Thursday, May 6, 2010        Edition: #4256
Never Accept a Generic – Ask For Pure BS!

After a long & bitter custody battle, actor Charlie Sheen (“Two-and-a-Half Men”) has surrendered legal custody of his 2 daughters with ex-wife Denise Richards (a couple of lawyers have done well off this – they divorced way back in 2006) . . . Meantime, the newly-revealed pre-nup between Sheen & current-but-estranged wife Brooke Mueller stipulates he must pay her $300,000 for every year they remain married for the first 10 years of marriage, still likely a cheaper option than a divorce (he pays to play – did he think he was marrying a hooker?) . . . After a year of working on her country singing and acting careers, 21-year-old Julianne Hough is returning to “Dancing With the Stars” for Season 11 (singing highlight: “That Song In My Head” reached #18; acting highlight: the much-delayed, likely-to-be cancelled remake of “Footloose”) . . . Spotted out on a dinner date: 34-year-old actress Charlize Theron & 45-year-old actor Keanu Reeves, who publicly smooched afterward (they played lovers in 2001 movie “Sweet November” – life imitating art?) . . . 37-year-old actress Cameron Diaz is the latest hottie spotted leaving NY Yankee star Alex Rodriguez’s NYC apartment following a night out (the sidewalk outside should be signed: ‘Walk of Shame’) . . . 21-year-old starlet Vanessa Hudgens (“High School Musical”) tells “Nylon” magazine she made a mistake buying a huge Hollywood mansion because most of it is empty, she hates being there alone, and she never leaves her bedroom (don’t worry hon’, you’ll be forced to sell soon) . . . 40-year-old TV actor David Boreanaz (“Bones”) has confessed to “People” he’s been unfaithful to his wife of 9 years and they’re now ‘working on their marriage’ (is cheating the new Hollywood PR stunt?) . . . Meantime, philandering victim Sandra Bullock has confirmed she’s planning to take a career break to focus on raising her adopted son (through all of this mess, she’s proven the blueprint for ‘class’).


• “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC/CityTV) – Angels & Airwaves (“LOVE”).
• “Last Call With Carson Daly” (NBC) – Raveonettes (“In & Out of Control”).
• “Late Late Show With Craig Ferguson” (CBS) – Local Natives (“Gorilla Manor”).
• “Late Show With David Letterman” (CBS) – Court Yard Hounds (“Court Yard Hounds”).
• “Lopez Tonight” (TBS) – Lenny Kravitz (“Negrophilia”).
• “Tonight Show With Jay Leno” (NBC/A Channel) – Jason Derulo (“Jason Derulo”).
• “The View” (ABC/CTV) – Willie Nelson (“Country Music”).

• Green Day – Their “American Idiot” musical has been nominated for 3 “Tony Awards” (June 13th): ‘Best Musical’, ‘Best Scenic Design Of a Musical’, and ‘Best Lighting Design Of a Musical’.
• Keith Urban – He may have lost most, if not all, of his amps & guitars that were warehoused at Nashville’s Soundcheck, where many musicians store equipment. Severe flooding has caused major damage throughout the area. The loss could mean a delay in beginning a new album.
• Ke$ha – She tells “Rolling Stone” she’s moved back in with her mom in Tennessee to recover from a boyfriend who smashed her heart ‘into a million billion pieces’. She says it took her a long time to finally trust a man because she’s had no father figure in her life.
• Madonna – An auction of personal items including journals she wrote from 1988-92 has been halted after her reps convinced eBay the seller is not the rightful owner. The eBay user alleges he bought the stuff in a blind auction from a Chatsworth CA storage facility.
• Neil Young – confirms he’s recording a new studio album in Los Angeles with U2/Bob Dylan producer Daniel Lanois. There’s no other info about the project at present.
• Tom Petty & the Heartbreakers – Tonight their 2010 North American tour kicks off in Raleigh NC and wends its way through a mix of arenas and amphitheaters across the US and Canada.
• White Stripes – Jack White says they may reemerge as an active band soon as Meg White seems to have beaten her issues with anxiety, which forced them to cancel their last world tour.

