Wednesday, May 13, 2009            Edition: #4017
When You Can’t Dazzle Them with Brilliance, Baffle Them With Bull!

“American Idol” judge Simon Cowell says he thinks Adam Lambert will win this season’s competition because he is ‘fearless, unique, and he’s got swagger’ (if Simon says, it’s pretty much a done deal) . . . “American Idol’s” Kara DioGuardi is the latest judge to spread the news that she doesn’t know whether she’ll be returning next season (would you guys quit starting rumors and just ask for a raise?) . . . Model/actress Brooke Shields is now sticking up for “24“ star Kiefer Sutherland, saying her published statements about that infamous head-butting incident were fabricated and ‘Kiefer has always been a gentleman in her company’ (hmm, somebody took her aside for a private word) . . . “The Hills” star Spencer Pratt is now rapping, with a cheesy tune called “I’m a Celebrity” released under the stage name ‘The Great White’ (you’ve been warned) . . . St Louis MO beauty salon owner Casey Ray is getting a free ticket to the premieres of upcoming movies “New Moon” & “Memoirs” after finding scripts for both films discarded in a trash bin and returning them to Summit Entertainment – unread & unleaked (the woman’s a saint!) . . . Broadway actors Nathan Lane (“The Producers”) & Bebe Neuwirth (“Chicago”) are set to star in a new stage musical based on the popular “New Yorker” cartoons, “The Addams Family” (opens next April) . . . And Sting’s wife Trudie Styler, a high-profile environmentalist who co-founded the Rainforest Foundation, is having trouble explaining why she & an entourage including a hairstylist required a private jet to travel from NYC to Washington DC for the White House Correspondents Association Dinner on Saturday, insisting to “PageSix” she’ll continue to ‘speak out about the horrors of an environment that is being abused at the hands of oil companies’ (not to mention filthy-rich celebrities!).


• “American Idol” (FOX/CTV) – Katy Perry performs; Jordin Sparks performs; then 1 of the top 3 gets axed.
• “America’s Next Top Model” (CW/A Channel) – The final 2 contestants shoot a magazine cover and the winner is chosen as the 12th season finalé airs.
• Cannes Film Festival – Quentin Tarantino’s new movie “Inglourious Basterds” & Ang Lee’s “Taking Woodstock” are among 20 nominees for the prestigious Palme d’Or Award at the 62nd annual 12-day French Riviera festival that opens today.
• “Ellen DeGeneres Show” (syndicated/A Channel) – Ciara (“Love Sex Magic”) performs, then appears later on “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC/CityTV).
• “Live With Regis & Kelly” (syndicated/CTV) – Country/folk/pop singer Jewel is a guest.
• “Lost” (ABC/A Channel) – The 2-hour season finalé is preceded by a 1-hour review of events in the lives of the ‘Oceanic 6′ after their rescue.

• Jessica Simpson – She forgot the lyrics to “Remember That” during a weekend California concert, the 3rd time this year she’s mangled the same tune onstage. (She’s at a loss for words lately.)
• John Lennon – The new exhibit “John Lennon: The New York City Years”, which officially opened yesterday at NY’s Rock & Roll Hall of Fame Annex includes his guitars, his upright piano from his Dakota apartment, personal letters, and … a medical examiner’s paper bag containing the bloody clothes from the night he was shot in 1980. (Grim.)
• Madonna – “NY Post” reports she is so over Alex Rodriguez that she’s even dumped the Yankees and is now rooting for the Mets. She took her kids (including Jesus Luz) to a weekend game where she sat in Jerry Seinfeld’s seats with CNN’s Anderson Cooper.
• Michael Jackson – AllGood Entertainment is seeking to block his live concert series in London this Summer because he allegedly broke an earlier agreement with the concert promoter to do a comeback tour with his brothers & sister Janet Jackson. The contract is said to have an 18-month ‘blackout clause’ forbidding other tour plans. (Just one more reason the residency seems unlikely to happen.)
• Rihanna – She’s recorded a new song, “Silly Boy”, f/Lady Gaga. We say it’s a hit … what do you say? You can hear the demo on Kanye West’s blog …
• U2 – A 14-minute poem written by Bono about Elvis Presley gets its first public reading today on Britain’s BBC Radio 4. Entitled “American David”, it’s thought to have been written in 1994. (Bono blithering on for 14 minutes … now there’s a ratings grabber!)


