Monday, May 17, 2010        Edition: #4263
Thanks a Sheetload for Choosing “BS”!

WEEKEND TABLOID & BLOG BS:
• For the second year in-a-row Gisele Bundchen is the world’s highest-earning model, hauling down an estimated $25 million, thanks to ad campaigns for Dolce & Gabbana and True Religion jeans. “Project Runway” host Heidi Klum is a distant second at $16 million, followed by Brit model Kate Moss with $9 million. (Seems Mrs Tom Brady out-earns even a premiere NFL quarterback.)
– Forbes.com.
• Acting couple Jude Law & Sienna Miller are planning to make their reunion official, by getting married this Summer. The actor made his first public appearance with his former fiancée at a red carpet event in NYC earlier this month, confirming rumors they’ve revived their relationship after a messy split in 2006. Miller called off their engagement back then, shortly after Law’s alleged affair with his children’s nanny was exposed in the tabloids, but the couple is now said to have ‘put the past behind them’. (Until there’s a marital tiff a couple years down the road.)
– “Mail On Sunday”
• Russell Brand & Katy Perry are planning a week of wedding celebrations in October. The Brit funnyman proposed to the pop singer on New Year’s Eve during a romantic trip to India, and the couple is rumored to be planning to return to the country to marry later this year. They’ve now reportedly sent out ‘Save The Date’ cards to friends and family, featuring a picture of Indian henna hand art and urging recipients to ‘Save The Week of  October 18-to-25 for the wedding of Katy and Russell’. The invite also states guests will need a passport and will be contacted soon with more info. (Talk about your destination wedding!)
– “News Of the World”
• 74-year-old Woody Allen has spoken out in defense of director Roman Polanski, suggesting he’s already ‘suffered’ and ‘paid his dues’ in relation to his ongoing underage sex case. Polanski is currently under house arrest in Switzerland fighting extradition to the US. A group of moviemakers backed Polanski by signing a petition at the “Cannes Film Festival” last week, urging Swiss officials to reject pressure to extradite him. Allen says, “Enough is enough.” (If you were Polanski, would you want a guy that married his step-daughter on your side?)
– RTL
• “Heroes” has become the latest victim of the ongoing TV cull, the show canceled after 4 seasons. The one-time hit, starring Hayden Panettiere & Ali Larter, won over audiences and garnered critical acclaim after its launch in 2006. But NBC-TV has announced the 4th season, which concluded in February, will be the last. There are, however, ongoing negotiations about a “Heroes” mini-series or movie. (If the show’s a dud, why make a movie?)
– “Hollywood Reporter”
• A new poll of fans asking who is the least sexy character in “Sex & The City” has been topped (bottomed?) by Sarah Jessica Parker’s character ‘Carrie Bradshaw’. Kristin Davis’ conservative art dealer ‘Charlotte York’ is ranked sexiest, followed by flamboyant maneater ‘Samantha Jones’, played by Kim Cattrall. Cynthia Nixon’s redheaded lawyer ‘Miranda Hobbes’ ranks 3rd. The movie sequel “Sex & The City 2” opens May 27th. (When she heard the news, Bradshaw just whinnied and tucked back into her feed-bag.)
– ContactMusic.com

TODAY’S SHOW BIZ SKED:

• “Dancing With the Stars” (ABC/A Channel) – The final 4 couples perform.
• “Ellen DeGeneres Show” (syndicated/A Channel) – Justin Bieber (“My World 2.0”).
• “Last Call With Carson Daly” (NBC) – Shooter Jennings (“Black Ribbons”); 311 (“Uplifter”).
• “Late Night With Jimmy Fallon” (NBC/A Channel) – Public Image Ltd (“AliFE”).
• “Late Show With David Letterman” (CBS) – Zac Brown Band (“Pass the Jar”); “American Idol” castoff ‘Big Mike’ Lynche.
• “Lopez Tonight” (TBS) – Weezer (“Raditude”).
• “Tonight Show With Jay Leno” (NBC/A Channel) – Taio Cruz (“TWO – This Way Out”).

BS MUSIC NOTES:

• Macy Gray – She says she knew she’d become famous when she met fans who’d named their babies after her. And the song she most wishes she’d written? “Happy Birthday”.
• Mary J Blige – She’s been cast as Nina Simone in a new film about the legendary jazz singer. “Billboard” reports that the film “Nina”  is currently in development, with shooting scheduled to begin in the Fall.
• Pitbull – He’s expressed his disapproval of Arizona’s controversial new immigration law by canceling an upcoming May 31st Phoenix show altogether.
• The Rolling Stones – Keith Richards’ much-anticipated autobiography is now expected out in October.
• Snow Patrol – Frontman Gary Lightbody has teamed up with REM guitarist Peter Buck to record a country album called “The Place We Ran From” under the band name Tired Pony. Actress/singer Zooey Deschanel (“500 Days of Summer”) also made contributions.

