Tuesday, May 29, 2007        Edition: #3541
Our Sheet Don’t Stink!

BS SHOW BIZ BUZZ:
TONIGHT “American Idol 1 “ finalist Tamyra Gray joins the Broadway production of “Rent” in the role of ‘Mimi Marquez’ (other “A-I” contestants who’ve made it to the ‘Great White Way’ include Anthony Federov, Constantine Maroulis, Diana Degarmo, Fantasia Barrino, and castoff Frenchie Davis) . . . “Pirates of the Caribbean: At World’s End” is big ($332 million worldwide so far) but not on track to match the earnings of the 2nd film in the series, “Dead Man’s Chest” . . . “POTC” star Keira Knightley is being pursued to play Britain’s late Princess Diana in an upcoming bio-film based on the book “Diana & the Paparazzi” . . . In the wake of her DUI accident, vodka-maker Svedka has pulled out as a sponsor of Lindsay Lohan’s scheduled 2-day 21st birthday bash in Las Vegas in JULY (oh well, she may be unable to attend anyway due to ‘commitments’) . . . To promote the movie “Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer” (out JUNE 15th), 20th Century Fox has enlisted the Franklin Mint to alter 40,000 US quarters to feature the character on one side and then distributed them across America over the “Memorial Day” weekend, something the US Mint warns is illegal & punishable by a stiff fine . . . LAST YEAR the Brit edition of “Big Brother” was the subject of controversy, now Australia’s version of the reality show is in hot water after it’s been discovered one of its quarantined contestants was not informed her own father’s death – for a week! (producers insist her father wanted it that way) . . . Mr Madonna, film director Guy Ritchie, is back doing what he knows best – making another gangster movie, this one with the working title “Rock ‘n Roller” . . . Shoemaker Doc Martens has yanked ads featuring unauthorized images of dead rock icons wearing its product, apologized for any offence caused, and fired the agency responsible for the “Rockers in Heaven” ad campaign (sounds like the D-M exec who okayed it is trying to protect his a–, no?) . . . And “Desperate Housewives” star Teri Hatcher got a double dose of bad news after having a credit card stolen recently: It was used to rack up some $12,000 in fraudulent purchases, and during those 90-odd transactions it seems not one merchant did a double-take over the name ‘Teri Hatcher’ on the card (you know your show biz career is beginning to tank when …).

BS MUSIC NOTES:
• Aerosmith – Steven Tyler is said to be considering quitting the band because of the way he’s treated by other members. As the story goes, poor Steve’s suffering from a lack of appreciation.
• Cream – Bassist Jack Bruce has confirmed the first ‘super-group’ from the 1960s will reunite to play an unspecified show or shows later THIS YEAR. The power trio included legendary guitarist Eric Clapton and drummer Ginger Baker.
• Jordin Sparks – THIS MORNING the latest “American Idol” appears on “Live With Regis & Kelly (syndicated/CTV).
• Kelly Clarkson – TONIGHT the 1st “American Idol” performs on “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC).
• Kanye West – He’s hired Madonna’s choreographer Jamie King to add some pizzaz to his tour later THIS YEAR promoting his 3rd album, “Graduation”.
• Kiss – The geezer rockers have come up with another wacky way to collect cash. Now they’re offering fans a new ‘Rock & Roll Over’ dinner table via their official website where they’re already flogging everything from KISS condoms to KISS coffins.
• Rolling Stones – Aristocratic financier Prince Rupert Loewenstein, the man credited with making the band bazillions, has retired after 37 years as their business manager. They’ve amassed an estimated $2 billion since he took over their flagging fortunes in 1970.

TODAY’S VIDEO RELEASES:
• “Hannibal Rising” ( Horror Thriller ): The 4th instalment in the series is a no-name production filmed in the Czech Republic. In this post-WW2 era prequel, a young ‘Hannibal Lecter’ moves in with his uncle and begins plotting revenge on those responsible for his sister’s death.
• Also released TODAY: “The Andy Griffith Show: The Complete Series”; “The Closer: The Complete 2nd Season”; and “Katharine Hepburn 100th Anniversary Collection”.

