Tuesday, May 11, 2010           Edition: #4259
Good Morning, Sheetheads!


Although 54-year-old Mel Gibson’s lawyer is calling the story an ‘absurd fabrication’, 26-year-old adult film producer/actress Violet Kowal is claiming she had a 3-month fling with the actor while his then girlfriend, Oksana Grigorieva, was pregnant with their daughter (is there a guy with any scruples left in Hollywood?) . . . Maverick  57-year-old “Iron 2” actor Mickey Rourke tells “Parade” magazine that Hollywood is full of ‘mediocre’ actors who gain recognition through roles in multi-million dollar blockbusters, but they still ‘suck’ (ouch, that is so true!) . . . 42-year-old Oscar-winner Mira Sorvino tells “Parade” she’s turned down a series of lucrative roles over the last few years because she didn’t want her children to be raised by nannies (BS translation: They quit calling me when I hit the big 4-0) . . . 45-year-old “Sex & the City” actress Sarah Jessica Parker says she loves shopping in thrift stores because she knows she’ll find an outfit nobody else will have (well someone did, at least once) . . . According to “Entertainment Weekly”, “Lost” producers tried to get actor Adewale Akinnuoye-Agbaje (who played ‘Mr Eko’) back for the May 23rd finalé but couldn’t reach a deal (because he’s so busy doing – what?) . . . 36-year-old actress Penelope Cruz has been named ‘World’s Most Beautiful Woman’ in a new ranking compiled by UK fashion expert Sally Allen, just ahead of 39-year-old model Claudia Schiffer . . . Meantime, pop singer Katy Perry tops the annual “Maxim” magazine ‘Hot 100’ list of the world’s hottest women, edging out Victoria’s Secret model Brooklyn Decker (most of these rankings are topped by whomever will agree to show up for a photoshoot).


• “American Idol” (FOX/CTV) – Jamie Foxx mentors the final 4 singers as they prepare to sing songs from movies.
• “Dancing With the Stars” (ABC/A Channel) – The latest elimination leads to the unveiling of the final 4 couples.
• “Ellen DeGeneres Show” (syndicated/A Channel) – Slash is joined by Maroon 5 frontman Adam Levine for a performance of their track “Gotten”, off Slash’s new solo album.
• “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC/CityTV) – Michael Bolton (“Live At the Royal Albert Hall”).
• “Late Night With Jimmy Fallon” (NBC/A Channel) – Keith Urban covers the Rolling Stones as part of the week-long celebration of the May 18th “Exile On Main Street” reissue; Mike McCready (Pearl Jam) also guests.
• “Late Show With David Letterman” (CBS) – MGMT (“Congratulations”).
• “Tonight Show With Jay Leno” (NBC/A Channel) – Luke Bryan perform his current hit, “Rain Is a Good Thing”.

• Avril Lavigne – She & boyfriend Brody Jenner have reportedly gotten matching ‘f-bomb’ tattoos. (You just can’t get classier than that, people!)
• Bon Jovi – Today they re-release their entire 11-album studio collection as “Special Editions”, each with a treasure trove of bonus goodies. The series will be out internationally May 24th.
• Jason Mraz – He reckons “I’m Yours” was such a big hit because it’s ‘like a nursery rhyme’ and we never really forget nursery rhymes. (Even when we try to get rid of the ear worms.)
• Joe Nichols – He’s extended his stay at #1 on the Mediabase country singles chart by another week with “Gimmie That Girl”. It’s the song’s 3rd week at the top.
• Justin Bieber – He says he may ‘change his hair’. (The world is rocked.)
• Usher – He humbly refutes Jay-Z’s recent statement that he’s the perfect artist to fill the void left by the death of Michael Jackson, however he does (not so humbly) accept that he’s a ‘worldwide pop icon’.
• We Are the Fallen – Today the new band made of ex-members of Evanescence alongside former “American Idol” contestant Carly Smithson, release their debut album “Tear the World Down”.

• “Daybreakers” ( Sci-Fi Thriller ): Set in the year 2017, when a plague has transformed almost every human into a vampire. Ethan Hawke stars as a researcher who works with a covert band of vampires on a plan to save humankind. Co-stars Willem Dafoe, Sam Neill. Shot entirely in Australia.
• “Edge of Darkness” ( Thriller ): Mel Gibson plays a homicide detective who, while investigating the death of his activist daughter, uncovers a corporate cover-up with government connections. Co-stars Ray Winstone (“Indiana Jones & The Kingdom Of the Crystal Skull”), Danny Huston (“Wolverine”).
• “Legion” ( Fantasy Thriller ): Paul Bettany stars as the ‘Archangel Michael’ who attempts to protect a pregnant waitress in a remote diner whose unborn child is humankind’s last hope for survival. “Legion” refers to the legion of angels sent to bring on the Apocalypse. Co-stars Adrianne Palicki, Dennis Quaid.
• Also released today: “Daria: The Complete Animated Series” (TV); “My Wife & Kids: Season 2” (TV); “Raising the Bar: The Complete 2nd Season” (TV); and the ‘Robin Hood’ movies “The Bandit of Sherwood Forest” (1946), “The Prince of Thieves (1948), “Rogues of Sherwood Forest” (1950), and “Sword of Sherwood Forest” (1960).


