Monday, May 21, 2001        Edition: #2059

BS QUESTIONS PLAGUING HUMANITY:
• If absolute power corrupts absolutely, does absolute powerlessness make you pure?
• Why is nothing as easy as it looks?
• Did ancient Roman paramedics refer to IV’s as “4′s?”
• Is it considered birth control when a blonde takes off her make-up?
• Does a woman only care for a man’s company when he owns it?
• If ‘love is blind’, why is lingerie so popular?
• Why are they called ‘buildings’ when they’re already finished? Shouldn’t they be ‘builts’?
• Why is it you get to ‘put your 2 cents in’ but are only offered ‘a penny for your thoughts’? Who’s making the 100% profit?

BS TABLOID TRASH:
• “E! Online” notes that TODAY’S the day “Survivor II” contestant Jerri Manthey appears on the CBS daytime soap “The Young and the Restless”. She guest stars — as herself — so check the credits for ‘Bossy Bitch’. (She must have been underwhelming if they decided to air it on a US holiday.)

• “Sun” says an all-NFL celebrity edition of “Who Wants to Be a Millionaire?” is being developed for the next TV ratings sweeps. (In this version, the overpaid athlete who has to settle for a lousy million will be the loser.)

• According to “Star”, Brazilian newspapers are blaming Leonardo DiCaprio’s girlfriend Gisele Bundchen for the dramatic surge in breast-enhancement surgeries by Brazilian women, but the ‘stand-out’ model, nicknamed ‘The Boobs from Brazil’, claims hers are real. (It’s her personality that’s fake.)

• “New Musical Express” reports that ex-Smashing Pumpkins frontman Billy Corgan has joined British dance-rock pioneers New Order, and will perform with the band on their North American tour with Moby’s “Area: One Festival”.

• “Star” reveals that “Bridget Jones” cutie Renee Zellweger was only to happy to accommodate autograph seekers in a NYC hotel recently, even though she was taking a sauna at the time – naked. (Bringing up the question — where’s she keep her pen?)

• Prince says we should all quit swearing and that teens in particular need more God in their lives, according to “E! Online”. He’s recently become a Jehovah’s Witness. (Because the only way he can sell his music nowadays is door-to-door.)

• Seems not everyone loves Jennifer Lopez. According to “Star”, George Clooney recently dissed his “Out of Sight” co-star, telling a group of working girls in an Atlantic City strip joint that J-Lo is ‘stuck-up’ and ‘vain’, and that kissing her in the movie was ‘gross’. (For credible news stories, who better to ask than exotic dancers?)

HELL’S FURY:
According to the book “Women and Anger” by Sandra Thomas . . .
• Unmarried women suppress anger more than married women.
• The younger the woman, the more likely she is to express anger.
• Women get angry frequently but normally get over it in less than an hour.
• Most married women express anger to their husbands, even when angry with someone else. (No, really?)

THIS IS GETTING OUT OF HAND:
A Vatican cardinal is advising Catholics not to masturbate, refuting a reformist priest’s earlier contention that there’s no basis for it being declared immoral. Cardinal Joseph Ratzinger made his new pronouncement based on a (huh?) 3-YEAR INVESTIGATION. (What if you masturbate religiously?)

BS AMAZING FACTS:
• It’s estimated you can fold any denomination bill back and forth 4,000 times before it will tear. (I’ve never hung on to one long enough to test that out.)
• According to a study by the Information Technology Association, the number of new hi-tech jobs being created in the US is down 44% from LAST YEAR. (Especially in California’s Sili-GONE Valley.)
• 1 in 3 fatal bicycle accidents has been linked to alcohol, according to a new study in the “Journal of the AMA”. Researchers found a single drink raises a cyclist’s risk of serious injury by sixfold and 4 drinks can raise it by twentyfold. (What I wanna know is, how do you keep from spilling?)

THE BULL SHEET 05.21.01

TODAY’S CELEBRITY BIRTHDAYS . . .
    1934    [67] Dionne Quintuplets (Annette, Cécile, Émilie, Marie, Yvonne), Callander ON, famous siblings exploited as tourist attraction in the 1930s

1944    [57] Gladys Knight, Atlanta GA, oldies singer (“Midnight Train to Georgia”)

1945    [56] John Fogerty, Berkeley CA, oldies singer (“Centerfield”, CCR-“Who’ll Stop the Rain”)

1964    [37] Christa Miller, NYC, TV actress (Kate O’Brien-“The Drew Carey Show”)

BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .
[USA] “Memorial Day”

TODAY is “National Hamburger Day”. What’s the weirdest thing you’ve ever seen someone put on one?

