Tuesday, May 23, 2000                                               Edition:  #1813

Even though it’s not yet available, space tourism’s a hot ticket these days. The “LA Times” reports that one company that’s planning ‘moon trips’ has a waiting list of 1,200 customers. But here’s a look at . . .
BS PROBLEMS WITH MOON VACATIONS:
• Kinda looks like Saskatchewan.
• No airline with half a brain is ever gonna honor 10 million frequent flyer miles.
• So far there’s only 2 Tim Horton’s.
• You hit a lob on Tuesday, your tennis partner doesn’t return it till Wednesday.
• There is no ‘up’ so you can’t get it there.
• Argue with the wife over vacation budget and she cuts off your oxygen.
• You finally drive a golf ball really hard and it  goes all the way around and hits you in the ass.
• Your kid asks you 34,947 times – “Are we THERE yet?”

BS SHOW BIZ BUZZ:
“MI-2′s” Ving Rhames will play silky smooth attorney Johnnie Cochran in the upcoming CBS mini-series on the OJ Simpson saga called “American Tragedy” . . . Drew Barrymore’s estranged mom Jaid is shopping a tell-all tome called “Confidential” that claims Warren Beatty once tried to talk  mother and daughter into a threesome . . . Barbra Streisand keeps SAYING she’ll never perform again, but the buzz is she’s in talks to do 3 concerts this fall.

TODAY’S VIDEO RELEASES:
Johnny Depp plays ‘Constable Icabod Crane’ who’s sent to an isolated village to investigate a series of murders reportedly committed by a headless horseman in “Sleepy Hollow” . . . Private eye Ewan McGregor shadows serial killer Ashley Judd in the quirky thriller “Eye of the Beholder”.

“GRAY’S ANATOMY” IN 12 EASY-TO-READ POINT FORM PAGES:
They helped you through “Macbeth” in high school and now “Coles Notes” is launching a new line of ‘cheat sheets’ on medical conditions and diseases. (How reassuring when your last vision before the anesthetic hits is your surgeon scanning a black and yellow-striped pamphlet.)

JOB SATISFACTION:
A new poll in this week’s “Maclean’s” magazine finds that most Canadians like their jobs, but far fewer are satisfied with the companies they work for. (Life in the 21st century — you can work for 3 different companies in a year and never change desks.)

BS FROM AROUND-THE-WORLD:
• Professional Nepalese climber Babu Chiri Sherpa has just set a record for the fastest ascent of Mount Everest — 15 hrs, 56 mins. (To Sherpas, running up and down the world’s highest peak is nothing. Babu was just in a hurry to retrieve his lost car keys.)
• Ari Petroff has just won Sweden’s “National Sauna Championships” by lasting 5 mins, 10 secs in a 100 degree C (212 F) steam bath (his new nickname is ‘Stubby’.) Women’s champ Hilkka Loimi with a time of 4:28 will represent Sweden at the “World Sauna Championships” in Finland this August. (In August they could hold them in Atlanta – outdoors.)
• Women in the United Arab Emirates can now shop in a ‘man-free zone’ where they’re allowed to remove the traditional head-to-toe covering and relax. (It’s called Lilith Fair.)

THE BULL SHEET 05.23.00

TODAY’S CELEBRITY BIRTHDAYS . . .
1933    [67] Joan Collins, London ENG, TV actress (Helena Barnes-Will & Grace, Alexis-Dynasty) /movie actress (Flintstones in Viva Rock Vegas)/appeared in “Playboy” at age 50/sister of trash writer Jackie Collins
1958    [42] Drew Carey, Cleveland OH, TV actor (Drew Carey Show, Whose Line Is It Anyway?)
1971    [29] Joseph Rogers, CFL wide receiver (Winnipeg Blue Bombers)
1973    [27] Maxwell, Brooklyn NY, pop/R&B singer (Fortunate, Sumthin’ Sumthin’)
1974    [26] Jewel (Kilcher), Payson UT, folk/pop singer (Down So Long, Who Will Save Your Soul)

BS REASONS TO PARTY  . . .
Today is “Penny Day”, in honor of the most useless of all coins. (Listener poll: “Where do you put your pennies?”)

ON THIS DAY IN THE ’90S . . .
1997    “The Lost World: Jurassic Park” opens in theaters (#10 movie of all-time with worldwide box office of $615 million)
1997    ”I’ll Be Missing You” single by Puff Daddy & Faith Evans released
1999    Calgary wrestler Owen Hart (“The Blue Blazer”) dies after 78-ft fall from cable at WWF show in Kansas City

TODAY’S FIRSTS . . .
1785    [215] 1st ‘bifocals’, invented by Benjamin Franklin (causing a whole generation to tilt their heads back and open their mouths to read)
1883    [117] 1st (and last) baseball game between one-armed and one-legged players (1-armed team had a leg up on the competition)

AND REMEMBER . . .
[Wed] “MI-2″ opens in theaters
[Thurs] National Missing Children’s Day
[Fri] Morning Radio Wise Guy Day
International Reggae Music Week
National Bike Month

BULL’S BITS . . .
PHONE STARTER:

“When was your first meaningful kiss?” (In a new poll, most respondents [37.8%] say it happened between the ages of 15-17. A bitter 1.1% say they’re still waiting! [My first memorable kiss was followed quickly by my first memorable cold sore.])

TRUTH OR BS?:
• If you’re average, you’ll have lost half of your taste buds by age 60. (True. Hope you like hot salsa!)
• Tony Blair’s new son is the first baby born to a serving British Prime Minister in 152 years. (True.)
• Experts advise you should never hang fly-paper in a corner. (True. Flies prefer to breed in the center of a room. Exhibitionists!)
• The average 2-year-old learns about 3 new words every day. (BS. Studies say about 16 new words a day [3 of which are repeatable in public].)
• The level of the drink in your glass rises as the ice cube melts. (BS. The amount of space it displaces as a cube is equal to the amount it takes up when liquefied.)

THE LAST WORD: A meeting is an event at which the minutes are kept and the hours are lost.

 


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