Tuesday, May 27, 2003        Edition: #2550
Bull Almighty!

TONIGHT “American Juniors” premieres on FOX-TV, sort of a kiddie version of “American Idol” in which 5 singers & dancers between the ages of 6 & 13 will be chosen to form a group (please no, not another boy band!) . . . TONIGHT U2’s Bono joins opera tenor Luciano Pavarotti for his annual benefit concert in Modena, Italy, this one in aid of Iraqi war refugees (Liza Minnelli also plans to show up even though she broke her right kneecap SUNDAY when she tripped) . . . 57-year-old Rod Stewart has reached a ‘financial agreement’ and will finally divorce model Rachel Hunter after 4 years of separation (word is it’s to keep current girlfriend Penny Lancaster happy) . . . “The Matrix Reloaded” has passed the $200 million milestone after 11 days of release (second all-time to “Spider-Man”, which did it in 9 days) . . . The 1st single by “American Idol” winner Ruben Studdard, “Flying Without Wings”, will be released NEXT WEEK . . . “Charlie’s Angels” star Cameron Diaz is reportedly dating Hollywood hunk Vince Vaughn just weeks after splitting with her longtime boyfriend, actor Jared Leto . . . Word is Gwyneth Paltrow has signed up for cooking lessons in NYC because her Coldplay boyfriend Chris Martin has been having cravings for British food while touring the US (you don’t need classes Gwynny, just boil everything until it’s mush!) . . . Tennis aces Andre Agassi & Steffi Graf are expecting their 2nd child (already have a son named Jaden Gil) . . . And the hilarious cat & dog comic strip “Get Fuzzy” by Darby Conley has won ‘Best Newspaper Comic’ at the “2003 Reuben Awards” in San Francisco.

Roman Polanski won the ‘Best Director’ Oscar & Adrien Brody ‘Best Actor’ for his portrayal of a Jewish musician who struggles to survive the destruction of the Warsaw ghetto in the WW2 drama “The Pianist” . . . Jason Lee & Julia Stiles star in the romantic comedy “A Guy Thing”, about a guy who wakes up the morning after his bachelor party in bed with a strange woman, unsure as to exactly what happened . . . A brilliant young CIA trainee (Colin Farrell) is asked by his mentor (Al Pacino) to help find a mole in the agency in the thriller “The Recruit” . . . In the action comedy “National Security”, Martin Lawrence & Steve Zahn play mismatched partners working as lowly security guards who stumble upon a smuggling operation which may or may not involve high-ranking members of the LAPD . . . Pedro Almodovar won the ‘Best Original Screenplay’ Oscar for “Hable Con Ella” (“Talk to Her”), his story of 2 men who share an odd friendship while caring for their girlfriends who are both in deep comas.

Looking for a hot giveaway? The Mark Wahlberg-Charlize Theron heist movie “The Italian Job”, opening FRIDAY, features an exciting getaway chase scene using Mini Coopers, the famous little Brit car recently resurrected by BMW. For the film’s premiere LAST WEEK, Hollywood’s Paramount Studio lot was turned into an old-fashioned drive-in theater and hundreds of Mini Cooper owners were invited. You can bet the movie’s release will add even more cache to the already hot-selling Mini.

According to an article in the “London Times”, the human ‘sound barrier’ is reached at the age of 50. According to writer AA Gill, up until that age people are constantly turning sound up. But after 50, he contends, you begin to notice what a racket life makes and you yearn for quiet. (And begin yelling, “Turn down that noise!”)

Russia is staging its own version of “American Idol” that’s open to inmates in the country’s 748 high-security prisons. Talented cons are competing for a chance at a recording contract and freedom. Although wardens have been told to filter out dangerous applicants, a number of convicted killers have managed to enter. (It’s like becoming a rap star – only backwards.)

According to a new study published in “New Scientist” magazine, time really does seem to drag by when you’re dying for a cigarette. Researchers have found that when regular smokers quit, their perception of passing time is stretched by 50%. It’s believed the illusion is both biological and psychological. (In fact for some quitters, time slows down soooo much they hallucinate that they’ve moved to [local dull town].)

A South Dakota funeral company is airing memorial services at its Website for relatives who can’t make it in person to pay their respects. Virtual mourners can also sign an electronic guest book and e-mail condolences to the family. (“Wow, Grandma’s funeral got 90,000 hits!”)
NET: http://www.chapelview.com
PHONER: 605-391-3128 (Ross Johnson, Rapid City SD)

• An 85-year-old Chinese woman has won $235 compensation and an apology from a neighbor who had the audacity to suggest that – she wasn’t a virgin. The neighbor had apparently been spreading gossip that the woman had had several affairs. To prove her case, the elderly spinster produced a doctor’s report. (Wow, that’s amazing considering [co-host] was the oldest virgin in [local community] … in kindergarten.)
• A 44-year old Dutch motorist who claimed he’d only had 4 beers when pulled over for driving erratically in fact had so much booze in his breath – it crashed the police Breathalyzer. A later blood test showed he’d consumed 7 TIMES the legal limit for driving. Even so, he got off fairly lightly – a 15-month driving ban and a $1000 fine. (Not only is this guy’s funeral pre-planned, he’s pre-embalmed!)
• A motorcycle driver has been killed on I-95 near Hobe Sound FL – after crashing into a cow. The big bovine apparently wandered onto the road through a hole in a fence made by trespassers looking to get high on mushrooms that grow on cow flop. (Wow man, this is good sh__t!)

