Monday, May 17, 2004                                         Edition: #2790
Don’t Forget to Renew Your Subscription or You’ll Be Sheet Outta Luck!

TRASHY TABLOID BS:
• “Daily Express” reports romance may be blossoming for movie directors Sofia Coppola & Quentin Tarrantino. Not only did they walk the red carpet together on opening day of the “Cannes Film Festival”, word is they’re shacked up together in the same Carlton Hotel suite.
•  “Daily Star” reports that Cameron Diaz threatened to snub SATURDAY night’s glitzy promotional party for her new movie “Shrek 2″ at the “Cannes Film Festival” unless boyfriend Justin Timberlake was included. Word has it organizers were forced to provide transportation for JT, then pamper him with VIP treatment when he arrived.
• Halle Berry’s new action movie “Catwoman” is in trouble. “National Enquirer” says the buzz has been so bad, producers have pulled online trailers and sent cease-and-desist letters to Websites playing them. One insider says everyone is really embarrassed by the film – especially Halle. It’s scheduled for a JULY release.
• Music producer Phil Spector, already battling murder charges, was arrested and jailed FRIDAY after a scuffle with his chauffeur at his Southern California home. “E! Online” reports the two wackos somehow placed EACH OTHER under citizen’s arrest before police showed up and took them into custody.
• “American Idol” reject William Hung has turned down a whopping $10,000 per week to perform 2 songs a night (20 minutes’ work), 6 days a week at the Aladdin in Las Vegas. “Star People” reports his reps decided the money wasn’t good enough because he’s getting paid more elsewhere. Now that’s scary!
• “E! Online” reports that Sylvester Stallone is suing MGM, claiming the studio has hindered his efforts to make “Rocky VI” and to develop a Broadway musical based on the “Rocky” franchise. (A musical? The theme from ‘Cuff & Link’ would be a real show-stopper, wouldn’t it?)
• According to “Daily Dish”, singer Seal has moved all of his belongings into model Heidi Klum’s NYC apartment even though she’s just given birth to another man’s child. Word is he’s willing to help bring up baby ‘Leni’, the daughter she recently had by motor-racing boss Flavio Briatore.
• According to “OK” magazine, Julia Roberts’ hubby Danny Moder is a tad jealous of her flirty friendship with George Clooney. While most of the cast of “Ocean’s Twelve” stayed in one NYC hotel, Julia stayed across town and the talk on-set was she promised Danny to stay away from George when cameras weren’t rolling.
• UK’s “Sun” tabloid says explicit photos featuring Demi Moore & boytoy Ashton Kutcher in ‘compromising positions’ which were stored on a laptop computer have been stolen. A devastated Demi is reportedly worried the raunchy pics will appear on the Net and cause a big sensation like Paris Hilton’s sex video. (At this point in her career, she can only hope.)
• “Star” magazine says that even though Simon Cowell signed a contract for 2 more seasons of “American Idol”, he may be getting antsy to leave. The tab quotes him as saying, “It’s so played out, I can’t wait for it to end.”

BS MUSIC NOTES:
• Bono – TODAY he’ll receive an honorary degree in return for doing the commencement speech at the University of Pennsylvania.
• Alanis Morissette – THIS WEEK at the “Cannes Film Festival” she’ll perform a duet with Brit pop star Robbie Williams of the title tune from the new Cole Porter biopic “De-Lovely”.
• Kelly Rowland – She’s announced her engagement to Dallas Cowboy safety Roy Williams.
• Lenny Kravitz – The soon-to-be 40-year-old rocker tells the German edition of “Playboy” he doesn’t believe in wearing aftershave … or  underwear.
• Christina Aguilera – Her summer tour might be back on, albeit scaled down somewhat. That’s good news for fan club members who originally paid an extra $250 for special tickets that  came with a goodie bag stuffed with a G-string, jewelry and stripper-style pasties. And the average age of fan-club members getting these raunchy items? PopBitch.com reports it’s … 13!
• Britney Spears – She & boyfriend Kevin Federline took advantage of the Netherlands’ legal cannabis laws by sparking up a joint at the Bulldog Coffee Shop in Amsterdam. “In Touch” magazine quotes her as saying, “I love the smell of it, it’s really awesome!”
• Alicia Keys – She’s writing a book based on diary entries she has kept since she was a teen.
• Clay Aiken – He’s just jumped ship from management company 19 Entertainment, which produces “American Idol”, to The Firm, which manages the careers of the Dixie Chicks, Korn and Limp Bizkit. Why? Word is he wasn’t happy with the money.
• Whitney Houston – BMG record boss Clive Davis has ordered her to stay out of the public eye until NEXT YEAR’S Grammy Awards while he engineers her comeback. Sources say it was he who forced her into rehab LAST MONTH, then sent her back when she left too early.

