Thursday, May 13, 2010            Edition: #4261
When You Can’t Dazzle Them with Brilliance, Baffle Them With Bull!

She joked about it in a promo for “Saturday Night Live” (NBC) but fans of 88-year-old buzz babe Betty White are taking the idea of her hosting the Oscars seriously, setting up a Facebook page called “Getting Betty White to Host the Academy Awards” (NET: . . . “Playboy” magazine’s June edition hits newsstands Friday equipped with 3-D glasses, so readers can see ‘Playmate Of the Year’ Hope Dworaczyk’s centerfold jump right off the page (some parts more than others) . . . 6 months after she lost custody, famous person Courtney Love has issued an emotional plea to her daughter Frances Bean Cobain, begging the 17-year-old to get in touch (run, Beanie, run!) . . . A rep for Larry King says the CNN talk show host is back with his 7th wife Shawn Southwick and they’ve called off their divorce (when you’re 76, everyone’s a ‘younger babe’) . . . 48-year-old actor Jim Carrey, recently split from long-term partner Jenny McCarthy, has been spotted partying with an ‘entourage’ of at least 10 women at NYC nightspot Pacha (because he can) . . . Voltage Pictures is preparing to launch a multi-million-dollar lawsuit against tens-of-thousands who illegally downloaded their movie “The Hurt Locker” (they’re looking for any revenue stream – despite the ‘Best Picture’ Oscar, the film only grossed circa $16 million) . . . 27-year-old actress Anne Hathaway’s ex-partner Raffaello Follieri was sentenced to 4-and-a-half years in prison for fraud, now her new beau Adam Shulman has just barely avoided criminal charges by returning a street art mural he walked off with on the weekend (she sure knows how to pick ‘em!) . . . And because we really need to know, 53-year-old “Sex & The City” actress Kim Cattrall blabs that she believes it’s healthier to get ‘more ventilation’ – by not wearing underwear (can you tell another movie is coming?).


• “Colbert Report” (Comedy Central/CTV) – The Hold Steady (“Heaven is Whenever”).
• “Ellen DeGeneres Show” (syndicated/A Channel) – Common (“The Believer”).
• “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC/CityTV) – Dirty Heads (“Any Port In a Storm – Special Edition”).
• “Last Call With Carson Daly” (NBC) – Surfer Blood (“Swim”).
• “Late Night With Jimmy Fallon” (NBC/A Channel) – Phish covers Stones songs as “Rolling Stones Week” continues, celebrating next week’s reissue of “Exile On Main Street”.
• “Late Show With David Letterman” (CBS) – The National (“High Violet”).
• “Oprah Winfrey Show” (syndicated/CTV) – “Twilight Saga: Eclipse” cast members Robert Pattinson, Kristen Stewart, and Taylor Lautner. Extra seating had to be added to accommodate all the fans who flocked to the studio.
• “Tonight Show With Jay Leno” (NBC/A Channel) – Jakob Dylan (“Women & Country”).


• The Beatles – The only known audio recording of a 1966 press conference at the King Edward Hotel in Toronto, in which John Lennon is grilled about claiming they’re more popular than Jesus, is expected to sell for upwards of $25,000 at an auction in Los Angeles on June 13th.
• Blake Shelton – It’s been confirmed he’s asked 5-year girlfriend Miranda Lambert (“The House That Built Me”) to marry him. Lambert tells “People” the proposal  in the woods near her Tishomingo OK home came as a surprise. And oh … she answered ‘yes’. No word on a date.
• Interpol – Mustachioed bass player Carlos D has left to ‘pursue new goals’. The band is auditioning for a replacement, who’ll join them onstage when they open for U2 later this year.
• Lil Wayne – He’s reportedly been caught with ‘unauthorized electronics’ in jail. Headphones and a charger were found in his cell, and his iPod in one adjoining. Its an infraction for the incarcerated rapper, who is serving a year for gun possession.
• The Rolling Stones – 66-year-old guitarist Keith Richards says he’s getting together with Mick Jagger in the next week or so to discuss the idea of recording a new album.
• The Roots – They’re putting the finishing touches on an album with John Legend called “Wake Up”, a re-imagining of obscure soul and protest songs from the ’60s and ’70s.
• Slash – Gibson is making a new, limited edition Gibson Custom ‘Appetite’ Les Paul Guitar in his honor. It will come in hand-aged, signed, and vintage original spec versions.
• Tom Petty & The Heartbreakers – If you buy a ticket to see them on their upcoming North American tour, you get a free download of their new album “Mojo”, out June 15th.
• Train – Their new music video “If It’s Love”, directed by Fall Out Boy’s Pete Wentz, features footage of how they spent their time off during their much-needed break from touring.

