Wednesday, May 14, 2008        Edition: #3775
It’s Your Daily Constitutional Sheet … Ahhhh!

Prolific Ryan Seacrest has a new reality production in the works, “Momma’s Boys” (NBC), yet another dating/marriage show but this time with a twist: the hopeful brides-to-be must all live together in the same house with the lucky bachelor – and his mom (there won’t be much hanky in this panky) . . . “Men’s Fitness” magazine’s upcoming list of the ‘The 25 Fittest Guys in America’ (MAY 19th) includes presidential candidate Barack Obama, NFL QB Brady Quinn (Cleveland Browns), country singer Dierks Bentley, rapper Flo Rida, golfer Tiger Woods, and actor Will Smith (no mention of ‘Hurley’ from “Lost”) . . . Movie actor Jack Black & Gnarls Barkley’s Cee-Lo have teamed up for a cover version of Carl Douglas’ 1974 hit “Kung Fu Fighting” for the soundtrack to the upcoming animated movie “Kung Fu Panda”, opening JUNE 6th (of all the songs that didn’t need a remake …) . . . Actress/new mom Halle Berry says she’s NOT shopping any baby pics to magazines for big bucks because it’s not something she & partner Gabriel Aubry would feel comfortable doing (how refreshing!) . . . A new Playboy Radio survey of exotic dancers (BS translation: strippers) picks Arnold Schwarzenegger as the governor they’d most like to ‘date’ (Florida’s Jeb Bush is runner-up in this Spitzer-inspired poll) . . . And in his new autobiography, “Up Till Now”, 77-year-old former “Star Trek” actor William Shatner says he tried to avoid scoring with female ‘Trekkies’ because all they wanted to do was act out sci-fi fantasies with him, something he says was a downer … ‘in very sense of the word’.

• Amy Winehouse – ‘James Bond’ actor Daniel Craig says he’s hoping she’ll sing the theme song for the upcoming “Quantum of Solace” because he’s a huge fan. But right now she’s dealing with yet another crisis: her father-in-law has been paralyzed in a cycling accident.
• Arcade Fire – They’re working on the soundtrack for the upcoming movie, “The Box”, which stars Cameron Diaz & James Marsden and is currently in the editing stage.
• Ashlee Simpson – She and Fall Out Boy BF Pete Wentz will wed on SATURDAY, according to “Us Weekly” magazine. Location, time, and details are being kept secret. A rehearsal dinner for family & close friends will reportedly take place FRIDAY, likely the reason earlier rumors had the nuptials taking place that day.
• Marc Anthony – He says not only his wife J-Lo will join him during his summer concert tour in Spain but also their baby twins, Max and Emme.
• Stone Temple Pilots – Frontman Scott Weiland checked into a Van Nuys CA jail MONDAY to serve his 8-day sentence for a 2nd DUI conviction. He’s likely been promised early release. Otherwise the band would need to postpone the kick-off of their 65-city North American tour scheduled to begin SATURDAY in Columbus OH.
• Tim McGraw – His Wal*Mart-only release, “Greatest Hits – Limited Edition”, has become his 9th album to debut at #1 on the “Billboard” ‘Country Albums’ chart. He’s now sold a career total of over 40 million albums worldwide.

• “American Idol” (FOX/CTV) – We find out which 2 contestants continue to the finalé. Anti-fan site ‘Vote For the Worst’ is now supporting David Archuleta, thanks to his ‘dead eyes’.
• “America’s Next Top Model” (CW/CityTV) – 1 of the 3 remaining girls is crowned ‘America’s Not So Top Model’ (this show is so snippy and demeaning, no?). The final 2 face off on the runway.
• “Cannes Film Festival”, through MAY 25th on the French Riviera. For only the 2nd time in its 61-year history, a Canadian film has been selected for opening night: “Blindness”, directed by Fernando Meirelles and starring Sandra Oh, Julianne Moore & Danny Glover. Clint Eastwood’s thriller “Changeling”, starring Angelina Jolie & John Malkovich; Steven Soderbergh’s Che Guevara biopic, “The Argentine”, starring Benicio Del Toro; and “Indiana Jones & the Kingdom Of the Crystal Skull”, the 4th instalment in the Spielberg/Lucas  franchise, are among the premieres screening during the fest.
• “Late Show With David Letterman”(CBS) – Kid Rock performs “All Summer Long”.

