Monday, May 5, 2008        Edition: #3768
Bullseye!

WEEKEND TABLOID & BLOG BS:
• Mariah Carey has scrapped TODAY’s planned interview taping for “The View” (ABC/CTV) without offering a reason. There’s still no official confirmation that the 38-year-old diva quietly wed 27-year-old actor Nick Cannon WEDNESDAY at her home in the Bahamas. He’s featured in her upcoming video for “Bye Bye”. Jeweler Jacob & Co is claiming the engagement ring she’s been spotted wearing weighs a jaw-dropping 17 carats and has a value of $2.5 million (wonder who paid?). If the nuptial rumors are true, it’s Cannon’s 1st marriage; Carey’s 2nd. (Okay, what date do you want in the breakup pool?)
– E! News
• A technician working on the new ‘James Bond’ movie “Quantum of Solace” has been seriously injured after he was stabbed with a steak knife during a domestic dispute. Police say the 58-year-old was attacked by a woman in the bedroom of her house in Dornbirn, Austria SATURDAY before he wrestled the knife from her and staggered out onto the street where he was later found unconscious. (Add this to the stuntman injured in a car crash and the accidental dunking of ‘007′s Aston Martin in a lake, and there’s more action on-the-set than onscreen!)
– PR-Inside.com
• In some Britney-Spears-style stunt-casting, perennially troubled actress Lindsay Lohan is set to make a guest appearance on the MAY 22nd season finalé of TV series “Ugly Betty” (ABC/CityTV). She was photographed on the set in Los Angeles SATURDAY. (What a demotion – now she’s working in TV … on weekends.)
– PerezHilton.com
• “CSI“ star Gary Dourdan says he’s embarrassed by his recent arrest for alleged drug possession. After he was found asleep in his illegally parked car in Palm Springs CA, a vehicle search reportedly yielded heroin, cocaine, Ecstasy, and prescription drugs in luggage that he claims was not his. He also says his personal drug tests came back negative. (No chance of the bust costing him his gig – he’s already announced he’s taped his last turn as ‘Warrick Brown’.)
– “Access Hollywood“
• Aging actor-womanizer Jack Nicholson says he’s still up for a fling at age 71, despite already having bedded more than 2,000 women. He says he’d like one last big romance before he dies. (Nothing more enticing than a wrinkly incontinent guy with a bad track record for relationships, right ladies?)
– ContactMusic.com
• Wannabe star Jessica Simpson says she regrets having her lips plumped up because the enhancement makes her look like a ‘blowfish’. The tabloids have poked fun at her when it became clear she’d had the cosmetic work done LAST YEAR and now she admits herself that it was a bad idea. (And what about all those other plastic parts?)
– “People Magazine”
•  37-year-old actress Denise Richards has launched a legal bid to separate her joint bank account with ex-husband Charlie Sheen. She’s demanding the account be divided equally so she can start spending her share. In her motion, Richards asks that the estimated $100,000-to-$250,000 be split equally. (Let this be a lesson newlyweds: if you never have a joint account it eliminates arguments and keeps things simpler.)
– TMZ.com
• Actor Tom Cruise may be a tad nutso but he sure is a good friend to have around. He threw a surprise wine-tasting birthday party for his bro-friend David Beckham (who turned 33 FRIDAY) and a few of their closest pals. Cruise and posse reportedly jet-setted to California’s Napa Valley where they had a tour of a buddy’s vineyard followed by a birthday dinner prepared by a private chef. (That’s what everybody does on their birthday, no?)
– “Sunday Mirror”
• And at the end of the 1st full week of the MAY 2008 TV sweeps, CBS-TV is down 21% from a year ago; NBC-TV has lost 20% of its audience; and ABC-TV is off 19%. FOX remains in the lead thanks to “American Idol”, but even the #1 show’s numbers are the lowest since 2003 and the network is down 16% overall from a year ago. (Seems that during the writers’ strike, a lot of people found other things to do with their lives besides sucking back tube.)
– “Variety”

BS MUSIC NOTES:
• Amy Winehouse – She’s abandoned a plan to record a theme for the latest ‘James Bond’ film. Producer Mark Ronson says she’s simply ‘not ready to work’.
• Bon Jovi – Jon Bon Jovi has reveled they’ll play NYC’s Central Park THIS YEAR … if approvals are obtained to give the proposed giant outdoor concert the go-ahead.
• Hank Williams Jr – He makes $5,000 extra at every concert he performs by charging fans to meet him backstage. The exclusive ‘meet-and-greet’ is limited to 10 fans only and costs $500 per person … paid in advance. And there’s no refund if you’re late or a no-show.
• James Brown – An attorney says a DNA test confirms that he fathered the 6-year-old son of former backup singer Tomi Rae Hynie, who claims she was married to Brown at the time of his death in 2006. If a court-ordered test also proves positive, the ‘Godfather of Soul’ may have yet another heir claiming a portion of his long-contested estate. (One way or another you always end up paying for Hynie.)
• Kanye West – FRIDAY he walked off the stage in a tantrum during a concert in Houston TX when the side-screens remained dark due to a technical malfunction. After his expletive-laden explosion and exit, he eventually returned to finish the show.
• R Kelly – A new witness is set to testify in his upcoming underage case, claiming she participated in a threesome with the now 41-year-old singer & the teenager at the center of the
case that began in June 2002. It is expected the woman will confirm the girl was underage at the time of the act. Jury selection is scheduled to begin FRIDAY … pending yet another delay.

