Tuesday, May 18, 2004        Edition: #2791
Here’s Sheet in Your Eye!

BS SHOW BIZ BUZZ:
A last-minute deal has assured that “Everybody Loves Raymond” returns to CBS-TV for an abbreviated 16-episode final season THIS FALL . . . On the other hand, Whoopi Goldberg’s low-rated NBC-TV sitcom has been canceled (maybe ‘cause it wasn’t funny?) . . . “Star” magazine is reporting that daytime talk show “On-Air with Ryan Seacrest” is also being given the axe and the host is not happy about it (all together now … “Seacrest – Out!”) . . . Former ‘N Syncer JC Chasez says Paris Hilton has her own unique style and she’s going to shock a lot of people – with her singing, that is (her upcoming album is said to be dance-pop reminiscent of ‘old Prince, old Michael Jackson’) . . . Shannon Sharpe, the 8-time NFL Pro Bowl tight end with the Denver Broncos & Baltimore Ravens, is expected to replace Deion Sanders on CBS-TV’s “NFL Today” studio show (cool, he even speaks English!) . . . Michael Jackson wants his sis’ Janet to tie the knot at Neverland, according to “In Touch” magazine (it’s unclear when or to whom) . . . “Broadcasting & Cable” magazine says “American Idol” voting is regularly being skewed by people using power dialers (the same way people cheat to win radio contests) . . . And it seems actor Heath Ledger has been wasting no time since splitting with actress Naomi Watts – he was recently spotted in a lip-lock with Winona Ryder (now she’s stealing kisses!).

BS MUSIC NOTES:
• Coldplay – They’ve recorded a glam rock/rap video as spoof band ‘The Nappies’ to celebrate the birth of Chris Martin & Gwyneth Paltrow’s baby daughter, Apple. Sample lyrics – “I’ll be there through the thin and the thick, I’m gonna clean up all the poo and the sick.”
• Beyoncé – She and her mom Tina, who styles many of her outfits, are starting up their own fashion label expected to hit stores in 2005. The brand name has yet to be announced.
• Avril Lavigne – She claims the angry lyrics to her early songs were due to eating too much junk food, sugar and carbs, causing low blood sugar. She’s since spent time with a nutritionist cleaning up her diet.
• Yellowcard – TONIGHT the “Ocean Avenue” band will be on “Late Night With Conan O’Brien”.

TODAY’S VIDEO RELEASES:
• “Paycheck” (Sci-Fi Thriller – DVD): Ben Affleck plays a computer engineer who has 3 years of his memory erased as a security precaution after completing a top secret project. He struggles to put the pieces back together with the help of a co-worker (Uma Thurman) and an envelope full of random objects.
• “Miracle” (Drama – DVD/VHS): Kurt Russell stars as coach Herb Brooks in the story of the 1980 US Olympic hockey team that toppled the seemingly invincible Soviet Union squad to capture Olympic gold. (Ironically, this rah-rah U-S-A film was shot in several locations in BC. To rally the crowd of Canadian extras to cheer for the ‘US Olympic team’, an assistant director skated around the ice at Vancouver’s PNE Agrodome, waving a Canadian flag.)
• “Torque” (Crime Thriller – DVD): Martin Henderson & Ice Cube stars in this story about a biker who’s framed by an old rival for the murder of a gang leader’s brother. He ends up riding for his life, including a wild bike-chase atop and through a moving commuter train.
• “The Reagans” (TV Bio-film – DVD): James Brolin & Judy Davis star in the CBS-TV film that never aired on the net due to Republican party criticism that it’s ‘an inaccurate, negative account of Ronald and Nancy Reagan’. Among the DVD’s extras are ‘extended scenes too controversial for network TV’. Shot in Montréal.