New terms leaking into the lingo …
• ‘Drunkorexia’ – Skipping meals before going out on the town, in order to offset the calories in all the booze that will be consumed. (“You can tell Amy’s drunkorexic … she’s weighs 8 lbs and slurs.”)
• ‘Jingle Mail’ – What you send after abandoning your home because the mortgage is worth more than the house. Many victims of the sub-prime mortgage crisis in the US are simply walking away and mailing the keys back to the mortgage holder.
• ‘Tuxeda’ – A tuxedo designed for a woman. Now popular at same-sex weddings. (Well, certainly more popular than groom gowns.)

Hollywood baby names like ‘Apple’, ‘Harlow’, ‘Moses’, ‘Suri’, and ‘Zahara’ don’t appear anywhere on the new listing of most popular baby names of 2007 from the US Social Security Administration. Instead, ‘Emily’ again tops the list for girls for the 12th consecutive time; and ‘Jacob’ leads among boys’ names for the 9th year in-a-row. Among the odd names in the top 1,000: ‘Armani’ for girls (#971) and ‘Sincere’ for boys (#622). According to BabyCenter, LAST YEAR’s most popular baby names in Canada were ‘Emma’ for girls and ‘Aidan’ for boys.
– AP

The traditional horse-hair wigs worn by British judges for centuries will soon be no more … in civil & family courts at least. Beginning OCTOBER 1st, judges in the UK will go bare-headed and dress in natty, continental-style black robes by fashion designer Betty Jackson. Judges in criminal courts aren’t thrilled with the idea, insisting the 300-year-old headgear confers a certain dignity and, perhaps more importantly, prevents ne’er-do-wells from recognizing them outside of court. (A horse-hair wig provides ‘dignity’? Snort.)
– “The Guardian”

• ‘Danger Bomb Alarm Clock’ – It looks and acts like a ticking time bomb and gives you about 3 minutes to get your butt out of bed and deactivate it with a code before it really rattles your brain with a disturbingly loud fake explosion to get you going in the morning. Priced at just under $40.
• ‘USB Mini Fridge’ – This PC plug-in fridge will help get the weekend party started even before you leave your desk on Friday. It’s a USB-powered, pint-sized version of a regular fridge, complete with interior light. Trouble is, it only holds 1 can. The price is $33.

Young designers looking to get noticed by fashion houses can now launch their careers online through the fashion world’s version of MySpace … Since being created by 23-year-old British design graduate Holly Bellm LAST OCTOBER, the website has attracted over 20,000 members in 120 countries, many frequenting the site daily. (Instead of Tim Gunn, you get insulted by a sarcastic avatar.)
– Reuters

Vikings used the skulls of their enemies as drinking vessels. (Their beers had TWO heads.)


1944 [64] George Lucas, Modesto CA, really rich filmmaker (“Star Wars” series, “Indiana Jones” series)

1952 [56] David Byrne, Dunbartin, Scotland, classic rock singer (Talking Heads-“Burning Down the House”, “Take Me to the River”)/composer (Oscar-“The Last Emperor”)/visual artist

1953 [55] Tom Cochrane, Lynn Lake MB, classic rock singer (“Life is a Highway”, Red Rider-“White Hot”)/Canadian Music Hall of Fame (2003)

1961 [47] Alain Vigneault, Quebec City QC, NHL head coach (Vancouver Canucks since 2006, Montréal Canadiens 1997-2001)

1969 [39] Danny Wood, Boston MA, pop singer (New Kids on the Block-“Summertime”, “Hangin’ Tough”)  FACTOID: The NOKTB reunion tour begins SEPTEMBER 20th in Montréal.

1969 [39] Cate Blanchett, Melbourne, Australia, movie actress (2007 Golden Globe-“I’m Not There“, 2005 Oscar-“The Aviator”)  UP NEXT: “Indiana Jones & the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull”, opening MAY 22nd.

1977 [31] Roy Halladay, Denver CO, MLB baseball pitcher (Toronto Blue Jays)

1978 [30] Henry Garza, San Angelo TX, Texican rock singer/guitarist (Los Lonely Boys-“Heaven”)

1983 [25] Amber Tamblyn, Santa Monica CA, movie actress (“The Grudge 2”, “The Ring”)  UP NEXT: “The Sisterhood Of the Traveling Pants 2”, opening AUGUST 8th.

1984 [24] Mark Zuckerberg, Dobbs Ferry NY, founder & CEO of Facebook social networking website/world’s youngest self-made billionaire (circa $1.5 billion)

• “Dance Like a Chicken Day”. Everybody now: “Dadda dadda dadda dah, dadda dadda dadda dah, dah dah dah dah …”

• “Help Clean Up Your Street Day”. (So [co-host], guess you’re moving, are you?)

