Friday, May 9, 2008        Edition: #3772
Get Your BS Here, Hot ‘N Fresh!

Even though they’ve been house-hunting on the French Riviera, word has it Brad Pitt & Angelina Jolie are content to settle in until the birth of their latest family addition (reportedly twin daughters) right where they are – in Microsoft co-founder Paul Allen’s luxurious Saint-Jean Cap-Ferrat villa (nice to have friends to sponge off) . . . It’s sure to cause a stink with her fans, but pregnant Nicole Kidman has been dumped as the face of Chanel No 5 perfume and will be replaced by French actress Audrey Tautou (“The Da Vinci Code”) . . . Actress Jessica Alba is learning Indian cuisine in cooking classes at Hollywood restaurant Flavor of India, a craving she apparently acquired while working on the upcoming Mike Myers’ comedy, “The Love Guru” (and likely enhanced by her pregnancy) . . . Pseudo-actor David Hasselhoff says he’ll have nothing to do with the retooled “Knight Rider” TV series (NBC) because producers ignored his ideas for the pilot and reneged on an offer to let him guest star (you tell ‘em – they’re really gonna miss having a drunk crawling around the set on all-fours!) . . . Word has it pop pair Ashlee Simpson & Pete Wentz (Fall Out Boy) have sent out invitations to friends & family, urging them be ready for a ‘big day’ on MAY 16th (well yeah, everyone knows that’s the Bull’s birthday) . . . And 77-year-old Canadian sex educator Sue Johanson is ending her most recent TV call-in show, “Talk Sex” (Oxygen), with a final edition SUNDAY, winding up 32 years on TV (there’s always been something kinda creepy about someone who looks like your grandma talking dirty).

• Chris Brown – A photog who was invasively snapping shots of Chris with Rihanna at his 19th birthday party in Florida is accusing his bodyguards of assault and theft of the camera.
• Coldplay – They’re offering a ‘buy 1 track, get 1 free’ deal on their upcoming new album “Viva La Vida or Death and All His Friends”. They’re hoping the special deal will persuade more fans to pay for music.
• Madonna – The soon-to-turn 50 pop singer did it again … an all French female kiss onstage. This time it was with a female backup dancer at her recent Paris show. Meantime, her upcoming ”Sticky & Sweet“ tour has just been announced, starting AUGUST 23rd in Cardiff, Wales.
• Neil Young – He plans to release his entire music archive on Blu-ray discs, which can be updated online. The first installment, out THIS FALL, will entail 10 discs covering the years 1963-72. (10 discs? Is this like time-lapse photography of his life or what?)

• “America’s Favorite Mom“ (NBC) – SUNDAY Donny & Marie Osmond host this “Mothers Day” special in which a winner will chosen from nominated moms by viewer polling. (Not recommend for viewing by diabetics.)
• “Brothers & Sisters“ (ABC/Global) – SUNDAY’s season finalé features a ‘commitment ceremony’, aka gay wedding. GLAAD says ‘Kevin & Scotty’s ceremony reflects the ongoing commitment of the show to making visible the multi-dimensional lives of gay characters.
• Carrie Underwood – SATURDAY she’s inducted into the Grand Ole Opry in Nashville TN.
• Leonard Cohen – SUNDAY the iconic 73-year-old singer/songwriter/poet kicks off his world tour’s 1st Canadian leg at the Playhouse in Fredericton NB. (It’s SRO.)
• “MusiCares” – TONIGHT the 4th annual MAP Fund (alcohol-free) benefit gala in Hollywood honors classic rocker Alice Cooper and Velvet Revolver guitarist Slash for their commitment to helping musicians deal with addiction.
• R Kelly – TODAY his long-brewing trial for relations with a minor is scheduled to begin in Chicago with jury selection but could be postponed yet again, due to a motion from his lawyers.
• “Saturday Night Live“ (NBC/Global) – My Morning Jacket is the musical guest (their new album “Evil Urges” is out JUNE 10th). Actor Shia Labeouf hosts.
• “Survivor: Fans Vs Favorites” (CBS/Global) – SUNDAY is the 2-hour season finalé. As usual, it’s followed by a 1-hour live reunion show.
• Tim McGraw – TONIGHT his “08 Live Your Voice Tour” begins in Tampa FL. Jason Aldean and Halfway to Hazard are the opening acts. His “Greatest Hits Vol 1 & 2“ has managed to make it to #10 on the best-selling albums list even though it’s only available at Wal-Mart so far.
• “Today Show” (NBC) – THIS MORNING Mary J Blige performs.
• ”Tonight Show With Jay Leno” (NBC) – TONIGHT Carly Simon is the musical guest.
• “TV’s All-Time Funniest” (ABC) – TONIGHT this comedy special features the best classic TV comedians as selected by fans.
• Vanessa Williams – SATURDAY, more than 25 years after leaving Syracuse University, the “Ugly Betty” actress finally gets her Bachelor’s degree as she delivers the convocation address to graduates of the U’s College of Visual & Performing Arts.

