Monday, May 26, 2003        Edition: #2549
Thanks For Being On Our Sheet List!

TRASHY TABLOID BS:
• If you believe “National Enquirer”, Dr Phil is furious that Oprah Winfrey has changed her mind about retiring in 2006 and extended her talk show contract through 2008. Why? The TV shrink was expecting to inherit Oprah’s coveted time slots after she stepped down, which would allow him to dominate the TV talk show scene. Seems now that he’s had a taste of Hollywood fame – he wants to make ‘Oprah money’!
• “Self” magazine readers have sorted recording artists based on body parts. Not surprisingly, Jennifer Lopez was voted ‘Best Butt’. Ashanti nailed down ‘Best Body – New Artist’. And Christina Aguilera wins ‘Most Overexposed Body’. (And lately a LOT more body. See her in “US” magazine? She’s huge!)
• “E! Online” reports that Paul McCartney performed an impromptu version of “Let It Be” for Russian President Vladimir Putin SATURDAY night before playing a gig in Red Square – his first ever concert in Russia. (Wonder if he did “Back in the USSR”?)
• “Friends” star Jennifer Aniston is said to be furious at “Redbook” magazine for allegedly doctoring THIS MONTH’s cover photo of her. “Daily Dish” says she’s convinced the picture combines her face with other people’s body parts. Among the imported parts in question – the neck, right hand, and torso. “Redbook” denies major alterations, saying the only items that were changed were the color of her shirt and the length of her hair, which was slightly increased. (This could make a fun activity on your station Website. Ask visitors to alter pics of your station personalities using Photoshop.)
• London’s “Sun” tabloid says Justin Timberlake has discovered it’s tough on the wallet being a sex symbol party animal. The parties and posh hotels for him and his 80-strong entourage during his UK tour ran up a total bill of 4.25 million pounds – close to $10 million CDN!
• “News of the World” reports that Keanu Reeves’ stunning “Matrix Reloaded” co-star Monica
Bellucci (‘Persephone’) has been offered a massive $5 million to pose nude for “Playboy” magazine. She’s no newcomer to nudity – she went topless in “Dracula” and wore even less in the Italian movie “La Riffa”. (Well yeah, but that was only because getting naked was ‘integral to the plot development’.)
• “People News” reports supermodel Naomi Campbell threw herself a 33rd birthday party over the weekend in St Tropez on the French Riviera. U2′s Bono, Macy Gray, Wesley Snipes & Prince Albert of Monaco were among the celebrants. Actress Claire Danes was flown in by private jet. Naomi insisted everyone wear white to match her outfit and the party’s decor – 4,000 white candles and 2,000 white roses. The bash featured DJs from Brazil, Paris & Montréal, plus a midnight performance by Cirque du Soleil, courtesy of Naomi’s new boyfriend Guy Laliberte, the 43-year-old French Canadian founder of the show.
• And here’s the week’s ‘breaking news’ according to “Weekly World News” – “New Genetic Breakthrough: Trees That Give Meat Instead of Fruit!”, “Hot New Bar Where Singles Grope Each Other!”, “Dog Accused of Witchcraft!”, “Oldster Beaten With His Own Leg During Robbery!” and “You Can Sue Yourself & Get Filthy Rich!” But perhaps the most intriguing headline belongs to the UK’s “Sun” tabloid – “Boy, 7, Pregnant with His Own Siamese Twin!”.

COFFEE DRINKERS ARE SEXIER:
Research published in “Woman’s Own” magazine shows that coffee drinkers are more sexually active than non-drinkers, but no one’s sure if that’s because of something in the caffeine – or just because it keeps people awake!

AND JUSTICE FOR ALL:
“Psychology Today” reports that employees exposed to difficult or unjust circumstances may not only become sullen and unproductive, they may become physically ill. A 2-year University of Helsinki study finds that workplaces rated as having ‘low justice’ – where performance reviews are considered unfair and employee viewpoints are not heard – have 41% more sick days among men and 12% more among women.

