Monday, May 31, 2010        Edition: #4273
Monthly Planning Calendar in Today’s BS!

• Dennis Hopper, the Hollywood wildman whose memorable and erratic career included an early turn in “Rebel Without a Cause”, an improbable smash with “Easy Rider”, and a classic character role in “Blue Velvet”, died Saturday at his home in Venice CA at age 74 of cancer. (He may have died peacefully, but a war is about to erupt over his estate, partly because his divorce was not finalized.)
– Jam! Show Biz
• 23-year-old “The Hills” starlet Heidi Montag is reportedly leaving her husband of 19 months, Spencer Pratt. A rep confirms she’s looking to move out due to ‘all the fake bad press that Spencer controls’. She’s said to be tired of it and is looking to focus on her acting career, and that’s apparently the reason she’s now searching for her own home in Malibu CA. (Unless this is just another one of Pratt’s lame publicity stunts.)
• Troubled actress and aspiring style guru Lindsay Lohan wants Chanel to help customize an unwanted fashion accessory … her alcohol monitoring bracelet. The 23-year-old has been ordered to wear a Secure Continuous Remote Alcohol Monitor (SCRAM) even though her attorney argued the bracelet would interfere with upcoming acting and modeling assignments. So now Lohan is seeking to help camouflage the bracelet with the help of French fashion house Chanel. (A bit of leopard-skin, a little lace … how chic!)
• He’s not back in the game quite yet. Despite Tiger Woods’ imminent divorce from his wife of 5 years , Elin, an insider says his legal team has warned him he can’t date until the split is finalized. Why? Elin’s reportedly watching his every move in order to build a ‘character case’. Word has it she wants to top the total divorce settlement paid out by former NBA superstar Michael Jordan to his ex- … $168 million. (‘Dating’. Is that what Tiger calls it?)
– “Us Weekly”
• If true, this is kind of creepy. 29-year-old famous bimbo Jessica Simpson is claiming she’s been invited over for an evening at the Beverly Hills CA home of … 73-year-old infamous womanizer Jack Nicholson. Simpson, who declined the offer, says she has no idea how Nicholson got her phone number as they’ve never met. (This is what happens after John Mayer describes you as ‘sexual napalm’.)
– “The Sun”
• And movie star Tom Cruise has laughed off online reports claiming that he had died … in a ‘plumbing  accident’. The rumor began spreading Friday, claiming he had passed away following a bizarre accident while in New Zealand. The actor is taking the hoax in good humor, admitting he’s amused by the odd manner in which he was ‘killed’. (In fact, he’s flushed with pride.)

• “Ellen DeGeneres Show” (syndicated/A Channel) – Jamie Cullum (“The Pursuit”).
• “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC/CityTV) – Slayer (“World Painted Blood”).
• “Last Call With Carson Daly” (NBC) – The Raveonettes (“In & Out of Control”).
• “Late Night With Jimmy Fallon” (NBC/A Channel) – Corinne Bailey Rae (“The Sea”).
• “Live With Regis & Kelly” (syndicated/CTV) – Keane (“Night Train”).
• “Tavis Smiley” (PBS) – Rosanne Cash (“The List”).


• Alicia Keys – “People” magazine reports that she & producer Swizz Beatz (real name Kasseem Dean) are engaged and also … expecting a child. A source says they plan to wed in a private ceremony later this year.
• Brad Paisley – He was among the many musicians, actors, and dignitaries at the “2010 National Memorial Day Concert” Sunday in Washington DC. The event aired live on PBS-TV.
• Eminem – His new album “Recovery”, out June 22nd, will feature guest appearances by Lil Wayne, P!nk, and Rihanna.
• 50 Cent – He’s lost 54 lbs for a movie he wrote and stars in called “Things Fall Apart”, in which he plays a football player diagnosed with cancer. He dropped to 160 lbs from 214, while also losing 6 inches from his waist.
• Kanye West – His new tune, “Power”, is now streaming on his official website. The track samples classic rockers King Crimson and will likely appear on his next studio album, expected to be titled “Good Ass Job”.
• Rihanna – She took the stage in front of an Israeli audience for the first time Sunday night as part of her “Last Girl on Earth” world tour.
• Willie Nelson – It’s been announced he’ll soon have a street in Austin, Texas named after him. Second Street in downtown Austin will be re-tagged ‘Willie Nelson Boulevard’.


