Monday, May 19, 2008       Edition: #3778
More From the Sheethouse!

WEEKEND TABLOID & BLOG BS:
• Well, they did it. Ashlee Simpson & Fall Out Boy rocker Pete Wentz exchanged vows in an intimate wedding ceremony SATURDAY at Simpson’s parents’ home in Encino CA. About 150 guests attended, including Nicole Richie & Joel Madden. Father of the bride Joe Simpson, a former Baptist minister, performed the non-denominational service; Ashlee’s big sis, Jessica Simpson, was maid of honor; and Wentz’s English bulldog, Hemingway, was the ring-bearer. The reception had an “Alice in Wonderland” theme. (Appropriate, as many think this marriage is destined to go “Down the Rabbit Hole”.)
– People.com
•  Since their latest split, both Kate Hudson (29) & Owen Wilson (39) have been spotted out partying. Just LAST WEEK reports had them engaged, but now it seems they’re not even on speaking terms. According to an insider, the break-up was nasty, following allegations that Owen was flirting with other women while filming his latest flick, “Marley & Me”, in Miami. But rumor has it Hudson had already begun secretly seeing former cycling champ Lance Armstrong well before the split. (We warned you, Owen!)
– E! News
• Once Donnie Wahlberg is done with the New Kids On the Block reunion tour, it’s back to acting (he was awesome in “The Kill Point” on SpikeTV). He & producer Jon Avnet are teaming to develop a TNT crime drama about a young war hero-turned-DEA officer working in Wahlberg’s hometown of Boston. The show’s tentatively titled “Morse Code”.
– “Variety”
• It looks like pimping out your unborn baby isn’t restricted to pop divas. Actor Matthew McConaughey is the latest to start a bidding war for the 1st exclusive pics of his unborn fetus (via baby mama Camila Alves), with the price tag currently hovering around $1 million. (It looks like someone’s double-wide trailer is about to get an upgrade!)
• Former record producer/accused murderer Phil Spector apparently needs to take a lot of medication so he reportedly has … a talking pillbox. Whenever he’s due to take another dose the dispenser announces, “Take a pill, take a pill!”. (By the look of his hairdos, we’re guessing the battery went dead years ago.)
– PopBitch.com
• And FOX-TV has announced it plans to draw and maintain viewers for its new dramas “Fringe“ and “Dollhouse” with what it calls a ‘potentially revolutionary new concept’ … cutting the number of commercials and promos in half.  The network claims that in the process it will ‘redefine the viewing experience’. (Actually, TiVo already did that a while back by cutting the number of commercials and promos to … nada.)
– “Hollywood Reporter”

BS MUSIC NOTES:
• Alabama – Randy Owen treated fans to more than an hour of the retired country groups hits during a free concert FRIDAY night at the Fremont Street Experience in Las Vegas. The show was just one of the events leading up to LAST NIGHT’s “ACM Awards”.
• Elton John – He’s reportedly been offered $5.2 million to play an hour-long gig at the launch of a female Russian tycoon’s new hotel in Moscow later THIS YEAR. (Plus tips, of course.)
• Foo Fighters – Their 2008 tour rider is refreshingly humorous. One of their demands, for instance, is for ‘big-ass kielbasas that make men self-conscious’.
• Guns ‘N Roses – It’s been confirmed they’ll release a greatest hits compilation JUNE 2nd. It’s the 1st of 2 albums expected THIS YEAR, the 2nd being the long-awaited studio album “Chinese Democracy”. (Don’t hold your breath.)
• Justin Timberlake – He’s offered to pen and perform a one-off song for talk show host Ellen DeGeneres & actress-partner Portia De Rossi’s upcoming wedding ceremony.
• Paul McCartney – He’s said to be ‘enraged’ after his new eco-friendly Lexus limo was delivered by jet. It’s estimated that air transport of the $168,000-hybrid car created a carbon-footprint nearly 100 times larger than had it been sent by ship from Japan to the UK. (Funny, he wasn’t all that upset … until the story broke in the news.)
• Tina Turner – Her villa in the south of France villa has a huge swimming pool that’s a bit odd. It’s only about 3-feet-deep because she can’t swim. (Her 1st tour in 8 years begins OCTOBER 1st in Kansas City.)

