Monday, May 9, 2005        Edition: #3029
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BS LOOK AT THE WEEKEND TABLOIDS:
• It seems the rumors are true – actress Jennifer Garner is, in fact, expecting her first child THIS FALL. The news comes just weeks after reports she & actor Ben Affleck were engaged. So far, however, there’s no comment from their reps. (E!)
• Seems there’s yet more trouble at “American Idol”. Word has it host Ryan Seacrest and judge Simon Cowell had a heated argument backstage that escalated to shouting and gesturing. A pair of crew members reportedly jumped in just in time to prevent any blows. It’s said the stars’ dislike for one other is continually making life on the set difficult. (“Star Magazine”)
• Ozzy Osbourne has been diagnosed with Parkin Syndrome (NOT Parkinson’s Disease), which causes involuntary tremors. He’ll have to take daily medication for the rest of his life to combat the condition, which is apparently genetic. (Ananova)
• Actor Matt Damon had a near miss while taking a helicopter from his movie set in Norway to a TV appearance in Stockholm, Sweden. Just as the ‘copter was about to land, the hydraulics failed and the pilot had to use emergency measures to land safely. (“The Sun”)
• Orlando Bloom, who recently put his relationship with actress Kate Bosworth ‘on hold’, is now reportedly dating 24-year-old MTV “TRL” host Vanessa Minnillo. They’ve been spotted doing dinner and dirty-dancing the night away in Manhattan. (“Daily News”)
• Although Brad Pitt & Angelina Jolie continue to deny they’re a couple, Madame Tussauds museum in London has made its own decision, moving the Jennifer Aniston waxwork to the opposite end of the gallery from the Brad Pitt figure and moving the Jolie look-alike into its place. (“Times of London”)
• Music legend Stevie Wonder is set to release what’s being billed as the first ‘Descriptive Music Video’. His new video “So What the Fuss” will be accompanied by a track of Busta Rhymes describing the scenes in the storyline for the sight-impaired. The tune features Prince on guitar and En Vogue as back-up singers. The video will premiere online at Yahoo! Music. (“National Enquirer”)

BS MUSIC NOTES:
• Ashlee Simpson – She’s back to being a blonde after a year as a bottle brunette.
• Audioslave – FRIDAY they played Havana, Cuba in a concert hastily organized by the government’s Institute of Music. It’s claimed to be Cuba’s first outdoor rock concert by a US band and is certainly the largest, with an impromptu crowd of over 3,000 showing up.
• Joss Stone – TONIGHT she’s on CBS-TV’s “Late Late Show With Craig Ferguson”.
• Mindy McCready – FRIDAY she was arrested in Nashville and charged with DUI, driving with a suspended license, and failure to take a breath test. She’s already on probation after prescription drug fraud charges LAST YEAR. It seems her hit “All I Want Is Everything” may be true!
• Neil Diamond – TODAY he appears on daytime TV’s “Ellen DeGeneres Show”.
• Rolling Stones – According to a Moncton NB official, they’ll perform a large outdoor concert at a 140-hectare site by the famous ‘Magnetic Hill’ in SEPTEMBER. If it comes off, it would be the largest concert ever held in Atlantic Canada. The Stones full tour sched is expected to be announced TUESDAY.
• Usher – He chatted with OJ Simpson at a weekend Kentucky Derby party in Louisville KY hosted by “Stuff” magazine, but when OJ’s girlfriend accidentally kicked Usher in the leg, his security tossed her out. Geez guys, you don’t wanna upset OJ!

THE REVIEWS ARE IN:
And here’s what they’re saying about “House of Wax” …
• “The original was shot in 3-D; this, by contrast, is 1-D all the way.“ (“Globe & Mail”)
• “The characters are about as intelligent as their waxen alter-egos, making it impossible to care about what happens to them.” (“Variety”)
• “When the cast starts wondering where the roadkill is, someone says, ‘Follow the smell.’ Good tip: That’s how you’ll know where ‘Wax’ is playing.” (“USA Today”)
• “When her character performs a striptease, Hilton’s moves are so lethargic and mechanical she’s about as arousing as Bugs Bunny in drag.” (“Kalamazoo Gazette”)
• “In this film, Paris is the brains of the outfit.” (“Milwaukee Journal-Sentinel”)
• “House of Wax is Paris Hilton’s best movie.” (About.com)