With the reunited members of Jane’s Addiction already bickering just as their much-heralded Summer tour with Nine Inch Nails gets underway, here’s a ranking of some other recent rock reunions that didn’t go quite as planned …
5. Van Halen – Before a tour could happen Eddie Van Halen had to rehab; then he skipped the band’s Rock & Roll Hall of Fame induction.
4. Duran Duran – As they were about to return to the studio with Timbaland & Justin Timberlake, guitarist Andy Taylor balked at the choice of collaborators and bailed. The reunion fizzled.
3. Led Zeppelin – After the successful one-off 2007 concert at London’s O2 Arena, hopes were high for a full-scale tour. After Robert Plant refused, they looked for a new singer … to no avail.
2. Smashing Pumpkins – When Billy Corgan ‘got his group back together’ in 2005 the only other original member was Jimmy Chamberlin. Then he cacked out and the band was just Billy.
1. The Replacements – A long-running streak of bad luck, including a scrapped tour, continues to foil any possibility of reunion success.
There are lots of possibilities for additions to this list coming up, including Creed and just maybe Guns ‘N Roses.

Officers of the Palm Bay Police Department in Florida keep an eye on a large area by using … motorized paragliders! Police Chief Bill Berger says they are a way for the department to have a bird’s eye view of the semi-rural municipality at minimal cost. There’s not a lot of roadway in the vicinity, so the innovation allows cops the ability to take short cuts to surveillance destinations. The unique vehicles and training cost about $10,000 per officer, which is very cost-effective compared to helicopters or airplanes. (Soon to be the basis for TV series “Law & Order: MPU”?)
– ABC News


New terms leaking into the lingo …
• ‘Cookprint’ – The energy & other resources used while preparing meals. Need help reducing your carbon ‘cookprint’? There’s a new crop of climate-conscious cookbooks on the market. (Eat celery … save the world!)
• ‘Cosmetic Neurology’ – The use of pharmaceuticals to enhance cognitive function in a healthy brain, aka ‘Brain Doping’. (“Our exam date is off for today, professor. I forgot to take my pill.”)
• ‘Flotsametrics’ – The use of floating trash, such as a huge consignment of training shoes washed off a cargo ship in 1990, to study ocean currents. A 1992 spill of 29,000 plastic bathtub toys (duckies, frogs, turtles & beavers) has also been tracked from the Pacific to the Atlantic.
• ‘Volcano Boarding’ – A ‘hot’ new extreme sport in which thrill-seekers slide on special plywood boards down the crater of an active volcano at speeds up to 80 km an hour (50 mph). (Almost as much fun as hurricane windsurfing!)


The oldest dog in the world, a dachshund from Long Island NY named ‘Chanel’, has just turned 21 or about 113 dog years. A ‘dog year’ is a measurement that puts the age of a dog in the context of a human lifespan. Most people think 1 ‘human year’ equals 7 ‘dog years’ but that’s inaccurate. According to the American Veterinary Medical Association, the official calculation goes this way: the 1st year of a medium-sized dog’s life is equivalent to 15 human years; the 2nd year equals 9; and after that, every human year feels like 5 for a dog. (Now you need a calculator to count up the age of your collie.)

A BS snapshot of who we are and what we do …
• 89% of current college freshmen have never used a typewriter.
• 68% of women say swimsuit shopping is not good for their self confidence.
• 54% of us have been fined for returning a movie rental late.
• 44% of us reuse aluminum foil to save money.
• 7% of us admit we’ve misplaced the TV remote … in the car.
• 3% of women say they’d be willing to ‘leave the seat up’ for their guys.


The worldwide rate of twins is 1 in every 80 births. In India, the normal rate is lower, only 1 in 250 births. But in the village of Kodinhi, in the Indian state of Kerala, there are at least 250 sets of twins in a population of 2,000 families, a rate of 1 per 22 births. And the rate of twin births has been increasing over the past decades. According to villagers, the twin phenomenon only started occurring 3 generations ago. (Just after the UFO landing.)

