music by the Royal Philharmonic Opera. Director George Lucas and star Hayden Christensen are expected to attend.
• TONIGHT on the season finalé of ABC-TV’s “The Bachelor”, Charlie O’Connell will bestow his final rose live … but he’s not saying whether he intends to propose.
• TONIGHT the Academy of Country Music’s ‘New Artist Nominees’ will perform for the 2nd annual “New Artists Show” in Las Vegas. Big & Rich, Josh Gracin, Julie Roberts, Josh Turner and Gretchen Wilson are set for the show leading up to TOMORROW night’s 40th “ACM Awards”.
• TONIGHT CBS-TV’s “Everybody Loves Raymond” ends its 9-year run with a series finalé set to air at 9pm.
• TONIGHT the American Society of Composers, Authors & Publishers presents producer/songwriter Jermaine Dupri with the ‘ASCAP Golden Note Award’ during the 22nd annual “ASCAP Pop Music Awards” gala at LA’s Beverly Hilton Hotel. The event will also honor the songwriters of ASCAP’s most performed songs of 2004.

BS MUSIC NOTES:
• Dave Matthews Band – TONIGHT they perform on “Late Show With David Letterman”.
• Destiny’s Child – They were reportedly paid $7 million to perform at a bar mitzvah for the son of British retail billionaire Philip Green. Some 200 guests were flown in by chartered jet to a $2,000-a-night hotel in the French Riviera resort of St Jean Cap Ferrat.
• Dierks Bentley – TONIGHT he’s on the “Tonight Show With Jay Leno”.
• 50 Cent – In a plea deal reached FRIDAY for allegedly trampling 2 women and punching another at a concert last year, he’ll avoid jail time by staying drug-free and not committing any crimes for the next 2 years.
• Jennifer Lopez – TODAY she does the “Ellen DeGeneres Show”.
• Justin Timberlake – He’s reportedly undergone throat surgery to remove benign nodules from his vocal cords.
• Little Texas – FRIDAY guitarist Dwayne O’Brien graduated with a Masters degree in Communication of Science, Engineering & Technology from Vanderbilt University in Nashville.
• Terri Clark – She’s announced her engagement to her longtime tour manager Greg Kaczor. The wedding is scheduled for THIS FALL.

HORIZONTAL THOUGHT:
New research by scientists at Northumbria University in northern England suggests that the best way to think is – lying down. In experiments, study subjects were able to solve problems more quickly when lying down compared with standing or sitting. (If this was true … Paris Hilton would be a genius.)
– “Sunday Times”

NEWS LEAK:
‘The Original Whizzinator’ has caught the attention of Washington. The makers of the prosthetic penis, which actor Tom Sizemore famously used to try to beat a drug test, have been subpoenaed to appear before a congressional subcommittee. Members of the US Congress Oversight & Investigations panel are said to be determined to ban the phony phallus, which has been a boon to drug users trying to beat urine tests. The gizmo makes use of powdered urine which is substituted for the real deal. LAST MONTH one of these gadgets was discovered in the luggage of NFL player Onterrio Smith of the Minnesota Vikings.
– “NY Post”

SLAP HAPPY BRITS:
The latest craze of bored, violent youth in the UK has been dubbed ‘Happy Slapping’ – committing random acts of assault on unsuspecting victims and filming them with a cellphone. London police have investigated some 200 incidents in the past 6 months and suspect that there must be hundreds more that were never reported. The videos of these assaults are then posted on Web forums where moronic thugs can get their rocks off watching unsuspecting bystanders get punched in the head or pushed to the ground. The forum is also home to some sage advice from fellow ‘Happy Slappers’ such as this timeless wisdom: “If you feel bored wen ur about an u got a video phone den bitch slap sum norman, innit.”
– “The Guardian”

TV MAKES YOU SMART?
In his new book, sociologist Steven Johnson suggests that complex storylines in TV shows such as “CSI” and “The Sopranos” help to get our brains working. After studying IQ tests conducted between 1943 and 2001, Johnson found that average intelligence has gone up by 17%. While common thinking suggests pop culture is following a steady decline toward the lowest common denominator, Johnson claims the exact opposite is true – it’s getting more intellectually demanding, not less. (Yeah, just watch any episode of “According to Jim”.)
– “The Mirror”

BS AMAZING FACT:
Pain travels through your body at a rate of 350 feet per second.

AND WE QUOTE:
“I’m more at home in England but it’s so f–ing expensive. I don’t know how people run cars, pay mortgages and go on holiday. You need to earn £5,000 (circa $10,000) a week.”
– Ozzy Osbourne telling “Now” magazine why he spends most of his time in the USA.

THE BULL SHEET 05.16.2K5

TODAY’S CELEBIRTHDAYS . . .
1953 [52] Pierce Brosnan, Navan, Ireland, movie actor (“Die Another Day”, “Tomorrow Never Dies”)  UP NEXT: He may or may not be in the next ‘James Bond’ film. “Casino Royale”, depending who you listen to.