MR FLOATIE MAKES PERSONAL APPEARANCE:
If you think the upcoming BC Election (MAY 17) is a pile of crap, here’s the proof you’ve been looking for – ‘Mr Floatie’, a guy dressed up as a giant turd, crashed a Victoria all-candidates meeting to draw attention to the city’s practice of dumping raw sewage into the ocean. As he did a walk-about, ‘Mr Floatie’ passed out business cards – on toilet paper. (Didn’t know about this guy – mommy only ‘splained about ‘Mr Wee Wee’.)
– Broadcast News

MY BIG FAT GREEK TRAFFIC JAM:
Greece has one of the highest rates of traffic fatalities in Europe and Greek police are now trying an unusual method to combat that fact. In an attempt to calm motorists, they’re giving away free folk music CDs that are being distributed in kits with copies of the highway code, maps and a message wishing commuters well. (Unfortunately, there’s now an upswing in the number of drivers nodding off while reading traffic laws to elevator music.)
– “Social Studies”

THE RED STRING SOCIETY:
Soon-to-be-relaunched magazine “Radar” is preparing what is said to be an explosive exposé of the trendy Kabbalah religion whose members include Madonna, Demi Moore, Brittany Murphy, Britney Spears & Ashton Kutcher. The article is said to include inside info on the movement’s finances and the personal habits of some of the group’s leaders. (They sell ‘magic water’ – what else do we need to know?)
– “MCNBC Scoop”

THE POWER OF ONE … BUG:
Futurist Ray Kurzweil points out that a $1,000 personal computer now has roughly the computing power of an insect brain. But if today’s trends continue, in 15 years $1,000 will buy enough computing power to rival a human brain. (The bad news is, the human is Paris Hilton.)
– “New Scientist”

YOU ARE GETTING VERY SLEEPY:
Scientists at the Fred Hutchinson Cancer Research Center in Seattle WA have found a way to induce a state of hibernation on demand. Using a naturally-occurring chemical which virtually stops cellular activity, they’ve put mice into a state of suspended animation for up to 6 hours and then revived them back to normal life. Researchers hope to someday be able to also put humans into a hibernation-like state, which could be useful for trauma care, organ transplants and space travel. (Human hibernation’s nothing new – seen your teenager lately?)
– “Science”

SEXIEST FEMALE CARTOON CHARACTERS OF ALL-TIME:
In no particular order …
• Miss Buxley (“Beetle Bailey” comic strip)
• Betty Boop (“Betty Boop” films)
• Holly Wood (cartoon version of actress Kim Basinger in the movie “Cool World”)
• Esmeralda (Disney’s “The Hunchback of Notre Dame”)
• Jessica Rabbit (the movie “Who Framed Roger Rabbit?”)
• Veronica (“Archie” comics)
• Daisy Mae (“L’il Abner” comic strip)
• Pocahontas (Disney’s “Pocahontas”)
• Josie & the Pussycats (TV cartoon show)
• Storm (“X-Men” comics)
(So who should be #1?)
– “Weekly World News”

BS AMAZING FACT:
THIS YEAR the board game “Monopoly” is turning 70. The longest “Monopoly” game ever played lasted 70 consecutive days. The longest game played in a bathtub lasted 4 days. The longest game played upside down took a day-and-a-half.
– Knight Ridder News

AND WE QUOTE:
• “Amy, you need to perfect the clap a little more and be a lot more sexier so contestants will be willing to sleep with you.”
– Paula Abdul on “Saturday Night Live” giving a critique of Amy Poehler’s imitation of her.
• “It is kite-flying, that’s all it is. It is just talk. Why would I possibly repeat something I did 20 years ago?”
– Musician and original “Live Aid” organizer Bob Geldof denying to “TV Plus” that he has made plans to stage “Live Aid II” this JULY.

THE BULL SHEET 05.09.2K5

TODAY’S CELEBIRTHDAYS . . .
1918 [87] Mike (Myron Leon) Wallace, Brookline MA, TV journalist (“60 Minutes” since 1968) who’s finally cut back on his gruelling schedule

1936 [69] Albert Finney, Salford UK, movie actor (“Erin Brockovich”, “Traffic”)

1946 [59] Candice Bergen, Beverly Hills CA, TV actress (‘Shirley Schmidt’ on “Boston Legal”, 4 Emmy Awards-“Murphy Brown” 1988-98)/movie actress (“Miss Congeniality”)