CONSTANT CRAVING:
Scientists are developing chocolate that not only satisfies the taste buds but helps both men and women experience an orgasm-like high without having sex. Sex expert Dr Trudy Barber of Britain’s University of Canterbury says the sexy chocolate bars could be on the market within 5 years. They will contain higher than normal levels of the chemical phenyl ethylamine, which the body releases during sex.
– “The Sun”

HELP, MY HAMSTER’S CHOKING!
Saving pets from burning buildings just got a little easier in Alaska, where doggie-sized oxygen masks have been put into use. Several fire stations in Fairbanks are now outfitted with the masks, which come in various sizes to fit animals from flat-faced cats to long-snouted dogs.
– “Post”

AND NO CHEWING GUM!
Japanese Prime Minister Junichiro Koizumi has scolded rookie legislators from his Liberal Democratic Party for talking on cell phones and reading comic books while parliament is in session. Unlike here, Japan’s newest lawmakers sit in the front of the legislative chamber, putting their actions in full view of other members and the press. (And unlike here, meaning they actually have to show up!)
– “Asahi”

WHEN RADIO MET SALLY:
Taiwan’s ‘Sister Radio’ (FM105.7) is under fire for broadcasting 2 solid minutes of – faked orgasm noises. The station is being fined by the Government Information Office for violating decency regulations during the program ‘Lez Radio’. Sister Radio is the only radio station in Taiwan focusing on women’s issues and claims the broadcast was about the use of condoms in lesbian sex, with a 2-minute section in which the host imitated sexual noises made by actresses in movies to help debunk the myth that lesbian sex must be silent. (Sex is getting so confusing … I’m still working on ‘the use of condoms in lesbian sex’.)
– “Taipei Times”

HAH, MADE YOU BLINK:
An impromptu staring contest at a train station in Osaka, Japan went a little wacky, with one participant spraying the other – with tear gas! It seems the two men’s eyes made contact near a ticket gate, then locked in a staring competition which escalated into an argument. The assault occurred after one remembered he was carrying a spray can of tear gas for self-defense. He was arrested, while the victim and several bystanders had to receive medical treatment. (Geez, good thing the guy wasn’t a spear fisherman.)
– “Mainichi Daily News”

NOT JUST FOR KIDS ANYMORE:
In an attempt to target gamers in their 20s & 30s, the $11-billion video-game industry is now placing hi-tech game consoles in nightclubs for grown-up clientele. It makes sense – a new survey finds the average age of video gamers is now 29, and 41% of gamers are now female. Some clubs are hooking their games up to giant plasma screens and young couples rent blocks of time to play against each other. One club owner says it makes for a competitive, flirting environment.
– “NY Post”

PUBLIC POOL COSTS AN ARM & A LEG:
Swimmers who use the Water World pool in Stoke-on-Trent, England, are a truly a forgetful bunch. How else can you explain the 10 artificial limbs found in the water over the past year? And unbelievably, the pool manager says none of the prosthetics have been reclaimed! (The good news is the local swim team now has a leg up on the competition.)
– “Gadsden Times”

IN THE PINK:
According to fashionistas, pink is the new blue – for men. Menswear designers such as Ralph Lauren, Izod, J Crew and Brooks Brothers are all featuring pink for guys. And we’re seeing it everywhere – from Donald Trump’s shiny pink tie on “The Apprentice” to Outkast’s Andre Benjamin in a pink-and-white checked shirt in “People” mag. Some say the soft hue is hot because it goes so well with khakis and blue jeans. Designer Tommy Hilfiger says pink is great for spring because it looks fresh and exuberant, sexy and sophisticated, but still fun. (Well exactly.)
– Cox News

NO STARS & STRIPES:
US athletes have been warned not to wave the flag during medal celebrations at THIS SUMMER’S Athens Olympic Games for fear of provoking crowd hostility and further harming America’s battered public image. The spectacle of victorious athletes grabbing a flag and parading it around the stadium is a familiar part of Olympic competition, but US Olympic officials have ordered the 550-member team to exercise restraint and avoid any jingoistic behavior. (In other words … pretend you’re Canadian.)
– “London Telegraph”

THE BULL SHEET 05.18.2K4

TODAY’S CELEBIRTHDAYS . . .
1920 [84] John Paul II (Karol Wojtyla), Wadowice POL, 264th pope of the Roman Catholic Church since 1978/1st Polish pope

1952 [52] George Strait, Poteet TX, country singer (“Desperately”, “Heartland”)/most #1 hits of any country recording artist

1955 [49] Chow Yun Fat, Hong Kong, movie actor (“Bulletproof Monk”, “Crouching Tiger Hidden Dragon”)

1970 [34] Tina Fey, Upper Darby PA, TV writer/comedian (“Saturday Night Live” head writer since 1997, “SNL” ‘Weekend Update’ since 2000)/screenwriter (“Mean Girls”)

BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .
TODAY is “Visit Your Relatives Day”, a day to renew relationships with seldom-seen relatives. (Maybe there’s a reason they are seldom seen?)

