Friday, May 21, 2010       Edition: #4267
You’re Up to Your Eyeballs in Sheet!


BS SHOW BIZ BUZZ:

24-year-old actress Megan Fox has been dropped from the 3rd “Transformers” movie after publicly criticizing moviemaker Michael Bay (wow, beautiful AND smart!) . . . A source tells People.com that actors Dominic Cooper (“An Education”) & Amanda Seyfried (“Letters to Juliet”), who became an item while playing lovers in the movie musical “Mamma Mia!”, have ‘decided to take a break from each other’ (BS translation: They have a new set to fool around on) . . . While staying at a $70-million chateau in the south of France with friends, Brad Pitt has ordered out for pizza – including 2 chefs and a mobile wood-fired oven (not sure what that cost, but the tip alone was reportedly 2,000 euros) . . . Actress Vanessa Williams has a new gig, signing on for the next season of “Desperate Housewives” (ABC) now that her previous show, “Ugly Betty”, has been axed (some stars fly under the radar and just keep making money) . . . To promote a new TV series about struggling corporations called “The Naked Office”, Britain’s Virgin TV sent 2 couples on the London Underground during the morning commute this week – without any clothes (now THAT’S a promotion!) . . . San Diego CA-based writer Kelly Van is suing moviemaker James Cameron for plagiarizing the ‘characters, setting, plot, visual effects, scenes, concept and feel’ from her novel “Sheila the Warrior: The Damned” in his blockbuster movie “Avatar” (good luck lady, $2.7 billion buys a lotta lawyer) . . . And sorta rocker Courtney Love is blabbing again, claiming she slept with Kate Moss back in the ‘90s (as if a supermodel is that hard up) . . . Meantime, Love has become the latest celeb to quit Twitter.com, calling the need to tweet ‘mind crack’ and ‘stupid’ (the world’s a better place today).

WEEKEND SHOW BIZ SKED:

• “ACM Presents: Brooks & Dunn – The Last Rodeo” (CBS) – Sunday a tribute concert honors retiring country music superstars Kix Brooks and Ronnie Dunn. Performers include Brad Paisley, Carrie Underwood, George Strait, Jason Aldean, Keith Urban, Kenny Chesney, Lady Antebellum, Miranda Lambert, Rascal Flatts, Reba McEntire, Sugarland, and Taylor Swift. The special was shot April 19th at the MGM Grand Garden Arena in Las Vegas.
• “Celebrity Apprentice” (NBC/Global) – Sunday the finalists scramble to complete their tasks; then Donald Trump chooses a winner. Brain hemorrhage survivor Bret Michaels is one of the 2 finalists, along with actress Holly Robinson Peete.
• “Good Morning America” (ABC) – This morning the weekly ‘Outdoor Summer Concert Series’ kicks off with the Jonas Bros and Demi Lovato performing live in NYC.
• “The Hour” (CBC) – Tonight Rufus Wainwright (“All Days Are Nights: Songs for Lulu”).
• “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC/CityTV) – Tonight Massive Attack (“Heligoland”).
• “Late Late Show With Craig Ferguson” (CBS) – Tonight Court Yard Hounds (“Court Yard Hounds”).
• “Late Night With Jimmy Fallon” (NBC/A Channel) – Tonight Robbie Dupree (“Time & Tide”).
• “Late Show With David Letterman” (CBS) – Tonight Brooks & Dunn perform “Cowgirls Don’t Cry” with Reba McEntire.
• “Lost” (ABC/CTV) – Sunday “The Final Journey” reviews the events of the series as cast members discuss their experiences; then the 2.5-hour series finalé, “The End”, follows.
• “Saturday Night Live” (NBC/Global) – Tina Fey (“30 Rock”) hosts; Justin Bieber (“My World 2.0”) is musical guest.
• “Tonight Show With Jay Leno” (NBC/A Channel) – Tonight Adam Lambert (“For Your Entertainment”).