A BS selection of movies in the making …
• “Batman 3” – July 20, 2012 has been set as the release date for the 3rd Christopher Nolan-directed ‘Batman’ film, the follow-up to “The Dark Knight”. There’s no title or start date as yet, but Summer 2012 is shaping up to be a potential blockbuster season with Marvel’s “The Avengers”; “Battleship”; the “Star Trek” sequel; and the rebooted “Spider-Man” also opening.
• “Life of Pi” – Director Ang Lee wants to shoot Canadian author Yann Martel’s renowned novel in 3-D when filming begins in August. The story follows the magical adventure of the precocious son of a zookeeper who, after a shipwreck, is set adrift on a lifeboat in the Pacific with a zebra, hyena, orangutan, and a 450-lb Bengal tiger. The film is scheduled to hit screens in 2012.
• “Transformers 3” – 44-year-old “Grey’s Anatomy’ star Patrick Dempsey has joined the cast, playing the boss of ‘Mikaela Banes’, the character portrayed by Megan Fox. Shia LaBeouf will reprise his starring role as ‘Sam Witwicky’. Filming begins later this month, aiming for a Summer 2011 release. The previous 2 movies have grossed over $1.5 billion worldwide.


A recent study by the UK’s University of Teesside suggests that working at home is as stressful as being employed in a more traditional environment. Why? It can involve longer hours, constant interruption and a blurring of work life with home life. (Yeah, and sometimes your pajama bottoms bunch up on ya when you’re sitting in your home office chair drinking a glass of wine and clipping your toenails.)
– “Social Studies”


• The blended scent of lavender and pumpkin turns guys on; the aromas of cucumber or black licorice are found to arouse women.
• A chick dressed in red is more likely to be asked out and have more money spent on her.
• When we’re drunk, guys/girls look cuter because we don’t notice the asymmetry of their face.
• Both mean & women subconsciously position their belly button toward someone in the room that they’re most attracted to … even when talking to someone else.
• Ovulating women prefer men with masculine features, who would make the strongest, healthiest children. Menstruating women want men with softer, more feminine looks who seem kinder and more cooperative.
• Guys are more likely to pair up with women whose bone structure is similar to their mother’s.
• If a dude touches you 5 times in 15 minutes, you are totally in. If you tighten up and freeze, he’ll know to back off.
• When someone mirrors your moves (ie: hand motions, head tilt, sitting position), they’re subconsciously telling you that they’re interested in you.
– Condensed from


Researchers at the University of Minnesota have carried out a series of studies which reveal that those who count money before taking part in an experiment where they are subjected to low levels of pain feel less discomfort than those who do not. It’s thought that fondling notes and coins helps ward off pain by boosting feelings of self-worth and self-sufficiency. (“I gotta toothache … lend me twenty?”)
– “Daily Telegraph”


Technology consultancy IDC estimates the world’s total digital output currently stands at 8 million petabytes, each of which represents a million gigabytes. That’s equivalent to all the data that could be stored on 75 billion Apple iPads, or the amount that would be generated by everyone in the world constantly posting messages on Twitter … for a century. Now try to wrap you head around this – that output is expected to pass 1.2 zettabytes this year. A zettabyte is equal to a million petabytes. (There really is TOO MUCH INFORMATION!)
– “Globe & Mail”


• The average consumer pushes a shopping cart 2304 miles (3,840 km) in a lifetime.
• You are average if you drank about 588 cups of coffee over the past year.
• There are more Puerto Ricans in New York City than in Puerto Rico.


1945 [65] Bob Seger, Dearborn MI, classic rock singer (“Against the Wind”, “Night Moves”)/Rock & Roll Hall of Fame (2004)

1955 [55] Tom Bergeron, Haverhill MA, TV host (“Dancing With the Stars” since 2005, “America’s Funniest Home Videos” since 2001, “Hollywood Squares” 1998-2004)

1961 [49] George Clooney, Lexington KY, movie actor (“Up In the Air”, Oscar-Syriana”)/movie director (“Good Night, and Good Luck”)/movie producer (“Michael Clayton”)  COMING UP: “The American” (September 1st), a ‘brainy’ new thriller about an assassin who hides out in Italy before his last assignment.

1971 [39] Chris Shiflett, Santa Barbara CA, rock guitarist (Foo Fighters-“The Pretender”, “Best Of You”)

1983 [27] Gabourey Sidibe, Brooklyn NY, movie actress (2010 Oscar nominee-“Precious”)

• “General Election Day” in Britain. Polls suggest incumbent Prime Minister Gordon Brown (Labour) is facing a stiff challenge from David Cameron (Conservative) and dynamic upstart Nick Clegg (Liberal Democrats), who clearly won the UK’s first-ever leadership debate on TV.

