Friday, May 30, 2008        Edition: #3787
Monthly Planning Calendar in Today’s BS!

BS SHOW BIZ BUZZ:
Model Naomi Campbell has just been charged with assaulting a constable, disorderly conduct, and using threatening words during that ‘luggage rage’ incident at Heathrow Airport in APRIL and could be facing up to 6 months in the slammer (the delay was because they were too scared to lay the charges until she was out of the country) . . . Movie star George Clooney has broken up with 1-year girlfriend, former cocktail waitress Sarah Larson, but his rep says there’s absolutely ‘no comment’ about it (women of the world squeal!) . . . “CSI” actor Gary Dourdan has pleaded guilty to 2 felony possession charges of cocaine & ecstasy relating to his post-“Coachella Music Festival“ bust in Indio CA, both of which will be dismissed if he completes a treatment program (what a light touch – what, is this England?) . . . Pseudo-actress Tori Spelling has finally been asked to guest-star as her old “Beverly Hills 90210“ character ‘Donna Martin’ in at least 1 episode of the upcoming new spinoff (CW), but she says she’s unsure if she’ll still be married to ‘David Silver’, played by Brian Austin Green (this what whining for months gets you) . . . The woman who crashed her vehicle head-on into another with Sandra Bullock & hubby Jesse James inside, has pleaded guilty to DUI and a ‘marked lane violation’ (BS translation: she was weaving all over the road) . . . Spike TV has entered an agreement to provide online content from “Playboy” on its website (cuz it’s visited by the same kind of guys who watch Steven Seagal movies) . . . Dallas Cowboys QB Tony Romo has reportedly made it clear to Jessica Simpson that their renewed relationship is a ‘trial thing’, dependent on her overbearing papa Joe butting out of their lives (we give it a week) . . . According to TV ratings, Denise Richards’ new reality show “It’s Complicated” attracted slightly more viewers than Dina Lohan’s new reality show “Living Lohan” (proves who’s the better child-exploiting cougar, doesn’t it?) . . . And a 12-inch-tall ‘Buzz Lightyear’ action figure will be taking off into space aboard the shuttle ‘Discovery’, seemingly a real honor for Disney’s “Toy Story” franchise until you find out – it’ll be accompanied by a new toilet for the International Space Station.

WEEKEND SHOW BIZ SKED:
• Charlie Sheen – TODAY the “Two & a Half Men” star is scheduled to wed fiancée Brooke Mueller. Hope this marriage goes better than the last (Denice Richards).
• “Million Dollar Password” (CBS/CTV) – SUNDAY another vintage TV game show (1961-75) gets recycled with revved-up prizes. And speaking of recycling, 76-year-old Regis Philbin hosts.
NET: http://www.cbs.com/primetime/million_dollar_password/
• “MTV Movie Awards” – SUNDAY Mike Myers (“The Love Guru“) hosts the 2008 honors live from the Gibson Amphitheatre in Universal City CA. A few highlights …
– Awards categories include ‘Best Fight’, ‘Best Kiss’, ‘Best Villain’, and ‘Best Summer Movie So Far’.
– Michael Cera (“Juno”), Shia LaBeouf (“Indiana Jones”), and Amy Adams (“Enchanted”) top the list of nominations for ‘Golden Buckets’ of popcorn.
– Musical performances by Coldplay and the Pussycat Dolls.
– Adam Sandler receives the ‘Generation Award’ for career achievement.
NET: http://www.mtv.com/
• “Saturday Night Live” (NBC/Global) – “Indiana Jones” actor Shia Labeouf hosts; My Morning Jacket is the musical guest.

BS MUSIC NOTES:
• Amy Winehouse – Word has it recent musical collaborator and equally-drug-addled rocker Pete Doherty asked her to marry him 4 years ago … but she said, “No no no.”
• Ashlee Simpson – She’s officially changing her name to Ashlee Simpson-Wentz and has finally confirmed what we already knew … she’s pregnant with hubby Pete Wentz’s child.
• Cyndi Lauper – SATURDAY her “True Colors” tour promoting gay rights kicks off a 2nd Summer go-round in Boston MA. Fellow headliners include Rosie O’Donnell, and the B-52s.
• Dave Matthews Band – TONIGHT they kick off their North American Summer tour in Burgettstown PA (suburb of Pittsburgh). They’ll perform songs off their upcoming studio album.
• Donna Summer – THIS MORNING the ‘70s disco queen performs her new single “Stamp Your Feet” on the “Today Show” (NBC).
• Jonas Bros – TONIGHT the teen phenoms take the stage on “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC/CityTV).
• Madonna – Malawi’s high court has finally officially approved her application to adopt David Banda … about a year-and-a-half after the kid was adopted.
• Sheryl Crow – TONIGHT she’s the guest on “Last Call With Carson Daly” (NBC).
• Usher – THIS MORNING the “Love in This Club” singer does “Good Morning America” (ABC).