BS MUSIC NOTES:
• Brad Paisley – Tonight he kicks off his highly anticipated “H2O World Tour” in Virginia Beach VA. Over the next 12 months, it will hit 75 cities in the US, Canada, and Europe. Darius Rucker and Justin Moore are also on the bill. At each tour stop, Paisley is encouraging donations to Hope Through Healing Hands’ campaign for clean, safe water worldwide.
• Dierks Bentley – Sunday he takes his “Miles & Music for Kids” motorcycle ride and concert benefit to Atlanta GA, where it will raise funds for Children’s Healthcare of Atlanta.
• Erykah Badu – Saturday her 2010 North American tour, “Out My Mind, Just In Time”, gets underway in Baltimore MD … fully clothed, we hope.
• Guns N’ Roses – This week author Marc Canter has released a multimedia biography called “Reckless Road”, which details the making of their multimillion-selling debut album “Appetite for Destruction”. The video-book includes text, studio & concert footage, as well as interviews. It can be downloaded for a suggested price of $4.99.
• Maxwell – Tonight he begins a 20-city arena tour in Cleveland OH, co-headlined by Jill Scott.
• Miley Cyrus – Walmart has pulled her entire line of jewelry after tests found it contains high levels of the toxic metal cadmium. It seems not just her personality is toxic.
• The Rolling Stones – Mick Jagger is urging the UK government to legalize cannabis on the Isle of Man, a British Crown dependency in the Irish Sea, for a limited time to test the consequences of an end to drug prohibition.
• Slash – He tells Spinner.com he has no regrets about ousting Scott Weiland from supergroup Velvet Revolver, saying ‘chemical issues’ led to the split.
• Steve Miller Band – Tonight the classic rockers kick off a Spring/Summer North American tour in Las Vegas in support of the new album, “BINGO!”, out June 15th.
• Sugarland – Jennifer Nettles has 3 tattoos: the word ‘Believe’ on her wrist, a flower on her hip, and a winged heart on her right arm. She says they each remind her of a specific time in her life.
• Toby Keith – Tomorrow his 7th annual “Toby Keith & Friends Golf Classic” plays in Norman OK. Tonight he hosts a night-before dinner/charity auction that features Larry the Cable Guy and David Allan Coe.

TODAY’S MOVIE OPENINGS:
• “MacGruber” ( R-Rated Action Comedy ): “Saturday Night Live’s” Will Forte brings his clueless soldier of fortune to the bigscreen. This time he’s called into action to take down his archenemy, ‘Dieter Von Cunth’ (Val Kilmer), who’s bent on destroying Washington DC with a nuke. It’s amazing they’ve cranked out an entire feature from a one-joke “SNL” sketch and the show it parodies (“MacGyver” 1985-92) has never been made into a movie.
NET: http://iamrogue.com/macgruber/
• “Shrek Forever After” ( PG Animated Family Comedy ): In the series’ 4th and final chapter, a bored and domesticated ‘Shrek’ pacts with deal-maker ‘Rumpelstiltskin’ to get back to feeling like a real ogre again but he’s duped and sent to a twisted version of ‘Far Far Away’. Returning voice cast includes Mike Myers, Cameron Diaz, Eddie Murphy, Antonio Banderas. They’re joined by Julie Andrews, Jon Hamm, John Cleese, Kathy Griffin.
NET: http://www.shrek.com

