Wednesday, May 12, 2004        Edition: #2787
We’re Bullish on Radio!

BS SHOW BIZ BUZZ:
TONIGHT before “American Idol”, FOX-TV will air a 10-minute preview of the movie “The Day After Tomorrow” (opening in theaters MAY 28th), a thriller about the effects of an abrupt climate change . . . British TV reality show “There’s Something About Miriam” has reached an out-of-court settlement with 6 male contestants after they discovered the ‘something’ about the stunning Mexican model they’d been wooing with kisses and caresses is – Miriam’s a pre-operative transsexual . . . Country has-been Glen Campbell will do 10 days in a Phoenix jail after pleading guilty to his 2003 drunk-driving charge . . . “The Passion of the Christ” has now raked in over $368 million, making it #7 all-time in domestic box office . . . In order to speak to his audiences in the local language during an upcoming European tour, Paul McCartney is currently being tutored in German, Italian, Czech, Danish, Portuguese, Spanish, Russian, Finnish, French & Norwegian . . . Randy Jones, the cowboy from ‘70s band Village People (“YMCA”) has married his boyfriend of 20 years, dance music artist (and presumably “Macho Man”) Will Grega . . . Britney Spears is seeing a hypnotist to help her quit smoking, according to “Heat” magazine, which says she started the habit because she liked the way it made her voice sound . . . And the Internet rumor just will not die that Britney Spears has posed nude for a 6-photo spread for which “Playboy” reputedly is paying her – $40 million!

BS MUSIC NOTES:
• Celine Dion – She’s suffering from a ‘sprained neck’ and has canceled 3 Caesars Palace shows THIS WEEK. TONIGHT, however, she’s scheduled to be on “The Tonight Show With Jay Leno”.
• System of a Down – THIS SUMMER they’ll be in the studio recording a new album that guitarist Daron Malakian promises will be heavy in emotion, not just guitar riffs.
• Beyoncé – THIS WEEK she’s beginning work on the set of the new “Pink Panther” movie filming in NYC, playing ‘Xania’ to Steve Martin’s ‘Inspector Jacques Clouseau’.
• Outkast – Andre 3000 is talking to the Cartoon Network about a one-off special inspired by his life that could develop into a series and may feature his alter-egos such as guitarist ‘Johnny Vulture’ from the “Hey Ya” video.
• Christina Aguilera – Her people insist she has not sung a note since her doctor’s warning LAST MONTH and the only work-related thing she’s done is a Mercedes-Benz photo shoot.
• Linkin Park – Frontman Chester Bennington recently opened a 3rd location of his body art chain ‘Club Tattoo’, an outlet in Mesa AZ.
• Gretchen Wilson – Her red-hot “Redneck Woman” video was partially filmed on location at has-been country star Barbara Mandrell’s vacated estate, ‘Fontanel’ in Whites Creek TN, which is now listed on the real estate market for $7.5 million.

BS BUZZWORDS:
New terms leaking into the lingo –
• ‘Disc Rot’ – The gradual deterioration of the data-carrying layer of optical discs (CDs & DVDs) which may be less long-lived than originally thought. The ‘rot’ resembles tiny pinpricks and can cause the disc to skip or fail to function at all.
• ‘Grief Tourists’ – People who travel to the scene of a recent tragedy to mourn the victims.
• ‘Canvention’ – A convention of beer-can collectors, a hobby whose popularity is now mostly limited to men middle-aged or older.
• ‘RINO’ – Stands for ‘Republican In Name Only’. Typically, a Republican who is viewed as being too liberal.

GUYS & HAIRS:
• We all know trendy women are wearing bangs these days, but now “Cargo” magazine says it’s also cool for guys to ‘draw the drapes’. Actors Ashton Kutcher & Pierce Brosnan have worn them; they apparently go well with a chiseled jaw or pointy chin. But take note, chubbies, they supposedly look bad on guys carrying extra weight!
• Spring issues of men’s style magazines are loaded with guys sporting unshaven faces. It seems the scratchy mug has returned as a hipster signature, worn by actors and musicians, athletes and artists. “Denver Post” notes that the last time the scruffy look was this hot was in the 1980s. (There you go – we just shaved 15 minutes off your getting-ready time.)

