Tuesday, May 12, 2009        Edition: #4016
100% Grade A Bull!

An autobiography by former supermodel Jerry Hall has reportedly been scrapped by the publisher because it doesn’t contain enough juicy gossip about her ex-, Mick Jagger (like what brand of diapers he’s wearing nowadays) . . . Concert promoter Live Nation has announced its first-quarter loss is due in part because fewer people attended concerts in its core North America market (could outlandish ticket prices & ‘fees’ as high as half the face-price also have something to do with it?) . . . “American Idol” judge Paula Abdul is now claiming statements made in a “Ladies Home Journal” interview about getting off prescription drugs were ‘taken out of context’, vowing in an about-face that she’s never checked into rehab, never abused drugs, and never even been drunk (for the record, the magazine is standing by its story) . . . Celeb UK chef Jamie Oliver is teaming with “American Idol” host-turned-prolific TV producer Ryan Seacrest for a new as-yet-untitled series in which he’ll attempt to improve the eating habits of one of America’s ‘fattest cities’ (will it be Memphis or Birmingham?) . . . Today’s feel-good story: “Titanic” director James Cameron & the stars of his 1997 blockbuster, Kate Winslet & Leonardo Dicaprio, have pooled together $30,000 to pay the nursing home fees of 98-year-old Millvina Dean, the last remaining survivor from the doomed ship that sank in 1912 (hey Celine Dion, where’s your fat wallet?) . . . And during a pre-trial hearing for an $8-million lawsuit against Paris Hilton alleging she failed to promote her 2006 movie “Pledge This!”, the 28-year-old heiress has claimed that she doesn’t keep an appointment calendar, she just Googles her name to find out where she’s supposed to be (that’d be a classic – if she weren’t so hatefully self-involved).

• “American Idol” (FOX/CTV) – The remaining 3 finalists perform 2 songs each, a judges’ pick and their own pick.
• “The Biggest Loser” (NBC) – It’s weigh-in time as the 7th season finalé airs.
• “Dancing With the Stars” (ABC/A Channel) – Another celebrity is eliminated from the competition; Raphael Saadiq performs.
• “Ellen DeGeneres Show” (syndicated/A Channel) – Lady GaGa performs “Lovegame”.
• “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC/CityTV) – Paula Abdul guests and just may threaten to perform her new single “I’m Just Here For the Music”.
• “Tonight Show With Jay Leno” (NBC/A Channel) – Kelly Clarkson sings “I Do Not Hook Up”.


• Beyoncé – The 27-year-old star tells “Glamour” magazine she was so fat at the age of 10 & 11 that her family had to lay her down flat so they could zip up her jeans … and it took 4 of them.
• Jane’s Addiction – Frontman Perry Farrell says he still plans to perform tonight in Austin TX even though he’s recovering from a torn calf muscle suffered onstage in Georgia on Sunday night. He was taken by ambulance to Atlanta Medical Center after the show.
• Kenny Chesney – Tonight he makes his first appearance on the legendary PBS-TV series  “Austin City Limits” which is now in its 35th season. The special 1-hour episode is being taped for later broadcast.
• Lady GaGa – She tells MTV News that her fans are ‘the misfits, the kids in school that everybody makes fun of, the weird kids, the artistic kids, all the bad ones.’
• Linkin Park – Their upcoming single from “Transformers: Revenge Of the Fallen” (opening June 24) is titled “New Divide”. The movie soundtrack arrives in stores June 23rd.


• “Taken” ( Crime Thriller ): Liam Neeson plays a former spy forced to revisit his professional skills in order to save his daughter (Maggie Grace, who played ‘Shannon Rutherford’ on “Lost”) who’s been kidnapped by slave traders during a vacation in France. Co-stars Famke Janssen. Shot on location in Paris. Also available in a ‘2-Disc Extended Cut’ edition.
• “Underworld: Rise Of the Lycans” ( Action Fantasy ): This prequel to “Underworld” (2003) & “Underworld: Evolution” (2006) reveals the cause of the centuries-old blood feud between ‘Death Dealers’ & ‘Lycans’. Michael Sheen (“Frost/Nixon”) plays a powerful Lycan who leads an uprising against the vampire king, played by Bill Nighy (“Pirates Of the Caribbean”). Shot in New Zealand. Also available as part of the new package “Underworld Trilogy”.
• Also released today: “The Best of Star Trek: The Next Generation” (classic TV); “The Best of Star Trek: The Original Series” (classic TV); “Disney Animation Collection: Volumes 4, 5 & 6“; “Star Trek: Motion Picture Trilogy”; “Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Season 7” (animation); and “Two & a Half Men: The Complete 5th Season” (TV).