TODAY’S MOVIE OPENINGS:
• “Sex & The City: The Movie” ( R-Rated Romantic Comedy ): Set 4 years following the TV show, the movie picks up on the lives of Manhattanites ‘Carrie’ (Sarah Jessica Parker), ‘Samantha’ (Kim Cattrall), ‘Charlotte’ (Kristin Davis) and ‘Miranda’ (Cynthia Nixon). At the center of it all is ‘Carrie’s pending nuptials to ‘Mr Big’ (Chris Noth). Co-stars Candice Bergen (“Boston Legal”) and Jennifer Hudson (“Dreamgirls”). Cameos include NYC mayor Michael Bloomberg.
NET: http://www.sexandthecitymovie.com/
• “The Strangers” ( R-Rated Horror Thriller ): Scott Speedman & Liv Tyler star as a young couple who hope to cozy up in a vacation home but they’re terrorized by 3 unknown assailants: ‘Dollface’ (Australian fashion model Gemma Ward), ‘The Man In the Mask’, and ‘Pin-Up Girl’. Produced 2 years ago, the film is finally being slipped into theaters after a lengthy delay.
NET: http://www.thestrangers.net/

SOMETHING ELSE TO SNORT:
A new Swiss study suggests that feelings of shyness seem to be alleviated by a chemical called oxytocin. Naturally produced in the brain, it’s known as the ‘cuddle chemical’ or ‘love hormone’. Tests are underway to see if a nasal spray containing the stuff can be used to overcome feelings of awkwardness and anxiety in social situations such as parties. (We already have something for this … it’s called booze!)
– “Daily Telegraph”

HIPS DON’T LIE:
Are you gay or not? A new UCLA study published in the “Journal of Personality & Social Psychology” reports that 60% of observers can correctly guess people’s sexual orientation simply by watching them walk. However, the technique apparently only works accurately on men. When guessing the sexual orientation of women based on their gait, the results don’t exceed random choice. (Works better if you ask them to throw a baseball.)
– MSNBC

ONLINE MOVIE RENTALS:
Not content with just being the largest online retailer, Amazon.com is set to launch a streaming video service which allows users to rent movies rather than downloading large, memory-sucking files onto their computers. The company has struck a deal with TiVo, maker of digital video recorders, that allows users to rent videos and then watch them on their TVs. (That last part is what’s going to cost most – either buying a gizmo to transmit the movie from your PC to your TV or buying a new Internet-capable TV.)
– Reuters

FOR THE RECORD:
A man from China’s Shandong province is amazing crowds by demonstrating his ability to drink milk through his nose and then … squirt it out his eyes. Zhang Yinming can cast the cow juice up to 2 meters (6-and-a-half feet). And oh, he can also blow up 2 balloons at a time … with his ears. (This guy needs more attention like he needs another hole in his head.)
– “People’s Daily”

DID YOU KNOW?
• The Carlyle hotel’s fabled Bemelmans Bar in NYC has invented a new drink in honor of Sarah Jessica Parker’s “Sex & The City” character, ‘Carrie Bradshaw’. ‘The Bradshaw’ is a tequila cocktail, containing passion fruit liquor, lime juice, and cane sugar syrup. (Ech! Do you have to pay?)
– “New York Magazine”
• According to Miles Geffin of Mishcon de Reya, one of Britain’s leading law firms, businessmen who lose their job often see it as an opportunity to head straight to divorce court … so alimony payments will be based on their unemployed status. (They don’t get rich by being nice.)
– “The Observer”

BS CHRONOMETER 05.30.08

TODAY’S CELEBIRTHDAYS . . .
1946 [62] Don Ferguson, Montréal QC, TV comic (“Royal Canadian Air Farce” 1973-2008)

