Friday, May 23, 2008        Edition: #3782
Get Sheet-Faced Every Morning!

BS SHOW BIZ BUZZ:
Rumor has it 47-year-old actress Jodie Foster has ended her 14-year relationship with 55-year-old partner Cydney Bernard after becoming involved with a younger, prettier woman named Cindy Mort, a producer/screenwriter she met on the set of her 2007 film, “The Brave One” (is somebody suffering midlife crisis?) . . . 43-year-old actor Keanu Reeves & 36-year-old actress Winona Ryder are said to be becoming more than just co-stars of the now-shooting movie “The Private Lives of Pippa Lee”, spending lots of time in each other’s trailer and always hugging on the set (the kleptomaniac is stealing his heart) . . . NY Yankee star and serial dater Derek Jeter, whose past conquests have included Jessica Biel, Mariah Carey, and Scarlett Johannson, is now apparently seeing “Friday Night Lights” actress Minka Kelly (is this a step up or down from John Mayer?) . . . The woman who accused Lindsay Lohan of stealing her fur coat has now made things official, filing a lawsuit for ‘punitive & exemplary damages’ – even though the ‘borrowed’ coat was returned months ago (this could be solved in no time with a quick call to PETA!) . . . Sony Pictures has formed a new subsidiary called ‘The Hot Ticket’, which will digitally project concerts, performing arts, and sporting events in movie theaters (there’s a lot of empty seats to fill) . . . A stage musical about late martial arts star Bruce Lee entitled “Bruce Lee: Journey To the West” is being developed for Broadway, to debut 2010-11 (The showstopper: “Everybody was king-fu fighting ….”) . . . And “The Hills” star Audrina Patridge has apparently turned down a big-money offer from T&A entrepreneur Joe Francis to appear in his “Girls Gone Wild Magazine” (wow, someone on “The Hills” with an actual smidgen of class!).

WEEKEND SHOW BIZ SKED:
• “David Foster & Friends” – TONIGHT there’s a taping for this PBS-TV salute to the prolific Canadian songwriter/producer at Mandalay Bay Resort in Las Vegas. Among the performers: Andrea Bocelli, Blake Shelton, Josh Groban, and Michael Buble. The special airs later THIS YEAR (likely during ‘Begging and Pleading’ season).
• “Ellen DeGeneres Show” (syndicated/CityTV) – THIS AFTERNOON Usher and Gwen Stefani’s baby daddy Gavin Rossdale are on.
• “Good Morning America” (ABC) – THIS MORNING Counting Crows is the musical guest.
• “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC/CityTV) – TONIGHT Neil Diamond performs onstage.
• “Late Late Show With Craig Ferguson” (CBS) – TONIGHT Welsh singer Duffy (“Mercy”) is a guest.
• “Live With Regis & Kelly” (syndicated/CTV) – THIS MORNING “Bleeding Love” co-writer Jesse McCartney performs his new single “Leavin’”.
• “Make A Salad” – SATURDAY at the Tate Museum in London, American experimental artist Alison Knowles stages this ‘art process’ that involves preparation of a giant salad (with rakes and oars) to be served to 300 visitors. The salad prep will be done on a table placed on a bridge 25 feet above the museum floor. From there it will be tossed overboard to the guests below.
• “Saturday Night Live” (NBC/Global) – Gnarls Barkley is the musical guest; Ashton Kutcher hosts.
• “Today Show” (NBC) – THIS MORNING Alanis Morissette performs.

BS MUSIC NOTES:
• Aerosmith – Reports say 60-year-old frontman Steven Tyler has checked himself into Las Encinas Hospital Drug Rehabilitation Clinic in Pasadena CA for undisclosed substance abuse (coincidentally the home base of reality show “Celebrity Rehab”).
• Bob Dylan – SATURDAY he celebrates his 67th birthday while performing a concert at Mile One Centre in St John’s NL.
• Bob Marley – Jonathan Demme will direct an authorized documentary about the reggae legend, taking over from Martin Scorsese who has stepped aside due to scheduling conflicts. The film opens FEBRUARY 6, 2010, the 65th anniversary of Marley’s birth.
• Christina Aguilera – She’s managed to shed 40 lbs since birthing son Max in JANUARY. She tells “Us Weekly” she’s also regressed up the alphabet from the ‘E-cup’ she wore during breast-feeding.
• Death Cab For Cutie – “Narrow Stairs” has become their first -ever #1 album.
• Stone Temple Pilots – TONIGHT they rock the crowd at the annual “Carb Day Concert” ahead of the “Indianapolis 500” auto race.

TODAY’S MOVIE OPENINGS:
None! No wide-release film would dare take on ‘Indy Jones’.