SHOW US YOUR GUITAR FACE:
A group of guitar gods is judging a photo search for the ‘Greatest Guitar Face’ – the musical mugging that ax-men put on during a big solo. The pics are being evaluated by country star Hank Williams Jr, Billy Idol guitarist Steve Stevens, Roger McGuinn from The Byrds, Twisted Sister’s JJ French, David Bowie guitarist Earl Slick, Rick Derringer, ex-Steely Dan sideman Jeff ‘Skunk’ Baxter & others. Mag Rack’s new video-on-demand instruction service ‘Guitar Xpress’ is also taking online voting for the most facially ecstatic ax-men of all-time, who will be inducted into the ‘Guitar Face Hall of Fame’. Angus Young of AC/DC & BB King are expected to be shoo-ins.
NET: http://www.magrack.com/guitarxpress/index.jsp

HOTEL SAYS THANK-YOU:
Just what the relationship is between Britney Spears’ “Onyx Hotel Tour” and a new hotel of the same name is unclear. At one time the Onyx Hotel in Boston said it had no knowledge of why she so-named her tour. Now it’s calling itself ‘the official hotel’ of the tour and will unveil a ‘Britney Spears Suite’ in JUNE, designed by Britters and her mom. The hotel’s grand opening was scheduled for TODAY.
PHONER: 617-557-9955
NET: http://www.onyxhotel.com

FEELING TESTY?
Falling in love causes changes in men’s and women’s testosterone levels. The levels fall in men and rise in women so that they become more like each other. Italian scientist Donatella Marazziti of the University of Pisa made the discovery after studying 24 people in love. Interesting that 2 years later, when the same people were tested again and were no longer madly in love – their testosterone levels were back to normal!
– “New Scientist”

UP WITH PANTS!

Louisiana state representative Derrick Shepherd has introduced a bill that would make it illegal to wear low-slung pants in public that ‘intentionally expose undergarments or intentionally expose any portion of the pubic hair, cleft of the buttocks or genitals’. When he spoke in support of his legislation, the state house broke out into laughter, with some of his fellow reps chanting “No more crack! “No more crack!”
– “Daily News”

AND WE QUOTE:
“We are 900 miles over the moon and we’d like to thank everyone at the hospital who have looked after us amazingly.”  – Coldplay’s Chris Martin on the birth of he & wife Gwyneth Paltrow’s first child FRIDAY, a baby girl named ‘Apple Blythe Alison Martin’.

THE BULL SHEET 05.17.2K4

TODAY’S CELEBIRTHDAYS . . .
    1936 [68] Dennis Hopper, Dodge City KS, movie actor/director (“Speed”, “Easy Rider”)

1955 [49] Bill Paxton, Ft Worth TX, movie actor (“U-571″, “Twister”)

1961 [43] Enya (Eithne Ni Bhraonain), Gaoth Dobhair IRE, pop/new age jazz singer (“Watermark”, “Shepherd Moons”)

1965 [39] Trent Reznor, Mercer PA, rock singer (Nine Inch Nails-“Into The Void”, “Closer”) FACTOID: The new Nine Inch Nails album “Bleedthrough” should be in stores by AUGUST.