1964 [44] Wynonna Judd (Christina Ciminella), Ashland KY, country singer (“To Be Loved By You”, “No One Else on Earth”/5 Grammy Awards with mom Naomi as The Judds (“Love Can Build a Bridge”, “Rockin’ With The Rhythm Of the Rain”)/sister of actress Ashley Judd

1964 [44] Tom Morello, Harlem NY, rock guitarist (Audioslave-“Doesn’t Remind Me”, Rage Against the Machine-“Guerrilla Radio”)/aka The Nightwatchman

1971 [37] Patrick Dahlheimer, York PA, alt-rock bassist (Live-“Turn My Head”, “Lightning Crashes”)

1974 [34] Cee-Lo (Thomas Callaway), Atlanta GA, rapper/vocalist/songwriter/producer (Gnarls Barkley-“Crazy”)

1981 [28] Remy Ma (Reminisce Smith), Bronx NY, incarcerated rapper (w/Terror Squad-“Lean Back”)

SATURDAY –
Movie actor-director Clint Eastwood (“Flags of Our Fathers”) is 78; Oldies singer Corey Hart (“Never Surrender”) is 46; CanWest Global CEO Leonard Asper is 44; Movie-TV actress Brooke Shields (“Lipstick Jungle”) is 43; Movie actor Colin Farrell (Miami Vice) is 32; Rock drummer Andy Hurley (Fall Out Boy) is 28; TV actress Melissa McIntyre (“Degrassi: The Next Generation”) is 22.

SUNDAY –
Movie actor Morgan Freeman (“Million Dollar Baby”) is 71; Rock guitarist Ronnie Wood (Rolling Stones) is 61; Country singer Ronnie Dunn (Brooks & Dunn) is 55; Model-TV host Heidi Klum (“Project Runway”) is 35; Pop singer Alanis Morissette (“Underneath”) is 34; Toronto Blue Jays player Brad Wilkerson (OF) is 31.

TODAY’S BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .
• “Joan of Arc Feast Day” in France, honoring the ‘Maid of Orleans’ who was condemned as a heretic and burned at the stake at age 19 in the year 1431. To celebrate, grill a steak!
• “Water a Flower Day”, because nourishing a little bit of natural beauty might be the only truly worthwhile thing you do all day.

SATURDAY –
• “Macaroon Day”, honoring those ooey-gooey, flourless coconut cookies that stick to your fillings. They’re believed to have been first made in an Italian monastery circa 1792.
• “Save Your Hearing Day”. I SAID, TODAY IS “SAVE YOUR HEARING DAY” … if you’d turn down your iPod you’d be able to … oh, never mind.
• “World No-Tobacco Day”, as declared by the UN’s World Health Organization to encourage people to butt out.
NET: http://www.who.int/tobacco/wntd/2008/en/

SUNDAY –
• “Atlantic, Caribbean & Gulf Hurricane Season” begins and continues through NOVEMBER 30th. For 2008, the National Oceanic & Atmospheric Administration is predicting a 60-to-70% chance of 12-to-16 named storms, including 6-to-9 hurricanes, 2-to-5 of which will be major. Hurricanes are named from annual lists that are in alphabetical order. The 2008 list includes ‘Dolly’, ‘Nana’, ‘Omar’, and ‘Vicky’.
NET: http://hurricane.com/hurricane-names.php
NET: http://tinyurl.com/4msp9w
• “Early Bird Day”, a day to get up bright and early … if you like worms.
• “Flip a Coin Day”, honoring the decision-making practice begun by none other than Julius Caesar (who was the original ‘head’ on the head’s side). The coin flip was used in serious litigation involving property, marriage and even criminal guilt.
• “Healthcare Executives Appreciation Day”, honoring the people who make HUGE salaries off our illnesses.
• “International Mothers’ Peace Day”. If the world won’t listen to the UN, maybe it’ll listen to its mommies?
• “National Day Against Homophobia” in Canada, first organized by the Fondation Émergence in 2002. The observance was adopted by Belgium in 2005.
• “New Year’s Resolution Recommitment Day”, a chance to revisit all those promises you made to yourself a half-year back on New Year’s Day and then promptly forgot by January 3rd.
• “Stand For Children Day”, begun in 1996 as a nonprofit organization to promote concrete, lasting changes that improve kids’ lives.
NET: http://www.stand.org