The old advertising slogan ‘Guinness is Good for You’ may be true after all, according to a new study. Guinness was asked to stop using the slogan decades ago and the Irish brewer still makes no health claims about their product. However, a Wisconsin research team has now concluded a pint of the black stuff a day may work as well as a low-dose aspirin in preventing blood clots that raise the risk of heart attack. The study fails to find the same benefit from regular beer. The health-giving properties of stout versus lager was tested on dogs with narrowed arteries, similar to those caused by heart disease. (A lab full of drunken dogs … what fun!)
– BBC News


Just about every reputable retailer, shoemaker, podiatrist, and pediatrician will tell you that barefoot is best for baby, even when the little tyke starts walking. That’s because toes and soles need a free range of motion for a baby to learn how to grip and balance. The American Podiatric Medical Association notes that the foot and its muscles develop all the way through the pre-teen years and they do it best without restrictions … like shoes. (Trouble is, by going barefoot you end up with splayed feet that look like scuba flippers.)
– “Chicago Tribune”

A British scientist is claiming he’s the first person in the world to become infected with a computer virus. Dr Mark Gasson from the UK’s University of Reading contaminated a computer chip which was then inserted into his hand. The device, which enables him to pass through security doors and activate his mobile phone, is a sophisticated version of ID chips used to tag pets. In trials, Dr Gasson has shown that the chip is capable of passing on the computer virus to external computer systems. (There’s a plot for a thriller movie in here somewhere.)
– “Globe & Mail”


Highlights of a poll in the UK on what Brits think are the ‘Most  Influential British Foods‘ …
5. Black Pudding … a dark dessert pudding made with flour, baking soda, eggs & molasses.
4. Clotted Cream … a thick cream made by heating milk until a layer of cream forms on top.
3. Yorkshire Pudding … a pop-over-like quick-bread served with roast beef.
2. Cheddar Cheese … originally made in the English village of Cheddar, circa 1170 AD.
1. Worcestershire Sauce [‘WUSS-ta-shur’] … a favorite fermented condiment ever since it was first introduced in 1838. (The ketchup of the UK.)

A new study has identified dimensions of personality seen in persons prone to shoplifting. Psychologists at the University of Leicester in England have found 3 personality characteristics stand out: Being male; being unpleasant & anti-social; and being disorganized & unreliable. The study also finds that younger and outgoing people are more likely to steal from stores or commit minor fraud. (If all this is true, Andy Dick will never be allowed in the mall again.)
– Psych Central News

On average, computer users conduct 22 Google searches each day.
– “Magazine Monitor”


1930 [80] Clint Eastwood, San Francisco CA, movie director (“Invictus”, “Flags of Our Fathers”)/2 directing Oscars (“Million Dollar Baby”, “Unforgiven”)/movie actor (“Gran Torino”, “The Bridges of Madison County”)/1995 Irving G Thalberg Memorial Academy Award)/1996 American Film Institute Life Achievement Award

1962 [48] Corey Hart, Montréal QC, CanCon oldies singer (“Never Surrender”, “Sunglasses at Night”)

1965 [45] Brooke Shields, NYC, model/movie actress (“Furry Vengeance”, “The Blue Lagoon”)/author (“Down Came the Rain”)/former TV actress (“Suddenly Susan” 1996-2000)/ex-Mrs Andre Agassi

1976 [34] Colin Farrell, Dublin, Ireland, movie actor (“The Imaginarium of Doctor Parnassus”, “In Bruges”)

1984 [26] Nate Robinson, Seattle WA, NBA point guard (Boston Celtics)/one of NBA’s shortest current players (5 ft-9 in)/3-time NBA Slam Dunk Contest winner (2010, 2009, 2006)  BS FACTOID: The NBA final series begins Thursday with Boston Celtics @ Los Angeles Lakers.


• “Memorial Day”, a US federal holiday observed on the last Monday of May, commemorating those who’ve died while in military service.

• “Save Your Hearing Day”. I SAID, TODAY IS “SAVE YOUR HEARING DAY” … if you’d turn down your iPod you’d be able to … oh, never mind.

• “World No-Tobacco Day”, as declared by the UN’s World Health Organization to encourage people to kick their butts.


1990 [20] TV sitcom “Seinfeld” debuts (NBC) as a Summer replacement show (returns in January, 1991 to become a full-blown hit through 1998)

2000 [10] “Survivor” TV reality series debuts as a 3-month Summer show on CBS-TV (Richard, Rudy, Susan, Sean, Colleen, Kelly, Greg & Gervase quickly become household names as do the tribes ‘Tagi’ and ‘Pagong’)

1997 [13] 13-km ‘Confederation Bridge’ from Cape Tormentine NB to Borden PEI officially opens, finally joining Prince Edward Island to the mainland (making “Bud the Spud’s” deliveries much easier)


1976 [34] Guinness Record ‘Loudest Concert’ as The Who put out a total of 76,000 watts of power at 120 decibels (no wonder it’s “Save Your Hearing Day” … Pete Townshend should be poster boy!)