TODAY’S SHOW BIZ SKED:
• “CSI: Miami” (CBS) – When someone is determined to take down the team, ‘Horatio’ puts his life on the line in the show’s season finalé.
• “Dancing With the Stars” (ABC) – The 3 finalists perform a cha-cha and a freestyle routine.
• Foxboro Hot Tubs (aka Green Day) – They hit the road for a special series of club shows, kicking off at Juanita’s Cantina in Little Rock AR. The sideband project (worst kept secret on the Internet) releases its debut album TOMORROW.
• “Ellen DeGeneres Show” (syndicated) – Just-turned-42 Janet Jackson is a guest.
• “Flavor of Love 3” (VH1) – In the season (and perhaps series) finalé, Flav makes the final elimination in Paris.
• “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC) – Gavin DeGraw sings “In Love With a Girl”.
• “Late Late Show With Craig Ferguson” (CBS) – Brit singer Estelle (“American Boy”) is featured.
• “Late Show With David Letterman” (CBS) – Sara Bareilles (“Love Song”) performs.
• “Live With Regis & Kelly” (syndicated) – Natasha Bedingfield (“Pocketful of Sunshine”) is on.
• “Tonight Show With Jay Leno” (NBC) – Josh Groban is the musical guest.

GAS-SAVING TIPS:
Now that it’s almost cheaper to have your car towed to work, here are a few money-saving suggestions …
• Accelerating quickly is one of the worst things you can do to reduce gas mileage.
• Running the AC reduces fuel efficiency by 3-to-4 mpg.
• Never race to a stoplight and then brake hard. It’s hard on gas mileage and the vehicle.
• Always put your vehicle in overdrive or in the top manual gear when cruising on the highway.
• Buying a new or used vehicle? The smaller engine that comes with the base model is almost always powerful enough and uses less fuel.
– “Indianapolis Star”

YOU ARE WHAT YOU ACHE:
National Headache Foundation research shows the type of headache you have could depend on your personality. Migraine sufferers tend to be neat, orderly and creative  individuals who demand a lot from themselves. Tension headaches, on the other hand, most often hit people who have poor coping skills. They can get a headache just thinking about stressful situations. (Radio show co-hosts are most prone to hangovers.)
– “Science”

WHAT WOMEN WANT:
A female view of what constitutes good sex …
5. Timing
4. Variety
3. Technique
2. Communication
1. Commitment
– “Complete Woman Magazine”

THE OOPS FACTOR:
Researchers have just released a new study that shows that unplanned pregnancies are on the rise. Why? Often, it seems, it’s because women fail to use their contraceptive properly or forget to use it at all. (And what about guys?)
– “Cosmopolitan”

FOLGERS MAKES YOU FRISKY:
It’s true – coffee drinkers are sexier! Recent research shows that coffee drinkers are more sexually active than non-drinkers, but no one’s quite sure yet if it’s due to a side effect of caffeine. (Maybe it’s just because coffee drinkers stay awake.)
– “Woman’s Own”

POORLY WRITTEN HEADLINES:
• “Survivor of Siamese Twins Joins Parents”
• “Miners Refuse to Work After Death”
• “Plane Too Close to Ground, Crash Probe Told”
• “Panda Mating Fails, Veterinarian Takes Over”
• “Is There a Ring of Debris Around Uranus?”
– Comedy Central

FOR THE RECORD:
TODAY rapper Ludacris & rocker Tommy Lee are hoping to set a new world record for ‘Biggest Group Shower’ for a taping of their new environmental awareness TV series. The odd couple is getting serious about all things green in the upcoming show, “Battleground Earth”, but they’re taking time out to have a little fun in Vegas, inviting fans to join them on the Planet Hollywood Resort & Casino pool deck for a chance to clean up on the record. (Don’t fret, participants are being asked to wear a bathing suit.)
– World Entertainment News Network

DID YOU KNOW?
• Presidential candidate Barack Obama’s parents are younger than Republican candidate John McCain, who’s 71. So are Mount Rushmore and Bugs Bunny.
– ThingsYoungerThanMcCain.com
• There were 117,976 product placements (or ‘brand occurrences’) on broadcast and specialty TV networks in the first 3 months of THIS YEAR. A single NFL-themed episode of “Deal or No Deal” (NBC) alone featured 1,372 product placements.
– Nielsen Media

BS CHRONOMETER 05.19.08

TODAY’S CELEBIRTHDAYS . . .
1934 [74] Jim Lehrer, Wichita KS, PBS news anchor (“The News Hour With Jim Lehrer” since 1975)

1945 [63] Pete Townshend, Chiswick UK, dinosaur rock guitarist/singer (The Who-“Who Are You” [“CSI”], “Won’t Get Fooled Again” [“CSI: Miami”])/Rock & Roll Hall of Fame (1990)

