Wednesday, May 6, 2009        Edition: #4012
Never Accept a Generic – Ask For Pure BS!


Yesterday Simon Cowell confirmed to talk show host Ellen DeGeneres that ‘everyone’ will be returning to “American Idol” for its 9th season, including newbie judge Kara DioGuardi (so much for the no-show rumors) . . . “American Idol’s” Paula ‘What Randy Just Said’ Abdul will release a new single, “Here For the Music”, later this month, the first track from a new album coming this Fall (you’ve been warned!) . . . Economic downturn or not, concert promoter Live Nation expects to offer more than 6,700 concerts in 35 countries this Summer (ka-ching!) . . . 60-year-old Ozzy Osbourne has revealed he was wasted during the entire 3 years of filming his family’s reality TV show “The Osbournes” (2002-05), retiring to his ‘bunker’ to smoke a pipe & drink a case of beer each day once cameras stopped rolling (anyone surprised?) . . . Ron Howard’s production company is developing his 1989 movie “Parenthood” as an NBC-TV series to debut this Fall, a 1-hour dramedy starring Peter Krause (“Six Feet Under”) & Maura Tierney (“ER”) . . . Sony Music is bulking up the content available on its artists’ websites, adding on-demand streaming & lyrics (getting closer & closer to downloads) . . . 41-year-old Nicole Kidman is no longer the face of Chanel No 5, having been replaced by 32-year-old French actress Audrey Tautou (“The Da Vinci Code”) . . . And several aging acts from the original 1969 “Woodstock” festival are returning for a 40th anniversary concert August 15th, including Big Brother & the Holding Co, Canned Heat, Country Joe McDonald, Jefferson Starship, the Levon Helm Band, and Ten Years After (this is gonna be as sad as those ancient doo-wop groups they wheel onstage for PBS-TV’s ‘begging & pleading’ week).


• “American Idol” (FOX/CTV) – The final 3 are selected; No Doubt performs; “Idol” alum Chris Daughtry debuts “No Surprise” (co-written with Nickelback’s Chad Kroeger), the first single from his yet-to-be titled 2nd album, due July 14.
• “Ellen DeGeneres Show” (syndicated/A Channel) – Carolina Liar (I’m Not Over”) performs.
• “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC/CityTV) – Black Eyed Peas perform “Boom Boom Pow”.
• “Late Late Show With Craig Ferguson” (CBS) – Zac Brown Band (“Chicken Fried”) is on.
• “Late Show With David Letterman” (CBS) – Ben Harper is the musical guest.
• “Tonight Show With Jay Leno” (NBC/A Channel) – Pop/blues legend Van Morrison sings.


• Bob Dylan – His 33rd studio album, “Together Through Life”, tops the UK album chart. The 7th #1 album of his career in Britain comes more than 38 years after the last one.
• Eminem – In “Vibe” magazine’s June/July ‘Real Rap Issue’, he reveals that he once suffered from drug addiction that caused him to down as many as 20 Vicodin, Ambien & Valium a day.
• 50 Cent – He’s officially been cleared by New York police of having any involvement in the fire that destroyed his former Long Island home where his ex-girlfriend Shaniqua Tompkins & their 11-year-old son Marquise lived. It was set alight in May 2008.
• John Lennon – An exhibition about his life goes on display at the Rock & Roll Hall of Fame Annex in NYC later this month. Included are many of his handwritten lyrics & instruments.
• Madonna – After a hearing Monday, the Malawi Supreme Court has now ‘adjourned indefinitely’ the case to decide whether she should be allowed to adopt 4-year-old Mercy James.
• Nickelback – Singer Chad Kroeger is being sued by a Vancouver man who claims Kroeger assaulted him 2 years ago outside a nightclub. Noah Morse alleges he incurred a concussion, loss of consciousness, dental injuries, and permanent scarring to his face.
• Nine Inch Nails – Frontman Trent Reznor has gotten engaged to Mariqueen Maadig of the band West Indian Girl.
• Rihanna – Her first performance since her alleged assault has been abruptly scrapped. She had been scheduled to perform May 28th in Dubai but the concert organizer says she’s apparently not yet ready to return to the stage.
• Warrant – Their 1990 hit “Cherry Pie” is featured in a new TV ad for fast-food chain Arby’s.
• White Stripes – Drummer Meg White is reportedly engaged to guitarist Jackson Smith, son of 1970s punk rocker Patti Smith & late MC5 guitarist Fred ‘Sonic’ Smithmore. They’ll wed May 22.