THIS DAY IN SHOW BIZ . . .
1996 [12] After a 10-year stint with Mary Hart, John Tesh co-anchors his last edition of TV’s “Entertainment Tonight” before pursuing a career as a New Age music composer, and eventually … syndicated radio jock

TODAY’S MUSIC EVENT . . .
1981 [27] The ‘Compact Disc’ (CD) is introduced (and the 1st consumer pitches a fit trying to open the shrinkwrap)

TODAY’S FIRSTS . . .
1889 [119] 1st ‘Brassiere’ is invented (next day, the 1st teenage boy has trouble fumbling with the clasp)

1896 [112] 1st ‘Auto Accident’ as motorist Henry Wells of Springfield MA hits bicyclist Evelyn Thomas on a NYC street, breaking her leg (she’s immediately contacted by the 1st ‘Personal Injury Attorney’)

1975 [33] Yukon & the Northwest Territories are given seats in Canada’s Senate (so geezers from the Far North can also collect big bucks to soak up sunshine in Mexico)

TODAY’S RECORD . . .
1979 [29] Ted Coombs begins a successful 5,193-mile roller-skate from LA to NYC

BS MONTHLY PLANNING CALENDAR . . .
[Jun 1] Stand for Children Day / Trails Day
[Jun 2] Rocky Road Ice Cream Day / Cancer Survivors Day
[Jun 3] Repeat Day / Doughnut Day / “Canadian Idol 6” season premiere (CTV)
[Jun 4] Old Maid’s Day
[Jun 5] Personal Computer Day / UN World Environment Day
[Jun 5-8] 37th CMA Music Festival
[Jun 6] Couple Appreciation Day / Take a Kid Fishing Weekend / “Kung Fu Panda”; “You Don’t Mess With The Zohan” open in movie theaters
[Jun 7] Chocolate Ice Cream Day / Attitude Day / Family Day / 2008 Belmont Stakes / Betty Picnic Day
[Jun 8] Name Your Poison Day / Children’s Sunday
[Jun 8-11] Banff World Television Festival
[Jun 9] Donald Duck Day / “Nashville Star” season premiere (NBC)
[Jun 10] Yo-Yo Day
[Jun 12] Machine Day / Taco Day / Kitchen Klutzes Day / 8th Bonnaroo Music & Arts Festival begins (Manchester TN) / NXNE Festival begins (Toronto) / 36th AFI Life Achievement Award (Los Angeles)
[Jun 13] Juggling Day / Friday the 13th / “The Incredible Hulk” opens in movie theaters / Rascal Flatts summer tour begins (St Louis)
[Jun 14] Family History Day / Nursing Assistants Day
[Jun 15] Fathers Day / 19th MuchMusic Video Awards (Toronto) / 62nd Tony Awards (NYC) / Smile Power Day
[Jun 16] Coldplay free concert (London) / Mojo Honours List (London)
[Jun 17] Eat Your Vegetables Day / International Violin Day / George Michael tour begins (San Diego)
[Jun 18] International Picnic Day / Splurge Day
[Jun 19] World Sauntering Day / 2008  Songwriters Hall of Fame Gala (NYC)
[Jun 20] World Refugee Day / Take Your Dog to Work Day / “Get Smart”; “The Love Guru” open in movie theaters
[Jun 20] 35th Daytime Emmy Awards (CBS) / Summer arrives (7:59 pm EDT)
[Jun 21] 1st Day of Summer / Canadian Aboriginal Day / Baby Boomers Recognition Day / Virgin Festival begins (Calgary)
[Jun 23] Pink Day / Let It Go Day / Discovery Day (NL) / Coldplay free concert (NYC) / PC-Turnoff Week begins
[Jun 24] St-Jean-Baptiste Day (QC)  / Gay Pride Day (varies city-to-city) / 2008 BET Awards (Los Angeles) / 34th Saturn Awards (Los Angeles)
[Jun 25] Log Cabin Day
[Jun 26-Jul 6] 29th Montréal Jazz Festival
[Jun 27] Special Recreation for Disabled Day / Decide to Be Married Day / HIV Testing Day / 46664 Concert Honoring Nelson Mandela at 90 (London) / “Wanted” opens in movie theaters
[Jun 28] Handshake Day / Columnists Day
[Jun 29] Camera Day / Coldplay’s “Viva La Vida” world tour begins (Philadelphia)
[Jun 30] Meteor Day
[Jul 1] Canada Day
[Jul 2] “Hancock” opens in movie theaters
[Jul 4] Independence Day (USA) / Jonas Brothers tour begins (Toronto) / 13th World Wife Carrying Championships begin (Sonkajarvi, Finland)