Often the original actors picked for movie roles don’t get them due to scheduling or money problems or because they simply refuse to take them. Here’s a listing of a few movies that were designed to star someone else. Picture these pictures had the original actor taken the role …
• Tom Selleck was originally cast as “Indiana Jones”, but the producers of his “Magnum PI” TV show would not let him out of his contract.
• Jim Carrey was originally cast as ‘Dr Evil’ in “Austin Powers: International Man of Mystery” (1997), but he had to drop out of the role due to a scheduling conflict with “Liar Liar”.
• Will Smith passed on the role of ‘Neo’, saying that “The Matrix” was a ‘difficult concept to pitch’. Sean Connery similarly turned down the role of ‘Morpheus’.
• Director Penny Marshall originally offered the lead role in “Big” to Robert De Niro instead of Tom Hanks. De Niro’s salary demand was too high.
• Bill Murray was one of the frontrunners to play “Batman” when the studio originally wanted to create a bigscreen replica of the campy 1960s TV version that starred Adam West.
• Jack Nicholson turned down the part of ‘Michael Corleone’ in “The Godfather”, allegedly because he thought you ‘had to be Italian’ to play that role.
• Eric Stoltz was the original ‘Marty’ in “Back To the Future”. After filming quite a few scenes they realized he was a bit too dramatic, so they cast Michael J Fox.
– Condensed from Unrealitymag.com

A start-up company in Sweden called Minestro is developing a system for harvesting energy from ocean currents. ‘Deep Green’ consists of kites and turbines anchored to the ocean floor. When operational, each turbine is expected to generate 500 kilowatts of power. One of the big advantages of their technology, Minesto executives say, is its small size relative to other tidal-energy designs … 12 meters for the kite wingspan, just 1 meter for the turbine. (Ocean currents, waves, wind, sunlight …. what else could we generate green energy from?)
– CNN.com

• Babe Ruth: The baseball legend was sent by his parents to a combination reform school/orphanage at age 7 because he was an energetic troublemaker.
• Faith Hill: The country singer was adopted at 1-week-old by Edna Perry, a bank teller, and Ted Perry, a factory worker. She finally met her birth mother in 1993 after a 3-year search.
• Jamie Foxx: The actor/singer was born Eric Marlon Bishop in Terrell, Texas. When he was 7-months-old, his parents divorced and his grandparents adopted him.
• John Lennon: The legendary Beatle’s parents separated when he was 3. By the time he was 5, his mother begrudgingly allowed him to be raised by his Aunt Mimi & Uncle George.
• Marilyn Monroe: Born to an unmarried film-editing assistant who was later committed to a mental institution, she bounced around foster homes until she was 11, then went to live with a family friend.
• Nelson Mandela: After his father died when he was 9, the future anti-apartheid leader was taken to a larger village where he was informally adopted by the chief.
• Sarah McLachlan: The pop singer found out she was adopted at 9-years-old. Later in life, she met her biological mother who had been a 19-year-old artist when becoming pregnant.
• Steve Jobs: The Apple co-founder was put up for adoption as an infant by his unwed parents. As an adult, he tracked his family and discovered he had a sister, whom he’s now close to.
– WomansDay.com

There is a bone-building process called ‘remodeling’, in which the old bone matrix gets broken down, forming tiny holes in the bone that get filled in with new bone matrix. For humans, this remodeling process starts in the teen years, according to Koen Stein of the University of Bonn. By the time we’re 25 the entire skeleton has been completely reabsorbed and redeposited. (Another creepy body thing that inflicts teens … it’s a wonder they live!)
– LiveScience.com

A statistical breakdown of life by the numbers …
• 80% of women say they dread trying on clothes more than anything.
• 40% of women say they base their first impression of someone on their shoes.
• 31% of women have never changed a tire.
• 24% of women wish they could change their man’s hair.
• 11% of us shop for groceries during the work-week.
• 7% of us dry clothes outdoors on a clothesline.