In his 10th successful ascent of Mount Everest, a 35-year-old Sherpa has set a new record for the fastest climb of the world’s tallest mountain – just 10 hours, 56 minutes. Lakpa Gyelu broke the 12 hour, 45 minute record of fellow Sherpa guide Pemba Dorjee – set just LAST WEEK (you can bet he’s really PO-ed!). Most Everest climbers take about 4 days.

• Cats have no ability to taste sweet things. (Except for ‘Garfield’.)
• Male monkeys lose the hair on their heads in the same way men do. (Also scratch themselves the same way.)
• Ducks will lay eggs only in the early morning. (Well, they have a lot in common with this show!)


1936 [67] Louis Gossett Jr, Brooklyn NY, movie/TV actor (Oscar-“An Officer & a Gentleman”, Emmy-“Roots”)

1945 [58] Bruce Cockburn, Pembroke ON, pop/folk singer (“Lovers in a Dangerous Time”, “Rumours of Glory”)

1955 [48] Richard Schiff, Bethesda MD, TV actor (Emmy for playing Communications Director Toby Ziegler-“The West Wing” since 1999)

1961 [42] Peri Gilpin, Waco TX, TV actress (Roz Doyle-“Frasier” since 1993)

1971 [32] Paul Bettany, London ENG, up & coming movie actor (“A Beautiful Mind”, “A Knight’s Tale”)/Mr Jennifer Connelly  NEXT FILMS: Stars with Nicole Kidman in “Dogville “, Russell Crowe in “Master & Commander: The Far Side of the World”, and Kirsten Dunst in “Wimbledon”.

1975 [28] Dré (Andre Benjamin), Atlanta GA, rap artist (OutKast-“Get Up & Get Out”, “Player’s Ball”)/movie actor (the Harrison Ford/Josh Hartnett film “Hollywood Homicide”, opening JUNE 13)

TODAY is “Ancestor Honor Day”, a day to reflect on the contributions of our forebears. (What if you only have three?)

TODAY is “Bloomer Girls Day”, observed on the birth anniversary of Amelia Jenks Bloomer (1818-1894), women’s rights advocate and reformer. Her name is remembered especially because of her push for more sensible dress for women – ‘bloomers’ or pants.

TOMORROW is the 2nd annual “Great International Grump Out”, dedicated to getting people all over the world to abstain from being grumpy for one day. To celebrate, we’re encouraged to wear anything with a smile on it (clothing, hats, buttons – or your face) and to implement a ‘Frown Fine’ whereby anyone caught frowning has to pay up. The official fruit of THIS YEAR’S “Grump Out” is the banana. Hold it one way and it’s a smile, turn it upside down and it’s a frown, thereby satisfying both the ‘Grump’ and the ‘Anti-Grump’.
PHONER: 941-492-2166 (Janice Hathy, Venice FL)
NET: http://www.SmileMania.com

1919 [84] 1st ‘pop-up toaster’ (and the 1st person to try and pry out a stuck piece of toast with a knife is electrocuted)

1930 [73] 1st ‘masking tape’ (the next day the 1st geek uses it to repair his eyewear)

1997 [06] 1st ‘all female team’ to reach North Pole (20 British women)

1790 [213] ‘Laziest man in history’, wealthy British heir Jeremiah Carlton, retires to his bed at age 19 thinking he’ll never need to work again and stays there until he dies – 70 years later! (tomorrow morning on [your show] – “Canadian Idle”, the search for the laziest person in town)

1884 [119] 22-inch-tall ‘General Mite’ marries 19.5-inch Millie Edwards (just lookin’ for a little nookie)

1961 [42] 1st ‘black light’ sold in novelty shop (the kind that makes your white shirt glow)

1994 [09] ‘Highest temperature ever produced’ in a lab (920 million degrees F at Princeton University)

[Wed] Senior Health & Fitness Day
[Thurs] Bob Hope’s 100th birthday
[Fri] Solar Eclipse
[Sat] National Macaroon Day
This Month Is . . . Bike Month / Egg Month


• No matter how much he enjoys it, never let your gerbil ride the ceiling fan.
• Always wear protective goggles when operating a Weedeater, working with a power tool, or teasing your wife.
• No matter how tempting it is, never try to vacuum a sleeping grandparent.
• Do not attempt to change a light bulb while standing on the dog.

Last week’s most traded music files on the Web –
1. “Bring Me to Life” – Evanescence
2. “Ignition” – R Kelly
3. “21 Questions” – 50 Cent
4. “Picture” – Kid Rock
5. “In Da Club” – 50 Cent
6. “Swing, Swing” – All American Rejects
7. “Angel” – Amanda Perez
8. “Magic Stick” – Lil’ Kim
9. “Rock Your Body” – Justin Timberlake
10. “Sing for the Moment” – Eminem
Source: Big Champagne

Just in time for JUNE, ‘Weddings Month’, the ‘Feng Shui Diva’ offers tips on how to get your marriage off to a solid start and how to make your love life sizzle. Her 10-question online quiz gives you a quick fix on the state of your love life.
PHONER: 804-241-1685 (Robyn Bentley, Richmond VA)
NET: http://www.fengshuidiva.com/lovequiz.htm

“What part of your body can you make music with?”

Today’s Question: It’s now been proven – overweight hairy males produce more of THIS than slim smooth women.
Answer to Give Out Next Show: Belly button lint.

The trouble with doing something right the first time is that nobody appreciates how difficult it was.


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