THE COLOR OF GLUTTONY:
An interesting new marketing & nutritional science study at the University of Illinois at Urbana-Champaign suggests that food presentation and its variety of colors helps determine how much we want to eat. In one experiment, participating adults ate 69% more jellybeans when 6 colors were mixed together in the same bowl than when the colors were sorted into separate bowls. In another experiment, moviegoers ate 43% more M&Ms when given 10 colors than those who were offered the same amount in 7 colors.
- ANI

WHICH WOULD YOU RATHER BE IN?
Most men polled in a new German survey would rather spend a weekend with a flashy car than with a sexy female celebrity. 86% of respondents would rather have their hands on a Ferrari Enzo than Pam Anderson. 75% would pick a Lamborghini Gallardo over Britney Spears. Only pop pixie Kylie Minogue bucked the trend – 53% picking her over a Porsche Carrera GT. ([Co-host’s] new girlfriend was beaten out by a 1978 Gremlin.)
– “Men’s Car” magazine.

FOR THE RECORD:
An 80-year-old man in Orali, India who’s been married to 90 women wants to wed 10 more before he dies to round off his record to an even 100. He set the goal long ago when his first wife left him. At the moment he’s still married but has been receiving proposals from all over, including Japan, Hungary, and the USA. (No wonder women are after him – his nickname is ‘Tripod’.)
– “Asian Age”

A LARGE NOSE-BLEED SECTION:
Construction of the world’s next ‘tallest building’ is up for bid in the United Arab Emirate of Dubai. The ‘Burj Dubai’, scheduled for completion in 2008, will be nearly half-a-mile tall, about a third taller than the once world’s tallest Petronas Towers in Kuala Lumpur. It will include a hotel, apartments, offices, and one of the world’s largest malls with over 2 million square feet of retail space. On the short list of contractors bidding to build the world’s tallest skyscraper – the Saudi Binladin Group, the construction company begun by Osama bin Laden’s father.
– WorldNetDaily

A REAL KICK IN THE PANTS:
A suggestion in a meeting that some sort of device was needed for clients to kick the participants’ butts has led J Reese Leavitt, owner of Leavitt & Associates Engineers Inc in Nampa, Idaho to develop the ‘Manually Self-Operated Butt-Kicking Machine’. The device features a size-15 red high-top running shoe filled with concrete for impact. Leavitt is now seeking a patent.
- “Salt Lake Tribune”

FROM THE BS POLL VAULT:
• 81% of couples in which the husband does at least half the housework will have a 2nd child.
• 55% of new moms admit they ‘play dumb’ when their baby has a dirty diaper.
• 33% of dog owners have called home from work and left a message on the answering machine for their pooch to hear.
• 25% of men say they’d give up 5 years of their lives in exchange for not going bald.
• 25% of drivers admit to having steered with their knees instead of their hands.
• 13% of parents claim to do their kid’s homework on a regular basis.

BS AMAZING FACT:
According to “Men’s Health” magazine, the #1 thing women hate about men is – toe hair.

THE BULL SHEET 05.12.2K4

TODAY’S CELEBIRTHDAYS . . .
1921 [83] Farley Mowatt, Belleville ON, wildlife author (“A Whale for the Killing”, “Never Cry Wolf”)

1937 [67] George Carlin, NYC, movie actor (“Jersey Girl”, “Scary Movie 3″)/standup comedian (“Seven Words You Can’t Say on Radio or TV”)

1948 [56] Steve Winwood, Great Barr UK, classic rock musician (“Higher Love”, Spencer Davis Group-“Gimme Some Lovin’”)/Rock & Roll Hall of Fame (2004)

1955 [49] (Leon) Kix Brooks, Shreveport LA, country singer (Brooks & Dunn-“That’s What She Gets For Loving Me”, “Red Dirt Road”)

1959 [45] Ving Rhames, NYC, movie actor (“Mission: Impossible I & II”, “Out of Sight”)  COMING UP: “Mission: Impossible 3″, opening MAY 2005.

1962 [42] Emilio Estevez, NYC, movie actor (“Mighty Ducks” series, “Breakfast Club”)/Martin Sheen’s son/Charlie Sheen’s brother/Paula Abdul’s ex- (1992-94)

1978 [26] Jason Biggs, Hasbrouck Heights NJ, movie actor (“American Wedding”, “American Pie I & II”)

1995 [09] Sullivan & Sawyer Sweeten, Brownwood TX, twin actors (‘Michael & Geoffrey Barone’ on “Everybody Loves Raymond” since 1996)  FACTOID: It’s a family affair – their sister Madylin Sweeten plays ‘Ally Barone’ on the show.

BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .
TODAY through May 23rd, the annual “Cannes Film Festival” reels on the French Riviera. This year “Kill Bill” director Quentin Tarantino heads the film festival jury. Among the 18 films competing for the coveted ‘Palme d’Or’ – “Shrek 2″, the British film “The Life & Death of Peter Sellers”, and Michael Moore’s “Fahrenheit 9/11″. The festival wraps with the world premiere of the Cole Porter bio-pic “De-Lovely”, starring Kevin Kline.