• Decaffeinated coffee is not 100% caffeine-free. When coffee is being decaffeinated, 2% of the caffeine still remains in it.
• Polar bears can eat as much as 10% of their body weight … in less than 1 hour.
• The words ‘moron’, ‘imbecile’, and ‘idiot’ are not interchangeable. The one with the highest level of intelligence is a moron, followed by an imbecile, and then an idiot.
• Tomatoes were once referred to as ‘love apples’. That’s because their was a superstition that people would fall in love if they ate them.
– GreatFacts.com


1941 [69] Eric Burdon, Newcastle UK, oldies singer (& War-“Spill the Wine”, The Animals-“House Of the Rising Sun”)/Rock & Roll Hall of Fame (1994)

1982 [28] Cory Monteith, Calgary AB [raised Victoria BC], TV actor (‘Finn Hudson’ on “Glee” since 2009)

1983 [27] Matt Leinart, Santa Ana CA, NFL quarterback (Arizona Cardinals)/2004 Heisman Trophy (USC)

• “Chair Day”, celebrating the invention of the common chair in 2181 BC. Before that, no one ever ‘took a load off’.

• “Eat What You Want Day”, a day to ignore all the warnings, avoid worrying and counting calories, and thereby fight our obsession with being thin. Okay, so if healthfulness is not in play, what do you really, really, really want?

• “Ladies Who Don’t Swear Appreciation Day”. Damn it! When’s the day for us ladies who do freakin’ swear!?

1981 [29] Legendary reggae musician Bob Marley dies of brain cancer in Miami FL at age 36


1969 [41] “Monty Python’s Flying Circus” comedy troupe forms in Britain (eventually leads to “Spamalot” on Broadway)


1984 [26] ‘Canadian Security Intelligence Service’ (CSIS) is created


1990 [20] Cooks at the Royal Society Show in Dublin, Ireland make the ‘World’s Largest Lasagna’, measuring 5-by-50 ft and weighing 3,610 lbs

2002 [08] ‘World’s Largest Omelette’, created by Lung Association in Brockville ON, weighing in at 2.95 tonnes (6,510 lb)


[Wed] 63rd Cannes Film Festival begins
[Wed] Donate a Day’s Wages to Charity Day
[Wed] Limerick Day
[Wed] School Nurse Day
[Wed] Third Shift Workers Day
[Wed] Receptionists Day
[Thurs] Root Canal Appreciation Day
This Week Is … Etiquette Week
This Month Is … Brain Tumor Awareness Month


• The sheets are still warm when you check in.
• Clerk asks, “You folks mind dragonflies?”
• Instead of ‘Sanitized for Your Protection’ the paper band on the toilet says ‘Good Luck!’.
• The drinking glass is wrapped in a sock.
• On the pay-per-view adult movie channel you recognize motel staff.
• All night long people knock on your door claiming to have an appointment with someone named ‘Candi’.
• Instead of a wake-up call, they give you a wake-up slap.
• Teeth marks in the soap.

What unusual way do you have of predicting the weather? (The hardness/softness of the butter in the cupboard? The way the leaves are hanging on trees? Your ‘trick’ knee?)

• Leave clothes in a pile on the floor.
• Look at your manly physique in the mirror and suck in your gut.
• Don’t bother to look for a washcloth … you don’t use one.
• Instead of using conditioner, make a shampoo Mohawk.
• Get out of the shower and admire yourself in the mirror … again.

• Look for facecloth, arm cloth, leg cloth, long loofah, wide loofah and pumice stone.
• Wash your hair with cucumber and orchid-petal shampoo. Repeat 3 times. Then condition your hair with crocus oil conditioner and leave in hair for 15 minutes.
• Wash face with crushed apricot facial scrub for 10 minutes until red raw.
• Dry off with a towel the size of a small African country.
• Leave bathroom wearing long dressing gown and towel on head.

Contrary to popular belief tattoos are not permanent. They usually rot away a few days after you die.

You run down the list while your guest/phone caller/crew member decides which choice is more palatable. Would you rather …
• Have two prosthetic arms -OR- one prosthetic leg?
• Have a car with no windshield wipers in a rainy climate  -OR- a car without a heater in an extremely cold climate?
• Get free gas for your car for the next 5 years -OR- be exempt from speeding tickets for life?
• Sit naked on a pedestal in the middle of a crowded public park -OR- sit naked on a platter with an apple in your mouth at a gala dinner party?
• Be on vacation with your 60-year-old parents and have your mom insist on wearing a thong bikini -OR- have your dad insist on wearing a tiny, Euro-style bikini bathing suit?
• Bite the curb and get kicked in the back of the head -OR- get a paper cut on your eyeball?
• Turn down a gift for $50,000 after tax -OR- take the money and have to eat a 2-inch kicking cockroach?
• For the rest of your life, clean up elephant poop as your job -OR- eat a teaspoon of it once a year?
• After flirting with a cute store clerk, realize you have a slight string of snot stretching from your nose to your ear -OR- that after playing with your dog earlier, you have a tiny spot of poop on your cheek?
• Be someone really short whose last name is ‘Short’ -OR- be someone extremely overweight whose last name is ‘Little’?
– Adapted from zobmondo.com


Today’s Question: Almost 6,000 car accidents happen every day because of THIS.
Answer to Give Out Next Show: Someone picking up dropped food in a vehicle.


The more you say, the less people remember.

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