New terms leaking into the lingo …
• ‘Blue Planet’ (as in ‘Earth’) – Now that virtually everything carries the label ‘green’ (whether it deserves to or not), nothing stands out as being particularly eco-friendly. So there’s a movement afoot to tag environment-boosting products & services as ‘blue planet-friendly’ or simply ‘blue’. (It likely won’t last as ‘green-washing’ quickly evolves into ‘blue-washing’.)
• ‘Frog Effect’ – A new term for users of social network websites who are apparently unaware their privacy is being gradually eroded. The term is a comparison to a frog that doesn’t notice it’s in danger while sitting in water slowly brought to a boil. (What kind of masochist first performed that experiment?)
• ‘Torch-and-Pitchfork Crowd’ – An angry, unruly mob, particularly one seeking vengeance. (He was so bad on open-mike comedy night, he had to wade through a torch-and-pitchfork crowd to get out the door.”)

Researchers at the University of East Anglia in Britain have developed a way to use a facial recognition system to track how people’s lips move when they speak various languages. Just by watching the shape of the lips, it was found the device could easily distinguish one language from another, whether it be Arabic, Cantonese, or Russian, even when speakers talk quickly. It’s thought the technology could lead to automatic lip-reading and translation systems for deaf people. (More likely another facet to airport security or a gizmo for the next ‘Jason Bourne’ film.)
– “New Scientist”


Sonja Lyubomirsky, author of “The How of Happiness: A Scientific Approach to Getting the Life You Want”, has researched the science of happiness for years. Here are her tips to help you cope with a bad economy and increase your bursts of happiness throughout the day …
• Avoid Overthinking – It just makes you feel even more pessimistic, more out of control, and effects your self esteem.
• Focus on Your Relationships – Your loved ones are critical to your happiness. So, no matter how tough times get, take time to nurture them.
• Pick a Goal – Commit yourself to a project, whether it is a business you want to start or a dance you want to learn. Happy people all have goals they care about.
• Practice Acts of Kindness – Practical, everyday gestures that make someone’s life a little bit easier will make you happier as well.
• Take Care of Your Body – Carve out a small part of your day to give your body some TLC. It will go a long way in boosting your happiness.
– Condensed from “Reader’s Digest”.

A Denver CO inventor hopes to help men with their relationships with a new iPhone app that will track their partners’ menstrual cycles. The ‘PMS Buddy’ sends out an email reminder when that ‘special time of the month’ rolls around. The app’s developer Jordan Eisenberg says he hopes creating that awareness will lead to fewer arguments. He also advises that ‘flowers are the Kryptonite to PMS’.
– “Curious Times”


Chewing gum boosts academic performance, suggests a new study of more than 100 teenage students, some of whom were allowed to chew gum during math class. Those who chewed had a 3% increase in standardized math test scores and final math grades that were significantly better than non-chewing students. Not surprisingly, this ground-breaking research was sponsored by the ‘Wrigley Science Institute’ … funded by chewing gum maker Wrigley’s. (The students also had a 72% increased probability of finding a hardened ball of goo stuck beneath their desks.)
– “Los Angeles Times”

As a public service, a few tips-offs that the girl you’ve been scoping out is a total outcast …
5. She has shelves full of romance novels.
4. Her bed is covered in stuffed animals.
3. She has crazy eyebrows.
2. She runs a fan club … for anything.
1. Her entire identity is based on a color, ie: pink.

A growing number of consultants & corporate leaders swear by a new strategy to boost the bottom line: Put more women in charge. Several recent studies have linked greater gender diversity in senior posts with financial success. This represents an important twist in the debate over women in business. For decades, women’s advancement has been seen as an issue of fairness and equality; but now researchers say it should also be seen in another way – a smart way to make money. (Which gender would you rather have as a boss?)
– “Boston Globe”


• It takes a mommy chicken 24-to-26 hours to produce an egg. Then, a half-hour later, she starts another one.
– “Sarasota Herald-Tribune”
• A mother hen turns her egg approximately 50 times in a day. This is so the yolk does not stick to the shell. (Talk about devoted moms!)