TODAY is “International Museum Day”, a tribute to all the museums of the world, no matter how large, small or … strange. Here’s a few odd ones …
• Museum of Bad Art – Boston MA
• The Ukrainian Museum of Canada – Saskatoon SK
• Exotic World Exotic Dancing Museum – Helendale CA
• Bata Shoe Museum – Toronto ON
• Museum of Questionable Medical Devices – Minneapolis MN
• The Amsterdam Tattoo Museum – The Netherlands
• Canadian Canoe Museum – Peterborough ON
• National Museum of Funeral History – Houston TX
• Insectarium de Montréal – Québec
• Museum of Death – Hollywood CA
• International UFO Museum & Research Center – Roswell NM
• The Museum of Dirt – Boston MA

THIS DAY IN SHOW BIZ . . .
1927 [77] Silent movie actress Norma Talmadge becomes 1st celebrity to preserve her prints and signature in cement at Grauman’s Chinese Theater in Hollywood (legend has it she accidentally tumbled into the wet cement, starting the tradition)

TODAY’S FIRST . . .
1830 [174] 1st ‘lawnmower’ is manufactured (thereby ruining Sundays forever)

TODAY’S RECORD . . .
1986 [18] Chung Kwung Ying performs 2,750 ‘hand-stand push-ups’

COMING UP . . .
[Wed] “Shrek 2″ opens in movie theaters
[Fri] 31st Daytime Emmy Awards
[Fri] Bike to Work Day
[Sat] Buy-A-Musical-Instrument Day
[Sun] World Turtle Day
[Mon] Victoria Day
[Mon] Madonna’s Reinvention Tour begins (LA CA)
This Week Is . . . Transportation Week / Etiquette Week
This Month Is . . . Executive Coaching Month / Family Support Month

BULL’S BITS . . .
BS SIGNS YOU’VE BEEN ON THE SOUTH BEACH DIET TOO LONG:

• You only weigh 99 lbs but you’ve had 3 heart attacks.
• Your vocabulary includes sayings like ‘the WORST idea since sliced bread’.
• You refuse to take communion due to the carb content.
• Your doctor warns that you have the same diet as the average puma.
• You no longer sweat, you extrude Crisco.
• You consider buttered bacon a healthy breakfast.

BS TRIVIA:
Q: There’s one sport in which neither the spectators nor the participants know the score until it’s over. What is it?
A: Boxing.

FAVORITE ALL-TIME DISASTER FILMS:
“The Day After Tomorrow” (opening MAY 28th) may be 2004′s biggest disaster film. Here’s a few of the all-time faves …
1. “The Poseidon Adventure” (1972)
2. “Titanic” (1997)
3. “The Towering Inferno” (1974)
4. “Airport” (1970)
5. “The Abyss” (1989)
(What’s missing? “Independence Day”? “Twister”?)
– Newly-released UCI Cinemas poll.

BS BLATANT JOKES:
• The depressing thing about tennis is that no matter how good I get, I’ll never be as good as a wall.
• It may be a subtle indication that you have morning breath if your dog licks your face and gags.

BS WATER COOLER QUESTION:
Today’s Question: Men are 6 times more likely to have THIS happen to them than women.
Answer to Give Out Next Show: Getting struck by lightning.

BS DEEP THOUGHT:
An ounce of image is worth a pound of performance.

BS SUBSCRIBER NOTE:
We’re off on our annual break May 24 to June 6 inclusive. There will be no BS deliveries during that time. Your account will be credited for missed service days.

 


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