TODAY’S SHOW BIZ SKED:
• Alison Krauss & Robert Plant – Their “Raising Sand” European tour kicks off in Birmingham UK, followed by shows in Germany, Belgium, France, the Netherlands, Sweden, and Norway.
• “Ellen DeGeneres Show” (syndicated/CityTV) – Britain’s Estelle sings “American Boy”.
• “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC/CityTV) – Motley Crue hypes their upcoming 41-city summer tour.
• “Late Show With David Letterman” (CBS) – Jimmy Eat World performs.
• Radiohead – The 1st North American leg of their world tour begins in West Palm Beach FL.
• “Tonight Show With Jay Leno” (NBC/A Channel) – Rascal Flatts performs their current single, “Every Day”.
• “Two & a Half Men” (CBS/A Channel) – A CSI team investigates a mysterious death at Charlie’s house in an episode written by “CSI” writers Sarah Goldfinger & Evan Dunsky.

EXTRA BAGGAGE, EXTRA FEE:
Starting TODAY, US airlines Continental, Delta, Northwest, United, and US Air begin charging customers $25 each way to check a 2nd bag. Exempted from the new rule are 1st Class and Business Class passengers and some frequent-flyer members. Air Canada has announced a similar charge for its lowest-fare customers on North American flights beginning JULY 15th. (Great idea – the people that can afford it don’t pay.)
– Canoe Travel

MOST OVERRATED TV SHOWS OF THE ‘90s:
They say hindsight is 20/20. Seen in the rearview mirror minus all the promotional hype these TV series don’t stand up as deserving their lofty reputations …
5. “Home Improvement” (ABC, 1991-99)
4. “Twin Peaks” (ABC, 1990-91)
3. “In Living Color” (FOX, 1990-94)
2. “ER” (NBC, 1994-2009)
1. “Friends” (NBC, 1994-2004)
– StarPulse.com

PIT POLL:
A survey by a deodorant maker finds that 68% of women and 62% of men are concerned about … how their armpits look. The most common problems cited are ingrown hair, shaving cuts, and discolored clothing from perspiration. (Ever seen an attractive pit? Mmm, nice braids!)
– WorldVillage.com

2008 TOP-EARNING MODELS:
5. 23-year-old Dutch model Doutzen Kroes ($6 million).
4. 27-year-old Brazilian Adriana Lima ($7 million), thanks to Victoria’s Secret and Maybelline.
3. UK’s Kate Moss ($7.5 million) from the likes of Burberry, Stella McCartney, Dior, and Versace.
2. 34-year-old “Project Runway” producer/host Heidi Klum ($14 million) who’s wed to singer Seal.
1. 27-year-old Brazilian Gisele Bundchen ($35 million), GF of NFL QB Tom Brady.
– “Forbes”

INVISIBLE INK:
According to a Lloyds of London poll, bankers, accountants, and lawyers are just as likely to have a tattoo as bikers. But of the professionals polled who had some form of ‘body art’, over a quarter say they hide it while at work. (Next time you’re sweating over a bank loan, just imagine what may be on your banker’s butt.)
– “Times of London”

DID YOU KNOW?
• The human brain makes some decisions up to 10 minutes before a person becomes consciously aware of having made a choice. (Like are you gonna have another beer?)
– CBS News
• Residents of the Greek island Lesbos are suing the members of a gay-rights group for calling themselves ‘lesbians’. The plaintiffs claim their geographical designation has been usurped by certain ladies who have no connection whatsoever with Lesbos. (One place where you can actually say, “My son was born a Lesbian” without lying.)
– BBC News
• Exercising isn’t the only way to burn calories. A good night’s sleep of 8 hours will burn 480 calories, the same amount burned during an hour of exercise. (Shape up … take a nap.)
– Yahoo! Answers
• Studies show that lawns are 30% healthier when homeowners don’t rake up clippings. If you don’t rake your grass you’ll also help the environment as grass clippings and leaves account for 18% of trash in landfill sites. You’ll also save an average 35 minutes of lawn care time! (Save the world … take a nap.)
– EPA.gov

BS CHRONOMETER 05.05.08

TODAY’S CELEBIRTHDAYS . . .
1943 [65] Michael Palin, Sheffield UK, TV adventurer (“Himalaya”, “Pole to Pole”)/comedian (Monty Python’s Flying Circus 1969-74)/movie actor (“A Fish Called Wanda”)

