Thursday, May 1, 2008        Edition: #3766
May Day May Day!

The owner/operator of Nici’s Girls escort service in Hollywood is claiming that 42-year-old “Two & a Half Men” star Charlie Sheen is a regular customer, once ordering up 4 girls for which he paid $20,000 (Sheen’s rep downplays the claim as ‘an old, old, old story‘ – but doesn’t refute it) . . . “Lost” star Matthew Fox says there’s a running joke on the set that anyone who gets arrested for DUI gets killed off in the show so he’s much more careful about driving now (so far, 4 characters have been axed after getting busted) . . . NBC-TV has confirmed that the title of the super-secret 1-hour season finalé of “The Office” (NBC/Global) is “Goodbye, Toby” (no, don’t dump Mr Mumbly!) . . . A rumor circulating online suggests the upcoming “Office” spin-off series will feature Mike Schur, known to viewers as the moronic cousin of ‘Dwight’, ‘Mose Schrute’ (that’s just a bit-role for Schur, who’s the series’ co-executive producer and will likely team with “King Of the Hill” writer Greg Daniels on the new show) . . .  Warner Bros is resurrecting ‘The WB’ TV network online THIS AUGUST, kicking off with reruns of “Buffy the Vampire Slayer”, “Dawson’s Creek”, “Gilmore Girls”, and “Roswell”; and eventually featuring original programming (further proof the TV/online merge is coming) . . . Toronto actress Shenae Grimes (cheerleader ‘Darcy Edwards’ on “Degrassi: The Next Generation”) has been cast in the upcoming spinoff of “Beverly Hills 90210” (CW) as a 16-year-old who moves to Beverly Hills to care for her alcoholic mother . . . As well as taking auditions in major cities, NBC-TV’s summer show “America’s Got Talent” will be auditioning contestants on MySpace THIS YEAR, allowing wannabe stars to upload performances onto the social-networking site . . . And it seems they’ve found the leak – 49-year-old UCLA Medical Center employee  Lawanda Jackson has been indicted on charges of selling medical information about some 61 celebrity patients to an unnamed media outlet (how do you spell TMZ?).

• Carrie Underwood – She admits she’s addicted … to cheese. “Before (s)He Cheats” on her healthy diet, she works out for an hour a day. But then she just can’t quit the curds.
• Good Charlotte – Benji Madden has written a love song called “Shine Your Light” about GF Paris Hilton. The track has apparently already been recorded.
• Jimi Hendrix – Vivid Entertainment is releasing a 45-minute DVD purporting to be an explicit tape of the guitar god with 2 … er fans. (Who cares? The guy’s been dead 38 years!)
• Nine Inch Nails – In an attempt to bypass online scalpers, tickets for top seats at their summer tour dates will be reserved for users of their website who are registered under their legal names.
• Pink Floyd – Organizers of California’s “Coachella Festival” are now offering a $10,000 reward for Roger Waters’ missing pig balloon which broke free and floated away during his weekend performance. The inflatable porker has been part of Pink Floyd’s stage show since 1977. How the heck do you lose a 2-story-high blimp?
• Police – Sting admits he has an odd pastime … tightrope walking. He’s become so obsessed with walking the wire, he’s had one installed on the grounds of his British home.
• Radiohead – Frontman Thom Yorke has let it be known that the pay-what-you-want gimmick used to promote their “Rainbows” download LAST YEAR was a ‘one-off strategy’. (BS translation: We lost a sheetload of money.)
• Rolling Stones – Guitarist Keith Richards admits he still carries a knife everywhere he goes as a means of self-defense, illegal in many areas. (And dangerous when you fall out of trees.)
• Taylor Swift – The teen star’s self-titled debut album has just been certified triple-Platinum for retail shipments and digital sales of 3 million units. (She can retire now.)

• “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC/CityTV) – Stone Temple Pilots rev up for their upcoming reunion tour (MAY 17).
• Nickelback – Frontman Chad Kroeger is scheduled to be sentenced in a Surrey BC court after being convicted of DUI for a 2006 incident when he was pulled over for doing 160 km/hr (100 mph) on a city street in his $175,000 Lamborghini. The prosecutor is asking for a $600-fine and 1-year driving ban.
• “Tonight Show With Jay Leno” (NBC/A Channel) – Avril Lavigne performs “The Best Damn Thing”.
• “The View” (ABC/CTV) – Gloria Estefan is featured.