1949 [59] Archie Manning, Drew MS, former NFL QB (New Orleans Saints)/father of the last 2 Super Bowl MVPs (Eli Manning, Peyton Manning)

1949 [59] Dusty Hill, Dallas TX, classic rock bassist/singer (ZZ Top-“Legs”, “Tush”)

1954 [54] Phil Rudd, Melbourne, Australia, rock drummer (AC/DC-“Stiff Upper Lip”, “Moneytalks”)

BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .
• “Flower Moon”, the Full Moon of May (10:11 pm EDT). Other names include the “Full Corn Planting Moon”, or the “Milk Moon”.

• “Plant Something Day”, which many people would if they could only be assured the plant would grow. What’s the most foolproof plant you can stick in your garden?

• “May Ray Day”, an annual celebration of Spring sunshine and people named ‘Ray’. (OK, it’s lame, but hey … any excuse for a party!)

• “Moving Month”, saluting MAY as the month in which most people relocate. According to a survey by BoxBundles.com, the average family leaves behind 1,500 lbs of trash when they move – about 25% of the total household belongings. (A quarter of what we live with is garbage?)

• “Victoria Day” in Canada, an annual celebration on the MONDAY before MAY 24th that commemorates the birth of Britain’s Queen Victoria (May 24, 1819) though most Canadians couldn’t tell you that. It’s generally thought of as an excuse to kick off the Summer season. Along with “Canada Day” (JULY 1st), it’s the only truly Canadian holiday not observed elsewhere. Canadians call it ‘May 2-4′ … no matter what date it falls on.

THIS DAY IN SHOW BIZ . . .
2004 [04] “Shrek 2“ is the 1st movie to open in more than 4,000 theaters in North America

2005 [03] “Star Wars Episode III – Revenge of the Sith” opens in movie theaters at 12:01 am and grosses a record $50 million in a single day

2005 [03] Quentin Tarantino directs the “CSI” season finalé (CBS) in which ‘Nick Stokes’ (George Eads) is buried alive

TODAY’S FIRST . . .
1994 [14] 1st ‘Genetically-Engineered Tomato’ approved for marketing (‘Frankenfood’)

TODAY’S RECORD . . .
1995 [13] Balamurali Ambati graduates from NYC’s Mount Sinai Medical School to become world’s youngest doctor … at age 17

COMING UP . . .
[Tues] Senior Citizens Day
[Tues] Eliza Doolittle Day
[Wed] “American Idol“ finalé (FOX)
[Wed] Wait Staff Day
[Wed] Employee Health & Fitness Day
[Thurs] “Indiana Jones & The Kingdom Of the Crystal Skull” opens in theaters worldwide

THIS WEEK IS . . .
Alcohol & Other Drug-Related Birth Defects Week / Art Week / Backyard Games Week / Bike Week / Bread Week / Educational Bosses Week / Effectiveness Week / Medical Transcription Week / New Friends, Old Friends Week / Public Relations Week / Public Transportation Week / Raisin Week / Safe Boating Week / World Trade Week

BULL’S BITS

BEST OF BS:
A highlight bit culled from 15 years of “Bull Sheet” back issues …
YOU MIGHT BE A REALLY BAD DRIVER IF …
• You swerve to miss a tree … and it’s your air freshener.
• You’ve ever asked a police officer to hold your beer while you get out your license.
• You’ve hit the car in front … while trying to back up.
• You replace your air-bag more often than your oil.
• Cops carry special tickets with your info already filled in.
• Even when you haven’t been drinking, bartenders insist on calling you a cab.

BS PHONE STARTER:
How do you release frustration?

BS U-PICK TRIVIA:
• A recent study reveals that people with this occupation live 9.2 years longer than average …
a. Digging graves.
b. Raising earthworms. [CORRECT]
c. Driving 18-wheelers.

• What are ‘grits’ made from?
a. Wheat.
b. Corn. [CORRECT]
c. Wallpaper Paste.

BS RANDOM JOKE:
A test of whether you have achieved true fame is if there’s some deranged wacko running around pretending to be you.

BS WATER COOLER QUESTION:
Today’s Question: There are 6 ways to spell THIS summertime word in the English language.
Answer to Give Out Next Show: BBQ, Bar-BQ, Bar-B-Cue, Bar-B-Que, Barbeque, Barbecue.

BS DEEP THOUGHT:
People will buy anything that’s one to a customer.


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