• “Speed Racer” ( PG Action Adventure ): Based on the Japanese anime TV series, Emile Hirsch stars as a young hotshot race car driver who discovers competitions are being fixed. Co-stars Susan Sarandon, John Goodman, Christina Ricci, and Matthew Fox. Shot entirely in Germany, largely in front of a green screen.
• “What Happens in Vegas” ( PG-13 Romantic Comedy ): Cameron Diaz & Ashton Kutcher play random strangers who wake up in a Vegas hotel room to discover that they married each other during a night of drunken debauchery. Further complicating things – they also won a $3 million jackpot while playing the slots. Shot in NYC and Long Island … NOT in Sin City.

The email address you pick may speak volumes about your personality, according to new research at the University of Leipzig in Germany. During experiments, a panel of 100 students was asked to guess the personality traits of 600 teens simply by looking at their email addresses. The panel’s guesses often matched up with a personality survey the teens had completed about themselves. Among the traits most often nailed: conscientiousness, extroversion, narcissism, and openness. The email addresses that most often gave away personality clues contained full stops (spaces with underscores), numbers, or an obviously fake name. (Okay let’s analyze [co-host’s] address …
– “New Scientist“

Landmark albums that kick-started a new direction in music when change was much needed, listed chronologically …
• Elvis Presley … “Elvis Presley” (1956).
• The Beatles … “Please Please Me” (1963).
• The Jimi Hendrix Experience … “Are You Experienced?” (1967).
• David Bowie … “The Rise and Fall of Ziggy Stardust & the Spiders from Mars” (1972).
• “Saturday Night Fever” … “The Original Movie Soundtrack” (1977).
• The Sex Pistols … “Never Mind The Bollocks, Here’s The Sex Pistols” (1977).
• Roxy Music … “Manifesto” (1979).
• Run-DMC … “Raising Hell” (1986).
• Nirvana … “Nevermind” (1991).

With 110 billionaires and some 130,000 millionaires, Russia now ranks only behind the USA in its numbers of wealthy bachelors. But competition to catch the eye of a rich guy is fierce. A slew of books have hit the market offering tips on how to snare an ‘oligarch’. One such book, “Marry a Millionaire”, warns Russian women against bare bellies, fake tans, high-heeled boots, jeans with sequins, leopard print tops, and sunglasses at night. (In other words, try not to dress like a ho.)
– “Daily Telegraph”

A new ranking of the best brains to make popular music …
5. Mick Jagger & Keith Richards
4. Bob Marley
3. Chuck Berry
2. John Lennon
1. Bob Dylan
– “Blender Magazine”

It seems a lot of us must be experiencing ‘entourage envy’. How else to explain why some will spend good money just to be treated as if they were celebs? Several companies such as LA-based ‘Celeb-4-A-Day’ offer different packages of services that can include limos, bodyguards, and even make-believe paparazzi who hound the paying clients and bombard them with questions. The best photos are printed up on the cover of a fake tabloid as a souvenir. The cost of all this superficial stardom? From $500-to-$2,500, depending on options.
– “The Independent“

We’ll eat up to 50% more of a snack if it’s labeled ‘low fat’, according to Cornell University researchers.


1918 [90] Mike (Myron Leon) Wallace, Brookline MA, retired CBS-TV journalist (“60 Minutes” 1968-2006)

1936 [72] Albert Finney, Manchester UK, movie actor (“The Bourne Ultimatum”, “Erin Brockovich”)/5-time Academy Award nominee (0 wins)

1946 [62] Candice Bergen, Beverly Hills CA, TV actress (‘Shirley Schmidt’ on “Boston Legal” since 2005, 4 Emmy Awards-“Murphy Brown” 1988-98)/movie actress (“Miss Congeniality”)

1949 [59] Billy Joel, Bronx NY, oldies singer (“Just the Way You Are”, “My Life”)/Rock & Roll Hall of Fame (1999)/rehab veteran

1965 [43] Steve Yzerman, Cranbrook BC, Team Canada General Manager (2008 World Hockey Championship)/former NHL star (3 Stanley Cup Championships-Detroit Red Wings)

1971 [37] Mike Myerson, Huntsville AL, country musician (Heartland-“I Loved Her First”)

1979 [29] Pierre Bouvier, Montréal QC, rock singer (Simple Plan-“Untitled [How Could This Happen To Me?]”, “Welcome To My Life”)

1979 [29] Rosario Dawson, NYC, movie actress (“Grindhouse”, “Sin City”)  UP next: “Sin City 2”  in 2010.

Sportscaster Chris Berman (ESPN/ABC) is 53; Rock singer Bono (U2) is 48.