A BS selection of movies in the making …
• “Angels & Demons” – The prequel to Dan Brown’s “The Da Vinci Code” has a new female lead, Israeli-born Ayelet Zurer (“Munich”), who’ll co-star with Tom Hanks in the Ron Howard project. Shooting is expected to begin at the end of JUNE for a MAY 2009 release.
• “Extract” – Actor Jason Bateman (“Juno”, “Arrested Development“) will star in this comedy about the owner of a flower extract factory who finds his orderly life in disarray after a string of bad luck, including his wife’s affair with a male escort.
• “Motherhood” – Uma Thurman, Minnie Driver, and Anthony Edwards will team up for this day-in-the-life indie comedy about a mom preparing for her daughter’s 6th birthday party. Filming begins THIS MONTH in NYC.
• “25/8“ – Dennis Hopper’s 17-year-old son, Henry Lee Hopper, has had to cancel his bigscreen debut in Wes Craven’s new horror movie after contracting mononucleosis. His role will be taken over by Max Thierot (“Jumper”).
• “Universal Soldier 4“ – 47-year-old Belgian actor Jean Claude Van Damme is in talks to reprise his ‘Luc Deveraux’ character in a 4th film in the action franchise. He starred in the first 2 films but wasn’t part of the 1998 flop “Universal Soldier III: Unfinished Business”.

• Deficient dad or just dumb? A  47-year-old University of Michigan professor was banned from returning home for almost a week after he inadvertently bought booze for his 7-year-old son.  The pop claims he had no idea that Mike’s Hard Lemonade contained alcohol when he bought it at a Detroit Tigers game. After authorities spotted the bottle in the boy’s hand, he was taken first to hospital then temporarily put in foster care. It was 2 days before he was allowed home with his mother.
– Ananova News
• Crazy or creative? A Thai chicken vendor has created the world’s first solar-powered roaster at his roadside stall south of Bangkok. He uses a complex system of mirrors to focus the Sun’s rays on his bird broiler. Provided it doesn’t cloud over, it only takes about 10 minutes to roast a small bird. The entrepreneur says the idea first came to him when he was a kid … torturing bugs with a magnifying glass. Presumably his chickens are dead ahead of time.
• Worst dentistry nightmare ever? A Williamsburg, New York woman is suing her dentist after she was anesthetized and then locked into the dental office after the staff forgot about her and went home. She woke up terrified, confused, and alone in the darkened office and had to call 9-1-1 to get busted out.
• Is this kid getting a bum rap? An Ann Arbor, Michigan high school senior convinced his lacrosse teammates to bare their butts and paint the words “Will You Go To The Prom With Me? Yes or No?” on their backsides during a game. The female object of his affection apparently signaled her agreement by touching the teammate with “Yes” painted on his posterior. The unconventional prom proposal has led to suspensions for the entire team and a penalty of 20 hours of community service. No word if the date’s still on.
– “Ann Arbor News”

The threat of skin cancer seems to have finally caught our attention. A recent online poll finds that just 20% of North Americans now actively seek to get a tan. (Great, another summer of ugly pasty white thighs on the beach!)
– AP

A recent study published in the journal “Human Reproduction” shows fertility in humans begins to decline much earlier than previously thought … at age 27 for women and 35 for men. Until now, it was thought that women’s fertility starts to drop in the early 30s, with a big plunge after 35. It’s the first study indicating that a decline in fertility due to aging is also a male problem.
– “Science”

In her book, “The 7 Lively Sins: How To Enjoy Your Life, Dammit”,  author Karen Salmansohn suggests we’d all be a lot happier if we lightened up and indulged in things that some might consider morally verboten. She claims the so-called ‘7 Deadly Sins’ can have a lot of positive benefits. For instance, ‘envy’ teaches us the things that we really want are attainable, and ‘anger’ can motivate us to change things that make us unhappy. For the record, the other sinful 7 are ‘sloth’, ‘greed’, ‘pride’, ‘gluttony’ and – a personal fave – ‘lust’. Salmansohn says the real sin is living a life full of guilt and denying yourself pleasure. (Ask any priest.)

Why do sailors in distress call out ‘Mayday’? In cases of ‘grave & imminent danger’ at sea, sailors signal for help by radioing the word ‘Mayday’ 3 times, then the ship’s name, position, the number of people aboard, and the type of emergency. The word is an anglicized version of the French word “m’aidez” (help me) and was officially adopted as the radiotelephone distress call by the International Radiotelegraph Convention in 1927.
– “Chicago Tribune”

• The average homeowner spend 3 days a year waiting for repair people to arrive.
• All the DNA in the human body could fit inside a single ice-cube.


1950 [58] Dann Florek, Flat Rock MI, TV actor (‘Capt Donnie Cragen’ on “Law & Order Special Victims Unit” since 1999)

1966 [42] Johnny Colt, Cherry Point NC, rock musician (since 2005 Train-“Drops of Jupiter [Tell Me]”, 1989-97 Black Crowes-“Hard to Handle”)

1967 [41] Tim McGraw, Delhi LA, country singer (w/Def Leppard-“Nine Lives”, “When the Stars Go Blue”)/movie actor (“The Kingdom”, “Friday Night Lights”)/Mr Faith Hill since 1996  FACTOID: His “Live Your Voice Tour” kicks off MAY 9th in Tampa, Florida.