SATISFACTION WORTH MORE THAN MONEY:
Over 50% of women working outside the home measure work success based on the satisfaction they get from doing a good job. Less than 25% say they measure success based on money.

SPACE STATION 911:
The latest Shuttle tragedy has caused NASA to look at alternatives for getting astronauts off the International Space Station in an emergency. One option may be an orbital space plane that looks like a stubby version of the Space Shuttle. Another option is docking an Apollo-style command module at the station as a ‘lifeboat’. With strict budget considerations, NASA has even considered refurbishing capsules built in the 1960s and currently in storage or museums.

WHY THERE ARE WAL-MART GREETERS:
A Canadian federal government survey shows that fully 75% of those approaching retirement age would rather do part-time work than quit completely. (This explains the biannual Rolling Stones tour.)

REASON TO BECOME A FITNESS TRAINER:
University of British Columbia research shows that women who cycle on an exercise bike for 20 minutes display more ‘intense response’ when shown an erotic film than those who had just been relaxing.

VIRTUAL WRITER:
There’s a new computer program called Brutus One that writes short stories. One of its creations was recently slipped in with 3 other stories published on the Internet and readers were asked to guess which had been written by a machine. Only 25% guessed correctly. It’s only the first version of the program and software designer Selmer Bringsjord admits it still has problems. For instance, so far it can only produce 500-word stories from a male point of view about betrayal in a university setting. (Well in that case, Hollywood might be interested.)

DANGERS OF THE GREAT OUTDOORS:
A study in the “Western Journal of Medicine” says wild animal attacks, rock climbing, hang gliding, and other ‘exotic’ incidents don’t cause many deaths in national parks. Instead, heart attacks (17%), drownings (15%), falls (15%), and motor vehicle accidents (10%) are the top causes. In fact, fighting and substance abuse cause more than 3 times as many injuries as rock climbing. (Yeah, but after getting into a fight you don’t plunge 3,000 feet to your death.)

WHAT YOUR HEADACHE SAYS ABOUT YOU:
National Headache Foundation research shows the type of headache you have could depend on your personality. Migraine sufferers tend to be neat, orderly and creative individuals who demand a lot from themselves. Tension headaches, on the other hand, most often hit people who have poor coping skills. They can get a headache just thinking about stressful situations.

YOU JUST CAN’T WIN:
A new study shows being overweight may lead to cancer. Researchers claim 90,000 cancer deaths a year are due to obesity. (Well Porky, aren’t you glad you quit smoking and gained 30 lbs?)

BS AMAZING FACT:
65% of men claim they’ve ‘scored’ on a 1st date, while just 45% of women admit to it. (Meaning there’s a few women out there that must really get around!)

THE BULL SHEET 05.26.2K3

TODAY’S CELEBIRTHDAYS . . .
1948 [55] Stevie (Stephanie) Nicks, Phoenix AZ, pop singer (Fleetwood Mac-“Peacekeeper “, “Dreams”)/Rock & Roll Hall of Fame (1998)

1949 [54] Hank Williams Jr, Shreveport LA, country singer (“Monday Night Football” theme, “Family Tradition”)

1962 [41] Bobcat (Robert) Goldthwait, Syracuse NY, comedian/movie actor (“Shakes the Clown”)/cartoon voice (“Crank Yankers”, “House of Mouse”)

1964 [39] Lenny Kravitz, NYC, rock musician (“American Woman”, “Are You Gonna Go My Way”)  FACTOID: Once married to actress Lisa Bonet, dated singer Natalie Imbruglia, and now engaged to Brazilian model Adriana Lima since May 2002.