A BS selection of movies in the making …
• “Arabian Nights” – 72-year-old Anthony Hopkins is expected to play evil sorcerer ‘Pharotu’ in this upcoming epic that follows a young commander who teams with ‘Sinbad’, ‘Ali Baba’, and a ‘Genie’. Aussie actor Liam Hemsworth (“The Last Song”) is set to play the young leader, battling to rescue his queen, ‘Scheherazade’. Shooting’s expected to start at the end of this Summer.
• “Memphis” – Moviemaker Oliver Stone reportedly wants to bring the Broadway musical to the bigscreen. The production tells the story of a rock ‘n roll-loving disc-jockey in 1950s Memphis TN. It was co-written by Bon Jovi keyboardist David Bryan. The director is said to be a big fan and is reportedly in negotiations to transform the stage show into a movie.
• “On the Road” – Kristen Stewart has a lead role in the long-in-development screen adaptation of novelist Jack Kerouac’s 1957 book that was based on his spontaneous road trips across the US. She’ll play drifter ‘Marylou’ when shooting begins following her promotion work for “Twilight Saga: Eclipse”. Garrett Hedland (“Tron Legacy”) will play her husband.
• “Wanderlust” – Jennifer Aniston has signed on to co-star with Paul Rudd in this new Judd Apatow comedy about a married couple who join a commune after deciding modern life is not for them. Filming is set to begin later this year. The duo previously co-starred in 1998’s “The Object of My Affection”.

Microsoft has announced it will drop support assistance and security updates for Windows 2000 and Windows XP SP2 after July 13th. If you’re using Windows 2000, you’ll need to migrate to a more recent version of Windows or live with the lack of support. If you’re using Windows XP SP2 or earlier, there’s a free and easy way to continue to get Microsoft support: Simply upgrade to SP3, which you can do via Windows Update utility. To find out which version of XP you’re using click ‘Start’, ‘Run’, then type ‘winver’ in the dialogue box. (Many hold-outs still cling to XP as the last version of Windows that was worthwhile.)

A new ranking of the career paths where you’re likely to find the most seriously sartorial ….
5. Architect/Interior Designer
4. Fashion Buyer
3. Lawyer
2. Art Director
1. Tailor
– Condensed from

Is that tinfoil hat that you wear on your head actually effective at keeping out subversive messages? Rick Crammond of British Columbia decided to find out. He tested a foil-lined cap to find out if it would block the electromagnetic pulse from a wireless modem. The bottom line is, yes, it works! People may still laugh at you … but at least your brain is safe. (Your body however is slowly deteriorating from gamma rays emanating from Area 51 that the government will not acknowledge.)

Job-seekers report being asked these actual questions during employment interviews …
• “If I put you in a sealed room with a phone that had no dial tone, how would you fix it?” (Apple)
• If you were a brick in the wall, which brick would you be and why?” (Nestlé)
• “How many tennis balls are in this room and why?” (Yahoo)
• “Say you’re dead. What do you think your eulogy would say? (Nationwide Insurance)
• “How would you move Mount Fuji?” (Microsoft)

If you’ve ever joked about your boss being a robot, stop laughing … he/she soon could be. Australian temporary work website has been upgraded so that developers can write software to post job ads on the site, take on applicants, and pay them for the results – without human input. That’s right, the software automatically recruits, hires, and pays workers to do a wide variety of tasks. (So how do you call in sick?)
– “New Scientist”

Some tips for taking the bold step of hitting on a guy …
• Buy Him a Drink – If a guy catches your eye while you’re out with friends, send over a beer.
• Suggest a Guy-Friendly Outing – Ask him what he did over the weekend, then casually suggest something similar, whether it be going out for wings or to the batting cages.
• Invite Him On a Group Date – If you can’t quite bring yourself to suggest solo time together, try inviting him out with a bunch of your friends, which will make you feel more at ease.
• Drop a Hint – Give him the green light to ask you out by mentioning a new movie you’re dying to see or a restaurant you just heard about. It takes some of the planning pressure off him.
– Condensed from


Clocking in overtime may adversely affect a healthy heart, according to new research. The results, from a long-running study following more than 10,000 civil servants in Britain, finds that, compared with people who don’t work overtime, people who work 3 or more hours longer than a normal 7-hour day have a 60% higher risk of heart-related problems, including non-fatal heart attacks, angina, and …. death. (They used civil servants for a ‘work’ study?!?!?)
– ANI Science & Health

• Only 30% of people can flare their nostrils. (The rest can only do it at a traffic light … using a forefinger.)
• Unborn babies  are clearly aware of bad smells early on. A baby in the womb will actually cringe when he/she smells cigarette smoke. (Or Brussels sprouts.)