• “Couple Appreciation Day”, a day to tell a duo how cool you think they are together. Something to do with encouraging a marriage … or maybe a ménage?

• “Law Day”, the 50th annual in America, observed since 1958 to promote ‘equality & justice under the law’. A good excuse to review our favorite lawyers’ jokes …
– What’s the difference between a good lawyer and a bad lawyer? A bad lawyer can let a case drag out for several years. A good lawyer can make it last even longer.
– A small town that cannot support one lawyer can always support two.
– A pilot preparing for an emergency landing demands to know why one passenger isn’t safely strapped into his seat. It’s a lawyer, the flight attendant responds, “passing out business cards.”
– A group of terrorists hijack a plane full of lawyers. They call down to ground control with the following threat: “If our demands aren’t met, we’ll release one lawyer every hour.”
– There are 2 kinds of lawyers, those who know the law and those who know the judge.

• “Lei Day”, the 80th annual in Hawaii. Observed since 1928, it’s when people give one another the gift of a kiss and a lei. Hey, you gotta like that!

• “May Day”, a traditional holiday celebration since ancient times. Since 1889, “May Day” has been officially observed in some 66 countries as a workers’ holiday known variously as “Labor Day” or “Day Of the International Solidarity of Workers”.

• “Mother Goose Day”, which actually honors many different writers. The term was first used in the title of the nursery rhyme collection “Mother Goose’s Melody” about 1765. The name caught on, and nursery rhymes have been attributed to ‘Mother Goose’ ever since. What’s the most violent nursery rhyme?

• “New Homeowner’s Day”. Congratulations! Got your repair manual yet?

• “Save the Rhino Day” … and trade ‘em with your friends!

• “School Principals Day”. It’s a dirty job but some militaristic Nazi’s gotta do it!

1939 [69] “Batman” debuts as a comic strip hero by DC Comics

1941 [67] Orson Welles’ movie classic “Citizen Kane” premieres in NYC

1967 [41] Elvis Presley marries Priscilla Beaulieu (divorce in 1973)

1998 [10] Celine Dion is awarded the prestigious Order of Canada

1941 [67] ‘Cheerios’ cereal 1st introduced

2003 [05] In what becomes known as the ‘Mission Accomplished’ speech, President George W Bush 1st declares that ‘major combat operations in Iraq have ended’ while aboard “USS Abraham Lincoln” off the coast of California

1978 [30] Steve Weldon slurps 100 yards of spaghetti in record 28.73 secs (Austin TX)

1991 [17] 44-year-old Texas Ranger Nolan Ryan pitches MLB record 7th ‘No-Hitter’ (beats Toronto Blue Jays 3-0)

[Fri] Sibling Appreciation Day
[Fri] Robert’s Rules Day
[Fri] “Iron Man”; and “Made of Honor” open in movie theaters
[Fri] International Tuba Day
[Fri-Sun] Stagecoach Country Music Festival (Indio CA)
[Sat] 2008 Kentucky Derby
This Week Is … Teacher Appreciation Week
This Month Is … International Business Image Improvement Month


• Chocolate is just another snack.
• Car mechanics tell you the truth.
• Wrinkles add ‘character’.
• People never stare at your chest when you’re talking to them.
• If someone forgets to invite you to something, he or she can still be your friend.
• If you are 35 and single, nobody notices.
• The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades.
• You can ‘do’ your nails with a pocketknife.

Are they endearing themselves or embarrassing themselves? You run down the list of older actors (including age & most recent films) while a caller/guest/crew member decides whether they should remain onscreen or retire from sight …
• Al Pacino (67): “Ocean’s Thirteen”, “88 Minutes”.
• Clint Eastwood (77): “Million Dollar Baby”, “Blood Work“.
• Dustin Hoffman (70): “Mr Magorium’s Wonder Emporium”, “Stranger Than Fiction”.
• Harrison Ford (66): “Indiana Jones & the Kingdom Of the Crystal Skull”, “Firewall”.
• Jack Nicholson (71): “The Bucket List”, “The Departed”.
• Judi Dench (73): “Notes On a Scandal”, “Casino Royale”.
• Julie Andrews (72): “Enchanted”, “The Princess Diaries 2: Royal Engagement“.
• Morgan Freeman (70): “The Dark Knight”, “The Bucket List”.
• Robert Duvall (77): “We Own the Night”, “Lucky You”.
• Sylvester Stallone (61): “Rambo”, “Rocky Balboa”.

Who are the 10 people that make your community a happier place to be? Take nominations on-air/online, then tabulate totals and announce the results.

What’s the strangest thing that you’ve discovered in your food that shouldn’t have been there?

Due to the current economic situation, the light at the end of the tunnel will be turned off until further notice.

Today’s Question: The average person does THIS 14 times a day … using their head.
Answer to Give Out Next Show: Some sort of math problem or calculation.

Money isn’t everything, but it sure keeps the kids in touch.

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