1966 [37] Helena Bonham Carter, London ENG, movie actress (“Fight Club”, “Howard’s End”)

1975 [28] Lauryn Hill (as in ‘whatever happened to?’), South Orange NJ, pop/R&B singer (“Everything Is Everything”, “Doo Wop [That Thing]”)

BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .
[USA] “Memorial Day”

THIS MONTH is “Moving Month”. According to a new survey by BoxBundles.com, the average family leaves behind 1,500 lbs of trash when they move – about 25% of the total household belongings. (So a quarter of what we live with is garbage?)

TODAY’S MUSIC EVENT . . .
1994 [09] Elvis rolls over in his grave as ‘King of Pop’ Michael Jackson secretly weds the ‘King’s’ daughter, Lisa Marie Presley, in the Dominican Republic (she files for divorce in January 1996)

TODAY’S FIRST . . .
1968 [35] 1st non-American-based MLB team, Montréal Expos, officially formed

TODAY’S RECORD . . .
2001 [02] More than 2,000 people pose naked in downtown Montréal in 12-degree C weather for a nude group photo-shoot by NYC artist Spencer Tunick, who specializes in taking shots of nude crowds in urban centers (only 300 were expected)

AND REMEMBER . . .
[Tues] National Ancestor Honor Day
[Wed] Senior Health & Fitness Day
[Thurs] Bob Hope’s 100th birthday
[Fri] Solar Eclipse
[Sat] Save Your Hearing Day
This Month Is . . . National Allergy/Asthma Awareness Month (ahhhhh-CHOOOOO!!!)

BULL’S BITS . . .
BS EXCUSES IF YOU GET CAUGHT SLEEPING AT WORK:
• “It’s okay … I’m still billing the client.”
• “They told me at the blood bank this might happen.”
• “Whew! Guess I left the top off the liquid paper.”
• “I was testing the keyboard for drool resistance.”
• “Where am I and who are you?”
• “I’m in the management training program.”

BS Q & A:
Q: 26 years ago TODAY (1977) the man called ‘The Human Fly’, George Willig, did something that can never, ever be accomplished again. What?
A: He scaled the World Trade Center in New York City by affixing himself to the window washer mechanism and walking straight up until falling into police custody when he reached the top. It took him 3-and-a-half hours to make the climb.

Q: You’re standing in Halifax harbor looking at the names on all the ships. So what does ‘HMCS’ stand for, anyway?
A: ‘Her Majesty’s Canadian Ship’ (or in [co-host’s] case – ‘Has Mortgage to Cover Sailboat’).

US CITIES WITH THE BEST-LOOKING PEOPLE:
1. San Diego CA
2. Honolulu HI
3. Austin TX
4. San Juan PR
5. San Francisco CA
Source: “Travel & Leisure” magazine.
(Take a vote on Canadian cities.)

BS MONDAY MORNING BRAIN BUSTER:
‘John’ did not kill ‘Bill’ because ‘Smith’ died. Why not? (Smith was a writer. ‘John’ and ‘Bill’ were the heroes of his unfinished novel.)

BS BLATANT JOKE:
Just think, if it wasn’t for chins and chests it would take two people to fold the laundry!

BS WATER COOLER QUESTION:
Today’s Question: 74% of Canadians cannot tell the difference between different kinds of THIS.
Answer to Give Out Next Show: Wine.

BS DEEP THOUGHT:
I find that one of the most handy, helpful, useful, beneficial, advantageous, valuable items I have is a thesaurus.

WELCOME NEW BS-ERS!
Welcome aboard to our newest subscriber Scott Raible @ CJLT Medicine Hat AB and this week’s samplers that include Alan Kabel @ Jones Radio Networks in Seattle, Ryan Wendt @ KSOM Atlantic IA, Patti Smith @ WKZE Sharon CT, Dan Preston @ KLGT Buffalo WY, Steve Stone @ KUPH Mountain View MO, Gary Spears @ WRCK Washington Mills NY, Frank Edwards @ KRYS Corpus Christi TX, and Mike West @ Radio Elios in Cyprus.

 


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