Tuesday, May 1, 2001               May Day! May Day!                Edition: #2045

• Chocolate is just another snack.
• Car mechanics tell you the truth.
• Wrinkles add character.
• People never stare at your chest when you’re talking to them.
• If someone forgets to invite you to something, he or she can still be your friend.
• If you are 34 and single, nobody notices.
• The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades.
• You can ‘do’ your nails with a pocketknife.

TODAY’S the deadline for the much-talked-about Writers Guild of America strike which could cost Hollywood an estimated $6.9 billion in losses to its economy (why should we care? 2 reasons — more TV reruns and more ‘reality shows’) . . . Bryan Adams is currently on tour in India (because on the Hindu calendar, “The Summer of ‘69″ isn’t 2 generations ago) . . . Pam Anderson has reportedly ditched former bosom buddy Elizabeth Hurley because she caught La Liz sitting on ex-hubby Tommy Lee’s lap shamelessly flirting (yup, Pam and Tommy are ‘on-again’ — in case you’re keeping score) . . . Abrasive actor/comedian Denis Leary is now in the greeting-card business, offering what he calls the ‘crudest, rudest, most offensive cards to ever be read by human eyes’ at his [extremely slow] Website (http://www.crudegreetings.com) . . . “Weakest Link” host Anne Robinson says Regis Philbin is ‘too slow’ on “Who Wants to Be a Millionaire?” . . . And someone has calculated that Britney Spears used the expression ‘You know what I mean’ 38 TIMES in a recent interview (which may explain the quality of writing in her new ‘novel’ – you know what we mean?)

Sandra Bullock plays an FBI agent who goes undercover — as a contestant — in the ‘Miss US’ beauty pageant in the action comedy “Miss Congeniality” . . . The Disney animated family fare “The Emperor’s New Groove” features the voices of David Spade as the emperor-turned-llama, John Goodman as the gentle llama herder, and music by Sting . . . And here comes another ‘special edition’ DVD box set – “Superman: The Movie”, packaged along with its 3 sequels.

CBS-TV has picked up the quiz show pilot “Shafted” in which 2 finalists are asked separately if they want to ‘shaft’ or ‘share’ the jackpot. If both say ‘share’ they split the money, if both say ‘shaft’ they get nada, but if one picks ‘shaft’ and the other ‘share’, the ‘shafter’ wins the whole shebang. (An interesting twist for radio contests with jackpot prizes?)

The threat of skin cancer seems to have caught our attention. A recent online poll finds that just 20% of North Americans now actively seek to get a tan. (Great, another summer of ugly pasty white thighs on the beach!)

90% of all women wear the wrong bra size, according to a recent study in the UK. To alleviate the problem, a British lingerie maker has developed a new hi-tech bra-fitting machine that ensures proper sizing. (We’re more in favor of a hands-on approach to the problem.)THE BULL SHEET 05.01.01

1950    [51] Dann Florek, TV actor (Capt Donnie Cragen-“Law & Order Special Victims Unit”)
1966     [35] Johnny Colt, Cherry Point NC, rock musician (Black Crowes-“Hard to Handle”)
1967     [34] Tim McGraw, Start LA, country singer (“My Next Thirty Years”)/Mr Faith Hill

• TODAY is “Mother Goose Day”, which actually honors many different writers. The term was first used in the title of the nursery rhyme collection “Mother Goose’s Melody” about 1765. The name caught on, and nursery rhymes have been attributed to ‘Mother Goose’ ever since. What’s the most violent nursery rhyme?
• TODAY is “May Day”, a traditional holiday celebration since ancient times. Since 1889, “May Day” has been officially observed in some 66 countries as a labor holiday. The British still enjoy a “May Day” holiday, which was traditionally a Celtic festival called “Beltane”, when the beginning of summer was greeted with great bonfires in honor of the sun. In Hawaii, today is “Lei Day”, observed since 1928, when people give one another the gift of a kiss and a lei (it’s a long way to go for a lei.)

1889    [112] 1st ‘aspirin’, produced by Bayer Corp of Germany (even now, no one knows how it works)
1941    [60] ‘Cheerios’ cereal 1st introduced
1995    [06] 1st time in 25 years Montreal Canadiens miss NHL playoffs (now an annual event)
2000    [01] 1st celebrity “Who Wants to Be a Millionaire?” on ABC/CTV

1978    [23] Steve Weldon slurps 100 yards of spaghetti in record 28.73 secs (Austin TX)
1991     [10] 44-year-old Texas Ranger Nolan Ryan pitches record 7th ‘no-hitter’ (beats Toronto 3-0)

[Thurs] “Survivor II” finale (‘The Crowning of Colby’)
[Thurs] World Press Freedom Day (something to do with free press passes to sports events?)
[Thurs] Space Day (celebrating the latest vacation destination)
National Science and Technology Week (aka ‘Geek Week’)
Correct Posture Month (“Hey Slumpy, sit up!”)


• What does the honorary title conferred on Prince Charles by the Cree nation of Saskatchewan mean — ‘Son of the Big Boss’, ‘The Sun Watches Over Him in a Good Way’, or ‘Pale Chief with Large Antlers’? [The title ‘Kiskawpisim Kamiyowahpahmikoot’ given him on SUNDAY means ‘The Sun Watches Over Him in a Good Way’.]
• As of TODAY, what can’t inmates in Nova Scotia jails legally do anymore — cook, smoke, or date? [A ban on smoking is scheduled to become effective TODAY.]
• What was used to erase lead pencil before rubber erasers came into use – sandpaper, pieces of bread, or spit? [Pieces of bread.]
• What UK government agency has just been disbanded due to lack of work – the ‘Beef Grading Agency of Great Britain’, the ‘Royal Coronation Council’, or the ‘British Flying Saucer Bureau’? [After nearly 50 years of keeping track of UFOs, the ‘British Flying Saucer Bureau’ is closing due to a sharp decline in reported sightings.]

BS TAG LINE: Anything good in life is either illegal, immoral, or fattening. Anything not fitting into these categories causes cancer in rats.


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