Tuesday, May 3, 2005        Edition: #3025
Sheet, Featuring Bull  

TONIGHT the “Rock for the Cure” benefit for breast cancer research at the Hard Rock Café in LA features an auction of 50 Gibson guitars designed by Sheryl Crow, Rod Stewart, No Doubt and other rock icons . . . Al Yeganeh, the inspiration for the crusty ‘Soup Nazi’ on the sitcom “Seinfeld”, is planning to open soup-shop franchises across North America in shopping malls, airports and elsewhere (good timing, dude – the show’s been over for 7 years!) . . . 29-year-old actress Angelina Jolie is said to be set to leave the limelight, reportedly telling friends she’s increasingly concerned about the effect the Hollywood lifestyle is having on her 3-year-old adopted son Maddox and she no longer needs the money or hassle (well, that oughta bump her price up for her next film) . . . Paris Hilton says her current boyfriend, Greek shipping heir Paris Latsis, is the guy she wants to spend her life with and they’ll ‘definitely get married’ sometime in the future (good pick – he’s the 54th richest person in the world!) . . . “NY Times” reports that former reality TV show cast members can make a ton of cash, hauling in as much as $30,000 a pop for public appearances at shopping malls, nightclubs, resorts, colleges & corporate conferences (until their 15 minutes is up) . . . Does anyone know why ABC-TV is bringing back both “According to Jim” and “America’s Funniest Home Videos” for another season? . . . 1985 “Live Aid” organizer Bob Geldof is reportedly trying to coordinate a 20th anniversary sequel event with shows in London, NYC, Washington, Berlin, Paris & Tokyo, and so far has received verbal commitments from U2, the Rolling Stones & the Who to appear . . . And actor Russell Crowe has reportedly been asked NOT to plug his singing career during the publicity tour for his new boxing movie “Cinderella Man”, opening JUNE 3 (the film’s a contender, but his new CD is already down for the count).

• Aerosmith – TODAY the long-awaited solo album from guitarist Joe Perry is out. The self-titled CD features 11 original songs plus covers of tunes from The Doors and Woody Guthrie.
• Good Charlotte – TONIGHT they kick off their “Noise to the World” tour in Tulsa OK. Simple Plan is also on the bill.
• Los Lonely Boys – TONIGHT they begin their “Brotherhood” tour in Hidalgo TX. Most of the concert dates are in the western US.
• Montgomery Gentry – Eddie Montgomery has broken 4 bones in his left wrist due to a fall off the stage at an Asheville NC concert. He completed the show before getting it reset in a cast.
• Snoop Dog – TONIGHT he does “Late Show With David Letterman”. He’ll no doubt mention how he’s just accepted an invitation to speak at Britain’s prestigious Oxford University about smoking dope.
• Tim McGraw – He’s been shooting his first starring movie role for about a month-and-a-half in the hills outside LA. “Flicka” is based on the classic 1941 children’s book and subsequent TV show and movie “My Friend Flicka”.

• “National Treasure” (Action Adventure): Nicolas Cage stars as ‘Benjamin Franklin Gates’, a 3rd-generation treasure hunter who’s after the greatest treasure the world has ever known using an invisible map hidden on the back of the US Declaration of Independence. Diane Kruger, Jon Voight, Sean Bean & Harvey Keitel co-star.
• “The Phantom of the Opera” (Musical Drama): Andrew Lloyd Webber’s long-running stage musical comes to the bigscreen, the story of a disfigured musical genius (Gerard Butler) who haunts the catacombs beneath the Paris Opera, waging a reign of terror over its occupants until he falls in love with a the young soprano (Emmy Rossum). Minnie Driver co-stars and sings the Oscar-nominated theme “Learn to Be Lonely”.

AOL has asked 75,000 kids aged 6-12 which of the following would make the coolest celebrity mom. Here’s how the kids rank them …
1. Jessica Simpson
2. Jennifer Lopez
3. Gwen Stefani
4. Britney Spears

A 25-acre amusement park called ‘Gangadham’ is being developed for the banks of the Ganges River in the north Indian pilgrimage town of Haridwar. The town attracts more than 18 million visitors a year. The ‘world’s biggest-ever mythological theme park’ will recreate great moments in Hindu mythology through hi-tech rides, an animated mythological museum, food courts and a sound & light show. Hindu gods such as Ram, Hanuman and Krishna will be the central attractions at what’s been nicknamed ‘Disneyland on the Ganges’. If the park’s a hit, more of them may be built in other parts of the world. (Warning: it is not advised that you scarf a curried pork vindaloo before riding Vishnu’s Revenge Rollercoaster.)
– BBC News World Edition

• 81% of women 40-to-44 years of age are mothers.
• 24.8 is the median age of women when they give birth for the first time, meaning one-half are above this age and one-half below.
• Just 11% of women end their childbearing years with 4 or more children.
• A woman becomes pregnant most easily at the age of 18 or 19.
• The odds of a woman delivering twins is 1-in-33. Triplets naturally occur once in every 7,900 births and quadruplets once in every 705,000 births.

