Friday, May 15, 2009        Edition: #4019
Can You Believe This Sheet?

BS SHOW BIZ BUZZ:
The moms of Oyster Bay on Long Island have gone from ho-hums to hotties, picking up their kids from school all dolled up in makeup & heels, thanks to a new parent in the daily lineup – Brad Pitt (Angelina Jolie is filming the movie “Salt” in the area) . . . Mom Kate Gosselin of “Jon & Kate Plus 8“ (TLC) is now admitting that her marriage is in trouble and may not survive even though both she & her hubby have denied cheating allegations, he with a 23-year-old school teacher; she with a bodyguard (all this hubbub just before the reality show’s new season begins May 25th – coincidence?) . . . 45-year-old actor Rob Lowe (“Brothers & Sisters”) has settled up with a former nanny, the one who claimed he sexually harassed her by groping her & exposing himself, but it’s unclear if any money’s involved in the out-of-court settlement requested by both parties (that’s one nanny down, one to go!) . . . 10-year-old “Slumdog Millionaire” cast member Azharuddin Mohammed Ismail, who walked the red carpet at the Academy Awards in February, is now homeless after his family hovel in the slums of Mumbai was leveled yesterday, one of over 30 designated for demolition by local authorities (man, reality sucks) . . . And ever-reliable “Star Magazine” is reporting that 48-year-old actor Sean Penn & 27-year-old actress Natalie Portman continue to be an item, an insider saying ‘she stimulates him in ways no other person has’ (ew, this rates about a 9 on the ‘yuck’ scale, no?).

WEEKEND SHOW BIZ SKED:

• “Ellen DeGeneres Show” (syndicated/A Channel) – This afternoon Pink performs “Please Don’t Leave Me”.
• “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC/CityTV) – Tonight Eminem begins a 3-night mini-residency, debuting tracks from his new album “Relapse”. Some 200 laid-off auto workers from Detroit have been flown in for tonight’s show. Tuesday he returns to mark the official release of the album; then next Friday performs from Detroit via satellite.
• “Late Late Show With Craig Ferguson” (CBS) – Tonight All-American Rejects (“Gives You Hell”) are featured.
• “Late Night With Jimmy Fallon” (NBC/A Channel) – Tonight Yusuf Islam (formerly Cat Stevens) will no doubt rant on about how Coldplay ripped off his music.
• “Saturday Night Live” (NBC/Global) – Actor Will Ferrell hosts; Green Day is the musical guest.
• “Survivor: Tocantins” (CBS/Global) – Sunday the 2-hour season finalé airs, followed by the 1-hour reunion show when we get to see the ‘castaways’ looking really fat & with a ton of makeup.
• “Today Show” (NBC) – This morning singer/actress Jennifer Hudson is a guest.
• “Tonight Show With Jay Leno” (NBC/A Channel) – Tonight Kings Of Leon (“Sex On Fire”) guest.

BS MUSIC NOTES:
• Aerosmith – Sunday the new book “Aerosmith: Essential Interviews” hits retailers. The 298-page collection features material dating back to the band’s beginnings in 1973.
• Eminem – An animated version of him co-hosts FOX-TV’s Sunday night run of animation shows (“The Simpsons”, “King Of the Hill”, “Family Guy”, “American Dad”) with  ‘Stewie Griffin’ from “Family Guy”. The duo will be featured in vignettes sprinkled throughout the 2-hour block.
• Michael Jackson – He’s reportedly 4 weeks into rehearsals in Burbank CA and more than $85 million is already in the bank from ticket sales to his 50-show Summer residency at London’s O2 Arena. According to “Billboard” magazine calculations, he could personally take home more than $50 million from the gigs.
• Green Day – Today their new album “21st Century Breakdown” gets an unusual Friday release. Their 8th studio album is their first since 2004′s “American Idiot”, which sold more than 12 million copies worldwide.
• Kenny Chesney – Sunday he returns to Dallas TX for a concert at Pizza Hut Stadium as a make-good for a May 2nd show cut short due to a severe storm. He had played 50 minutes before the concert was canceled due to excess water threatening the stability of the stage.
• Madonna – The father of her 22-year-old boy-toy Jesus Luz tells Brazils “Quem” magazine that he approves of their relationship and insists the odd couple is ‘extremely happy’. (Well what are you gonna say when your son lands a senior citizen worth hundreds-of-millions?)
• No Doubt – Saturday they join Tiger Woods for his “Tiger Jam XII“ event at the Mandalay Bay Events Center in Las Vegas. The annual charity fundraiser benefits the Tiger Woods Foundation.
• Offspring – Tonight they kick off their first North American tour in nearly 4 years in Nashville TN.
• Trace Adkins – Today he plays “Til the Last Shot’s Fired” during a free concert at the Naval Air Station Joint Reserve Base in Fort Worth TX to celebrate “US Armed Forces Day” (Saturday).