1939 [71] Harvey Keitel, Brooklyn NY, tough-guy movie actor (“National Treasure” movies, “Pulp Fiction”)

1950 [60] Stevie Wonder (Steveland Hardaway), Saginaw MI, oldies singer/songwriter with over 30 top 10 hits & 25 Grammy Awards (“Sunshine of My Life”)/Rock & Roll Hall of Fame (1989)

1964 [46] Stephen Colbert, Washington DC, comedian-TV host (“The Colbert Report” since 2005)/comedy writer-reporter (“The Daily Show” 1997-2005)

1966 [44] Darius Rucker, Charleston SC, country singer (“It Won’t Be Like This for Long”, “Don’t Think I Don’t Think About It”)/pop singer (Hootie & the Blowfish-“Let Her Cry”, Only Wanna Be With You”)

1979 [31] Mickey Madden, Austin TX, pop bassist (Maroon 5-“Makes Me Wonder”, “She Will Be Loved”)

1986 [24] Rob Pattinson, London UK, movie actor (“Twilight Saga”, “Harry Potter” films)  UP NEXT: The sequel “Eclipse”, opening June 30th.

• “Root Canal Appreciation Day”, apparently started by some masochist somewhere. By comparison, what would make you appreciate a root canal? Watching someone’s PowerPoint presentation about sales projections? A date with Courtney Love? Watching back-to-back “Two-and-a-Half Men” episodes?

• “Table Knife Appreciation Day”. It’s said that France’s Cardinal Richelieu invented the utensil on this date in 1639.

• “World Championship Barbecue Cooking Contest”, through Saturday in Memphis TN. Known as the ‘Super Bowl of Swine’, more than 250 teams will be competing for a total of $110,000 in prize money in 3 categories: pork ribs, pork shoulder, and whole hog. Actual teams competing include Conquistaboars, Natural Born Grillers, Sweet Swine O’ Mine, and Wasted ‘n Basted. The competition is part of the month-long celebration “Memphis in May”.

2005 [05] Series finalé of “Star Trek: Enterprise” (UPN)

1878 [132] ‘Vaseline’ is first marketed (what’s the best thing you’ve ever used it for … er, maybe the second-best thing?)

[Fri] Chicken Dance Day
[Fri] “Country Throwdown Tour 2010” begins (Tampa FL)
[Fri] “Just Wright”; “Letters to Juliet”; “Robin Hood” open in movie theaters
[Sat] Peace Officer Memorial Day
[Sat] Preakness Stakes (Baltimore MD)
[Sun] NASCAR Day
[Sun] “Survivor: Heroes vs Villains” season finalé (CBS)
This Week Is … Hug an Elder Week
This Month Is … Date Your Mate Month


• In the washing machine … they’d never look in there.
• Amid the T-shirts bearing pictures of last month’s favorite pop stars.
• Under their Scout Merit Badge manual.
• Under the dust-collecting drum set whose purchase cancelled out dad’s vasectomy.
• In the refrigerator veggie drawer.

What’s the ultimate road trip car? (1959 Cadillac Coupe De Ville convertible! In red, please.)


• Sign in a bar: “Those drinking to forget – please pay in advance.”
• By a urinal: “The same guy who removes the cigarette butts from the urinal also puts the ice in your drinks.”
• At a car wash: “Attention foreign cars – we use imported water!”
• On an egg producer’s delivery truck: “Better laid than ever.”
• In front of manicure salon: “Nail your sweetheart for her birthday!”


“She’s Having a Baby”: Register expectant moms throughout the Summer to win a year’s supply of diapers, baby wipes, formula, etc. The one that gives birth closest to ‘Labor Day’ wins the whole shebang. Do regular on-air progress reports with contestants.


According to British researchers, which can better identify the brand and year of wines?
a. An artificial nose. [CORRECT. An electronic sniffer called the ‘Aroma Scanner’ can identify aromas with precision.]
b. A professional wine taster.
c. A French pig.

All things being equal, you lose.

Today’s Question: In a recent poll, most women say ice cream is their favorite ‘comfort food’. What’s #2?
Answer to Give Out Next Show: Mac & cheese.


Most people raise their voice instead of reinforcing their point.

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