1954 [51] Dafydd (Dave) Rhys-Williams, Saskatoon SK, NASA space shuttle astronaut (STS 90)

1966 [39] Janet Jackson, Gary IN, pop singer (“All For You”, “That’s The Way Love Goes”)/9th and youngest child in dysfunctional Jackson family

1971 [34] Rick Trevino, Austin TX, country singer (“Dr Time”, “Honky Tonk Crowd”)

1973 [32] Tori Spelling, Beverly Hills CA, bug-eyed, plastic-chested actress (“Scary Movie 2″, “Scream 2″)/ex-TV actress (“Beverly Hills 90210″ 1990-2000)/producer Aaron Spelling’s spoiled-rotten daughter

BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .
TODAY is “International Wear Something Purple for Peace Day”, the first intergalactic holiday, as declared by a wacko group called ‘The Moderns’ who contend aliens will not communicate with Earth due to our violent nature.

TODAY is “Biographers Day”, a day to start reading or writing a biography. What would you call yours?

THIS WEEK the 24th “Canada-Wide Science Fair” takes place in Vancouver, displaying over 400 projects from students across the country at UBC. So what’s the weirdest science on display?
PHONER: 604.443.7551
NET: http://www.cwsf2005.ca

THIS DAY IN SHOW BIZ . . .
1929 [76] The “Academy Awards” are inaugurated in Hollywood (“Wings” wins ‘Best Picture’)

2002 [03] “Star Wars Episode II: Attack of the Clones” opens in movie theaters

TODAY’S MUSIC EVENT . . .
2000 [05] Prince tells press conference he will go back to using his name instead of the unpronounceable symbol he adopted to ‘free himself from undesirable contracts’

TODAY’S FIRSTS . . .
1866 [139] 1st ‘Root Beer’ created (Charles Elmer Hires)

1891 [114] ‘Spam’ is introduced by Geo A Hormel & Co

1965 [40] ‘Spaghetti-Os’ 1st marketed (pink goo in a can)

2000 [05] Hillary Rodham Clinton is nominated to run for US Senator in New York, becoming 1st US First Lady to run for public office

COMING UP . . .
[1 week today] Victoria Day
[Tues] BC Election
[Tues] 40th Academy of Country Music Awards
[Wed] International Museum Day
[Thurs] “Star Wars: Revenge of the Sith” opens in movie theaters
[Thurs] “The Apprentice” season finalé
[Thurs] Saskatchewan Centennial Gala
[Fri] 32nd Daytime Emmy Awards
[Fri] 11th Bike to Work Day
[Sat] Wait Staff Day
[Sat] 2005 Preakness Stakes

THIS WEEK IS . . .
Police Week
Running & Fitness Week
Transportation Week
Etiquette Week
New Friends, Old Friends Week
Public Safety & Technology Awareness Week
Dog Bite Prevention Week
Reading is Fun Week
World Trade Week
Effectiveness Week
Emergency Medical Services (EMS) Week

BULL’S BITS . . .
“WEEKLY WORLD NEWS” HEADLINES:

• “New Study Proves Watching NASCAR Makes You Smarter!”
• “’Big Pox’ Epidemic Threatens USA!”
• “Elvis is Alive & Running for President!”
• “Gnomes of Death Lure Divers to Drowning Horror!”
• “Hubby Dies After Seeing Fat Wife in Thong Undies!”

WHY IS IT THAT IN MOVIES …
• Any apartment or hotel in Paris will have a view of the Eiffel Tower?
• A kid always knows more than an adult?
• All members of alien species wear the same outfits?
• Pedestrians are never hit when cars drive down a sidewalk in a chase scene?
• Whenever someone knocks out someone else and takes their clothes, it’s always a flawless fit?
• Most homicide detectives are brooding, near-crazed loners?
• Whenever someone looks through the binoculars, you see 2 joined circles instead of one?
• Women always fight other women by pulling hair, then falling to the ground together and rolling over twice?

PHONE STARTERS:
• Where’s the strangest place you have ever fallen asleep?
• Your partner buys you an outfit you can’t stand. What do you do?

BS BRAIN STRAIN:
Q: What animal is the closest living relative to the Tyrannosaurus Rex?
A: The chicken.
– “Men’s Health”, May 2005

BS BLATANT JOKES:
• I’m not 30. I’m 18 with 12 years experience.
• Always take time to stop and smell the roses … and sooner or later, you’ll inhale a bee.

WEB GOODIE:
Just in time for “Revenge of the Sith”, here’s a fun name generator you can use to give listeners their ‘Star Wars Name’. May the farce be with you!
NET: http://www.xach.com/misc/jedi.html

BS WATER COOLER QUESTION:
Today’s Question: In today’s market, only 1 in 15,000 of THESE that are sold are real.
Answer to Give Out Next Show: Pearls.

BS DEEP THOUGHT:
We first make our habits, and then our habits make us.

 


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