Thursday, May 14, 2009        Edition: #4018
It’s Your Daily Constitutional Sheet … Ahhhh!


“High School Musical” star Vanessa Hudgen’s bangs are now down past her eyes which will likely lead to teen girls jumping on the new ‘do (causing numerous injuries all Summer) . . . “Gossip Girl” star Ed Westwick says he & co-star Chace Crawford have been plagued by women sending ‘weird’ love letters after fans discovered the address of the Manhattan apartment they share (enjoy! – someday no one will be bothered) . . . Even though he was part of one of the most famous plane crashes in TV history, “Lost” star Matthew Fox is currently studying to get his pilot’s license (good thing he wasn’t on “Prison Break”) . . . 3 months after engagement rumors began, 66-year-old “Indiana Jones” actor Harrison Ford has finally confirmed he’s set to wed 44-year-old longtime girlfriend, actress Calista Flockhart (but he won’t say where or when) . . . “Slumdog Millionaire” actress Freida Pinto has been signed as the newest face of cosmetics giant L’Oreal, despite recent rumors she was close to a 6-figure deal with rival company Estee Lauder (started a bidding war – clever girl!) . . . And Paris Hilton’s new Hollywood Hills neighbors aren’t impressed with the new resident after she threw herself a multi-day ‘Welcome Me Back Party’ that lasted until the wee hours of Tuesday, when cops busted it up after noise complaints and reports of vandalism that included 2 Bentleys, 2 Maseratis, and a $1.4-million Bugatti Veyron getting egged & keyed (there goes the neighborhood!).

• “Bonnie Hunt Show” (syndicated/CityTV) – Country star Dierks Bentley performs “Sideways”.
• “Bones” (FOX/Global) – Tonight Motley Crue makes an appearance in the season finalé.
• “Ellen DeGeneres Show” (syndicated/A Channel) – Kelly Clarkson (“I Do Not Hook Up”) performs.
• “Grey’s Anatomy” (ABC/CTV) – The 2-hour season finalé has ‘Izzie’ deciding whether or not to undergo risky cancer surgery. (Will the producers save her or – thanks to all her off-set complaining – kill her off?)
• “Hell’s Kitchen” (FOX/CityTV) – The 5th season finalé decides which contestant survives the wrath of chef Gordon Ramsay.
• “Late Night With Jimmy Fallon” (NBC/A Channel) – Asher Roth (“I Love College”) is a guest.
• “Late Show With David Letterman” (CBS) – Miami rapper Rick Ross (“Magnificent”) is on.
• “Survivor: Toncantins” (CBS/Global) – One more castaway is eliminated, setting up Sunday’s grand finalé when the million-dollar winner is announced.
• “30 Rock” (NBC/CityTV) – The season finalé entitled “Kidney Now!” features a slew of surprise musical guests, including Adam Levine (Maroon 5), Clay Aiken, Elvis Costello, Mary J Blige, and Sheryl Crow.
• “Tonight Show With Jay Leno” (NBC/A Channel) – The Decemberists plug their latest album, “The Hazards of Love”.

• Brooks & Dunn – Kix Brooks, Emmylou Harris, and rocker Jack White (White Stripes) have been added to the mayor of Nashville’s ‘Music Business Council’. The panel advises on local projects geared to maintain Nashville’s image as ‘Music City’.
• Chickenfoot – Tonight the new rock supergroup (guitar hero Joe Satriani, Red Hot Chili Peppers’ drummer Chad Smith, former Van Halen bassist Michael Anthony & frontman Sammy Hagar) kicks off their first-ever tour in Seattle WA.
• Depeche Mode – They’ve had to cancel a long-awaited gig in Athens, Greece after frontman David Gahan was rushed to a Greek clinic with suspected gastroenteritis … a 5-dollar word for stomach flu. (Have they played Mexico recently?)
• Eminem – He’s announced that he and Jimmy Kimmel will fly about 200 laid-off auto workers from Detroit to Los Angeles for Friday’s taping of his appearance on Kimmel’s late night show.
• Fall Out Boy – Pete Wentz makes an appearance in a new feature film version of long-running teen TV show “Degrassi: The Next Generation”. The made-for-TV movie entitled “Degrassi Goes Hollywood” is expected to air in August (CTV).
• Lady GaGa – She’s promising to never lip-sync a show, saying that singers who perform to recorded tracks simply aren’t real artists. (Another reason to like her!)