Oldies singer Eric Burdon (The Animals) is 67; Country musician Keith West (Heartland) is 40.

• “Child Care Provider Appreciation Day”, saluting the dedicated souls who interact with our children during the important formative years of their lives. (‘Cause we’re too busy to.)
• “Lost Sock Memorial Day”, a day to remember those singular hose that went into the washing machine or dryer never to return. (Play “Taps” for them?)
• “Military Spouse Appreciation Day”, observed annually on the FRIDAY before “Mothers Day” to recognize the courage of those holding down the home front.
• “Small Business Day”. A small business is defined as one with fewer than 100 employees. (Many of today’s small businesses used to be big businesses.)

• “Astronomy Day”, an annual event started in 1973 that’s intended to encourage interaction between the general public and astronomy enthusiasts & professionals. In typical astronomy fashion, the day occurs on the SATURDAY before the 1st quarter Moon between mid-APRIL and mid-MAY. (… on an odd-numbered date when an owl facing south hoots thrice.)
• “Birth Mother’s Day”, observed annually on the SATURDAY before “Mothers Day” and dedicated to those who, for one reason or another, have put a child up for adoption.
• “Clean Up Your Room Day”. What, once a year? Were you born in a barn?
• “Root Canal Appreciation Day”, apparently started by some masochist somewhere. By comparison, what would make you appreciate a root canal? Watching someone’s PowerPoint presentation of their vacation? A date with Paula Abdul? Back-to-back “According to Jim” episodes?
• “Trust Your Intuition Day”, a day to listen to your ‘gut feelings’ and act upon them. Is it true … are women better at this than men?

• “Eat What You Want Day”, a day to ignore all the warnings, avoid worrying and counting calories, and thereby fight our obsession with being thin. Okay, so if healthfulness is not in play, what do you really, really, really want?
• “Mothers Day”, an annual salute to moms on the 2nd SUNDAY in MAY that’s now observed in over 60 countries, including Australia, Canada, New Zealand, and the USA, where the modern version began. The earliest celebrations can be traced back to ancient Greece in honor of ‘Rhea, the Mother of the Gods’. In the 17th century, England began celebrating “Mothering Sunday” on the 4th Sunday of Lent (MARCH 2nd in 2008). THIS YEAR is the centennial of the current version, the result of a crusade by one Anna Jarvis to found a memorial day for women. The first was celebrated in Grafton WV on MAY 10, 1908. 9 years afterward, Jarvis filed a lawsuit against organizers of a celebratory rally because she felt the occasion had become over-commercialized. (No … ya think?)

1987 [21] Actor Tom Cruise marries actress Mimi Rogers (wife #1 lasts just 3 years, apparently inspiring little couch-jumping)

1899 [109] 1st ‘Lawn Mower’ is patented (thereby ruining weekends)

1944 [64] 1st ‘Eye Bank’ opens, in NYC (“The Eye Bank, we’ll keep an eye out for you!”)

1960 [48] 1st public sale of ‘Contraceptive Pills’ (immediately leading to the obligatory dating question, “Are you on the pill?”)

1997 [11] 1st graduate from 1st university operating entirely online (you can bet that ‘Virtual Diploma’ from International University is now truly beyond worth!)

1984 [24] Chicago White Sox & Milwaukee Brewers finally finish an 8 hour, 6 minute game; longest-ever MLB game in elapsed time (Chicago wins 7-6 in 25th inning … on the 2nd day)

[Mon] Limerick Day
[Mon] Kite Day
[Mon] International Nurse’s Day
[Mon] Canadian Nursing Week begins
[Wed] 3rd Shift Workers Day
[Wed] Receptionists Day
[Wed] Dance Like a Chicken Day
[Wed-May 25] 2008 Cannes Film Festival
This Week Is … Goodwill Industries Week
This Month Is … Good Carkeeping Month


• Bottle Feeding: An opportunity for Daddy to get up at 2 am too.
• Drooling: How teething babies wash their chins.
• Dumbwaiter: One who asks if the kids would care to order dessert.
• Feedback: The inevitable result when the baby doesn’t appreciate the strained carrots.
• Full Name: What you call your kids when you’re mad at them.
• Grandparents: People who think your kids are wonderful even though you’re not raising them right.
• Prenatal: When your life was still somewhat your own.
• Show Off: Any child who is more talented than yours.
• Sterilize: What you do to your first baby’s pacifier by boiling it and to your last baby’s pacifier by blowing on it.
• Two-Minute Warning: When the baby’s face turns red and she begins to make those familiar grunting noises.

What’s the last thing you bought yourself, just for fun?

Today’s Question: In a recent survey, almost everyone aged 18-to-35 admits they’ve thrown THESE away, while those 65-plus say they’ve never thrown them away.
Answer to Give Out Next Show: Pennies.

You can’t tell which way the train went by looking at the track.

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