BS LAW & DISORDER:
• Coral Springs FL – A 28-year-old ‘Peeping Tom’ picked the wrong woman’s house to sneak into as her husband was not only home, he just happens to be a … UFC mixed martial arts fighter. After the ticked-off hubby administered instant justice, the perp was taken to a local medical center. (Now he’s a ‘Seeping Tom’.)
– Sun-Sentinel.com
• Sunderland UK – A 60-year-old great-grandmother has successfully fought against paying a fine for … picking up the wrong dog’s poop. She’d been given a £50-ticket after a warden said she failed to pick up after her Labrador, ‘Derik’, and instead accidentally picked up another dog’s mess. But after the dog-owner hired a lawyer and complained to her Member of Parliament, the case has been dropped. (Should have gotten figure print evidence.)
– CNEWS
• Minneapolis MN – A witness in a murder case has been beaten up after Hennepin County jailers accidentally placed him in the same holding cell … as the man he’d fingered. Fortunately, guards stopped the beating within minutes. (Shortly after the poor sap decided to never, ever snitch on someone again.)
– TwinCities.com
• Naples, Italy – According to tradition, Neapolitan pizza needs to be cooked in a stone oven with an oak-wood fire. But now investigators think that thousands of small, lower-end pizza shops may be keeping their fires burning using … wood from coffins. Naples’ graveyard has long been a hunting ground for thieves. Last year, it had 5,000 flower pots stolen. (Beware of any pizza menu that features bacon, pepperoni, mushrooms … fingers … toes …)
– “Orange News”

BEST TIME TO BUY:

Plan your purchases ahead of time to take advantage of seasonal clearance, inventory control, off-season discounts, and other factors you likely never thought of. Get your air conditioner in October and your sweaters in April, and you’re almost guaranteed to save money. A few other examples of best saving times …
• Cookware – April and May (think graduation and wedding prime time) and October and November (holidays approaching).
• Furniture – January and July, when stores need to make room for new inventory.
• Gas Grill – Like air conditioners, the best time to buy is during Winter months, when demand for outdoor grills is low.
• Linens – January ‘white sales’ and the end of each season (ie: as Spring approaches, Winter-colored linens will go on sale). It’s common to see linens (in all colors, not just white) on sale for up to 60% off retail.
• Mattress – New mattresses arrive in stores in May, when you’ll find a good deal on the previous year’s models.
Numerous other products are listed here …
NET: http://bit.ly/8d8LEW
– GetRichSlowly.org

WORST JOBS:

It’s bad enough to get a call from a telemarketer … imagine having to be one! A new survey has found that most people would rather give up sex for a month than take a job making sales calls. The same poll has also found that most of us think used-car sales is the least trustworthy profession of all, with financial-services rep a close second. (What about Program Director?)
– NYPost.com

DID YOU KNOW?

It’s “Barbecue Month”. A few interesting facts about cooking al fresco …
– 40% of those polled say they’ve barbecued when the outside temperature was below freezing.
– 33% admit they’ve accidentally dropped barbecued food on the ground … and then served it to guests.
– 13% of barbecue chefs say they wear aprons emblazoned with some kind of goofy saying.

BS CHRONOMETER 05.21.10


TODAY’S CELEBIRTHDAYS . . .
1951 [59] Al Franken, NYC, US Senator (Minnesota)/former talk show host (Air America Radio)/author (“Lies & The Lying Liars Who Tell Them”)/comedian (“Rush Limbaugh Is a Big Fat Idiot”)/former “Saturday Night Live” writer/performer (1975-80, 1985-95)

1966 [44] Lisa Edelstein, Boston MA, TV actress (‘Dr Lisa Cuddy’ on “House MD” since 2004)

1978 [32] Adam Gontier, Peterborough ON, rock singer/guitarist (Three Days Grace-“Break”, “Never Too Late”)

SATURDAY –
Songwriter Bernie Taupin (Elton John) is 60; Alt-rock singer Morrissey (“All You Need Is Me”) is 51; Country musician Dana Williams (Diamond Rio) is 49; Fashion model Naomi Campbell is 40; TV actress Anna Belknap (“CSI: NY”) is 38.

SUNDAY –
TV personality Drew Carey (“The Price is Right”) is 52; Rock drummer Phil Selway (Radiohead) is 43; Pop drummer Matt Flynn (Maroon 5) is 40; Country/folk/pop singer Jewel (“Standing Still”) is 36; NHL defenceman Brian Campbell (Chicago Blackhawks) is 31.

TODAY’S BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .

• “Bike-to-Work Day”, the 16th annual observed on the 3rd Friday of May as a highlight of “National Bike Month”. It’s promoted as a solution to several of today’s problems, including obesity, traffic congestion, and air pollution. Surveys suggest the biggest reason commuters refuse to try biking is fear of … body odor.
• “Memo Day”, a day for office workers who are tired of memos from bosses to post their own. The ultimate act is to post a memo complaining about … too many memos. (Then clean out your desk and go home.)
• “NASCAR Day”, a one-day annual celebration of the NASCAR spirit and its fans on the 3rd Friday of May, on which a variety of events are staged to raise funds for NASCAR Foundation charitable initiatives.
• “Wait Staff Day”, set aside for restaurant managers and patrons to show appreciation for the efforts of servers. What we wanna know is why restaurant owners get away with paying minimal wages and then expect customers to supplement servers’ incomes.

SATURDAY –
• “Buy-A-Musical-Instrument Day”. (But respect your neighbors … don’t make it drums!)
• “International Day for Biological Diversity”, something to do with accepting aliens from other worlds?
• “Maritime Day”, an annual observance to recognize the maritime industry. (Har, hoist that bilge, matey!)

SUNDAY –
• “Penny Day”, celebrating what many think is the most useless of all coins. Billions are produced annually to meet public demand but most end up squirreled away in piggy banks, jars, and junk drawers.
• “World Turtle Day”, initiated in 2000 by American Tortoise Rescue, a turtle & tortoise rescue organization founded in 1990 in Malibu CA. The group brings attention to turtle conservation issues and highlights ways each of us can help protect these gentle but jeopardized animals.
NET: http://tinyurl.com/b68xf

MONDAY –
• “Victoria Day”, a uniquely Canadian holiday commemorating the birth of Britain’s longest-reigning monarch, Queen Victoria on May 24, 1819. The holiday originated in 1901 after her death, as a memorial day for her role in Confederation & other national milestones. Along with “Canada Day”, it’s the only Canadian holiday that’s not celebrated elsewhere.

THIS DAY IN SHOW BIZ . . .
1999 [11] Soap opera star Susan Lucci (“All My Children”) finally wins a “Daytime Emmy Award” for ‘Best Actress’ … after her 19th nomination

TODAY’S MUSIC EVENT . . .

2003 [07] Ruben Studdard beats Clay Aiken to win the 2nd “American Idol” competition (and where are they now?)

TODAY’S FIRST . . .
2001 [09] The ‘Club of Idiots’ is founded in Saint-Gilles, France with 80 members swearing to always act like idiots and always carry their idiot ID card (at its first annual meeting, the club sets a new world olive-pit spitting record of 11.78 meters or 38.6 feet)

TODAY’S RECORD . . .

1997 [13] Then-Toronto Blue Jay pitcher Roger Clemens notches his landmark 200th career win by beating NY Yankees 4-1 (afterward, he says the big win makes him feel like a teenager … again)

AND REMEMBER . . .
[Mon] Brothers Day
[Tues] Missing Children Day
[Tues] Geek Pride Day
[Wed] “American Idol” season finalé (FOX)
[Thurs] “Sex & The City 2” opens in movie theaters
This Week Is … Etiquette Week
This Month Is … Brain Tumor Awareness Month

BULL’S BITS


BS  SIGNS YOUR LAPTOP IS OVERHEATING:
• You can fold the screen down and use it as a George Foreman grill.
• Those awesome bubbling onscreen visual effects are not from your screensaver.
• It not only runs spreadsheets, it can also cauterize wounds.
• The coins in your pocket have turned into a single molten mass.
• Al Gore shows up to kick your ass.
• Your asbestos jeans just burst into flame.
– Adapted from BBSpot.com

BS RANDOM JOKE:

The only person who got everything done by ‘Friday’ was Robinson Crusoe.

BS PHONE STARTER:

What’s the most humorous vegetable? (Broccoli, zucchini, squash … or pickle?)

BS WATER COOLER QUESTION:

Today’s Question: 47% of women say they feel sexiest at THIS moment.
Answer to Give Out Next Show: After finishing a workout. (Health.com)

BS DEEP THOUGHT:

Lighten up. We all make big mistakes we pay for forever.


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