TONIGHT Sisqo and Carmen Electra host the “2001 World Music Awards” telecast from Monte Carlo (pre-taped May 2) with performances by Nelly Furtado, Christina Aguilera, Backstreet Boys and Ricky Martin. Rod Stewart receives a ‘Lifetime Achievement Award.

THIS MONTH is “National Allergy Month”. More than 6 million Canadians are allergy sufferers.
More than half say they begin getting symptoms in mid-May and over 20% describe their symptoms as ‘very severe’.

ON THIS DAY . . .
1997    [04] ‘Miss Canada International’ Danielle House goes to court over charges she slugged another woman in a St John’s bar (later sentenced to appear naked in “Playboy”)

1998    [03] Brantford ON-born actor Phil Hartman of “NewsRadio” is victim of murder/suicide by his wife

TODAY’S FIRSTS . . .
1897    [104] ‘Jell-O’ 1st introduced (5 actual Jell-O flavors that flopped — celery, coffee, cola, apple, chocolate)

1926    [75] 1st ‘Canada Pension Plan’ approved

1995    [06] 1st Canadian to win “Indianapolis 500″ (Jacques Villeneuve)

TODAY’S RECORDS . . .
1974    [27] Upside-down flight record is set at 2 hours, 15 minutes (was this a commercial flight?)

1987     [14] Paul Pearman jumps over 21 barrels on a skateboard (Augusta GA)

1990    [11] Longest bicycle ‘wheelie’ lasts 5 hours, 12 minutes (David Robilliard-UK Channel Islands)

AND REMEMBER . . .
[Tues] End Of The Middle Ages Day
[Wed] My Bucket’s Got A Hole In It Day
[Thurs] National Macaroon Day
Senior Citizens Month

BULL’S BITS . . .
WHAT IF YOU WENT TO JAIL?

Here’s a fun little hypothetical game – take a quality you admire in a pet and add your mother’s first name to get your ‘Prison Bitch Name’ (ie: ‘Obedient Betty’, ‘Loyal Linda’, ‘Spunky Mary’, etc).

BS INTERVIEW:
The ‘Society for Barefoot Living’ has over 750 members worldwide. Members of this ‘dirty sole society’ are anti-shoe, believing it’s more natural to go barefoot. Here’s some of their . . .
BAREFOOT FACTS:
• It is healthy for your feet to go barefoot.
• It is not against the law to go barefoot into any kind of establishment INCLUDING restaurants.
• It is also not against any health department regulation.
• It is not against the law to drive barefoot.
PHONER: 604-990-5511 (Quentin Vandermerwe-North Vancouver)/215-289-9627 (Christopher Roat-Philadelphia)
NET: http://www.barefooters.org

BS TRIVIA:
Q: Due to blackouts and soaring electricity bills, this recreational activity is becoming less popular in California — even though it was invented there.
A: Californians are using HOT TUBS less frequently, many turning them off altogether. The hot tub industry reports sales have nosedived.

Q: Which is further south — the northern border of California or the southernmost point of Canada?
A: California’s northern border follows the 42nd parallel of latitude. Pelee Island, Ontario is slightly SOUTH of that line.
(Source: “Rand McNally Premier Atlas”)

Q: What now-common product originally came from a Mexican tree called the ‘sapodilla’?
A: When Mexican General Antonio Lopez de Santa Anna moved to Staten Island NY, he brought with him a large chunk of ‘chicle’, the dried sap from the tree, which became popular as the first CHEWING GUM. It began selling in drug stores in 1871.
(Source: “Disney Adventures”)

Q: A typical double bed mattress contains as many as 2 million of these.
A: DUST MITES. (Did you just get itchy?)
(Source: “Weird Fact of the Day”)

BS TAG LINE:
When you get down to it, it’s not the fear of flying – it’s the fear of NOT flying.

BONUS!!!
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