TODAY is “Kite Day”, a good excuse to tell someone to go fly theirs.

TODAY is “Limerick Day”, celebrating the 1812 birthday of Edward Lear, author of the first collection of limericks, “The Book of Nonsense”.

TODAY is “Third Shift Workers Day”, honoring those sleep-challenged souls who work through the night to keep things running after dark. Ask for calls from people with unusual all-night jobs. Good excuse to send a 3rd-shifter out for dinner … at 7am.

TODAY is “International Nurses Day”, commemorating the 1820 birth date of the founder of modern nursing, Florence Nightingale, and wrapping up “Nurses’ Week”.

THIS DAY IN SHOW BIZ . . .
1937 [67] 1st-ever ‘worldwide radio broadcast’ (coronation of Britain’s King George VI)

TODAY’S FIRST . . .
1935 [69] ‘Alcoholics Anonymous’ is founded, in Akron OH (some kind of holiday for you, [co-host]?)

1978 [26] National Weather Service announces hurricanes will no longer be exclusively female

TODAY’S RECORD . . .
1992 [12] 30 men & 2 women from 9 nations all reach the summit of Mount Everest, the most climbers on the peak in a single day (at the top, they’re greeting by a Sherpa with a ‘Stop/Go’ sign)

COMING UP . . .
[Thurs] “Frasier” series finalé (“Goodnight, Seattle”)
[Thurs] “Survivor: All-Stars” reunion show & 2nd million-dollar award
[Fri] “Troy” opens in movie theaters
[Fri] Dance Like A Chicken Day
[Sun] Wear Purple For Peace Day
[Tues] Visit Your Relatives Day
[Tues] International Museum Day
This Week Is . . . Tourism Week
This Month Is . . . Home Decorating Month (after participating in a TV makeover, can you sue?)

BULL’S BITS . . .
BS SIGNS YOU’RE TOO DAMN HONEST

• When everyone in the elevator starts to wince you announce: “It was me!”
• When you’re late for work and the boss asks “Heavy traffic?”, you answer “No, I hate you, I hate this job and I wait until the last possible minute to leave the house each morning.”
• When someone asks why you’re selling a particular item at your garage sale you say “Because it’s a piece of crap that I don’t want anymore but rather than junk it I thought some idiot might give me money for it.”
• When a potential buyer asks why you’re selling your car you say “Because it’s a piece of crap that I don’t want anymore but rather than junk it I thought some moron might give me money for it.”
• Every time your wife asks you if you think she needs to lose some weight you end up sleeping on the couch.     

DUBYA POP QUIZ:
• Which was NOT a favorite pastime of George W as a young boy?
a. Playing baseball.
b. Reading books. [CORRECT]
c. Collecting baseball cards.
d. Blowing up frogs with firecrackers.

• How did George W make his fortune?
a. He ‘hit the big one’ with a West Texas oil well.
b. He got a huge advance for his campaign autobiography.
c. Having used various family connections to raise the money to buy the Texas Rangers, and having wheedled $135 million worth of corporate welfare out of the state, which levied a sales tax to build a new stadium for the team, he made almost $15 million on his original $606,000 investment when the team was sold. [CORRECT]
d. Kickbacks from executioners.

• Complete George W’s defiant statement about the terrorists: “They will not …”
a. … tie America hostage.”
b. … hold America blackmail. [CORRECT]
c. … squeeze America hostile.
d. … blow America down.

• How did George W describe his wife, Laura?
a. “My much better half”
b. “The only woman I’ve ever loved”
c. “The cream in my coffee”
d. “The lump in the bed next to me” [CORRECT]
– “The George W Bush Quiz Book” by Paul Slansky.

BS PHONE STARTER:
“Troy” star Brad Pitt predicts men will be wearing skirts by next summer, just like the ancient Greeks. So guys … would ya?

BS BLATANT JOKES:
• You know you need to lose weight when you go to Marineland and the killer whale keeps winking at you.
• A new survey says high school students regularly cheat on tests. What’s happening to our kids today?! I can honestly say I never once cheated in all my 13 years of high school.

BS WATER COOLER QUESTION:
Today’s Question: 55% of men say they’d be disappointed if they found THIS out about a woman they were dating.
Answer to Give Out Next Show: Fake boobs.

BS DEEP THOUGHT:
Many of us spend half our time wishing for things we could have if we didn’t spend half our time wishing.

 


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