[Jun 1] Heimlich Maneuver Day  / Go Barefoot Day  / Say Something Nice Day  / Stand For Children Day / Canadian Hunger Awareness Day
[Jun 2] Leave the Office Early Day / Bubba Day / Running Day / Tailors Day / Yell ‘Fudge’ at the Cobras in North America Day / Clean Air Day Canada / Paul McCartney receives the Gershwin Prize (Washington DC)
[Jun 4] “Get Him to the Greek”; “Killers”; “Marmaduke”; “Splice” open in movie theaters / Audacity To Hope Day / International Day of Innocent Children Victims of Aggression / Doughnut Day
[Jun 5] World Environment Day / Drawing Day / Belmont Stakes (Queens NY) / Trails Day
[Jun 6] 2010 MTV Movie Awards / Children’s Awareness Memorial Day / D-Day / Drive-in Movie Day / Cancer Survivors Day / BAFTA Television Awards (London)
[Jun 7] CMA Music Week begins / VCR Day
[Jun 8] “Glee” season finalé (FOX) / “Green Day: Rock Band” videogame release / World Ocean Day / Best Friends Day
[Jun 9] 2010 CMT Music Awards (Nashville) / Donald Duck Day
[Jun 10] CMA Music Festival Fan Fair 2010 begins (Nashville) / FIFA World Cup Kick-Off Celebration Concert (Johannesburg) / “Rush: Beyond the Lighted Stage” opens in movie theaters / Nursing Assistants Day / Ball Point Pen Day / Iced Tea Day
[Jun 11] “The A-Team”; “The Karate Kid” open in movie theaters / Corn On the Cob Day
[Jun 12] Crowded Nest Awareness Day / Wicket World of Croquet Day
[Jun 13] “True Blood” season debut (HBO) / Tony Awards (NYC) / Abused Women & Children’s Awareness Day / Children’s Sunday
[Jun 14] World Blood Donor Day / Family History Day
[Jun 15] Nature Photography Day / National Man Day
[Jun 17] Songwriters Hall of Fame Awards (NYC) / World Day to Combat Desertification & Drought / Recess At Work Day
[Jun 18] “Jonah Hex”; “Toy Story 3” open in movie theaters / Work@Home Father’s Day
[Jun 19] Garfield the Cat Day / World Juggling Day / World Sauntering Day
[Jun 20] Fathers Day / MuchMusic Video Awards (Toronto) / Husband Caregiver Day / Family Awareness Day / World Refugee Day
[Jun 21] Summer Solstice / Daylight Appreciation Day / Baby Boomer’s Recognition Day / Go Skateboarding Day / Ride to Work On Your Motorcycle Day / World Handshake Day / World Humanist Day
[Jun 22] “Rolling Stones In Exile” DVD release / Stupid Guy Thing Day / Columnists Day
[Jun 23] Let It Go Day / Public Service Day
[Jun 24] Celebration Of the Senses / International Fairy Day
[Jun 25] Take Your Dog to Work Day / “Grown Ups”; “Knight & Day” open in movie theaters
[Jun 26] Full ‘Strawberry’ Moon / International Day Against Drug Abuse & Illicit Trafficking / International Day in Support of Victims of Torture
[Jun 27] BET Awards (Los Angeles) / Decide To Be Married Day / ‘Happy Birthday to You’ Day / HIV Testing Day / Descendants Day
[Jun 28] Please Take My Children to Work Day
[Jun 30] “The Twilight Saga: Eclipse” opens in  movie theaters


Highlight bits culled from 17 years of “Bull Sheet” back issues …
• Your doctor measures your cough on the Richter Scale.
• You get winded flicking your Bic.
• You wear a nicotine patch to get you through to the next butt break.
• You’ve actually burned your nose on the stove when you couldn’t find a match.
• At parties people sometimes mistake your fingers for Cheese Doodles.
• You smoke DURING sex.

A recent poll asks: What kind of music goes best with sucking back suds? The results …
Blues 24%
Irish 21%
Rock 20%
Oompah 9%
Country 8%
Jazz 5%
Other 5%
Folk 3%
Classical 1%


What’s the worst-ever invention? (Included in “TIME” magazine’s new listing: Agent Orange; Asbestos; Auto-Tune; DDT; Pop-Up Ads; the Pontiac Aztek; the Segway; the Snuggie for Dogs; Spam Email; and Tanning Beds.)


In its original French, what did the word ‘barbecue’ mean?
a. Over Hot Coals.
b. From Beard to Tail. [CORRECT. French-speaking pirates referred to a Caribbean pork feast as ‘de barbe et queue’ which translates ‘from beard to tail’, meaning the pig was good from head to toe.]
c. Cooked Out of Doors.
– Pork Producers Council


I don’t repeat gossip … so listen carefully.


Today’s Question: If you are average, you will have 17 of THESE this Summer.
Answer to Give Out Next Show: Mosquito bites.


When you don’t know where you’re going every road will take you there.

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