1945 [64] Bob Seger, Dearborn MI, classic rock singer (“Against the Wind”, “Night Moves”)/Rock & Roll Hall of Fame (2004)

1953 [56] Tony Blair, Edinburgh, Scotland, former British Prime Minister (1997-2007)

1955 [54] Tom Bergeron, Haverhill MA, TV host (“Dancing With the Stars” since 2005, “America’s Funniest Home Videos” since 2001, “Hollywood Squares” 1998-2004)

1961 [48] George Clooney, Lexington KY, movie actor (“Burn After Reading”, Oscar-Syriana”)/movie director (“Leatherheads”, “Good Night, and Good Luck”)/movie producer (“Michael Clayton”)/named UN Messenger of Peace (2008)

1971 [38] Chris Shiflett, Santa Barbara CA, rock guitarist (Foo Fighters-“The Pretender”, “Best Of You”)

1972 [37] Martin Brodeur, Montréal QC, NHL goalie (3 Stanley Cup Championships-NJ Devils)

• “Day to Prevent Teen Pregnancy”, the 8th annual to help teens understand that it CAN happen to them and that they need to think seriously about what they would do ‘in the moment’.

• “Great American Grump Out”, the 8th annual when sourpusses are asked to suck it up and refrain from getting their grump on for at least for 24 hours. That means no grumping, no frowning, no grousing, complaining, punching, slapping, hitting, or killing … for 1 whole day.

• “International No Diet Day”, created in 1992 by Mary Evans Young, director of the British group ‘Diet Breakers’. After personally experiencing anorexia, she began working to help people appreciate the body they have. If you could eat as much as you wanted and not gain weight, what foods would you eat?

• “No Homework Day” … not sure why or who started it, but c’mon, teach’, be a sport!

2004 [05] Series finalé of “Friends” airs on NBC-TV

2008 [01] 61-year-old Cher kicks off a 3-year, 200-show residency at Caesars Palace in Las Vegas dubbed “Cher At the Colosseum”

1840 [169] Britain’s ‘Penny Black’ becomes the 1st ‘Adhesive Postage Stamp’ (before that you had to nail ‘em on)

1851 [158] Florida’s John Gorrie receives 1st ‘Refrigerator’ patent, then fails to find investors, has a nervous breakdown and dies (what an inspiring story, huh?)

1995 [14] ‘World’s Largest Collection of Footwear’ goes on display as Bata Shoe Museum opens in Toronto

1995 [14] ‘World’s Largest Margarita’ measures 3,500 gallons (San Antonio TX)


[Thurs] Children’s Mental Health Awareness Day
[Fri] “Star Trek”; “Next Day Air” open in movie theaters
[Fri] No Socks Day
[Fri] Military Spouse Appreciation Day
[Sat] Birthmothers Day
[Sat] Babysitters Day
[Sun] Mothers Day
This Week Is … Muffin Week
This Month Is … Better Hearing & Speech Month


• “There’s a 20 between the baloney & cheese. Score me a liter of Jack Daniels on the way home from school and there’ll be another 20 in tomorrow’s lunch.”
• “Can you find out if your new bus driver is single? Damn, he’s got some ass!”
• “I had a brief fling with your math teacher, Mr Kopaz. But don’t let on, ‘k?”
• “Just for kicks see if you can use the term ‘bitch-slapped’ – in context – during home-ec this afternoon.”
• “I agree with you that Ralph from Weston Drive is a fat moron, but he’s much bigger than you. How ’bout late tonight you & I sneak out and pour sugar in the gas tank of that Lexus his daddy gave him?”
• “Any more of that ‘Dungeons & Dragons’ crap and I’ll drive down there and kick your ass for the whole school to see. Got it?”
– Thanks to Peter Cunniffe.


What is the most irritating invention of all time? (In a recent survey, bagpipes ranked #1. Also mentioned: alarm clock, car horn, cellphone, computer, electronic greeting cards, kazoo, and ringtones.)


A friend of mine confused her Valium with her birth control pills. She had 14 kids, but she doesn’t give a crap.

You’ve just purchased a ‘Mother Hubbard’. What is it?
a. It’s a triangular pine cupboard meant to sit in a corner.
b. It’s a loose, unbelted dress. [CORRECT]
c. It’s the nickname of the rare 1938 vintage car, the Hubbard Roadmaster.

Today’s Question: You can lead THIS upstairs but not downstairs.
Answer to Give Out Next Show: A cow.


Hard work pays off in the future. Laziness pays off now.

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