Monday, May 26, 2008       Edition: #3783
More From the Sheethouse!

WEEKEND TABLOID & BLOG BS:
• 21-year-old Lindsay Lohan & her 30-year-old she-man BFF Samantha Ronson have been spotted holding hands and smooching  while partying on Sean ‘Diddy’ Combs’ yacht in Cannes, France. (Lindsay has previously hooked up with the entire male population, explaining why she’s now moved on to chicks.)
– “People Magazine”
• Hard to believe after that “Vanity Fair” fiasco, but once again 15-year-old Miley Cyrus has photographed herself looking a tad indecent. Two more tummy-baring pics have made their way onto MySpace, labeled for “Nick Jonas’ eyes only”, seemingly referring to her Jonas Bros ex-BF. (C’mon Miley, either put some clothes on or change your name to ‘Bambi’ and find yourself a stripper pole.)
– “A Socialite’s Life”
• After Donnie Wahlberg is done with the New Kids On the Block reunion tour, it’s back to acting (he was awesome in “The Kill Point” on SpikeTV). He & producer Jon Avnet are teaming to develop a TNT crime drama about a young war hero-turned-DEA officer working in Wahlberg’s hometown of Boston. The show’s tentatively titled “Morse Code”.
– “Variety”
• It looks like actress Nicole Kidman is getting ready to hose down those “she’s-not-really-preggers” whispers by posing for nude pregnancy photos. She’s reportedly already hired a photographer to take the shots but is waiting until she’s closer to her expectancy date. (It looked like she was going to fall over while arching her back to accentuate her almost invisible baby bump on the red carpet at the ACMs.)
– “In Entertainment”
• It looks like pimping out your unborn baby isn’t restricted to pop divas. Actor Matthew McConaughey is the latest to start a bidding war for the 1st exclusive pics of his unborn fetus (via baby mama Camila Alves), with the price tag currently hovering around $1 million. (It looks like someone’s double-wide trailer is about to get an upgrade!)
– Dose.ca
• Former record producer/accused murderer Phil Spector apparently needs to take a lot of medication so he reportedly has … a talking pillbox. Whenever he’s due to take another dose the dispenser announces, “Take a pill, take a pill!”. (By the look of his hairdos, we’re guessing the battery went dead years ago.)
– PopBitch.com
• And FOX-TV has announced it plans to draw and maintain viewers for its new dramas “Fringe“ and “Dollhouse” with what it calls a ‘potentially revolutionary new concept’ … cutting the number of commercials and promos in half.  The network claims that in the process it will ‘redefine the viewing experience’. (Actually, TiVo already did that a while back by cutting the number of commercials and promos to … nada.)
– “Hollywood Reporter”

TODAY’S SHOW BIZ SKED:
• “Denise Richards: It’s Complicated“ (E!) – In this new reality show, the 37-year-old actress-mom (ex-Mrs Charlie Sheen) attempts to clear the air about what really happened between her and Richie Sambora when he was married to Heather Locklear … and her other trashy show biz behavior. We bet she’s still reeling from the grilling Whoopi Goldberg gave her on “The View” about having her kids on-camera.
• “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC) – Newly reunited Stone Temple Pilots are onstage.
• “Last Call With Carson Daly” (NBC) – Rapper Lupe Fiasco (“Superstar”) is the guest.
• “Living Lohan” (E!) – Lindsay Lohan’s mother Dina illustrates how not to mom as cameras follow her and younger daughter Ali around while she prattles on about ‘the importance of boundaries’ and other such twaddle. Word has it she doesn’t want Lindsay to appear on the new show. (Apparently she can only focus on screwing up one kid’s life at a time.)
• “Today Show” (NBC) – THIS MORNING the B-52′s are on; TONIGHT they perform on the “Tonight Show With Jay Leno” (NBC).