WORLD’S WORST WORK WHINERS:
A new study that tracks the workplace satisfaction levels of 14,000 employees in 23 countries finds that Dutch, Irish and Thai workers complain the least about their jobs. On the other end of the scale, French workers top the list of those who complain most, followed by the British, Swedish, and Americans. The lowest morale of all is found among the workers of Japan, but however dissatisfied the Japanese get, they tend not to complain about their lot. (They just commit hari-kari.)
– AFP

FAT PEOPLE GET LESS OUT OF EXERCISE:
New University of Connecticut research suggests that overweight people get less out of physical activity than leaner people do, meaning fat people have to try harder to get results. But that doesn’t mean they should give up, researchers say, noting the differences aren’t that great and the overweight or obese experience numerous health benefits from exercise training programs even in the absence of significant weight-loss or improvement in fitness. (Benefits like … it keeps you busy so you have less time to eat.)
– AP

WORLD FATNESS RANKINGS:
Percentage of population older than 15 years with a BMI (Body Mass Index) over 30 …
10. Canada … 14%
9. Czech Republic … 15%
8. Hungary … 19%
7. New Zealand … 21%
6. Australia … 22%
5. Greece … 22%
4. Slovak Republic … 22%
3. Britain … 23%
2. Mexico … 24%
1. USA … 31%
– Neatorama.com

GET YOUR SNACKS IN AREA 51:
First famous for its 1947 UFO ‘incident’, the city of Roswell NM has since developed several alien-themed enterprises, including the International UFO Museum & Research Center and the annual “UFO Festival” each summer. Now plans are underway to build a UFO-theme park called Alien Apex Resort, which would feature an indoor rollercoaster that takes passengers on their very own alien abduction. Other attractions would include an exhibit hall with info on exploring the universe. Estimated to cost several hundred million dollars, the park has a tentative opening date of 2010.
– UPI

SOON TO BE FOLLOWED BY BEER-FLAVORED PIZZA:
There’s nothing like mowing down on pizza & beer, so it’s kind of odd that nobody’s ever combined the two … until now. An Illinois entrepreneur has created the world’s first pizza-flavored beer, “Mamma Mia”, which he’s currently brewing at home but hopes to take into mass production. Creator Tom Seefurth brags that there are actually real pieces of pizza stirred into the mix. (Making it easier to blow chunks the morning after.)
NET: http://mammamiapizzabeer.com/
– “Curious Times”

QUARTER SLOTS WITH NO CHANGE REQUIRED:
A recent survey of casino workers conducted by the BC Lottery Corp finds many admit they’ve seen people wearing diapers so they don’t have to leave machines for bathroom breaks. A company in Kitchener ON is offering special adult diapers that are touted as just the ticket for all-night gaming. They’re made from 6 layers of fiber said to hold up to 9 cups of fluid. The reusable nappies are washable and come in white or stylish burgundy. But they’re only sized 27-39 inches. Ever seen someone sitting at the slots with a gut that small? And they sell for $35 … each. (How do you know if you have a gambling problem? Depends.)
NET: http://tinyurl.com/2gkslb
– Canada.com

MORE NONEXISTENT REAL ESTATE FOR SALE:
Lo’ihi Development Co is offering ‘Seaview Estates’ that land speculators won’t be able to stand on for thousands of years … because they’re currently submerged 3,000 ft under the sea in a volcano southeast of Hawaii’s Big Island. Parcels sell for $39.95 for which buyers receive a brochure and a ‘deed’, but much like those who deal with companies selling stars or land on the Moon, they can’t legally call themselves ‘owners’. Honolulu entrepreneur Norm Nichols says it’s no scam, it’s just meant to be fun. Scientists don’t know when, or even if, the Lo’ihi volcano will break the surface of the Pacific but some guess it could happen in about 10,000 years. (Wow, think of the equity you’d have built up by then!)
PHONER: 808.593.0552
NET: http://www.petroglyphs.com/loihi/default.htm
– AHN

BS AMAZING FACTS:
• LAST YEAR the USA made arms deals worth $21 billion, a new world record. In 2nd place is the UK, with $4.8 billion.
– PopBitch.com
• If all the Lego blocks in the world were distributed evenly, each person on Earth would get 30.
– WestEnder.com

AND WE QUOTE:
“It’s my mom. She’s constantly doing it. I don’t really understand Googling, I can’t do it.”
– “Pirates of the Caribbean” actor Orlando Bloom crediting his mommy for his status as one of the most popular search names currently on Google.

BS CHRONOMETER 05.29.07

TODAY’S CELEBIRTHDAYS . . .
1958 [49] Annette Bening, Topeka KS, movie actress (“Running With Scissors”, “American Beauty”)/Mrs Warren Beatty since 1992

1959 [48] Rupert Everett, Norfolk UK, movie actor (‘Prince Charming’ in “Shrek” series, “My Best Friend’s Wedding”)

1961 [46] Melissa Etheridge, Leavenworth KS, classic rock singer (“I’m the Only One”, “I Want to Come Over”)

1967 [40] Noel Gallagher, Manchester UK, rock guitarist/songwriter (Oasis-“Don’t Look Back in Anger”, “Wonderwall”)/Liam Gallagher’s slightly less obnoxious brother  FACTOID: For his 40th birthday, Liam has given his brother a $200,000-plus trip to Space, but he’ll have to wait until 2012 to take his trip aboard Virgin Galactic’s ‘Space Ship One’.