HONDA HYBRID HAPPENING:
Honda has announced it will launch a low-cost hybrid vehicle in 2009 in an attempt to compete with Toyota’s lead in the eco-friendly market. So far hybrids make up only a tiny fraction of global car sales, due in large part to their prohibitive cost. Honda hopes to bring the premium down to around $4,000 above the price of a conventional gas-powered vehicle. (Why can’t we have cars that run on stuff we have too much of … like methane?)
– Reuters

GRILLED TO PERFECTION:
A few tips on how to succeed with a charcoal grill …
• Use a ‘chimney starter’ – a narrow, vertical chamber that holds coals and makes lighting a cinch.
• Use natural hardwood charcoal, which burns more quickly and at a higher temperature. Charcoal briquettes are loaded with chemical additives and fillers that find their way into your food and the air you breathe.
• Use an instant-read thermometer to keep track of the temperature.
• Resist the temptation to keep flipping food. It will give you juicier, more tender results.
• Use a grill basket for vegetables. It’s easier and saves on aluminum foil.
• Try grilling things you never imagined possible – like pizza or peaches.
– “Real Simple Magazine”

DOG DAYS OF BATTLE:
British soldiers in Afghanistan have found a new way of winding down after active duty – competing to see how far they can run from a snarling German shepherd before it drags them to the ground. The game, dubbed ‘Beating the Dog’, was devised to raise money for a charity that supports wounded soldiers. Participants don heavily padded anti-bite suits and crash helmets, then are given a head start in front of the aggressive dogs. The record run before take-down is just 45 meters, a little under 150 feet. (When Michael Vick gets out of the slammer, let’s sign him up for this!)
– “Times of London“

THINGS THAT’LL GET YOU FIRED:
Employment experts say these are among the top reasons that most employees get the ax …
• Dishonesty, evasion, or lack of integrity on the job.
• Lying on a résumé.
• Refusing to follow directions and orders.
• Talking too much and/or conducting personal business at work.
• Inconsistency – unreliable work and behaviors.
• Inability to get along with other people.
• Inability to actually do assigned job tasks.
• Performing tasks slowly, with numerous errors.
• High absenteeism rate.
• Drug or alcohol abuse.
– HubPages.com

FOR THE RECORD:
The Wall Street Burger Shoppe has just jacked the price of its top burger … from $150 to $175, making it the most expensive in NYC (and perhaps the world). The eatery says big-buck burg is designed as something special to celebrate a good day on the market. It’s made from the finest Kobe beef with seared fois gras, black truffles, Gruyere cheese, wild mushrooms and – as if the ingredients weren’t decadent enough – flecks of gold leaf. Who buys these? About 25 well-heeled suckers … er, customers a month.
– “GQ”

BS AMAZING FACTS:
• When a guy is in a committed relationship, he’s just as likely to stare at hot men as at hot women because he views the guys as competition.
– CosmoDaily
• A survey of over 1,000 Baby Boomers whose spouses suffer from hearing loss has found that 45% believe their spouse doesn’t hear chore requests; but 78% say their spouse DOES hear a snack being fixed.
– McClatchy News Service

BS CHRONOMETER 05.23.08

TODAY’S CELEBIRTHDAYS . . .
1958 [50] Drew Carey, Cleveland OH, comedian/TV host (“The Price is Right”)/TV producer (“Whose Line Is It Anyway?” 1998-2006)/TV actor (“The Drew Carey Show” 1995-2004)

1967 [41] Phil Selway, Abingdon UK, alt-rock drummer (Radiohead-“There There”, “Creep”)

1970 [38] Matt Flynn, LA CA, pop drummer (Maroon 5-“Makes Me Wonder”, “She Will Be Loved”)

1974 [34] Jewel (Kilcher), Payson UT, country/folk/pop singer (“Intuition”, “Standing Still”)

SATURDAY –
Singer-songwriter Bob Dylan (“Like a Rolling Stone”) is 67; Actress Priscilla Presley (“Dancing With the Stars”) is 63; Rock bassist Jimmy Ashhurst (Buckcherry) is 45; TV actor Eric Close (“Without A Trace”) is 41; Rock guitarist Rich Robinson (Black Crowes) is 39; NHL center Kris Draper (Detroit Red Wings) is 37.

SUNDAY –
Movie actor Ian McKellen (“Lord Of the Rings”) is 69; Movie director-Muppeteer Frank Oz (“Stepford Wives”) is 64; Movie comic Mike Myers (“Shrek”) is 45; TV actress Anne Heche (“Men In Trees”) is 39; R&B singer Lauryn Hill (“Doo Wop [That Thing]”) is 33; TV actor Ethan Suplee (“My Name Is Earl”) is 32.

TODAY’S BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .
• “Morning Radio Wise Guy Day”, honoring you dedicated fools who get up before dawn to start our days with humor, music, and information.
• “Penny Day”, celebrating what many think is the most useless of all coins. Billions are produced annually to meet public demand but most end up squirrelled away in piggy banks, jars, and junk drawers. TODAY is also the ancient and annual “Red Hot Penny Toss” in Rye, England (ouch!).
• “World Turtle Day”, initiated in 2000 by American Tortoise Rescue, a turtle & tortoise rescue organization founded in 1990 in Malibu CA. The group brings attention to turtle conservation issues and highlights ways each of us can help protect these gentle but jeopardized animals.
NET: http://tinyurl.com/b68xf