The Organization for Economic Co-Operation & Development has just released a new study ranking the world’s nations by the happiness levels of their citizens. Where are the happiest people in the world? Right here …
10. Belgium
9. Norway
8. New Zealand
7. Switzerland
6. Canada
5. Ireland
4. Sweden
3. The Netherlands
2. Finland
1. Denmark
Note: The USA got an above-average score but failed to crack the top 10.
– “Forbes Magazine”


Over the course of a year, a coffee tree only produces about 1.5 pounds of coffee.


1939 [70] Harvey Keitel, Brooklyn NY, tough-guy movie actor (“National Treasure” movies, “Pulp Fiction”)

1950 [59] Stevie Wonder (Steveland Hardaway), Saginaw MI, oldies singer/songwriter with over 30 top 10 hits & 25 Grammy Awards (“Sunshine of My Life”)/Rock & Roll Hall of Fame (1989)

1964 [45] Stephen Colbert, Washington DC, comedian-TV host (“The Colbert Report” since 2005)/comedy writer-reporter (“The Daily Show” 1997-2005)

1966 [43] Darius Rucker, Charleston SC, country singer (“It Won’t Be Like This for Long”, “Don’t Think I Don’t Think About It”)/pop singer (Hootie & the Blowfish-“Let Her Cry”, Only Wanna Be With You”)

1979 [30] Mickey Madden, Austin TX, pop bassist (Maroon 5-“Makes Me Wonder”, “She Will Be Loved”)

1986 [23] Rob Pattinson, London UK, movie actor (“Twilight”, “Harry Potter” films)  UP NEXT: The sequel “New Moon”, now shooting.

• “Canada-Wide Science Fair 2009” through Sunday in Winnipeg. Some 500 students from across Canada are participating.

• “Receptionists Day”, the 19th annual observed on the 2nd Wednesday of May to salute the frontline personnel in every office (unless you have one of those maddening menu-driven phone systems).

• “Root Canal Appreciation Day”, apparently started by some masochist somewhere. By comparison, what would make you appreciate a root canal? Watching someone’s PowerPoint presentation about their vacation? A date with Paula Abdul? Back-to-back “According to Jim” episodes?

• “Third Shift Workers Day”, honoring everyone who works the ‘graveyard shift’. Ask for calls from people with unusual all-night jobs.


2004 [05] Series finalé of the sitcom “Frasier” airs after 11 seasons on NBC-TV

1959 [50] 1st ‘Hula Hoop’ is patented by AK Melin (immediately becomes a huge fad)


[Thurs] Dance Like a Chicken Day
[Fri] Peace Officer Memorial Day
[Fri] Bike to Work Day
[Fri] “Angels & Demons”; “Management” open in movie theaters
[Sat] Preakness Stakes (Baltimore)
[Sun] NASCAR Day
This Week Is … Hug an Elder Week
This Month Is … Date Your Mate Month


You run down the list while a crew member/guest/caller tries to decide which is which …
• Suave [Toiletry]
• Nice & Smooth [Rapper]
• Soft & Gentle [Toiletry]
• Shyne [Rapper]
• All Fresh [Toiletry]
• All Natural [Rapper]
• Remedy [Rapper]
• D-Flame [Rapper]
• Cream Silk [Toiletry]
• Volume 10 [Rapper]
• Dimension [Toiletry]
• Cool Breeze [Rapper]
• Smooth Appeal [Toiletry]
• Q-Tip [Both]
– Thanks to Mike Daulton.

Pupils at a school in Jinan, China are being encouraged to attack punchbag dummies of their teachers to relieve stress. Good idea or bad?

The ‘World Superhero Registry’ keeps track of ordinary folks worldwide who’ve come out of the phone booth to dress in costume and perform unusual deeds. Among them Hong Kong’s ‘Red Arrow’ and Mexico’s ‘Superbarrio Gomez’. Instead of a mascot, why not have a radio station superhero?

Not that she’s loose or anything but she held her wedding in the delivery room …


Today’s Question: How does your garden grow? THESE are the most frequently eaten flowers.
Answer to Give Out Next Show: Broccoli & cauliflower, the only 2 common vegetables that are flowers.


An ounce of image is worth a pound of performance.

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