• “International No Diet Day”, created in 1992 by Mary Evans Young, director of the British group ‘Diet Breakers’. After personally experiencing anorexia, she began working to help people appreciate the body they have.
– They don’t work. Even if you lose weight you will probably gain it all back.
– They’re expensive. Many require special diet products.
– They’re boring. People on diets think and talk about food and practically nothing else.
– They don’t necessarily improve your health and can actually cause health problems.
– They don’t make you beautiful. Very few people will ever look like models.
– They can turn into eating disorders.
– They can make food seem like your enemy. You need it to live!
– They can rob you of energy.
– Learning to accept yourself just as you will give you self-confidence, better health, and a
sense of well-being that will last a lifetime.

• “No Homework Day” … not sure why or who started it, but c’mon, teach’, be a sport!

• “Nurses Week” begins, celebrated each year May 6-12 surrounding the birth date of Florence Nightingale. The US observes “National Nurses Day” today while “International Nurses Day” is May 12th.
– Fashionable shoes and sexy uniforms.
– Opportunity to expose yourself to rare, exotic, and exciting new diseases.
– Interesting aromas.
– Courteous and infallible doctors who always leave clear orders in perfectly clear handwriting.
– Celebration of holidays with all your friends … at work.

2004 [06] Much-hyped series finalé of “Friends” airs on NBC-TV. Here’s what the cast has been doing since …
– Courteney Cox: TV shows “Cougar Town” (44 episodes), “Dirt” (20 episodes).
– David Schwimmer: Animated movies “Madagascar”, “Madagascar: Escape 2 Africa”.
– Jennifer Aniston: Lame rom-com movies that include “The Bounty Hunter”, “Love Happens”, “Marley & Me”, “Rumor Has It …”.
– Lisa Kudrow: TV shows “The Comeback” (13 episodes), “Father Of the Pride” (2 episodes).
– Matt LeBlanc: TV show “Joey” (46 painful episodes).
– Matthew Perry: Bad movies that include “17 Again”, “Birds of America”, “Hoosiers II: Senior Year”; short-lived TV show “Studio 60 On the Sunset Strip” (22 episodes).

2008 [02] Barenaked Ladies release a children’s album, a collection of original songs called “Snacktime” … just as Steven Page is busted for dope

2008 [02] 61-year-old Cher kicks off a 3-year, 200-show residency at Caesars Palace in Las Vegas dubbed “Cher At the Colosseum”

1995 [15] ‘World’s Largest Collection of Footwear’ goes on display as Bata Shoe Museum opens in Toronto


1990 [20] Dominic Cuzzacrea runs the 26.2-mile Buffalo NY marathon in 3 hours, 6 minutes … while flipping a pancake

1995 [15] ‘World’s Largest Margarita’ measures 3,500 gallons (San Antonio TX)


[Fri] “Babies”; “Iron Man 2” open in movie theaters
[Sat] No Socks Day
[Sat] Military Spouse Appreciation Day
[Sat] Birthmothers Day
[Sat] Stay Up All Night Day
[Sun] Mothers Day
[Sun] “The Amazing Race” season finalé (CBS)
This Week Is … Muffin Week
This Month Is … Better Hearing & Speech Month


• You think that a little green jumpsuit with orange elephants on it (and a matching hat) is absolutely the most adorable thing you have ever seen.
• You know where every bathroom is in every office, store, or building you go into.
• Someone else’s kid throws up at the dinner table. You keep eating.
• You donate to charities in the hope that your child won’t get that disease.
• You use your own spit to clean your kid’s face.
• You’ve mastered the art of placing 6 different food items on a plate without anything touching.
• You can’t bear to give away baby clothes … it’s so final.


What do you miss the most about home when you’re away?


• “A man comes into the ER and yells, ‘My wife’s going to have her baby in the cab!’ I grabbed my stuff, rushed out to the cab, lifted the lady’s dress, and began to take off her underwear. Suddenly I noticed that there were several cabs, and I was in the wrong one.”
• “At the beginning of my shift I placed a stethoscope on an elderly and slightly deaf female patient’s anterior chest wall. ‘Big breaths,’ I instructed. ‘Yes, they used to be,’ lamented the patient.”
• “One day I had to be the bearer of bad news when I told a wife that her husband had died of a massive myocardial infarction. Not more than 5 minutes later, I heard her reporting to the rest of the family that he had died of a ‘massive internal fart’.“
• “While acquainting myself with a new elderly patient, I asked, ‘How long have you been bedridden?’ After a look of complete confusion she answered, ‘Why, not for about 20 years … when my husband was alive!’”
– Thanks to Sue Bush


What would Mother’s Day be without presents? Father’s Day.


Today’s Question: About 15% of people say they look forward to the weekend for THIS reason.
Answer to Give Out Next Show: Doing the laundry.


A woman never forgets the men she could have had; a man, the women he couldn’t.

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