BS MUSIC NOTES:
• Britney Spears – She’s rumored to be in talks for a $10-million Las Vegas comeback. It would seem the reason she’s been hanging so much of late with Palms Hotel & Casino owner George Maloof is they’re planning a splashy mega-concert to jump-start her career.
• Foo Fighters – Their 2008 tour rider is refreshingly humorous. One of their demands, for instance, is for ‘big-ass kielbasas that make men self-conscious’.
• Guns ‘N Roses – It’s been confirmed they’ll release a greatest hits compilation JUNE 2nd. It’s the 1st of 2 albums expected THIS YEAR, the 2nd being the long-awaited studio album “Chinese Democracy”. (Don’t hold your breath.)
• Justin Timberlake – He’s offered to pen and perform a one-off song for talk show host Ellen DeGeneres & actress-partner Portia De Rossi’s upcoming wedding ceremony.
• Madonna – Fresh rumors have surfaced that her 7-year marriage to Guy Ritchie is on the rocks. They’ve reportedly divided their homes into his-and-hers quarters so they can avoid each other and are now considering a trial separation.
• Paul McCartney – His ex-, Heather Mills, is said to be planning a holiday for herself and 25 friends on British tycoon Richard Branson’s Necker Island in the Caribbean at a cost of $48,000 a night. It’s apparently her way of saying thank-you for friends’ unfaltering support during her divorce battle. Total outlay for the getaway … a cool half-million.
• Tina Turner – Her villa in the south of France villa has a huge swimming pool that’s a bit odd. It’s only 3-feet-deep throughout because … she can’t swim. (Her 1st tour in 8 years begins OCTOBER 1st in Kansas City.)

GAS-SAVING TIPS:
Now that it’s almost cheaper to have your car towed to work, here are a few money-saving suggestions …
• Accelerating quickly is one of the worst things you can do to reduce gas mileage.
• Running the AC reduces fuel efficiency by 3-to-4 mpg.
• Never race to a stoplight and then brake hard. It’s hard on gas mileage and the vehicle.
• Always put your vehicle in overdrive or in the top manual gear when cruising on the highway.
• Buying a new or used vehicle? The smaller engine that comes with the base model is almost always powerful enough and uses less fuel.
– “Indianapolis Star”

YOU ARE WHAT YOU ACHE:
National Headache Foundation research shows the type of headache you have could depend on your personality. Migraine sufferers tend to be neat, orderly and creative individuals who demand a lot from themselves. Tension headaches, on the other hand, most often hit people who have poor coping skills. They can get a headache just thinking about stressful situations. (Radio show co-hosts are most prone to hangovers.)
– “Science”

THE OOPS FACTOR:
Researchers have just released a new study that shows that unplanned pregnancies are on the rise. Why? Often, it seems, it’s because women fail to use their contraceptives properly or forget to use them at all. (And what about guys?)
– “Cosmopolitan”

TOP-EARNING COUNTRY MUSIC STARS:
A new ranking based on estimated total income from all sources in the past year …
5. Brooks & Dunn – $20 million.
4. Kenny Chesney – $22 million.
3. Tim McGraw – $23 million.
2. Rascal Flatts – $40 million.
1. Toby Keith – $48 million.
– “Forbes Magazine”

FOLGERS MAKES YOU FRISKY:
It’s true – coffee drinkers are sexier! Recent research shows that coffee drinkers are more sexually active than non-drinkers, but no one’s quite sure yet if it’s due to a side effect of caffeine. (Maybe it’s just because coffee drinkers stay awake longer?)
– “Woman’s Own”

POORLY WRITTEN HEADLINES:
• “Survivor of Siamese Twins Joins Parents”
• “Miners Refuse to Work After Death”
• “Plane Too Close to Ground, Crash Probe Told”
• “Panda Mating Fails, Veterinarian Takes Over”
• “Is There a Ring of Debris Around Uranus?”
– Comedy Central

DID YOU KNOW?
• US presidential candidate Barack Obama’s parents are younger than Republican candidate John McCain, who’s 71. So are Mount Rushmore and Bugs Bunny.
– ThingsYoungerThanMcCain.com
• There were 117,976 product placements (or ‘brand occurrences’) on broadcast and specialty TV networks in the first 3 months of THIS YEAR. A single NFL-themed episode of “Deal or No Deal” (NBC) alone featured 1,372 product placements.
– Nielsen Media

BS CHRONOMETER 05.26.08

TODAY’S CELEBIRTHDAYS . . .
1948 [60] Stevie (Stephanie) Nicks, Phoenix AZ, oldies singer (“Leather & Lace”, Fleetwood Mac-“Dreams”)/Rock & Roll Hall of Fame (1998)

1949 [59] Hank Williams Jr, Shreveport LA, country singer (w/Gretchen Wilson, Big & Rich, and Van Zant-“That’s How They Do It In Dixie”, “All My Rowdy Friends Are Coming Over Tonight”)

1964 [44] Lenny Kravitz, NYC, rock singer/guitarist (“Lady”, “Fly Away”)
 
1966 [42] Helena Bonham Carter, London UK, movie actress (“Harry Potter” movies, Charlie & the Chocolate Factory”)/director Tim Burton’s partner since 2001

1969 [39] John Baird, Nepean ON, full-voiced Conservative MP (Ottawa West-Nepean)/Canadian Minister of the Environment since 2007

1971 [37] Matt Stone, Houston TX, TV writer & producer (“South Park” co-creator with Trey Parker)/movie producer (“Team America: World Police”)

BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .
• “Blueberry Cheesecake Day”. Well okay … if we have to!