USA
[Jun 1] Stand for Children Day / Trails Day
[Jun 2] Rocky Road Ice Cream Day / Cancer Survivors Day
[Jun 3] Repeat Day / Doughnut Day
[Jun 4] Old Maid’s Day
[Jun 5] Personal Computer Day / UN World Environment Day
[Jun 5-8] 37th CMA Music Festival
[Jun 6] Couple Appreciation Day / Take a Kid Fishing Weekend / “Kung Fu Panda”; “You Don’t Mess With The Zohan” open in movie theaters
[Jun 7] Chocolate Ice Cream Day / Attitude Day / Family Day / 2008 Belmont Stakes / Betty Picnic Day
[Jun 8] National Puerto Rican Day / Name Your Poison Day / Children’s Sunday
[Jun 9] Donald Duck Day / “Nashville Star” season premiere (NBC)
[Jun 10] Yo-Yo Day
[Jun 12] Machine Day / Taco Day / Kitchen Klutzes Day / 8th Bonnaroo Music & Arts Festival begins (Manchester TN) / 36th AFI Life Achievement Award (Los Angeles)
[Jun 13] Juggling Day / Friday the 13th / “The Incredible Hulk” opens in movie theaters / Rascal Flatts summer tour begins (St Louis)
[Jun 14] Family History Day / Nursing Assistants Day
[Jun 15] Fathers Day / 62nd Tony Awards (NYC) / Smile Power Day
[Jun 16] Coldplay free concert (London) / Mojo Honours List (London)
[Jun 17] Eat Your Vegetables Day / International Violin Day / George Michael tour begins (San Diego)
[Jun 18] International Picnic Day / Splurge Day
[Jun 19] World Sauntering Day / 2008  Songwriters Hall of Fame Gala (NYC)
[Jun 20] World Refugee Day / Take Your Dog to Work Day / “Get Smart”; “The Love Guru” open in movie theaters
[Jun 20] 35th Daytime Emmy Awards (CBS) / Summer arrives (7:59 pm EDT)
[Jun 21] 1st Day of Summer / Baby Boomers Recognition Day
[Jun 23] Pink Day / Let It Go Day / Coldplay free concert (NYC) / PC-Turnoff Week begins
[Jun 24] Gay Pride Day (varies city-to-city) / 2008 BET Awards (Los Angeles) / 34th Saturn Awards (Los Angeles)
[Jun 25] Log Cabin Day
[Jun 27] Special Recreation for Disabled Day / Decide to Be Married Day / HIV Testing Day / 46664 Concert Honoring Nelson Mandela at 90 (London) / “Wanted” opens in movie theaters
[Jun 28] Handshake Day / Paul Bunyan Day / Columnists Day
[Jun 29] Camera Day / Coldplay’s “Viva La Vida” world tour begins (Philadelphia)
[Jun 30] Meteor Day
[Jul 1] Canada Day
[Jul 2] “Hancock” opens in movie theaters
[Jul 4] US Independence Day / Jonas Brothers tour begins (Toronto) / 13th World Wife Carrying Championships begin (Sonkajarvi, Finland)

BULL’S BITS

BS WHYZITS:
• Whyzit today’s ‘tough times’ always become tomorrow’s ‘good old days’?
• Whyzit you never hear of a government tax auditor being audited?
• Whyzit we can’t find “Chicken Soup For the Chicken’s Soul”?
• Whyzit we say ‘heads up!’ when what we mean is ‘duck!’?
• Whyzit hurt like hell when you hit your ‘funny bone’?

BS RANDOM JOKE:
You know, I’ve always said that sex is nobody’s business except the 3 people involved.

BS WATER COOLER QUESTION:
Today’s Question: 17% of us do THIS every morning
Answer to Give Out Next Show: The dishes.

BS DEEP THOUGHT:
Avoid clichés like the plague!


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