1975 [32] Melanie Brown, Leeds UK, former pop singer (‘Scary Spice’ of the Spice Girls)/former Eddie Murphy girlfriend who’s threatening a paternity suit against him

TODAY’S BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .
“Oak-Apple Day” or “Shick-Shack Day” in England, the anniversary of the restoration of Charles II to the British throne in 1660, traditionally marked by wearing an oak leaf or twig (because wearing the whole tree can cause severe back pain). The current Prince Charles has let it be known that if and when he becomes king, he’d rather be called ‘King George VII’ rather than ‘Charles III’ because the previous Charlies were lousy leaders – Charles I was beheaded, and Charles II fathered so many illegitimate children that he was derogatorily known as the ‘Father of his People’.

TODAY’S FIRSTS . . .
1900 [107] Otis Elevator Co trademarks the name ‘Escalator’ (last year when the power was out, [co-host] was stuck on an escalator for 7 hours!)

1953 [54] Sherpa guide Tenzing Norkay allows his boss Sir Edmund Hillary to become 1st to stand atop Mt Everest

TODAY’S RECORD . . .
1993 [14] Wayne Gretzky gets a hat-trick for an NHL record 8th time in a playoff career as LA Kings beat Toronto Maple Leafs 5-4 to advance to the Stanley Cup final

1996 [11] Odd record set for ‘Longest Names of 2 Starting Pitchers in a Single MLB Game’ (San Francisco Giant William VanLandingham and NY Met Jason Isringhausen – 37 letters)

AND REMEMBER . . .
[Wed] Senior Health & Fitness Day
[Wed] “Canada’s Next Top Model” season premiere (CityTV)
[Thurs] Macaroon Day
[Thurs] Save Your Hearing Day
[Thurs] World No-Tobacco Day
[Thurs] “Pirate Master” debuts (CBS/CTV)
This Week Is … Cover the Uninsured Week
This Month Is … Foster Care Month

BULL’S BITS

BS GOOD OR BAD:
You run down the list while a phone caller/studio guest/crew member rates each item as simply ‘good’ or ‘bad’ …
• Robotic surgery.
• Flavored coffees.
• ‘Black Box’ recorders for cars.
• Designer pajamas.
• Watching TV shows online.
• Extra-firm tofu for barbecue.
• Padded training bras.
• Diamonds made from deceased loved ones.
• Wearable computers.
• Synthetic blood.

BS U-PICK TRIVIA:
With what product did the term ‘brand name’ originate?
a. Booze [CORRECT. Distillers branded their names on whiskey barrels before shipping them.]
b. Bacon
c. Bananas
– FunTrivia.com

REAL BREAKFAST CEREAL OR FICTIONAL?
Some of these are actual breakfast cereals currently or previously on the market; some are fake brands used in movies, TV shows, cartoons, comic books, etc. Have a contestant try to pick which are real …
• “Marshmallow Nuts” [One of many fake cereals featured in the “Foxtrot” comic strip.]
• “Bozo’s Frosted Flakes” [Real]
• “Weedies” [From the Wayans Bros movie “Don’t Be A Menace to South Central While Drinking Your Juice in the Hood”.]
• “Uncle Tom Health Food” [Real]
• “Sugar Frosted Lumps” [A favorite on the “Ren & Stimpy” TV series.]
• “Loony Tunes Mini Flakes with Chicle Bubble Gum” [Real]
• “Kellogg’s Live Angry Hornets” [From a fake ad on “Late Show With David Letterman”.]
• “Colon Blow” [A creation on NBC-TV’s “Saturday Night Live”.]
• “Dwarfies Wheat Food” [Real]
• “Fu Man Chews” [From the movie “Nightmare on Elm Street 2: Freddy's Revenge”.]

BS PHONE STARTERS:
• Why do you think men change TV channels so often?
• Which spontaneous gesture is the most romantic? (A poll of more than 2,000 women finds a ‘hidden note’ [41%] tops ‘a bouquet of flowers’ [28%] and ‘a surprise date’ [10%].)

BS RANDOM JOKES:
• If you’re doing the speed limit on the way to work this morning … get the hell out of the way!
• My cup used to runneth over … but then my dad smacked me for spilling.
• To understand politics, you have to read between the lies.

BS WATER COOLER QUESTION:
Today’s Question: Men are almost twice as likely as women to admit doing THIS in their past.
Answer to Give Out Next Show: A crime.

BS DEEP THOUGHT:
Anything worth doing well is worth doing slowly.

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