Friday, May 14, 2010        Edition: #4262
It’s Your Daily Constitutional Sheet … Ahhhh!


Word has it 50-year-old music mogul Simon Cowell is spending upwards of $150,000 on a pre-wedding makeover before tying the knot with 36-year-old makeup artist Mezhgan Hussainy, including Botox treatments, dental enhancements, micro-dermabrasion facials, plus workouts with personal fitness trainers (she’s still gonna be 14 years younger) . . . An out-of-control satellite is drifting into the orbit of another satellite that transmits cable programming and could interfere with TV signals on or around May 23rd (the date of the “Lost” finalé on ABC-TV) . . . Famous person Lindsay Lohan has a May 20th court date when she must prove to a judge she’s attended 13 ‘alcohol education’ classes as part of a previous sentence, but so far she’s only completed 9 (she might be getting clean & sober in the slammer) . . . Other famous person Paris Hilton is apparently on a diet to get ready for ‘bikini season’ (which, for her, is between ‘party season’ and ‘vacation’) . . . Sorta actress Jessica Simpson has been signed to guest star on an upcoming episode of “Entourage” (HBO), playing herself (it still likely won’t be believable) . . . Oscar-winning actor Sean Penn has been ordered to complete anger management classes after attacking a paparazzi earlier this year (but your honor, he was ‘a freakin’ G-D asshat pap!’) . . . The reason 76-year-old CNN host Larry King has called off his divorce – for the sake of his kids (who know him as ‘Great Grampa’) . . . And “Cougar Town” creator Bill Lawrence is considering changing the name of the ABC-TV sitcom starring Courteney Cox, since the entire ‘older woman seduces younger guys’ storyline has been dumped (doesn’t matter – soon they’re going to call it ‘Cancelled’).


• “Celebrity Apprentice” (NBC) – Sunday former winners Joan Rivers & Bill Rancic help host Donald Trump select the 2 finalists.
• “Country Throwdown Tour 2010” (Tampa FL) – Tonight Montgomery Gentry, Jamey Johnson, Little Big Town, and Jack Ingram headline the kickoff of the annual multi-stage amphitheater tour that will take in 23 cities.
• “DOXA Documentary Film Festival” (Vancouver BC) – Saturday’s closing night film is “Saint Misbehavin’: The Wavy Gravy Movie” (on the original “Woodstock” emcee’s 74th birthday). Saturday’s also the final day for bidding in the 2nd annual “Celebrity Camera Auction”, a fundraiser in which single-use cameras filled with snaps by the famous (Bif Naked, K’naan, Rick Mercer, Michael Moore, Tim Robbins, etc) are auctioned off.
• “Ellen DeGeneres Show” (syndicated/A Channel) – Today Paramore (“Brand New Eyes”); “American Idol” castoff ‘Big Mike’.
• “The Hour” (CBC) – Tonight Cypress Hill (“Rise Up”).
• “Last Call With Carson Daly” (NBC) – Tonight Kate Nash (“Made of Bricks”).
• “Late Night With Jimmy Fallon” (NBC/A Channel) – Tonight the premiere of a new documentary, “Stones In Exile”, about the making of the Rolling Stones’ iconic album “Exile On Main Street”, which is re-released this coming Tuesday.
• “Miss USA Pageant” (NBC) – Sunday Curtis Stone & Natalie Morales host; Trace Adkins, Boys Like Girls perform.
• “Saturday Night Live” (NBC/Global) – The season finalé features Alec Baldwin in his 15th turn as host (tying him with Steve Martin for the “SNL” record); musical guest Tom Petty & The Heartbreakers (“Mojo”, out June 15th).
• “Survivor: Heroes vs Villains” (CBS/Global) – Sunday the 5 remaining contestants vie for the million-dollar prize in the season finalé, immediately followed by the “Reunion” show (aka the ‘Fat Show’) where the contestants get back together in the studio to snipe at each other.
• “Tonight Show With Jay Leno” (NBC/A Channel) – Tonight the Jonas Bros (“Lines, Vines & Trying Times”).