1959 [49] Brian Williams, Elmira NY, TV news anchor (“NBC Nightly News” since 2004)

1970 [38] Will Arnett, Toronto ON, former TV actor (“Arrested Development” 2003-06)/movie actor (“Horton Hears a Who!”, “Blades of Glory”)/married to “Baby Mama” actress Amy Poehler since 2003

1984 [24] Wade MacNeil, St Catharines ON, rock guitarist/vocalist (Alexisonfire-“This Could Be Anywhere In the World”, “Rough Hands”)

1989 [19] Chris Brown, Tappahannock VA, R&B/hip-hop singer (f/T-Pain-“Kiss Kiss”, “Run It”)

BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .
• “Cartoonist Day”, kicking off “Cartoon Art Appreciation Week”, to create greater public awareness of and appreciation for the cartoon. (“Iron Man”, for instance.)

• “Cinco de Mayo”, a Mexican holiday commemorating the 1862 victory over French troops at the Battle of Puebla. Mexicans everywhere celebrate with parades and fiestas. Widely observed in the American Southwest.

• “Halfway Point of Spring” with 46 days behind us and 46 more to go until the first day of Summer.

• “International Midwives Day”, observed since 1991 in over 50 nations worldwide to recognize and honor these health care professionals who are experts in women’s reproductive health.

• “Melanoma Monday”. So let’s all spend the day in a tanning bed.

• “Music Monday”, when students in many schools will be taking a few extra minutes to celebrate one of the world’s universal languages … music.

TODAY’S FIRSTS . . .
1904 [104] MLB’s 1st ‘Perfect Game’ (Boston Americans’ Cy Young vs Philadelphia)

1961 [47] 1st American astronaut in space (Alan Shepard … for a whopping 15 minutes)

1980 [27] 1st non-British player to win “World Snooker Championship” (Canada’s Cliff Thorburn)

1988 [20] 1st live TV broadcast from atop Mt Everest (nowadays there’s so many people tramping up and down, you could do a talk show … and sell tickets to be in the audience)

TODAY’S RECORD . . .
1979 [29] California’s Richard Brown sets ‘Skateboard Speed Record’ of 71 mph

1991 [17] Yasuyuki Kudoh performs record ‘Non-Stop Motorcycle Wheelie’ that covers 205.7 miles in Tsukuba City, Japan

COMING UP . . .
[Tues] Toby Keith’s “35 Biggest Hits” released
[Tues] Cher’s 3-year engagement at Caesars Palace begins (Las Vegas)
[Tues] Astronomy Day
[Tues] NEA Teacher Day
[Tues] Nurses’ Week begins
[Thurs] No Socks Day
[Thurs] World Red Cross Day
[Thurs] Israel Independence Day (Yom Ha’Atzma’Ut)

THIS WEEK IS . . .
Anxiety & Depression Awareness Week / Astronomy Week / Bathroom Reading Week / Be Kind To Animals Week / Carpet Care Improvement Week / Cartoon Art Appreciation Week / Childcare Awareness Week / Flexible Work Arrangement Week / Goodwill Industries Week / Life Coach Recognition Week / Music Week / Occupational Safety & Health Week / Pet Week / Post Card Week / Update Your References Week / Wildflower Week

BULL’S BITS

BEST OF BS:
A highlight bit culled from 15 years of “Bull Sheet” back issues …
BS BUTTONS THAT SHOULD BE ON YOUR TV REMOTE:
• ‘Enable Subtitles For Interviews With Pro Athletes’.
• A switch that makes “Saturday Night Live” entertaining again.
• ‘Rap-Mute’.
• ‘Automatic Series Cancellation’ button.
• ‘Laugh-Track Delete’.
• ‘Skip Directly to the Nude Scene’ button.
• ‘Remove All the Annoying Graphics from All Over the Screen So I Can Actually See the Freakin’ Game’ button.

BS RANDOM JOKE:
What we need around here is a designated morning breath area.

BS WORD OF THE DAY:
In the interest of promoting more erudite language as well as general goofiness, here’s a truly weird word from “Foyle’s Philavery: A Treasury of Unusual Words” for you to toss around for the day (award callers for tying it in with whatever they’re talking about) …
• ‘Yaffle’, which means to eat and/or drink noisily and/or greedily. (“Either turn up the TV or quit your yaffling!”)

BS U-PICK TRIVIA:
In what work environment would you find the most marriages between co-workers?
a. Restaurants & bars.
b. Hospitals & medical centers. [CORRECT. Just check any episode of “Grey’s Anatomy”.)
c. Radio & TV.

BS WATER COOLER QUESTION:
Today’s Question: Women with THIS physical characteristic are 3 times more likely to be married to a billionaire.
Answer to Give Out Next Show: Brunette hair.

BS DEEP THOUGHT:
Advice is cheap because supply always exceeds demand.


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