TODAY’S MOVIE OPENINGS:

• “Angels & Demons” ( PG-13 Thriller ): The bigscreen version of author Dan Brown’s prequel to the “The Da Vinci Code” reunites director Ron Howard & star Tom Hanks. This time Harvard symbologist ‘Robert Langdon’ is in Rome where he tries to block a secret society’s attempt to destroy the Vatican. Co-stars Ewan McGregor & Stellan Skarsgard. Though Howard has complained about Vatican intervention, the official line from Rome is the church has no problem with this film. However, the production was banned from St Peter’s Square so an expensive scale replica had to be built.
NET: http://www.angelsanddemons.com
• “Management” ( R-Rated Romantic Comedy ): Jennifer Aniston plays a traveling saleswoman in the art business trying to shake off a flaky motel manager (Steve Zahn) who chases her across the country after she has an ill-advised fling with him. Woody Harrelson co-stars.
NET: http://www.managementfilm.com

CAT SCRATCH FEVER:
It’s estimated that 15% of people are allergic to pets, but a surprising study by British veterinarians finds that as many as 1-in-20 pets are allergic to their owners! The signs to look for include sneezing fits and skin irritation, which can lead to them scratching themselves until they bleed. (Barfing up hairballs daily on the Persian rug, however, is just a sign of affection.)
– MedicalNewsToday.com

FEMMES FEUDS:

An AFMC Apology Index survey of some 500 women asks what most commonly causes friction between female friends. The top tiff starters …
• Betraying a confidence.
• Returning borrowed items in bad condition.
• Always being late and/or changing plans.
(What about ‘spreading rumors’?)
– Factnet.com

IN SEARCH OF THE PERFECT POOCH:
In his book “Why We Love the Dogs We Do”, psychologist Stanley Coren says dogs should be selected based on their owners’ personalities. As research, he queried wannabe dog owners on personality traits in order to match them with breeds. Results show independent dogs like setters are best for people with low extroversion scores, while more active breeds like terriers are better for dominant people. (No wonder the boss has a wolf.)
– CP

LET’S SEND BABIES TO THE UN:
A recent study has found that babies around-the-world are basically speaking the same language by making the same pattern of sounds. Linguists think so-called ‘baby talk’ resembles what may have been the original human language, based on sounds that are easy to make. (Apparently cavemen invented the ‘raspberry’.)
– “Science”

FOR THE RECORD:

Starting at 11:30 pm Saturday and ending in the wee hours of Monday, Canadian expat performer/producer Gonzales will attempt to break the Guinness World Record for ‘Longest Concert By an Individual’ by performing for 27 hours straight at the Cine 13 Theater in Paris, France. Here’s the really amazing part – he promises no repetition of material! The current performance endurance record is held by India’s Prasanna Gudi, who played for 26 hours & 12 minutes. A Guinness adjudicator will be in attendance … as well as medics.
– ChartAttack.com

BS AMAZING FACT:
You are more likely to suffer intense allergic symptoms if a cat has dark coloring. Allergic reactions increase with the darkness of fur color, according to research by Long Island College Hospital. (Seems a black cat really is bad luck … achoo!)
– “Globe & Mail”

BS CHRONOMETER 05.15.09


TODAY’S CELEBIRTHDAYS . . .
1948 [61] Brian Eno (Brian Peter George St John le Baptiste de la Salle Eno), Woodbridge UK,  record producer/songwriter (U2, Coldplay)/classic rock musician (co-founder Roxy Music)

1978 [31] David Krumholtz, NYC, TV actor (‘Charlie Eppes’ on “Numb3rs” since 2005)

1981 [28] Jamie-Lynn Sigler, Queens NY, TV actress (“The Sopranos” 1999-2007)

1981 [28] Justin Morneau, New Westminster BC, MLB baseball player (1B-Minnesota Twins)/2006 AL MVP, 2008 AL MVP runner-up

SATURDAY –
Movie actor Pierce Brosnan (“Mamma Mia!”) is 56; Rock musician Boyd Tinsley (Dave Matthews Band) is 45; Pop singer Janet Jackson (“Escapade”) is 43; TV actor David Boreanaz (“Bones”) is 40; TV actress Tori Spelling (“Tori & Dean: Home Sweet Hollywood”) is 36; TV actress Melanie Lynskey (“Two & a Half Men”) is 32; Movie actress Megan Fox (“Transformers”) is 23.