• Chris Brown – Saturday he headlines “Virginia Stand Up!, A Call To Action” in Richmond VA, a benefit concert for the American Red Cross and the Central Virginia Food Bank. Keri Hilson, T-Pain, and Trey Songz are also on the bill. (An attempt at an image makeover for Brown?)
• Christina Aguilera – She’s posed nude for the cover of German “Vogue” magazine, limbs discreetly draped over the good parts. (Is she suffering Gaga-envy?)
• Diana Ross – Saturday the 66-year-old Motown veteran (The Supremes) kicks off her 17-stop “More Today Than Yesterday” Summer tour in Boston MA. (Retirement fund running low?)
• Gwen Stefani – Online rumors suggest she & hubby Gavin Rossdale may be expecting baby #3. (How will they ever top the names ‘Zuma’ and ‘Kingston’ for goofiness?)
• Kenny Chesney – Tonight & tomorrow he performs in The Joint at the Hard Rock Las Vegas, a newly-expanded venue that holds 4,000, with no seat further than 150 ft from the stage.
• Miranda Lambert – Saturday she hosts her 3rd annual “Cause For the Paws” benefit for the Humane Society of East Texas in Tyler TX.
• Zac Brown Band – Tonight they play the inaugural “Hangout Festival” in Gulf Shores AL  despite the offshore oil leak that threatens the local coastline. Allison Krauss & Union Station are also on tonight’s bill. The festival continues through Sunday. (Unless it gets ‘slicked out’.)

• “Just Wright” ( PG Romantic Comedy ): Queen Latifah stars as a physical therapist who falls for the basketball player (Common) she’s helping recover from a career-threatening injury. He, however, is attracted to her best friend (Paula Patton), who has her sights set on becoming an NBA trophy wife.
• “Letters to Juliet” ( PG Romantic Comedy ): Amanda Seyfried stars as a young American on vacation in Italy where she finds an unanswered ‘letter to Juliet’ left in the fictional lover’s Verona courtyard. Inspired by the volunteers who respond to the notes, she goes on a quest to unite the lovers mentioned in the missive. Co-stars Gael Garcia Bernal and Vanessa Redgrave.
• “Robin Hood” ( PG-13 Action Adventure ): Director Ridley Scott’s interpretation of the 12th-century story of an archer in the army of Richard Coeur de Lion who fights against Norman invaders by assembling mercenaries to raid the upper class. Russell Crowe has the lead; Cate Blanchett plays the widow ‘Marion’; Matthew Macfadyen is the despotic sheriff of Nottingham.


A mathematician and 3 computer science students from New York University are launching what’s been dubbed an ‘anti-Facebook’ project. “Diaspora” is described as a ‘privacy aware, personally controlled, do-it-all distributed open source social network’. In essence, they want to restore the control of users’ online identity back to them. Co-creator Raphael Sofaer warns that if your data is being held by someone else, not only can you not control what they are doing with it right now but also for years to come. (How come so many just don’t seem to care?)


• Baked Potatoes – To help lower your blood pressure, eat more potassium-rich foods like potatoes, bananas and raisins. Baked potatoes are especially rich in potassium. Skip the butter.
• Broccoli – Research has shown that broccoli, along with its cruciferous cousins like cauliflower, Brussels sprouts, cabbage, and bok choy, can help lower the risk of various cancers.
• Edamame – Soy foods like edamame, tofu, soy milk, and soy yogurt are a good source of estrogen-like plant compounds which can help prevent an enlarged prostate.
• Oysters – To help boost your fertility, try adding zinc-rich foods – like oysters – to your diet.
• Tomatoes – Aim for at least a half-cup of cooked tomatoes (sauce or juice) twice a week to help prevent prostate cancer.
– Condensed from


A new book by food & travel writer Mark Schatzker entitled “Steak: One Man’s Search For the World’s Tastiest Piece of Beef” attempts to find the most perfectly marbled, succulent steaks. Schatzker says the basic problem with most steak is that it has no flavor thanks to corn-fed cattle, the use of antibiotics and other modern methods of cheap production. He did manage to find 3 ‘perfect steaks’: From a highland farm in Bridge of Earn, Scotland; from the Alderspring Ranch in Idaho, USA; and at El Mirasol restaurant in Buenos Aires, Argentina. (Where can you get the best local steaks?)


• You will always benefit by standing up to bullies.
• Raising a kid in no way affects your lifestyle.
• Nerdy males can transform friendships with hot females into intimate relationships.
• A mixed group of men & women can remain friends even after 2 or more of them pair off.
• People are generally competent at their jobs.


Spanish researchers claim that people who drink 14 or more glasses of wine each week catch colds 40% less often than those who don’t drink alcohol at all. The results are not the same for participants drinking other types of alcohol because grape skins contain antioxidants called flavonoids which fight common colds. (You’ll avoid the sniffles, but become a wino.)


Althaiophobia is the fear of marshmallows. (“OMG it’s gonna get me, it’s so …. puffy!”)