• A Vermont teenager faces a possible sentence of 25 years in jail for digging up a grave and stealing a skull. The 17-year-old is being held on $100,000 bail and will receive a psychiatric evaluation after he informed cops he wanted the skull in order to build – a really cool bong! (Huh? You suck through the nose holes or what?)
– “Argus Times”
• A plan by funeral company Palacom has been given the go-ahead in Victoria, Australia for an unusual cemetery in which the bodies will be buried – standing up! The vertical burials, in which bodies will be buried in 3-m (10-ft) pre-drilled holes, will reportedly be the first of their kind in Australia. What’s the point? The eco-friendly, ‘feet-first’ graveyard will save a lot of space. (“Oh no, they buried grandma upside down – now all the formaldehyde’s gonna run to her head!”)
– Australian Broadcasting Corporation

Nokia’s latest smart-phone, the stainless steel N-91, is being called the ‘iPod killer’. The phone holds up to 3,000 songs on a 4-gigabyte hard disk, features a stereo headset jack, 12.5 hours of battery life and permits transfer of music files from a PC or over the air. It’s biggest advantage over a traditional Mpeg player is said to be that you’ll always be connected, even when on the move. It will be on the market by the end of the year. (Coming soon – the 2-billion trilobyte cellphone-Mpeg-DVD with voicemail-PC-Web browser capability and text message, shop-vac, fridge-magnet and toaster functions. Armrests extra.)
– “Forbes”

According to a new poll, here’s where you’ll find the components for a perfect female face …
• Nose – Sienna Miller, turning hers up at runners-up Nicole Richie & Nicole Kidman.
• Hair – Jessica Simpson, her tresses topping Jennifer Aniston.
• Lips – Angelina Jolie, ahead of runners-up Jessica Alba & Beyoncé.
• Eyes – Kate Bosworth, whose different-colored peepers beat out Charlize Theron & Catherine Zeta-Jones.
– “People”

• The month of MAY is the only month during which no active or former US President has died.
• TUESDAY is the most popular day of the week in which to have a baby.

“One thing you learn in [rehab] is that your maturity gets slowed down at the point that you tuned out of life. So, technically, I’m about 33 right now.”
– Nine Inch Nails frontman Trent Reznor, who’s turning 40-years-old on MAY 17th.


1933 [72] James Brown, Barnwell SC, soul singer (“I Feel Good”)/’Hardest Working Man in Show Business’/’Godfather of Soul’/’Soul Brother Number One’/Rock & Roll Hall of Fame (1986)
1946 [59] Greg Gumbel, New Orleans LA, TV sportscaster (“The NFL on CBS”)

1968 [37] Shane Minor, Modesto CA, country singer (“Ordinary Love”, “Slave to the Habit”)

1973 [32] Brad Martin, Greenfield OH, country singer  (“Before I Knew Better”)

1975 [30] Dule Hill, Orange NJ, TV actor (President’s personal aide ‘Charlie Young’ on “The West Wing” since 1999)

TODAY is “National Teacher Day”, always the Tuesday of the first full week of May.
• You’ve ever demanded that someone “Put that gum on your nose!” … outside the classroom.
• You can’t have children because there is no name you can think of that doesn’t give you high blood pressure.
• You believe ‘Shallow Gene Pool’ should have its own box on report cards.
• Your voice is permanently set on high volume.
• You’ve corrected a total stranger’s grammar errors.
• Any sustained loud noise causes you to impulsively flick the light switch on and off.
• You cringe whenever someone says, “It must be nice to get 2 months vacation.”

TODAY is “World Press Freedom Day”, as declared by the UN. (Celebrating the right to shove a camera in someone’s face and chip their teeth with a mike, and to get into sports events with a free pass.)

TODAY is “Significant Other Day”, sort of an anniversary celebration for unwed couples. (Meaning, the male half will forget.)

TODAY is “Hug Your Cat Day”, a highlight of “National Pet Week”. Good luck!

THIS WEEK Disney is kicking off “Disneyland’s 50th Anniversary Celebration” – ignoring the fact that its inaugural California theme park actually opened in the middle of July 1955 not May, and using it as an excuse for its ‘Happiest Celebration on Earth’ that will encompass all of the Disney parks worldwide for the next year-and-a-half.
NET: http://disney.go.com

2002 [03] “Spider-Man” opens in movie theaters

1934 [71] 1st ‘Comic Book’ published (“Famous Funnies” from Dell Books)

1971 [34] 1st ‘Telephone Answering Machine’  (next day the term ‘phone rage’ is coined)

[Wed] Relationship Renewal Day
[Thurs] British General Election
[Thurs] No Diet Day
[Fri] International Tuba Day
[Sat] 2005 Kentucky Derby
[Sun] Mothers Day
[Sun] World Red Cross Day
This Week Is … Historic Preservation Week
This Month Is … Clean Air Month


We tell you the animal, you tell us what the mother [female] is called …
• Pig … Sow
• Horse … Mare
• Ferret … Jill
• Alligator … Cow
• Bee … Queen
• Chicken … Hen
• Coyote … Bitch
• Donkey … Jenny
• Bear … Sow
• Homo Sapiens … Mommy
You’ll find oodles more here …
NET: http://www.enchantedlearning.com/subjects/animals/Animalbabies.shtml

Tom Cruise. Good or bad for Katie Holmes career?

• According to a recent poll, what is men’s #1 complaint about the bathroom?
a. Finding an empty roll.
b. Someone left the seat up.
c. They can’t get in. [CORRECT]

• What’s the fastest animal on TWO feet?
a. Ostrich. [CORRECT]
b. Human.
c. Disabled cheetah.

• What weapon is used in the deadly Japanese martial art of ‘tessenjutsu’?
a. Chopstick.
b. Fan. [CORRECT]
c. Sumo Wrestling Diaper.

• Which of the Olsen twins is older?
a. Mary-Kate.
b. Ashley. [CORRECT, by 2 minutes.]
c. Jemima.

• Which was the last horse to win thoroughbred racing’s Triple Crown?
a. Affirmed. [CORRECT, in 1978.]
b. Northern Dancer.
c. Secretariat.

• What’s the favorite topping on Domino’s pizza in Russia?
a. A combination of sardines, tuna, mackerel, salmon & onions. [CORRECT]
b. Cottage cheese.
c. Extra vodka.

Today’s Question: The average person will eat 28 of THESE in their lifetime.
Answer to Give Out Next Show: Pigs.

Anything which relies on human reliability is unreliable.


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