Researchers at Arizona State University & the University of New Mexico have named a newly discovered Venezuelan diving beetle ‘Agaporomorphus colberti’, in honor of Stephen Colbert, host of Comedy Central’s “The Colbert Report”. The biologists say one of the outstanding features of the species is its … extremely complicated male genitalia.
– EcoLocalizer.com


4. In January 2008, a drug-addled Britney Spears had her most memorable Internet moment as she was wheeled out of her home on a stretcher by paramedics and taken to hospital in an ambulance.
3. Paris Hilton & then-boyfriend Rick Solomon were catapulted into the limelight when his supposedly ‘private’ and very explicit home video mysteriously went public in 2004.
2. “America’s Got Talent” judge David Hasselhoff reached rock bottom when caught on camera by his 16-year-old daughter in May 2007 crawling around the floor drunk, slurring his words, and stuffing his face with a hamburger.
1. And likely the most-viewed meltdown so far – the 46-swearword rant by actor Christian Bale on the set of “Terminator Salvation” (opening May 22) that’s been watched more than 10 million times since it leaked 3 months ago.
– “News Of the World”


Wallabies, which resemble mini-kangaroos, are increasingly being purchased by UK landowners … to trim their lawns. Orders have surged over the past 5 years even though the beasts can cost over $1,000 apiece. Wallaby enthusiasts say the animal is a cuter, friendlier, more exotic alternative to keeping sheep. The downside … you need about a half-acre of land per animal and 5-ft fences so they can’t jump over.
– Ananova News Service

• Caesar Salad: Concocted by restaurateur Caesar Cardini of Tijuana, Mexico (1924).
• Eggs Benedict: NYC socialite Lemuel Benedict first asked for it as a hangover remedy while staying at NYC’s Waldorf-Astoria hotel in 1894.
• Fettuccine Alfredo: Concocted by Italian chef Alfredo di Lelio in Rome in the 1920s to help his wife gain strength after giving birth.
• Graham Cracker: US health food advocate Sylvester Graham (1794-1851) would be shocked by what his whole wheat crackers have become.
• Granny Smith Apple: Maria Smith developed it on her farm near Sydney, Australia in 1868.
• Melba Toast: Invented at the Savoy Hotel in London in 1897 by famed French chef Auguste Escoffier to honor hotel guest Nellie Melba, an opera singer.
• Salisbury Steak: Created by American physician James Salisbury in 1886 as a treatment for many afflictions such as gout, bronchitis, and tuberculosis.
• Sandwich: Tradition has it British aristocrat & gambler John Montagu, 4th Earl of Sandwich (1718-92), first asked for one so he could eat with one hand and still play cards with the other.
– Condensed from Listverse.com.


• An 82-year-old man in Goslar, Germany who grew sick of hearing the same music playing over & over at all hours of the day & night called in a noise complaint against his neighbors. Fortunately, investigating officers were able to unearth the cause of the annoyance … an electronic greeting card on the geezer’s own windowsill. (“But what about that annoying snoring I keep hearing in the middle of the night?”)
– AP
• A 49-year-old shoplifter in Dayton OH stuffed stolen clothing under his shirt and in the waistline of his pants before making his way to the checkout counter to … fill out a job application. As he left the store an alarm went off and a manager discovered about $400 in missing apparel. Cops were quick to nab the thief because he wrote his real address on the app. (Always thinkin’!)
• A homeless man in Gwangju, South Korea with close to $120,000 in the bank has died in poverty because … he didn’t know his own name. The savings account was opened in 1993 under an alias but when new banking rules came into effect banning the practice his account was frozen. He could not register a real name because he never knew what it was or where he was born. (So now the bank manager’s wife is getting a new wardrobe.)
• 17-year-old high school student Tyler Frost, who attends the fundamentalist Heritage Christian School in Findlay OH, is being threatened with suspension for attending … a public-school prom with his girlfriend. Heritage, you see, forbids dancing & rock music. (We thought the “Footloose” remake was off!)
– NYPost.com