LITTLE WAYS TO BECOME A MUCH BETTER PERSON:
• Ask more questions. Then wait to hear the answers.
• When a Wal-Mart greeter says ‘Hi’, stop for a sec, make real eye contact and say ‘Hi’ back.
• Write a thank-you letter to that favorite teacher you’ve been thanking silently for years.
• Just once, when you have a perfectly good reason to be PO-ed at somebody … don’t be.
• When you see someone running desperately for the elevator, don’t just lift your hand as if to push the ‘door open’ button … actually push it!
• Calculate a generous tip … then add an extra buck.
• Give a 5-year-old girl a pedicure.
• Buy a piece of real art. Your home will thank you, and so will the starving artist.
• Compliment a perfect stranger on her shoes, her baby, her lovely accent.
– Excerpted from “Glamour Magazine”

YOU KNOW WHAT BOTHERS ME?

Researchers at the University of Louisville in Kentucky have identified the most annoying habits that cause partners to become ‘allergic’ to one another. Among them: leaving towels on the floor, over-packing for vacations, talking in baby-talk, failing to change bathroom tissue rolls, and – of course – overt flatulence. The study of 160 couples found that while the first experience with the annoying habit may only produce a small negative reaction, repeated instances tend to make the irritation mushroom into a major relationship problem. (So what drives you up the wall about your partner … c’mon you can tell us!)
– “Daily Mail”

NOW YOU CAN NUKE YOUR ‘NADS:

Scientists are beginning tests to see if ultrasound can be used as a reversible contraceptive for men. Based on early work, University of North Carolina experts believe a blast of ultrasound to the testes can safely stop sperm production for 6 months. With a grant of $100,000 from the Bill & Melinda Gates Foundation they will push ahead with more clinical trials. The researchers ultimately hope it could offer a new birth-control option to couples worldwide. (Guys, now you can have ‘neuticles’ … just like your dog.)
– “Globe & Mail”

THINGS YOUR NEW GIRLFRIEND SHOULDN’T KNOW:

You shouldn’t share everything, especially …
• Your conquest count.
• Your income.
• Your weaknesses.
• Your strip club experiences.
• Your weirder fantasies.
– AskMen.com

FEELING TESTY?

Falling in love causes changes in men’s and women’s testosterone levels. The levels fall in men and rise in women so that they become more like each other. Italian scientist Donatella Marazziti of the University of Pisa made the discovery after studying a sample group of people in love. Interestingly, 2 years later, when the same people were tested again and were no longer madly in love – their testosterone levels were back to normal. (Mom was right … it’s all about raging hormones!)
– “New Scientist”

FROM THE BS POLL VAULT:
Breaking down life by the numbers …
• 80% of men think eyeglasses make a woman look more attractive.
• 57% of men & 50% of women have not shared their sexual fantasies with their partners.
• 56% of us eat ice cream on the couch on a regular basis.
• 28% of us regularly fall asleep with the TV on.
• 25% of women say a gym is the most important factor when it comes to choosing a hotel.
• 13% of us have stolen toilet paper from work.

OUTSOURCING YOUR LOVE LIFE:

Sorting through hundreds of photos, preferences, and lists of hobbies in the online profiles of potential dates can be exhausting. Now you can have someone do it for you. For a fee, you can now hire a ‘Dating Concierge’ to create your online dating profile, surf sites for potential dates, handle communications with those you want to pursue, and even plan the date, down to the clothes you wear and the place you go for dinner. The service is targeted at singles who are ‘over-tasked’. (If you’re too busy to even arrange a date … you’re too busy.)
– MSNBC.com

FOR THE RECORD:

Scottish brewery BrewDog has released a beer called ‘Sink the Bismarck!’, described as a quadruple IPA that they claim is the world’s strongest brew. How potent is it? A whopping 41% alcohol by volume. That tops the brewery’s previous concoction, ‘Tactical Nuclear Penguin’ (32%) and a stiff ale called ‘Schorschbock’ from rival brewer Schorschbrau (40%). In fact, ‘Sink the Bismarck!’ is more alcoholic than whiskey or vodka. It costs £40 (close to $60) for a 330 ml bottle but then, you’ll likely only need one.
NET: http://www.brewdog.com
– Oddee.com

DID YOU KNOW?
• More than half of Spain’s cabinet is female.
– “Guardian”
• China smokes one third of the world’s cigarettes.
– BBC News
• Australians are the heaviest gamblers in the world … an estimated 82% bet. And with less than 1% of the world population, Australia has 20% of the world’s poker machines.
– DidYouKnow.org

BS CHRONOMETER 05.17.10


TODAY’S CELEBIRTHDAYS . . .
1936 [74] Dennis Hopper, Dodge City KS, ailing movie actor (“Speed”, “Easy Rider”)

1961 [49] Enya (Eithne Patricia Ní Bhraonain), Gweedore, Ireland, pop/new age jazz singer (“A Day Without Rain”, “Orinoco Flow [Sail Away]”)