1944 [66] George Lucas, Modesto CA, really rich filmmaker (“Star Wars” series, “Indiana Jones” series)

1953 [57] Tom Cochrane, Lynn Lake MB, classic rock singer (“Life Is a Highway”, Red Rider-“White Hot”)/Canadian Music Hall of Fame (2003)

1966 [44] Mike Inez, San Fernando CA, rock bassist (Alice in Chains-“Check My Brain”, “No Excuses”)

1969 [41] Cate Blanchett, Melbourne, Australia, movie actress (“Robin Hood”, 2004 Oscar-“The Aviator”)

1981 [29] Mike Retondo, Villa Park IL, pop-rock guitarist/vocalist (Plain White T’s-“1-2-3-4 “, “Hey There Delilah”)

1984 [26] Mark Zuckerberg, Dobbs Ferry NY, founder & CEO of Facebook social networking website/one-time ‘World’s Youngest Self-Made Billionaire’

Producer/songwriter/musician Brian Eno (U2, Coldplay) is 62; TV actor David Krumholtz (“Numb3rs”) is 32; TV actress Jamie-Lynn Sigler (ex–“Sopranos”) is 29.

Movie actor Pierce Brosnan (“Mamma Mia!”) is 57; Rock musician Boyd Tinsley (Dave Matthews Band) is 46; Pop singer Janet Jackson (“Escapade”) is 44; TV actor David Boreanaz (“Bones”) is 41; TV actress Tori Spelling (“Tori & Dean: Home Sweet Hollywood”) is 37; TV actress Melanie Lynskey (“Two-and-a-Half Men”) is 33; Movie actress Megan Fox (“Transformers”) is 24.


• “Dance Like a Chicken Day”. Everybody now: “Dadda dadda dadda dah, dadda dadda dadda dah, dah dah dah dah …”
• “Date Your Mate Month”, when we’re challenged to add some sizzle to our relationships by making a date with our spouses. (Hopefully not a court date!)
• “Help Clean Up Your Street Day”. (So [co-host], guess you’re moving, are you?)
• “International Online Romance Day”, a day to fall in love online. (With who knows what!)

• “Canada-Wide Science Fair 2010” through May 22 in Peterborough ON. Some 500 students from across Canada are participating.
• “Chocolate Chip Day”. Hey, any excuse to mow down on a dozen warm gooey cookies fresh out of the oven is cool. Mmm, can’t you just smell ‘em?
• “Flip Your Mattress Day”, an annual turnover to help prevent a case of the ‘lumpies’.
• “Peace Officer Memorial Day”, an annual observance during “Police Week” by more than 21,000 police departments across North America to honor colleagues killed in the line of duty.
• “Preakness Stakes” at Pimlico Race Course in Baltimore MD, the 135th running of the 2nd jewel in the Triple Crown of thoroughbred horse racing.

• “Biographers Day”, a day to start reading or writing a biography. What would you call yours?


1998 [12] Ad rates run over $2 million per minute as the much-hyped “Seinfeld” finalé airs on NBC-TV after 9 seasons (90 minutes of Jerry counting his money)

1985 [25] Original McDonald’s franchise in Des Plaines IL becomes the ‘Museum Of the Fast-Food Business’


1991 [19] ‘World’s Largest Burrito’ weighs in at 1,126 lbs (later causes a reaction measuring 6.3 on the Richter scale)


[Mon] World Hypertension Day
[Mon] World Telecommunications Day
[Tues] International Museum Day
[Tues] Visit Your Relatives Day
[Tues] 58th “BMI Pop Awards” (LA CA)
[Tues] “Glee Live! In Concert! Tour” begins (Phoenix AZ)
This Week Is … Historic Preservation Week
This Month Is … Military Appreciation Month


• You wake up too late to catch the car pool, then realize that you’re driving this week.
• You put both contacts in the same eye.
• You go to the ATM to make a withdrawal and it laughs at you.
• You finally find your pet hamster that was missing … in the freezer.
• Your doctor tells you you’re allergic to chocolate.
• Your kid says, “Did you know it’s almost impossible to flush a grapefruit down the toilet?”
• Your boss tells you not to bother taking off you coat.

What’s the strangest appliance you own?


• What’s the traditional Japanese liquor called ‘mam’ made from?
a. Pears.
b. Sheep’s blood.
c. Snakes. [CORRECT. It’s produced by taking live venomous snakes called ‘mamashis’, mashing them into a specially prepared fermenting potion, allowing the mixture to age, then collecting the runoff. Another glass, anyone?]

A ‘career’ is a ‘job’ that takes about 20 more hours a week.


Today’s Question: Over a quarter of women surveyed admit they’ve done THIS naked.
Answer to Give Out Next Show: Exercised.


The greatest pleasure – doing what they said couldn’t be done.

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