1949 [56] Billy Joel, Hicksville NY, oldies singer (“Just the Way You Are”, “My Life”)/Rock & Roll Hall of Fame (1999)/rehab veteran

1965 [40] Steve Yzerman, Cranbrook BC, NHL center (Detroit Red Wings)

1974 [31] Stephane Yelle, Ottawa ON, NHL center (Calgary Flames)

1975 [30] Tamia (Washington), Windsor ON, R&B singer (“Things I Collected”, “Stranger in My House”)/married to NBA star Grant Hill since 1999

1979 [26] Pierre Bouvier, Montréal QC, rock singer (Simple Plan-“Welcome To My Life”, “Perfect”)

1979 [26] Rosario Dawson, NYC, movie actress (“Sin City”, “The Rundown”)

BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .
TODAY is “National Small Business Day”. A small business is defined as one with fewer than 100 employees. Many of today’s small businesses used to be big businesses.

TODAY is “Lost Sock Memorial Day”, a day to remember those singular hose that went into the washing machine or dryer never to return. (Play “Taps” for them?)

TODAY’S FIRSTS . . .
1899 [106] 1st ‘Lawn Mower’ is patented (thereby ruining weekends)

1944 [61] 1st ‘Eye Bank’ opens, in NYC (“The Eye Bank, we’ll keep an eye out for you!”)

1960 [45] 1st public sale of ‘Contraceptive Pills’

1997 [08] 1st graduate from 1st university operating entirely online (you can bet that ‘Virtual Diploma’ from International University is truly beyond worth!)

TODAY’S RECORD . . .
1984 [21] Chicago White Sox and Milwaukee Brewers finish 8 hour, 6 minute game – longest-ever MLB game in elapsed time (Chicago wins 7-6 in 25th inning on 2nd day)

COMING UP . . .
[Tues] Clean Up Your Room Day
[Tues] Child Care Provider Appreciation Day
[Wed] 2005 “Cannes Film Festival” begins
[Wed] Third Shift Workers Day
[Wed] Eat What You Want Day
[Wed] Denim Day
[Wed] Receptionists Day
[Thurs] International Nurse’s Day
[Thurs] Microsoft’s Next Generation Xbox Revealed

THIS WEEK IS . . .
Nurses Week
Stuttering Awareness Week
Tourism Week
Jewish Heritage Week
Kiwanis Prayer Week
Universal Family Week
Nursing Home Week
Life Coach Recognition Week
Cover the Uninsured Week

BULL’S BITS . . .
BS WHYZITS:
• Whyzit they make cars go so fast it’s illegal?
• Whyzit violets are blue and not violet?
• Whyzit they call it ‘getting your dog fixed’ if afterwards it doesn’t work anymore?
• Whyzit they call it ‘quicksand’ when it sucks you down slowly?
• Whyzit there isn’t mouse-flavored cat food?
• Whyzit the fattest man in the world hasn’t become a hockey goalie?

BS PHONE STARTER:
What makes your pet laugh? Can we listen?

BS BLATANT JOKES:
• [Co-host] got his mom the ultimate Mother’s Day gift … he’s finally gonna move out of her basement.
• They say 4 out of 10 people suffer from hemorrhoids. Does that mean the other 6 like ‘em?

BS WEB GOODIE:
Will innovation never cease? A new aerosol spray called ‘Poop-Freeze’ promises to form a frosty film on dog or cat poop in order to harden the surface for easy pick-up. (Can’t you just use your Dirt Devil?)
NET: http://www.poop-freeze.com

BS WATER COOLER QUESTION:
Today’s Question: 1 in 500 of us has THIS odd physical characteristic.
Answer to Give Out Next Show: One blue eye and one brown eye. (Actress Kate Bosworth, for instance.)

BS DEEP THOUGHT:
Don’t worry about avoiding temptation … as you grow older, it starts avoiding you.

WELCOME NEWBIES:
This week’s BS samplers include Brett Stevens @ KAZX [Star 102.9] Farmington NM; Jorge Medeiros @ MusicaTotal Ponta Delgada, Azores; Ken O’Neil @ CKQV [Q104] Vermilion Bay ON; Lisa White @ WIOO [Country Gold 1000] Carlisle PA; and Brad Steiner @ WDOD [Unforgettable AM 1310] Chattanooga TN. You can subscribe or update your subscription right here: BS Subscription. And remember BSers, we bonus you one month of free service for each and every new subscriber you refer.

 


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