1962 [48] Craig Ferguson, Glasgow, Scotland, TV host (“The Late Late Show With Craig Ferguson” since 2005)/TV actor (“The Drew Carey Show” 1996-2004)

1965 [45] Trent Reznor, Mercer PA, rock singer (Nine Inch Nails-“Survivalism”, “Every Day is Exactly the Same”)

1966 [44] Hill Harper, Iowa City IA, TV actor (‘Dr Sheldon Hawkes’ on “CSI: NY” since 2004)

1973 [37] Josh Homme, Joshua Tree CA, rock musician/songwriter (Them Crooked Vultures-“Mind Eraser No Chaser”, “New Fang”; Queens Of the Stone Age-“Little Sister”, “No One Knows”)

1988 [22] Nikki Reed, movie actress (‘Rosalie Hale’ in the “Twilight Saga”)/screenwriter (“Thirteen”)

1989 [21] Tessa Virtue, London ON, Canadian ice dancer (2010 Olympic gold, 2010 World Championship with Scott Moir

BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .

• “Be A Millionaire Day”, a celebration of the joys of achieving millionaire status. Here’s how you go about it: First, get a whole bunch of money …

• “Pack Rat Day”, celebrating people who squirrel away all kinds of ‘stuff’. What’s the oddest thing you refuse to throw away?

• “World Hypertension Day”, an annual observance to highlight the preventable stroke, heart, and kidney diseases caused by high blood pressure and to highlight information on prevention, detection, and treatment.
NET: http://tinyurl.com/37zgnhs

• “World Telecommunications Day”, a UN observance since 1969. This year’s theme is ‘Better City, Better Life’.
NET: http://www.itu.int/wtisd/

THIS DAY IN SHOW BIZ . . .

2000 [10] After 10 long years & 300 episodes, the series finalé of “Beverly Hills 90210” airs (FOX), highlighted by the marriage of ‘David’ (Brian Austin Green) & ‘Donna’ (Tori Spelling)

TODAY’S MUSIC EVENT . . .

1975 [35] Elton John’s “Captain Fantastic & the Brown Dirt Cowboy” becomes the 1st album to be released and certified Platinum (a 2-million seller) on the same day

TODAY’S FIRSTS . . .
1920 [90] 1st ‘passenger airline’ begins service (Holland’s ‘KLM’)

1939 [71] George VI & wife Queen Elizabeth make 1st Canadian visit by a reigning British monarch (one of their duties during the trek is officially opening the Queen Elizabeth Way [QEW] highway that joins Niagara to Toronto)

TODAY’S RECORDS . . .

1980 [30] Kumar Anandan sets record of balancing on 1 foot for 33 hours (if you think that sounds easy – see if you can make it for 33 seconds!)

2009 [01] Gonzales (former Feist collaborator) breaks Guinness World Record for ‘Longest Public Solo Performance’ by performing 300 consecutive songs over more than 27 straight hours in Paris, France

AND REMEMBER . . .
[Tues] International Museum Day
[Tues] Visit Your Relatives Day
[Tues] Rolling Stones’ “Exile On Main Street” re-release
[Tues] 58th “BMI Pop Awards” (LA CA)
[Tues] “Glee Live! In Concert! Tour” begins (Phoenix AZ)
[Tues] Neil Young’s “Twisted Road Tour” begins (Albany NY)
[Wed] Employee Health & Fitness Day

THIS WEEK IS . . .
Backyard Games Week / Bike to Work Week / Dog Bite Prevention Week / EMS (Emergency Medical Services) Week / Medical Transcription Week / New Friends, Old Friends Week / Transportation Week / World Trade Week

BULL’S BITS


BEST OF BS:
A highlight bit culled from 17 years of “Bull Sheet” back issues …
According to a nationwide survey, the most-used excuse for being late to work is ‘traffic’, cited by 24% of tardy employees. How dull!
BS CREATIVE EXCUSES FOR BEING LATE FOR WORK:
• “One of my personalities was dawdling.”
• “Got a hernia pulling on my socks.”
• “I was early yesterday.”
• “I keep forgetting which side of the International Date Line you’re on.”
• “It’s been so warm the molecules on the road expanded thereby increasing the distance between my home and work.”
• “My house is burning down and the fire engine’s blocking my driveway.”
• “Couldn’t find my artificial limb.”
• The unique and rarely used, “I hate this job and don’t really give a damn about being on time.”
• “I tried to get away earlier but your wife said she had energy for one more.”
NET: http://www.FreeRadioPrep.com

BS PHONE STARTER:

What’s the strangest thing you’ve seen someone doing while driving another vehicle?

BS RANDOM JOKE:

If love were oil, I’d be down a quart.

BS WATER COOLER QUESTION:

Today’s Question: Women do THIS much less when in the company of men.
Answer to Give Out Next Show: Eat. [A new McMaster University study finds women eat nearly 250 calories less when around men.]

BS DEEP THOUGHT:
To err is human; to admit it, superhuman.


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