SATURDAY –
• “Brothers Day”. If you have one, give him a quick punch on the arm … just to let him know you care.
• “Cabot Trail Relay Race”, a 24 Hour, 298-km (185-mile), 17-stage race around Cape Breton Island’s famous Cabot Trail, starting from Baddeck NS. It’s a killer to drive, let alone run!
NET: http://www.morandan.com/CabotTrail/Relay/
• “Escargot Day”, celebrating the only gourmet food you can harvest off your driveway. How come we’ll eat snails but not slugs? Aren’t they the same thing?
• “International Jazz Day”, the 18th annual worldwide celebration of America’s only indigenous art form (hey, what about Country music?) and a salute to the musicians, past and present who create and sustain it.
NET: http://tinyurl.com/4kdql4

SUNDAY –
• “Flirting Day” (aka ‘Get Slapped With a Harassment Suit Day’).
• “Indianapolis 500”, the 92nd running of the ‘Greatest Spectacle in Auto Racing’. This year 2-time Indy champ Emerson Fittipaldi drives the pace car to lead the field of 33 drivers to the start; and figure skater/recent “Dancing With the Stars” winner Kristi Yamaguchi waves the green flag as the honorary starter (the first female to have that honor).
NET: http://www.indy500.com
• “Missing Children’s Day”, promoting awareness of the problem and safety tips for kids and parents. We’re encouraged to turn on porch lights as a way to show hope and support for missing kids and their families.
• “Tap Dance Day”, honoring the birthday of Bill ‘Bojangles’ Robinson, ‘King of Tap Dancers’, in 1878. (You can do an on-air tap dance using 2 pencils on the microphone … gently.)

MONDAY –
• “Hamburger Day”, honoring the world’s favorite sandwich whose origins can be traced back as far as the Middle Ages. These days, close to 6 billion burgers are served annually by restaurants. Hamburger meat from a single steer will make about 720 quarter-pound patties.
• “Memorial Day”, observed annually on the last MONDAY in MAY in America, as a day of remembrance for those who’ve died in the nation’s service. It was originally called “Decoration Day” 140 years ago (1868) when General John Logan declared a day to decorate Civil War soldiers’ graves with flowers at Gettysburg PA. Nowadays it’s more often observed as ‘Beach Day’ or ‘Picnic Day’.

THIS DAY IN SHOW BIZ . . .
1981 [27] Official opening of ‘Canada’s Wonderland’ amusement park near Toronto

1997 [11] Steven Spielberg’s dinosaur thriller “The Lost World – Jurassic Park” is released in movie theaters (sets then opening-day record of $22 million & weekend record of $90 million)

TODAY’S MUSIC EVENT . . .
2000 [08] “The Marshall Mathers LP” debut album by Eminem is released and hits #1 with first-week sales of 1.76 million copies

TODAY’S FIRSTS . . .
1785 [223] 1st ‘Bifocals’, invented by Benjamin Franklin (shouldn’t there be upside-down bifocals for computer use?)

1883 [125] 1st (and likely last) baseball game between one-armed and one-legged players (the former had a leg-up on the competition)

1988 [20] 1st ‘Underwater Wedding’, using diver’s hand signals (was the guy saying ‘yes’ when he gave the panicked thumbs-up sign, or was his air just running out?)

TODAY’S RECORD . . .
1982 [26] Colin Wilson rides a surfboard a record 294 miles

AND REMEMBER . . .
[Mon] Memorial Day (USA)
[Mon] Blueberry Cheesecake Day
[Tues] Ancestor Honor Day
[Tues] Sunscreen Day
[Wed] Amnesty International Day
[Wed] Senior Health & Fitness Day
This Week Is … Safe Boating Week
This Month Is … Correct Posture Month

BULL’S BITS

REAL BUT REALLY WEIRD FORTUNE COOKIE FORTUNES:
• “Stop procrastinating … starting tomorrow.”
• “Help! I am being held prisoner in a Chinese bakery.”
• “Don’t kiss an elephant on the lips today.”    
• “You have an unusual equipment for success, use it properly.”
• “Your present plants are going to succeed.”
• “It is going to burn when you pee.”
• “About time I got out of that cookie!”
– Oddee.com

BS U-PICK TRIVIA:
A scientific study suggests that the more of this you have, the more intelligent you tend to be. And, nope, it’s not brain cells …
a. Body Mass Index (BMI).
b. Body art.
c. Body hair. [CORRECT. A UK scientist who’s been researching the phenomenon for 22 years says that men with hairy chests, for example, tend to be among the most intelligent and highly educated.]

BS PHONE STARTER:
How much would it cost for you to marry an ugly, old, mean person?

BS RANDOM JOKE:
An honest politician is one who, once bought, stays bought.

BS WATER COOLER QUESTION:
Today’s Question: Each year, close to 100,000 North Americans go to the hospital with an injury caused by THESE.
Answer to Give Out Next Show: Lawnmowers.

Today’s Question: According to medical experts, there’s a 70% increased chance of THIS happening to you on a weekend or holiday.
Answer to Give Out Next Show: Someone will bite you.

BS DEEP THOUGHT:
The trouble with trouble is it usually sounds like fun.


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