A new listing of the top tags for kids over the past year …
5. Daniel
4. Joshua
3. Ethan
2. Michael
1. Jacob
5. Ava
4. Madison
3. Emily
2. Isabella
1. Emma
– ParentDish.com

White eggs are laid by chickens with white feathers and earlobes. Brown eggs are laid by chickens with brown feathers and earlobes. Brown chickens are slightly larger and require more feed, which may account for the difference in price. (Who knew chickens had earlobes?)
– “Sarasota Herald-Tribune”

• “If I could meet my mother and marry her, I would. I would be with my mother now, if she weren’t my mother, as sick as that sounds.”
– Oedipus complex-afflicted movie actor Shia LaBeouf, as quoted by PopBitch.com.
• “The photo that was there wasn’t the photo that was taken. Not only that but it wasn’t what it was supposed to be. Afterwards, it was turned into something that it really wasn’t.”
– Confused singer Ciara attempting to explain to “NY Post” how she ended up naked on the cover of “VIBE” magazine.


1947 [62] Michael Ignatieff, Toronto ON, leader of the Liberal Party of Canada since 2008

1948 [61] Steve Winwood, Birmingham UK, classic rock musician (“Higher Love”, Spencer Davis Group-“Gimme Some Lovin’”)/Rock & Roll Hall of Fame (2004)

1955 [54] (Leon) Kix Brooks, Shreveport LA, country singer (Brooks & Dunn-“Put a Girl in It”, “Play Something Country”)

1970 [39] Mike Weir, Sarnia ON, pro golfer (2003 Masters, 1999 Air Canada Championship)/winery investor (Mike Weir Estate Winery)

1986 [23] Emily VanCamp, Port Perry ON, TV actress (‘Rebecca Harper’ on “Brothers & Sisters” since 2007, “Everwood” 2002-06)

• “Chronic Fatigue Syndrome Awareness Day”, the syndrome officially known as myalgic encephalomyelitis, or ‘M-E’. There were some special events planned but the M-E Association was just too burnt out to pull them off.

• “International Nurses Day”, a highlight of “Nursing Week” that commemorates the 1820 birth date of the founder of modern nursing, Florence Nightingale. Here’s to you, RNs!

• “Limerick Day”, celebrating the 1812 birthday of Edward Lear, author of the first collection of limericks, “The Book of Nonsense”. You’ll find some ‘Loony Limericks’ here …
NET: http://home.earthlink.net/~kristenaa

• “Travel Rally Day”, promoting the travel industry during this, the 26th annual “National Travel & Tourism Week”. The event emphasizes the economic, social, and cultural impact of travel & tourism, which has taken a big hit during the economic turndown.
NET: http://www.tia.org/pressmedia/TWFA/ntw_week.html

1937 [72] 1st-ever ‘Worldwide Radio Broadcast’ (coronation of Britain’s King George VI)


1978 [31] National Weather Service announces hurricanes will no longer exclusively be given female names

1997 [12] 1st woman to swim the 118 miles from Cuba to Florida (Australian Susie Maroney in a time of 24.5 hours)

1992 [17] 30 men & 2 women from 9 nations reach the summit of Mount Everest, the most climbers on the peak in a single day (they’re greeted by a Sherpa with a ‘Stop/Slow’ sign)

[Wed] Cannes Film Festival opens
[Wed] Third Shift Workers Day
[Wed] Receptionists Day
[Wed] Root Canal Appreciation Day
[Fri] Peace Officer Memorial Day
[Fri] Bike to Work Day
This Week Is … Historic Preservation Week
This Month Is … Teen Self-Esteem Month


• ‘Estranged Spouse Night’
• ‘Buck Naked In the Stands Night’
• ‘Goth Day’
• ‘Completely Obstructed Seating Day’
• ‘Keep the Beachball Going or Die’
• ‘Sticky Seat Night’
• ‘Guess What Inning the Bleachers Will Collapse’
• ‘Smell Your Favorite Player’s Batting Glove’
• ‘Laser Pointer Night’
• ‘Complimentary Athletic Cup Full of Chili’
– Thanks to Chris Steck for the concept.


My philosophy is simple … look out for #1 and don’t step in #2.


Today’s Question: According to a new survey, teachers have the best handwriting and THIS profession ranks 2nd.
Answer to Give Out Next Show: Members of the clergy.


The best way to win an argument is to start by being right.

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