A BS selection of movies in the making …
• “Bounty Hunter” – In this upcoming action thriller Jennifer Aniston plays a journalist on the run from her hitman ex-husband after he’s instructed to kill her because she witnessed a murder. Her co-star is British actor Gerard Butler (“300”), to whom she’s been romantically linked in real life. (Ironically this sounds an awful lot like “Mr & Mrs Smith”, the film that brought ‘Brangelina’ together … and left Aniston kicked to the curb.)
• “Jennifer’s Body“ – Megan Fox (“Transformers”) is set to star in this dark comedy about a groupie who is sacrificed by a rock band as part of a deal with the devil to get a recording deal. But it seems they’ve picked the wrong girl when she comes back looking for blood … literally. After being taken over by a demon, the undead victim must eat flesh, so she eats boys. (No need to dust off any Oscars for this tripe.)
• “A Very Harold & Kumar Christmas” – Why a 3rd film in the stoner comedy series? “Harold & Kumar Escape from Guantanamo Bay” grossed over $43 million worldwide. Not bad for a film that was made for around $12 million. Kal Penn & John Cho are expected to reprise their roles, even though the former has joined the Obama administration as a liaison to Asian-American & Pacific Islander communities. The new film is scheduled to open in November 2010.


According to financial expert Andrew Feinberg, author of the book “Downsize Your Debt”, at least 75% of loans to friends are NEVER repaid, and 50% of loans to family members aren’t either. (As mom always said, “Never a borrower nor a lender be.” Or as dad always said, “You wanna loan? Get lost!”)


A bike insurer in Britain offers up some innovative ways to make sure your cycle isn’t stolen …
• Stick a shopping basket on the front. Even bike thieves are worried about street cred.
• Invest 10-to-20% of the cost of the bike on security devices.
• Use 2 locks. While D-locks can be forced apart with a car jack and chain-locks can be severed with bolt-cutters, a combination of both requires a thief to have both tools available.
• Disguise your bike’s worth. Stick tape over the name or spray-paint the frame an ugly color.
• Ride a bike that isn’t worth stealing. Who do you think you are … Lance Armstrong?
– “The Guardian”


• ‘Nest Box With IR Camera’ – A new hi-tech birdhouse that comes with a tiny infrared camera inside, so you can actually watch what the little birdies are doing day and night. The camera can transmit images over 300 ft so you can watch what’s happening in the comfort of your home on any PC. This $200 investment will be truly fascinating for your kids … for about 4 minutes.
• ‘Notebook Cooler’ – Is your lap constantly in heat, thanks to your laptop computer? Thank goodness for the new NZXT Notebook Cooler, a rubberized under-computer mat embedded with a pair of fans for powerful cooling. Ah, that’s better! Aren’t your family jewels worth $49.99?
• ‘Sap Cap’ – It looks like an ordinary baseball cap but steel inserts in the lining make it a weapon. Just use the bill as the handle and the cap as a mini-cudgel that will beat off muggers … unless they also have a bludgeon in their ball-cap. Retails for about $30.

Most of us have a so-called ‘Greek foot’ whereby the great toe (or ‘hallux’) is shorter than the 2nd toe. Studies show that those who are gifted with a longer big toe (an ‘Egyptian foot’) seem to be better equipped for skiing, sprinting, and other speed sports. (OK, everyone remove shoes & socks to check it out!)
– “Esquire”

The new annual ranking of the latest femmes fatale …
5. Actress Mila Kunis (“Forgetting Sarah Marshall”).
4. Swedish-Canadian actress-model Malin Akerman (“Watchmen”).
3. Leonardo DiCaprio’s girlfriend, model Bar Refaeli.
2. Actress Megan Fox (“Transformers”).
1. TV actress Olivia Wilde (“House”).
– “Maxim Magazine”

In 1990, the word ‘recession’ appeared in 1,583 articles in the “Wall Street Journal”. (A record likely to be beaten this year.)


1944 [65] George Lucas, Modesto CA, really rich filmmaker (“Star Wars” series, “Indiana Jones” series)

1953 [56] Tom Cochrane, Lynn Lake MB, classic rock singer (“Life Is a Highway”, Red Rider-“White Hot”)/Canadian Music Hall of Fame (2003)

1961 [48] Alain Vigneault, Quebec City QC, NHL head coach (Vancouver Canucks since 2006, Montréal Canadiens 1997-2001)

1969 [40] Danny Wood, Boston MA, pop singer (New Kids On the Block-“Step By Step”, “Hangin’ Tough”)

1969 [40] Cate Blanchett, Melbourne, Australia, movie actress (“The Curious Case of Benjamin Button”, 2004 Oscar-“The Aviator”)

1977 [32] Roy Halladay, Denver CO, MLB pitching ace (Toronto Blue Jays)