SUNDAY –
TV actor Bob Saget (“How I Met Your Mother”) is 53; TV host Craig Ferguson (“Late Late Show”) is 47; Rock singer Trent Reznor (Nine Inch Nails) is 44; TV actor Hill Harper (“CSI: NY”) is 43; Celtic rocker Alan Doyle (Great Big Sea) is 40; Pop singer Jordan Knight (New Kids On the Block) is 39; Rock singer Josh Homme (Queens Of the Stone Age) is 36; TV actor Sendhil Ramamurthy (“Heroes”) is 35; NBA player Tony Parker (Mr Eva Longoria) is 27.

TODAY’S BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .

• “Bike-to-Work Day”, the 15th annual observed on the 3rd Friday of May as a highlight of “National Bike Month”. It’s promoted as a solution to several of today’s problems, including obesity, traffic congestion, and air pollution. Surveys suggest the biggest reason commuters refuse to try biking is fear of … body odor.
• “Chocolate Chip Day”. Hey, any excuse to mow down on a dozen warm gooey cookies fresh out of the oven is cool. Mmm, can’t you just smell ‘em?
• “Flip Your Mattress Day”, an annual turnover to help prevent a case of the ‘lumpies’.
• “Peace Officer Memorial Day”, an annual observance during “Police Week” by more than 21,000 police departments across North America to honor colleagues who’ve been killed in the line of duty.
NET: http://www.nationalpoliceweek.com

SATURDAY –
• “Biographers Day”, a day to start reading or writing a biography. What would you call yours?
• “Preakness Stakes” at Pimlico Race Course in Baltimore MD, the 134th running of the 2nd jewel in the Triple Crown of thoroughbred horse racing.
NET: http://www.preakness.com

SUNDAY –
• “Pack Rat Day”, celebrating people who squirrel away all kinds of ‘stuff’. What’s the oddest thing you refuse to throw away?
• “World Telecommunication Day”, a UN observance since 1969 to help raise awareness of the positives & negatives of worldwide information & communication technologies. This year’s theme is ‘Protecting Children in Cyberspace’.

MONDAY –
• “Victoria Day”, a uniquely Canadian holiday commemorating the birth of Britain’s longest-reigning monarch, Queen Victoria on May 24, 1819. The holiday originated in 1901 after her death, as a memorial day for her role in Confederation & other national milestones. Along with “Canada Day”, it’s the only Canadian holiday that’s not celebrated elsewhere.

TODAY’S FIRSTS . . .
1993 [16] 1st Montréal Expos uniform is retired (Rusty Staub’s #10, now hanging in the Washington Nationals stadium in DC)

1994 [15] Toronto NBA franchise unveils ‘Raptors’ nickname, picked by Canada-wide poll

1995 [14] 1st casino gambling site is launched on the Internet (now there’s a gazillion of them!)

TODAY’S RECORD . . .

2000 [09] Vancouver Symphony Orchestra music director Bramwell Tovey eclipses Guinness record for ‘World’s Largest Orchestra’ by conducting the VSO and 10,000 students at GM Place

AND REMEMBER . . .
[Mon] International Museum Day
[Mon] Send an Electronic Greeting Card Day
[Mon] Visit Your Relatives Day
[Tues] Boys Club Day
[Wed] Employee Health & Fitness Day
This Week Is … Work at Home Moms Week
This Month Is … Revise Your Work Schedule Month

BULL’S BITS


BS SIGNS YOUR PICK IN THE STANLEY CUP POOL WAS A MISTAKE:
• His guide dog is not much of a skater.
• He’s from Cuba.
• Ice level microphone keeps picking up sounds of him praying.
• Won’t throw a check for fear of breaking his beer bottle.
• Opponents challenge him to “drop ‘em” and he takes down his pants.
• He has all his teeth.

BS THIS OR THAT?
You list the options while your crew member/guest/caller picks which they think is better …
• Egg salad or tuna salad sandwich?
• Bikini or one-piece?
• iPhone or Blackberry?
• “Grey’s Anatomy” or “CSI”?
• Latte or cappuccino?
• Money or health?
• “Star Trek” or “Angels & Demons”?
• Facebook or Twitter?
• Major League Baseball or National Hockey League?
• Apples or oranges?

BS PHONE STARTER:
What’s the worst nickname for a sports team you’ve ever heard? (How about the Wheeling ‘Hunkidoris’, Hartford ‘Wide Awakes’, Chattanooga Central ‘Purple Pounders’, Cincinnati ‘Porkers’ or Toronto ‘Maple Leafs’?)

BS RANDOM JOKE:

That was not dead air you just heard, that was me using sign language to introduce the next song for the hearing impaired.

BS WATER COOLER QUESTION:

Today’s Question: Queen Victoria did THIS every day for 10 years after the death of her husband.
Answer to Give Out Next Show: She wore only black.

BS DEEP THOUGHT:
Dogs come when they are called. Cats take a message and get back to you.


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