1974 [30] Andrea Corr, Dundalk IRE, pop/Celtic singer (The Corrs-“Breathless”, “Runaway”)

BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .
• “Pack Rat Day”, celebrating people who squirrel away all kinds of ‘stuff’.
• “National Be A Millionaire Day”, a celebration of the joys of achieving millionaire status.
• “National Employee Health & Fitness Day”
• “UN World Telecommunications Day”

THIS DAY IN SHOW BIZ . . .
2000 [04] Series finalé of “Beverly Hills 90210″ after 10 long years (the ‘teenage’ actors are now at the Rest Home For Washed-Up Teen Idols)

TODAY’S MUSIC EVENT . . .
1975 [29] Elton John’s “Captain Fantastic & the Brown Dirt Cowboy” becomes the 1st album to be released and certified Platinum (a 2-million seller) on the same day

TODAY’S FIRST . . .
1939 [65] 1st Canadian visit by a reigning British monarch (George VI & wife Queen Elizabeth, namesake of the QEW highway)

1993 [11] 1st computers using ‘Pentium’ chips unveiled (immediately making your $4,000 PC a doorstop)

TODAY’S RECORDS . . .
1980 [24] Kumar Anandan sets record of balancing on 1 foot for 33 hrs (think that’s easy? – try and make 3 minutes!)

1996 [08] 2,000 Swedish protestors stage mass urination on ‘Pee Outdoors Day’, protesting construction of a sewage plant (they were really PO-ed!)

COMING UP . . .
[Tues] Visit Your Relatives Day
[Tues] International Museum Day
[Wed] “Shrek 2″ opens in movie theaters
[Wed] International Peace Day
[Thurs] Senior Citizens Day
[Fri] 31st “Daytime Emmy Awards”
[[Fri] Bike to Work Day

THIS WEEK IS . . .
New Friends, Old Friends Week
Running & Fitness Week
Transportation Week
Etiquette Week
Public Safety & Technology Awareness Week
Dog Bite Prevention Week
Reading is Fun Week
EMS Week
Buckle Up America Week

BULL’S BITS . . .
BS SIGNS IT’S TIME TO GO ON A DIET:
• You’ve convinced yourself that a corn dog counts as a vegetable.
• The 7-11 has to close to re-stock after you leave.
• You can grease a pan by rubbing it against your cheek.
• More than half the keys on your keyboard are stuck due to Frito crumbs.
• You once called your local pizza guy ‘Mom’.
• You’ve accidentally eaten a Happy Meal toy because it smelled like fries.
• Everyone has started to write your name in bold.
– “BB Spot”

MORE BS QUESTIONS PLAGUING HUMANITY:
• Do cloned cats have 18 lives?
• Can music pirates get scurvy?
• Is it scientifically possible to keep a pair of sunglasses longer than 3 months?
• If you don’t slice the pizza, is it considered 1 piece?
• When we start rationing gas, do SUV owners go to the back of the line?
• Do today’s kids build tree condos?

BS CANADIANA:
• What was the most valuable Canadian mineral resource in the 1990s? [Oil]
• What Japanese car company opened a Canadian plant in 1986? [Honda, in Alliston ON]
• What Canadian was knighted in 1934 for the discovery of insulin? [Charles Banting]
• Which was the most populous of the 4 Western provinces in 1901? [Manitoba]
• What sport did the ‘Toronto Huskies’ play beginning in 1946? [Basketball, in what became the NBA]
– “All Canadian Trivia Game”

BS MONDAY MORNING BRAIN BUSTERS:
• In which sport are the shoes made entirely of metal? [Horse racing.]
• If the US Vice-President should die, who would be President? [The President.]
• How many times can you subtract 2 from the number 9? [Just once, then you'd be subtracting 2 from the number 7.]
• If you are standing on a hard floor, how can you drop an egg 3 feet without breaking it? [Drop it from more than 3 feet.]
• What is the only sport in which the ball is always in the possession of the defense, and the offensive team scores without touching the ball? [Baseball.]
• If you take 2 apples from 3 apples, how many apples will you have? [The 2 you took.]

BS BLATANT JOKE:
If love were oil, I’d be down a quart.

BS WATER COOLER QUESTION:
Today’s Question: THIS isn’t alive but it will actually last longer if it gets rained on, or wet, once in a while.
Answer to Give Out Next Show: Wicker outdoor furniture.

BS DEEP THOUGHT:
Do it today! Tomorrow it might be bad for your health or illegal.

BS WELCOME!
KICD Spencer IA & KFMC Fairmont MN have just renewed for another year of “BS”. We also welcome back THE BEACH in Parksville BC, and samplers this week that include Sadie Hissan @ KUPS Tacoma WA, Jeff Zulauf @ WLEW Ubly MI, and Brian Taupiri @ PAOA FM Solomon Islands. Welcome all … and thanks for being a Bull market!

 


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