1981 [28] Mike Retondo, Villa Park IL, pop-rock guitarist/vocalist (Plain White T’s-“1-2-3-4 “, “Hey There Delilah”)

1983 [26] Amber Tamblyn, Santa Monica CA, movie actress (“The Grudge 2”, “The Sisterhood Of the Traveling Pants” films)

1984 [25] Mark Zuckerberg, Dobbs Ferry NY, founder & CEO of Facebook social networking website/one-time ‘World’s Youngest Self-Made Billionaire’ (now worth less than $1 billion)


• “Dance Like a Chicken Day”. Everybody now: “Dadda dadda dadda dah, dadda dadda dadda dah, dah dah dah dah …”

• “Date Your Mate Month”, when we’re challenged to add some sizzle to our relationships by making a date with our spouses. (Hopefully not a court date!)

• “Help Clean Up Your Street Day”. (So [co-host], guess you’re moving, are you?)

• “International Online Romance Day”, a day to fall in love in a chat room … with who knows what.

1996 [13] Movie actors Antonio Banderas & Melanie Griffith are wed in London (it’s their Styrofoam Anniversary!)

1998 [11] Ad rates run over $2 million per minute as the much-hyped “Seinfeld” finalé airs on NBC-TV after 9 seasons (90 minutes of Jerry counting his money)


1874 [135] 1st ‘Admission Charge’ and 1st ‘Goal Posts’ used in a football game (Harvard University beats Montréal’s McGill University 3-0)

1904 [105] 1st time Canada competes in Olympics and Montréal policeman Etienne Desmarteau wins the hammer throw for Canada’s 1st Olympic medal (St Louis MO)

1985 [24] Original McDonald’s franchise in Des Plaines IL becomes the 1st ‘Museum Of the Fast-Food Business’

2003 [06] 50-year-old golfer Vincenzo Frascella finishes his round at Orton Meadows Golf Course in Peterborough UK despite being hit by lightning … twice (refuses to divulge his shocking score, but says it was a ‘stinker of a day’)

[Fri] International Day of Families
[Fri] Chocolate Chip Day
[Fri] Peace Officer Memorial Day
[Fri] Bike to Work Day
[Fri] “Angels & Demons”; “Management” open in movie theaters
[Sat] Preakness Stakes (Baltimore)
[Sun] NASCAR Day
[Mon] Victoria Day (no BS service)
This Week Is … Historic Preservation Week
This Month Is … Military Appreciation Month


• “That swimsuit really flatters your figure! Would you mind keeping my husband company while I go for a swim?”
• “Oh, look, that woman and I have the same dress on! I think I’ll go introduce myself.”
• “I’m sick of dating doctors and lawyers; give me a good old-fashioned waiter with a heart of gold any day.”
• “My husband talks our relationship to death. It’s making me crazy!”
• “Just for once, why can’t I find a guy who’ll have a wild carefree night of sex and then just go his own separate way?”
• “I just realized, my butt doesn’t LOOK fat in this. My butt IS fat!”

What most makes you want to kiss someone? (A “Glamour” magazine poll finds the qualities that most often lead to a kiss are: Good looks, a winning smile, a positive attitude, and beautiful lips & teeth.)


There are 3 ways to get things done: Do it yourself, hire someone, or forbid your kids to do it.

The 2-word answers to the following begin with the initials ‘B’ and ‘S’ …
• This aging rock star is nicknamed ‘The Boss’. [Bruce Springsteen]
• This ice cream sundae is made by dividing fruit lengthwise. [Banana Split]
• This actress/director’s receptionist was busted on the weekend for driving with a suspended license, possession of drugs, and possession of a dangerous weapon … a sap. [Barbra Streisand]
• This just may be your kids’ least favorite vegetable. [Brussels Sprouts.]
• Kiefer Sutherland was supposedly defending her honor when he head-butted a designer last week. [Brooke Shields]
• He’s the animated son of ‘Homer & Marge’ on a TV comedy. [‘Bart Simpson’]
• This is a slang term for ‘getting bad advice’. [Bum Steer]
• The English rock band formerly fronted by Ozzy Osbourne. [Black Sabbath]
• This is a place where commuters gather to catch a ride. [Bus Stop]
• He’s the funnyman who stars in the movie sequel “Night At the Museum: Battle Of the Smithsonian”, opening May 22nd. [Ben Stiller]

Today’s Question: Women are twice as likely as men to make THIS goofy mistake in public.
Answer to Give Out Next Show: Walking into the wrong restroom.

Nobody will ever win the battle of the sexes. There’s too much fraternizing with the enemy.

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