• “Bob Day”, honoring anyone with the name. Why is it they always seem to turn out to be the ultimate OK guy?

• “Cooper’s Hill Cheese Rolling”, an annual event on Spring Bank Holiday Monday in Brockworth, England in which competitors race a giant wheel of cheese down a steep hill. Sounds goofy but the 218-yard slope is incredibly dangerous and competitors often suffer injuries. No one knows exactly when the tradition of people throwing themselves down a hill after cheese began but it was already a well-established Whitsun event in the early 1800s. THIS YEAR, about 3,000 participants are expected.
NET: http://www.cheese-rolling.co.uk/

• “Hamburger Day”, honoring the world’s favorite sandwich whose origins can be traced back as far as the Middle Ages. These days, close to 6 billion burgers are served annually by restaurants. Hamburger meat from a single steer will make about 720 quarter-pound patties.

• “Memorial Day” in the USA, observed on the last MONDAY in MAY as a day of remembrance for those who have died in the nation’s service. It was originally called “Decoration Day” 140 years ago (1868) when General John Logan declared a day to decorate Civil War soldiers’ graves with flowers at Gettysburg PA. Nowadays its more often observed as ‘Beach Day’ or ‘Picnic Day’.

TODAY’S MUSIC EVENT . . .
1994 [14] Elvis rolls over in his grave as ‘King of Pop’ Michael Jackson secretly weds ‘The ‘King’s’ daughter, Lisa Marie Presley, in the Dominican Republic (she files for divorce in January 1996)

TODAY’S FIRSTS . . .
1911 [97] 1st “Indianapolis 500” auto race

1968 [40] 1st non-American-based MLB team, Montréal Expos, officially formed (RIP)

1978 [30] 1st legal US casino outside of Nevada opens, in Atlantic City NJ (now there’s practically one on every corner)

TODAY’S RECORD . . .
2001 [07] More than 2,000 people pose naked in downtown Montréal in 12 C weather for a nude group photo-shoot by NYC artist Spencer Tunick, who specializes in taking shots of nude crowds in urban centers (only 300 were expected)

COMING UP . . .
[Tues] Ancestor Honor Day
[Tues] Sunscreen Day
[Wed] Amnesty International Day
[Wed] Senior Health & Fitness Day
[Fri] “Sex & the City: The Movie” opens in movie theaters

THIS WEEK IS . . .
American Beer Week / Design Drafting Week / Frozen Yogurt Week / International Pickle Week / Poetry Week / Safe Boating Week / Surgical Technologists Week

BULL’S BITS

BEST OF BS:
A highlight bit culled from 15 years of “Bull Sheet” back issues …
YOU MIGHT BE A REALLY BAD DRIVER IF …
• You swerve to miss a tree … and it turns out to be your air freshener.
• You’ve ever asked a police officer to hold your beer while you get out your license.
• You’ve hit the car in front … while trying to back up.
• You replace your air-bag more often than your oil.
• Cops carry special tickets with your info already filled in.
• Even when you haven’t been drinking, bartenders insist on calling you a cab.

BS PHONE STARTER:
How do you release frustration?

BS U-PICK TRIVIA:
• A recent study reveals that people with this occupation live 9.2 years longer than average …
a. Digging graves.
b. Raising earthworms. [CORRECT]
c. Driving 18-wheelers.

• What are ‘grits’ made from?
a. Wheat.
b. Corn. [CORRECT]
c. Wallpaper Paste.

BS RANDOM JOKE:
A test of whether you have achieved true fame is if there’s some deranged wacko running around pretending to be you.

BS WATER COOLER QUESTION:
Today’s Question: There are 6 ways to spell THIS summertime word in the English language.
Answer to Give Out Next Show: BBQ, Bar-BQ, Bar-B-Cue, Bar-B-Que, Barbeque, Barbecue.

BS DEEP THOUGHT:
People will buy anything that’s one to a customer.


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