• “International Online Romance Day”, a day to fall in love in a chat room … with who knows what.

• “Receptionists Day”, the 18th annual in recognition of the frontline personnel in business and education, the ones responsible for a good first impression. (And besides, they’re really bitter about “Administrative Professionals Day” a couple weeks back.)

• “Third Shift Workers Day”, honoring everyone who works the night shift. Ask for calls from people with unusual all-night jobs.

1998 [10] Final episode of “Seinfeld” airs on NBC-TV (90 minutes of Jerry counting his money)

1998 [10] Celebrated crooner Frank Sinatra dies in a Los Angeles hospital at age 82  FACTOID: According to Sinatra’s daughter Tina, acclaimed filmmaker Martin Scorsese is set to direct a biopic about the iconic singer’s life.

1874 [134] 1st ‘Admission Charge’ and 1st ‘Goal Posts’ used in a football game (Harvard University beats Montréal’s McGill University 3-0)

1904 [104] 1st time Canada competes in Olympics and Montréal policeman Etienne Desmarteau wins the hammer throw for Canada’s 1st Olympic medal (St Louis MO)

1993 [15] 1st pro sports team to wear ‘Designer Uniforms’ (NBA’s Charlotte Hornets [now in New Orleans] don a stylish ensemble of a sleeveless pinstriped teal shirt and breezy pleated shorts by Alexander Julian)

1991 [17] ‘World’s Largest Burrito’ weighs in at 1,126 lbs (later causes a reaction measuring 6.3 on the Richter scale)

2003 [05] 50-year-old golfer Vincenzo Frascella finishes his round at Orton Meadows Golf Course in Peterborough UK despite being hit by lightning … TWICE within 30 minutes (refuses to divulge his shocking score, but says it was a ‘stinker of a day’)

[Thurs] “CSI” season finalé (CBS)
[Fri] Bike to Work Day
[Fri] Biographers Day
[Fri] “The Chronicles of Narnia: Prince Caspian” opens in movie theaters
[Fri] Employee Health & Fitness Day
[Sat] US Armed Forces Day
[Sun] Visit Your Relatives Day
[Sun] International Museum Day
[Sun] 43rd ACM Awards (Las Vegas)
[Mon] Victoria Day (no “BS” service)
This Week Is … Historic Preservation Week
This Month Is … Military Appreciation Month


• Gangsta Nuns.
• Microbrew Mouthwash.
• Lamb Vindaloo Lip Gloss.
• Leather Socks.
• Tongue Extensions.
• Aerosol Aphrodisiacs.
• “Self-Esteem for Dummies”.
• Clothing-Optional Line Dancing.
• Walmart – The Fragrance.
– Adapted from

If you could have a secret camera in any room in the world, what room would you put it in?

You run down the list while your contestant/guest/crew member attempts to determine which are actual names of current or past musical groups and which are totally made up …
• Stinkfinger [REAL]
• Bulimic Buffet [BS]
• Honky Donkeys [BS]
• Moe Foe [REAL]
• Shotgun Enema [BS]
• Tastes Like Chicken [REAL]
• Pull My Finger [BS]
• Screaming Mimes [REAL]
• Toe Tag Tommy [BS]
• Truth Decay [REAL]

‘Rick-rolling’, linking unsuspecting web surfers to Rick Astley’s cheesy 1987 hit “Never Gonna Give You Up”, has become the online joke-du-jour (click the link to check out KISS ‘performing’ it on YouTube). So why not capitalize on the prank by offering listeners the chance to “Win a Rick-Roll”. All they do is listen for a snippet of the tune throughout your show. First to call in when it plays wins a roll … of cash.

You rhyme off the options while your crew or guest picks which they think is best …
• MySpace or Facebook?
• Beach or mountains?
• “American Idol” or “Dancing With the Stars”?
• White wine or red?
• “America’s Next Top Model” or “Project Runway”?
• BMW or Mercedes?
• Leno or Letterman?
• “Deal or No Deal” or “The Price is Right Million Dollar Spectacular”?
• Peter Mansbridge or Lloyd Robertson?
• Katie Couric or Diane Sawyer?
• Apples or oranges?

Baseball’s all wrong, no one could possibly walk with 4 balls.

Today’s Question: A woman who describes herself as a ‘feminist’ is more likely to have one of THESE than a woman who doesn’t.
Answer to Give Out Next Show: A husband.

Success has a thousand fathers, but failure is an orphan.

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